The autobiography of P.T. Barnum

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THE

AUTOBIOGRAPHY

OF

P. T. BARNUM,

Ckrk, SHjert^anl, (Kbitinr, a«i Sl^ofeman;

I

WITH

HIS RULES FOR BUSINESS AND MAKING A FORTUNE.

^

** So Jenny, come along ! you're Jnst the card for me.
And quit these kings and queens for the country of the free.
They'll welcome you with speeches, and serenades, and rockets,
And you will touch their hearts, and I will tap their pockets;
And if between us both the public isn't sklnn'd,
Why my name isn't Bamnm, nor your name Jenny Lind."

SECOND EDITION.

j LONDON:

WARp AND LOCK, 158, FLEET STllEET.

MDCCCLV.

Z/a, c

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PKDITEB BT PX<

ADJOVXUf

E-TABD,

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AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF R T. BARNUM,

INTRODUCTORY.

PHiNifiAs TATiiOR was my materaal gnuadfeither. 1 was his first grandchild, and it
was suggested that I should perpetuate his honoured name. My delighted ancestor con-
firmed the choice, and handed to my mother a gift-deed, in my behalf of fiye acres of land,
be the same more or less, situated m that part of the parish of Bethel, town of Danbury,
county of Fairfield, State of Connecticut, known as " Plum Trees;" said tract of land being
designated ** Ivy Island."

The yillage and parish of Bethel, honoured by embradn^ within its limits that yaluable
inheritance of mine, (of which I shidl hereafter haye something to say,} has been repeatedly
mentioned to me, by persons who ousht to know, as my birth-place, and I haye always
acknowledged and reyerenced it accordmgly.

As howeyer my grandfather happened to be bom before me, and as it is said by all who
knew Mm and haye knowledge of me, tiiat I am '* a chip <tf the old block," I must record
some facts regarding him.

I think I can remember when I was not more than two years old, and the first person
I recollect haying seen, was my grandfather. As I was his pet, and spent probably the
larger half of my waking hours in his arms, during the first i^x years of my life, my good
mother estimates that the amount of lump sugar which I swallowed firom his hands, during
that period, could not haye been less than two barrels.

My grandfather was decidedly a wag. He was a practical joker. He would go farther,
wait longer, work harder, and contriye deeper, to cany out ^a practical Joke, than for any-
thing else under heayen. In this one particular, as well as in many othera, I am almost
sorry to say I am his counterpart; for although nothing that I can conceiye of delights
me so much as playing off one of those dangerous things, and although I haye enjoyed
more hearty laughs in pUuining and executing them, than firom any one source in the
world, and naye generally tried to aycad ^ying offence, yet I haye many times done so,
and as often haye I regretted this propensity, which was bom in me, and will doubtless
continue until ** dust returns to dust."

My grandfather had four children: Irena, my mother; Laura, now the widow of
Aaron Nichols; Edward, late Judge of the County Court. These three at present reside
in Bethel, in which yillage Alaitoon, the youngest of the four, died June 5, 1846, aged
neariy45.

The two sons exhibited a small d^ree of their father's propennty for a joke. My aunt
Laura is considerably giyen that way — ^my mother somewhat less so; but what is lacking
in all the children, is rally made up with compound interest in Ihe eldest grandson.

. }{y pAtei™'^ grandfather was C^ttain Ephraim Bamum, of Bethel— a captain in the
militia m the Reyolutionary War. His son Fhilo was my father. He too was of a liyely
turn of mind, and relished a joke better than the ayeraee of mankind. These historical
facts I state as some palliation fi>r my own inclination that way. " Wat is bred in the
bo&e,"&c.

Born — ^Married — ^Dibd. Most of my ancestors haye passed the third state. I hope,
through the grace of God, to meet them all in a better wond, where " they neither marry
nor aie giyen in marriage," and where " Death is swallowed up in victory.'*

AUTOBIOGRAFHY OF P. T. BABNUM.

CHAPTER r.

MY EABIiY HISTORY.

My first appearance upon this stage was on the 6th day of July, Anno Domini 1810.
Independence Day had gone by, the cannons had ceased to thunder forth their remembrances

keeping out of harm's way has always stuck by me. I have often thought

forced to go to war, the first arras that I should examine would be my legs. I should
scarcely fulfil the plan of ihe Yankee soldier who fijred a few stray shots at the enemy on his
own hook, and then departed, singing,

** He that fights and runs away,
May live to fight another day.^

1 am decidedly a. man of peace, and the first three words of the first line would never cor-
rectly apply to me if it was possible for me to appropriate the three words which follow
them.

1 am not aware that my advent created any peculiar conomotion in the village, though
my good mother declares that I made a great deal of noise the first hour I saw the light,
and that she has never been able to discover any cessation since. I must pass by the first
seven years of my life — during which my granofather crammed me with sugar and loaded
me with pennies, to buy raisins and candies, which he always instructed me to solicit from
tilie store-keeper at the " lowest cash price" — ^and proceed to talk of later events. I com-
menced going to school at the age of about six years. The first .date which I recollect
inscribing upon my writing-book, was 1818. A school-house in those days was a thing to
be dreaded — a schoolmaster a kind of being to make the children tremble. My first school-
teacher was a Mr. Camp, the second Mr. Zerah Judson, the third a Mr. Curtiss from New-
town, the fourth Dr. Orris T. Taylor, and afterwards my uncle Alanson Taylor, &c. In
the summers Miss Hannah Starr, an excellent teacher, of whom J was an especial favourite,
and for whom I have ever entertained the highest respect, was our schoolmistress. The
first three male..teachers used the ferule prodigiously, and a dark dungeon which was built
in the house, was tenanted nearly all the time during school hours by some unlucky juve-
nile, frequently under eight years of age, who had mcurred the (Uspleasure of the " one-
inan power."

I wasgc
but two or three in school who were considered my superiors

I was generally accounted a .pretty apt scholar, and -as I increased in years, there were
two or three in school who were considered my superiors. In arithmetic I was unusu-
ally quick, and I. recollect, at the age of twelve years, being called out of bed one night by
my teacher, who had laid a small w^er with a neighbour that I could figure up and give
the correct number of feet in a load of wood in five minutes. The neighbour stated the
dimensions, and as I had no slate in the house 1 marked them on the stove pipe, and thereon
also figured my calculations, and gave the result in less than two minutes, to the great
deUght of my teacher, my mother, and myself, and to the no small astonishment of our
incredulous neighbour. My father was a tailor, a farmer, and sometimes a tavern-keeper ;
so I was often kept out of school, and never had any " advantages" except at the common
district school, and one summer at the " Academy*^ in Danbury, a distance of thrte miles,
which I marched and countermarched six times per week. Like most farmers* boys, I was
obliged to drive and fetch the cows, carry in firewood, shell com, weed beets and cabba^,
and, as I grew larger, I rode horse for ploughing, turned and raked hay, and in due tmie
handled " the shovel and hoe," as well as the plough ; but I never really liked to work

One of my playmates, who also had occasion to drive cows, the same road with mys€lf,and
who waa two years my senior, I will in these pages call John Haight. He was the son of
Dr. Ansel Haight, one of our villag;e physicians. John was a pretty hard customer. He
was profane, bullying, fond of visiting other people's peach and apple orchards, water-
melon patches, &c Many is the whipping that fell to my lot for disobeying my mother's
injunction " not to play with that John Haight" John was aregular raw-head and bloody-
bones to all prudent mothers, and although he had a happy faculty of coaxing their sons
into scrapes, he never helped them out. The boys generally bofli liked and feared him.
lliev liked him for his impudent, dare-deyil sort of character, and they feared him because

MT EABLT HISTORY. 5

he was a terrible tyrant, ruling his mates with a rod of iron, and flog^ng all who presumed
to disobey him.

On one occasion a dozen of the schoolboys — John among the rest — were skating upon a
pond where the water was about twelve feet deep. John, prompted by his reckless spirit,
dashed out on a portion of the pond where the ice was knowtl to be thin, and, breaking
through, nearly disappeared. He, however, caught by the ice, and struggled to get out,
with nothing but his head and shoulders visible. John was then about fourteen years of
age, the other boys ranging from ten to twelve. He called lustily for assistance, but we
were all afraid to approach the dangerous locality. The ice kept giving way under the
pressure of his arms,.whilfe he kept fbllowing it up, struggling and calling for help. We
were shy, and remained at a respectful distance. John, seeing our fears, became excited,
and swore, in the most bitter tones, that if we did not help him he would give every one of
us a " thundierihg licking" if he ever did get out. Not relishing this threat, and with the
spirit of thoughtlessness which marks boys of that age, we all decamped, leaving poor John
to his fate. We quite expected he would be drowned, and, as he had flogged several of us
since morning; we did not much care what became of him. The next day I met one of my
comrades. His head was enveloped in a cotton flag handkerchief, from under which 1
could perceive peeping out the edge of a black eye.

*' What is the matter?" I inquired.

"John Haight got out yesterday, and has licked me this morning for not helping him,**
was the reply.

The next day, as I was approaching the pond for another skating spree, I met John.

" Stop, or you'll catch your death-blow !" roared John.

I halted as suddenly as if I had received the same command from a captain of
artillery.

He approached me so closely that I could feel his breath upon my face, and, looking' me
square in the eye, he exclaimed, "Mr. Taylor Barnum, it seems to me I owe you a licking*"
He then very deliberately divested himself of his coat, threw it upon the snow, and pro-
ceeded to cancel the debt m double quick time. In less than two minutes I wa^ pretty well
pummelled, and started for home, "drowned' in tears." My mother inquired the cause of
my troubles, and when I informed her, she replied that I was served right for keeping such
company.

A week had not elapsed after John's accident before the round dozen of his schoolmates
had received their promised "licking." The boys were generally careful not to complain
at home when John had whipped them, lest their fathers should administer the rod for having
been caught in such company.

My father met John a few days after his accident, andi never having heard a word
about it, among other remarks, he said, " Well, John, do you skate any now-a-days ?" " Oh,
yes. Uncle Phue ; the other day I skated clear up to here," answered John, pointing to his
neck with imperturbable gravity.

In spite of the tyranny of tliat boy, I preferred his companionship to that of any other
of my mates ; and though the family "removed to Norwalk, so many of my early memories
are linked with him, that I feel impelled to relate additional incidents concerning him,
although I was not immediately interested in them.

While living in Norwalk, a comb-maker, who looked more to Interest than principle, one
day said to him, "John, the country comb-makers are ha\nng a good many horns come up
on board the sloops, and they are stored in the warehouse of Munson Hoyt and Co. on the
dock. If you can manage to hook some of them occasionally, 1*11 buy them of you at a
shilling a-piece." This was less than half their value ; but as Jbhn wanted spending-
raoney, he assented. The next ni^ht he brought the comb-maker four fine-looking ox horns,
and received half a dollar for the larceny. The following night he brought as many more.
The comb-maker cautioned John to be very careful and not get caught. John thanked him
for his kind warning, and promised to conduct his thefts with the most profound secrecj^
Night after night, and week after week, did John bring horns and receive the rewards of his
iniquity. Months rolled on, and John still escaped suspicion. At last he brought in a
dozen horns at once, and insisted on receiving three dollars for them ; " For," said hcj " they
are much larger than any I ever before * hooked,' and are worth treble what I ask for
them." The comb-maker looked at them, and exclailned, in astonishment, " Why, these
are the largest kind of Spanish horns. Where did you get them ?"

" At the storehouse on the wharf, of course," replied John.

The comb-maker had some misgivings. " I'll pay you two dollars on account." he con-
tinued^ " and in the morning I'U go down to the storenouse and examine the lot.

(» AtTOBIoaBAPHT OF F. T. BABKUM.

John received the two doUars, but it was the last money he ever earned in that way;
The next morning the comb'-maker discovered that there were no snch horns in the ware*
house, and he also learned the uncomfortable fact that John Haigfat had received over a
hundred dollars for stealing horns from the comb-maker's own pue in the back shop, and
brining them into the front door for sale«

llbe following Fourth of July was celebrated in Korwalk by hone-radng. I was
present. The owner of one high-mettled steed desired to enter him for the purse, but no
person of sufficiently light wei^t could be found who dared to ride him. He had thrown
many a good rider, and the equestrians in those parts were shy about mounting him.
John heaM of the owner^s dilemma, and as he never feared anything, he volunteered to
ride, provided in case of winning he should have a portion of the stakes. The owner
readily assented to this proposition, and John was soon astride the fractious animaL
Preliminaries were settled, the jud^ took their stand, the horses Were brought into line,
and all started at the word " go.^ Before diey had reached half a mile, every horse was at
the top of his speed, under the incessant application of whip and spur ; when, quick as
thought, John^s norse, frightened by some object at the road-side, came to a dead stand-
stilL and threw the rider headlong cnrer a stone Wall about seven feet high 1

Hundreds of persons ran to the spot, and poor John was taken up for dead. A large
contusion was found on his forehead from wmch the blood was running profusely, and
several other frightful wounds marked his face and portions of his body. His father and
other physicians were soon upon the ground* John was bled and restoratives applied, but
in vain. He remsiined insensible, and was carried home on a litter. The sports of the day
ceased, and the village was overspread with ^oonk John was not what might be termed
absolutely vicious, and his eccentricities nimished such a fund of amusement to the
villagers that they felt " they cc^uld better spare a hetter person.'*

** Will he die, do you think ?" was the oft-repeated Question addressed to sach persons
as were seen to emerge from the house where John lay in a stupor.

" Tliere seems no hope of his recovery," was the ^ual response.

John lay all night without manifesting any signs of life, except an almost imperceptible
breathing, and occasionally a monmfrJ and sub&ed groan. In the morning he was still
unconscious, and the monotony of his darkened chamber was only occasionuly broken by
some inarticulate mutterings which betrayed the absence of his reason.

A medical consultation was held, and inquirers were told that imder the^ effects of
remedies which had been applied, a crisis woulrd probably occur about noon, which would
determine whether there was any chance fo his recovery. The slow-moving minutes
seemed hours as his anxious parents and relatives watched at the silent bedside, and
occasionally glanced at the clock. Eleven ; half-past eleven ; twelve o'clock arrived— and
yet no sign of returning consciousness] appeared. Ten, fifteen minutes more elapsed, and
yet no si^.

" WiU he leave us without one word or look of recognition ?^ inqmred his «gonised
mother.

"We hope and believe," responded one of the physicians in a whisper, "that even
should his case prove f)fttal, he will return to consciousness in a few minutes, and be in full
possession of his senses."

Ten minutes more passed, and John turned his face slowly towards his anxious watchers.
His eyes gradually opened, his lips b^an to move— afl was breatliftess silence, every ear
was on the ^a rtve to catch the first audible sound.

" Curse that thundering horse— I believe he bolted!" drawled the now conscious John.

A suppressed laugh was heard among the bystanders ; the faces d$ his anxious parents
were lit up with smiles, and the physicians declared that with quiet and good nursing he
would probably recover. In a week afterwards John was seen about <3ie streets with his head
banliaged and he himself as ready as ever to embark in Ae first reckless enterprise that
might turn up.

When John attained the age of sixteen years he had become so headstrong that his
parents found him quite unmanageable, ifis lather therefore determined upon sendmg
him to sea. John, nothing loth, accompanied him to New York, and an arrangement wa*
soon made for him to go before the mast on board a stout brig bound for Rio Janeiro. He
was somewhat fractious during the first few days at sea, but under the disciiUine of a
resolute mate he soon was mellowed down, and behaved weU. He returned to New York
with the vessel, and of his own choice shipped for another voyage.

On his second arrival at Rio, his clothmg was stolen by some of the sailors. He was
Texed, quitted the brig, and secreted himself; being determined not to return in her. Th«

MT BARLT HMTORT. 7

captain va&ilv songlit for him, and was obliged to return to New York without Mm. The
day the brig s arrival in New Yoik was annonnoed^ John^s father (who had removed to
that city) went down to the wharf to see his son* His sorprise and grief were great upon
being told that John had left the ship^ and remiUned in Sonth Ameruuk His familv were
filled with sorrow, and'the captain was ursed to try, on the next trip, to induce him to
return. Unfortunately the captfdn was oUiged to make a ^p to Liverpool and back, and
another to New Orleans, before again visiting the Bra^Os.

At last, however, he was again ready to set sail. Dn Hai^t placed a hundred doUan
in his hands, and begged him to find his son, use the money for his benefit, and bring him
back to liis anxious parents* The captain promised to do aJl in his power* When the brig
arrived at Rio, the captain went on shore, and almost the first man he met was John
Haight, with an epaulette upon eaS;h shoulder, and In the full dress of an officer in the
Brazilian navy.

" Why, Haight, is it possible this is you?'^ exclaimed the astonished captain.

** WeU, I guess it is a chap of about my sizo,*' returned John with some dignity.

^' I am glad to see you, but astonished to behold you in that dress," responded the
caption.

^* I expect to astonish some other folks before I die,*^ replied the young officer.

"" But I want you to return with me witiiout ful," rejomed liie captain* "' Your family
are in great distress about you, and your fSatiier has sent a hundred dollars by me to relieve
your wants."

" I ha'n't got any wants,** replied John, ** so you may take the money back to father
with my compliments ; and please say to him that I was robbed of all my clothes in
this country, and I will never return home until I lose more, or get the worth of them
back."

John never returned, and I believe was never heard of more. Probably death soon
afterwards terminated the career of one, who, had he been carefully trained, might have
shone brightly in a high sphere of society, and been an ornament to his family as well as a
blessing to hu race.

My organ of acquisitiveness must be large, or else my parents commenced its cultivation
at an early period. Before I was five years of age I began to accumulate pennies and six-
pomies. At the age of six years my grandfather informed me that aU my little pieces of
coin amounted to one dollar, and If I would go with him and take my money, he would
show me something worth having. Placing all my wealth in a pocket handkerchief which
was closely wound up and firmly ffrasped, I started Witii my grandfather. He took me to
the village tavern, then kept by Mr. Stiles Wi^elee, and approadiing the landlord, he said,
'''- Here, Mr. Wakelee, is the richest boy in this part of the country* He has a ddlar in
cash. I Trish }rou to take his change and give hxm a silver dollar for It"

The complaisant landlord took my deposits and presently handed me a silver dollar.

Never have 1 seen the time (nor shall I ever agidn) when I felt so rich, m absolutely
independent of all the world, as I did when I looked at that monstrous big silver dollar, and
feh that it was all my own. Talk of ** cart wheels," there was never one half so large as
that dollar looked to me. I believed, without the slightest reservation, that this entire
earth and all its contents could be purcnased by that wonderful piece of bullion, and that it
would be a bad bar;^ain at that.

But my dollar did not long remain alone. My mother told me that I should still save
my pennies, and I did so. As t grew larger, my grandfadier paid me ten cents per day for
riding the horse which preceded the ox-team m ploughing, and I hit upon various expe*
dients for adding to my pile. On ** training days," mst^iid of spending money, I was
earning it in the vocation of a pedler. My stock-in-trade consisted of a gallon of
molaaaesj boiled down and worked into molasses candy, called in those times " oookania,*'

1 1 was at the com-
holiday stock soon

^ . « « . , -o . cherryrum. The

latter article consisted of a demgohn of New England rum, in which was put a quantity of
wild cherries, and I believe a little sugar* I soon learned that the soldiers were good cherry-
rum customers, and no sooner did I hear tlw words **halt," ** ground arms," than I
approached the " trainers" with my decanter and wine-glass. In a few years I should have
been a second Croesus in wealth, had not my father considerately allowed me to purchase
my own clothing. This arrangement kept my pUe reduced to a moderate size. Always
looking out for the main chance, however, I had sheep of my own, a calf of which I was

« AIJTOBIOGBAPHT OP P. T. SABNUM.

the' sole proprietor, and other indiyidual property -which made me feel, at twelve years of
age, that 1 was quite a man of substance.

I felt at the same time that I had not reached my proper sphere. The farm was no place
for me. I always disliked work. Head-work I was excessively fond of. I was always
readv to concoct fun, or lay plans for money-makine, but hand- work was decidedly not in
my une. My father insisted that I could hoe and plough, and dig in the garden as well as
anybody cdse, but I generally contrived to shirk the work altogether, or, by slighting it,
get through with the ^y's work.

I was not quite twelve years of age when I visited the commercial metropolis for the first
time. It happened as follows: — ^My father, as before stated, kept the village tavern. Late
one afternoon in January, 1822, Mr. Daniel Brown, of Southbury, Ct, arrived at our
house with a drove of fat cattle which he was taking to New York for sale. The stock were
put into our large barn-yard, the horses ridden bv himself and assistant were stabled, and
Mr. Brown havmg partaken of a warm supper, orew off his boots, put on his slippers, and
sat down by the fire to spend the evening comfortably.

I looked upon him as a great man, for he had been to " York," and to " go to York" in
those days was thought quite as much of as to go to Europe is now. I listened to
the relation of his adventures in city and country, my interest in the man continually
increasing. At last I heard him say to my father that he expected to buy many more cattte
in Ridgeneld, and at other points on his wa^ to the city, and he would be glad to hire a boy
who was light of foot, to run along with him, and assist in driving the cattle. I imme-
diately besought my father (like a modem office-seeker) to intercede for me, and, if possible,
procure me the coveted situation. He did so. Consultation with my mother resulted in her
consent, and it was immediately arranged that I should visit New York. I was told to retire
at once, so as to be ready to start with the drove of cattle at daylight in the morning. I
went to bed, but not to sleep. Visions of all sorts haunted my imagination. A new world
was about to be opened to me. I slept an hour or two towards morning, dreaming of the
great city with streets paved with gold, and manv castles — in the air.

At daylight I was aroused, took a few mouthfuls of breakfast, and started oif on foot in
the midst df a heavy snow-storm, to help drive the cattle. Before reaching Ridgefield,
Mr. Brown put me on his horse to saJlop after a wandering ox ; the horse fell, rolled upon
my foot, and sprained my ankle. I suffered intensely, but dared not complain lest mv em-
ployer should contrive some way to send me back, for I was not yet ten miles from home.
He ven^ considerately allowed me to ride behind him on the horse, and that night the land-
lady of the hotel where we stopped bathed my ankle, which was considerably swollen.
The next day it was a trifle better, but, as I continued to limp, Mr. Brown permitted me to
ride most of the time.

In three or four davs we reached the city of New York, and put up at the Bull's Head
tavern, kept, I think, by Mr. Givens. The drover would be busy a week selling his catUe,
and then X was to retorn home with him in a sleigh.

That was a great week for me. My mother gave me a dollar before I left home, and I
never expected to see the end of it. I supposed it would supply my every wish, and yet
have unknown quantities of small change on hand. The first outlay I made was for oranges.
I was very fond of this fruit, and had often wished I could have as many as I could eat. I
entered a confectionery store and inquired the price of oranges. " Fourpence apiece," was
the reply.

Now, " fourpence" in Connecticut is six cents, and I supposed it was the same the
world over. Profiting by my experience in " beating down " the price, and not doubting
Franklin's proverb that " a penny saved is twopence earned," I informed the lady that "I
considered rourpence apiece too dear, but I would give her ten cents for two."^

The feminine shopkeeper hesitated for a moment, but finally said, that seemg it was me,
and as it was probably my first visit to New York, she would let me have the two oranges
for ten cents, but she should expect me to trade with her whenever I wanted anything in
her line. I thanked her, and took the oranges. I thought it was very liberal m her to
make such a generous deduction from the price of her fruit, little dreaming that, owing to
the difference in currency, I had paid her two cents more than she asked.

Soon despatehing mv two oranges, I purchased two more, and had eighty cents left.
This seemed to me sufficient for all mortal wants. I then bought for thirty-one cents a
little gun, which would ** go off" and send a stick some distance across the room. I
intended to astonish my schoolmates with the gun when I got home, for it astonished me
considerably, as I had never seen anything of me kind before, I went into the bar-room of

MY EARLT HISTORY. 9

<mt hotel, and began to amnse myself with the extraordmaiy implement. The bar-room
was crowded with customers, and shooting at random, the arrow grazed one man's nose and

Eassed on, hitting the barkeeper in the eye. Smarting under the pain it occasioned, the
itter came in front of his counter, caught me by the collar, shook me sternly, boxed my
ears till my head rung, and told me to put that gun out of the way or he would throw it
into the stove. I felt considerably injured in my feelings, and, sneaking slyly up stairs,
placed the precious treasure under my pillow.

Visiting the toy shop again, the good woman instructed me in the mystery of torpedoes.
She threw one with considerable force on the floor, and it exploded, greatly to my delight.
Would not these astonish our school bovs? I bought six cents* worth for that purpose, but
could not wait to use them at home. As the guests at the hotel were passing in to dinner,
and supposing they had never seen anything m the torpedo line and would be delighted to
do so, I could not refrain from giving them the opportunity. So taking two from my
pocket and throwing them with aU my strength against the side of the hall through which
the crowd was passmg, a loud double report followed, much to the surprise and annoyance
of the guests. The landlord came rushing out in a hi^h state of excitement, and discovering
the culprit he stretched me upon the floor at a single blow with his open hand.

" There, you little greenhorn," he exclaimed, " see if that will teach you better than to
explode your infernal crackers in my house again !"

It did. I was perfectly taught in a single lesson; went up stairs and deposited the
balance of the torpedoes with my gun. I ate no dinner that day. My dignity had been
insulted and my appetite had vanished. I was humbled. I felt forlorn and forsaken. I
however had one resource. It was the toy shop. I visited it again, bought a watch,
a breast pin, and a top. I was still a rich man. I had eleven cents left. I went to bed
and dreamed of my possessions. The next morning, immediately after breakfast, I visited
the toy shop again to " look around," and perceived many things which I had not noticed
the day previously. Presently I saw a beautiful knife with two blades, besides a gimlet
and cork-screw I This was a novelty. The most useful article in existence, beyond all
doubt, I must possess it. My father would be delighted, for it was a carpenter shop
in miniature, and was too valuable an article to leave behind me. Wouldn't old Bethel be
astonished! But what was the price of this combination of all that was useful and
ornamental ? Only thirty-one cents. Alas I had only eleven ! I learned to my astonish-
ment that my funds were exhausted. But have the knife I must, and so I proposed to my
kind friend, the shop-woman, that she should receive back the top and breast-pin at a
slight deduction from what I had paid for them, and then taking my eleven cents, should
let me have the knife. The kind creature consented, and thus 1 made my first " swop."
Presently I discovered some molasses candy. It was whiter and nicer than any I had ever
seen before. I must have some. So I asked the lady to take back the watch at a slight
discount and to give me the worth of it in molasses candy. She did so. It was delicious.
I had never tasted anything so nice — and before night I had resigned my gun into her
possession and swallowed its worth in molasses candy. The next mominff I swallowed all
my torpedoes in the same shape, and in the course of the day even my knife followed in the
sweet footsteps of its illustrious predecessors. Molasses candy was the rock on which I split.
My money was all gone — my notions all swopped for it — and yet, like Oliver Twist, I cried
for " more."

The good woman had a son of about my size. I had no particular use for my two
pocket handkerchiefs. Her bov could use them, and I gladly accepted her proposal to
trade them for four sticks of molasses candy. I had an extra pan: of stockings which I was
sure I should never need, and they went for five more rolls of molasses candy. When thus
divested of all I possessed, I became resigned to my fate, and, turning my attention to
some other source of excitement, I made the acquaintance of a young gentleman from Con-
necticut. He was about twenty years of age, had been in New York once before, " knew
the ropes," and proposed to show me the city. I gladly accompanied him, and saw many
sights that dav which astonished me beyond measure. He took me to " Bear Market," as
it was then called—" Washington Market," as it is now designated. I was greatly surprised
at the immense quantities of meat there displayed.

" What under heaven do they expect to do with all this meat?" I asked my companion
with much curiosity.

" They expect to sell it, of course," he said.

" They 'U cet sucked in then," I replied exultingly, fbr I felt assured that it would
never be possible to consume all that beef before doomsday. It was probably all masticated
within the next twenty-four hours, but to a raw boy from the country such a thing would

10 AUtOBIOGBAFHT OF F. T. BABNUM.

seem incredible. It was equally' incredible to ** Uncle Sam Taylor,** several years after-
wards. RisiD^ early one morning, the old gentleman ronsed his companions, saying, ** Let
us look upon Fulton Market. I rather guess there will be a grand show of beefl I have
already seen three cart loads go by ! "

I think I shall never forget an inscription which I QI2525SZ5252525Z5SS2SiS25Z5E

saw painted on a small square piece of board and fast- m ^--.-. -^, . ^

ened to a post on the dock at the rear of the market, g ^^^^ dollars FINE FOB

It was a corporation warning, and read as here pre- ffl THROWING any kind of DAMd I

^^'^I was astonished at the profanity of the pubHc H *«** "'**' ^'^ *'^ ^^

authorities, and wondered why they coidd not have H t**® Pablie Docks,

said simply, "aged meat or fish," without prefixing KcxacacaciC30CioaC3C3caaa!

the offensive adjective. I called the attention of my 03 rW'ii ' Vw"ii^ i fW'n a i"ii^Vl

fnend to the deplorable state of public morals as exhibited on their public " sign," when he
explained that some wicked wag, not having the fear of the city aldermen before his eyes,
had interpolated the little " D, and thus made the word "dunaged" express its own true
meaning, though in an imnecessarily strong and objectionable manner.

My friend ^o took me out of town to see the State Prison, paid my way in, and wit-
nessed my astonishment at seeing so many wicked convicts dressed in the striped prison
suit, and especially to see about two hundred shoemakers turn their faces to the door when
we entered, with as much precision as if they had been automatons iQl moved by a single
wire. I also saw a large windmill the same day, which was the first time I had ever seen
the like.

My week was soon up. Mr. Brown took me into his one-horse sleigh immediately after
dinner, drove as far as Sawpitts, now called Port Chester, stopped over night, started early
the next morning, and arrived at Bethel the same evening.

I had a thousand questions to answer, and found my brothers and sisters much dis-
appointed that I had brought them none of the fruits of my dollar. My mother examined
my wardrobe, and finding it two pocket-handkerchiefs and one pair of stockings short, I
was whipped and sent to bed. Thus terminated my first visit to New York. I was, how-
ever, for a long time quite a lion among the school-boys, for I had " been to York^" and
seen with my own eyes many wonders " which they had only heard tell ot"

CHAPTER II,

CLBRK DC A STORE — ^AITECDOTES.

Mt aversion to hand-work, on the farm or otherwise, continued to be manifested in
various ways, all of which was generally set down to the score of laziness. I believe, indeed,
I had the reputation of being the laziest boy in town, probably because I was always busy at
head-work to evade the sentence of gaining bread by the sweat of the brow. In sheer
despair of making anjrthing better of me, my father concluded to try me as a merchant.
He had previously erected a suitable building in Bethel, and taking Mr. Hiram Weed as a
partner, they purchased a stock of dry goods^ groceries, hardware, and a thousand other
" notions ; " and I was duly installed as c&k in a country store.

Like many greenhorns before me, this was jhe height of my ambition. I felt that it
was a great condescension on my part te enter into conversation with the common boys who
had to work for a living. I strutted behind the counter with a pen back of my ear, was
wonderfully polite to ladies, assumed a wise look when entering charts upon the day-book,
was astonishingly active in waitine upon customters, whether in weighing tenpenny nails,
starch, indigo, or saleratus, or drawing New England mm or West India molasses.

Ours was a cash, credit, and barter store ; and I drove many a sharp trade with old
women who paid for thc4r purchases in butter, eggs, beeswax, feathers, and rags, and with
men who exchanged for our commodities, hats^ axe-helves, oats, com, buckwheat, hickory-
nuts, and other commodities. It was somethmg of a drawback upon my dirnity that I
was compelled to sweep the store, take down the window-shutters, and make the fire;
neverthelBss, the tiion^t of being a " merchant *' fixlly compensated me for all such
menial duties*

CLKRK IH A 6T0KB — ARSCDOTBS^ 11

My propensities for money-making continued actire as ever, and I asked and obtained
the privilege of purchasing candies on my own account, to sell to the juvenile portion of our
customers. I received a small salary for my services, (my father as usual stipulating that
I should clothe myself) and I intended to be faithful to my employers \ but I have round,
all through life, that wherever there are conflicting interests, men are very apt to think of
self first, and so I fear it was with me, — for I well remember spending much time in urging
indulgent mothers to buy candies for their darling children, when other customers were
waiting to be served with more substantial articles of merchandise.

A country store in the evening, or upon a wet day. is a miserably dull place, so far as
trade is concerned. Upon such occasions, therefore, I had little to do, and I will explain
why the time did not hang unpleasantly upcm mjr hands.

In nearly every New !^]gland village, at the time of which I write, there could be found
from six to twenty social, jolly, story-telling, joke^playing wags and wits, regular originals,
who would get tc^ther at the tavern or store, and spend their evenings and stormy after-
noons in relating anecdotes, describing their various adventures, playing off practical jokes
upon each other, and engaging in every project out of which a little fun could be extracted
hyr village wits whose ideas were usually sharpened at brief intervals by a *^ treat,'* other-
wise known as a glass of Santa Cruz rum, old Holland gin, or Jamaica spirits.

Bethel was not an exception to this state of things. In fact, no place of its size could
boast more original geniuses in the way of joking and stoiy-teUing than my native village.
As before stated, my @rand£Either, Phineas Taylor, was one ai the sort. His near neighbour,
Benjamin Hoyt, or ** Esqmre Hoyt," as he was called, on account of being a justice of the
peace, was one of the most inveterate story-tdlers I ever knew. He could relate an
anecdote with better effect than any man I have ever seen. He would ^n^ally profess to
know all the parties in the story which he related, and however oomic it might be, he
would preserve the most rigid seriousness of countenance until its denouement^ when he
would break forth into a hearty haw I haw ! which of itself would throw his beams into
convulsions of laughter.

Luckily or unluckily, our store was the resort of all these wits, and many is the day
and evening that I have hung with delight upon their stories, and many the night that I
have kept itxe store open until eleven o'clock, m order to listen to the last anecdotes of the
two jokers who had remained long after their companiioim had.gone to rest.

Inheriting a vital love of fun and an aptness for practical jokes, all that was said and
done by these village wags was not onfy watched with the most intense pleasure by myself,
but was also noted upon the tablets of a most retentive memory, iidience I can now extract
them without losing scarcely a word. Some of these spedmens I will present to the reader
hereafter. I will, howe w, here advert to a circumstance which will show how the whole
neighbourhood, as it were, would join in practising and perpetuating a joke.

It win be remembered that my grandrather, a few days after my birth, in consideration
of my taking his name, presented me with a tract oif land callea ^* Ivy Island." I was
not four years of age before my grandfather informed me, with much seriousness, that I
was a landowner; that he had given me a valuable farm on account of my name, &c ; and
I am certain that not a week elapsed, from that period tiH I was twelve years of age, tiiat
I did not hear of this precious patrimony. My grandfather never spoke of me in my
presence, either to a neighbour or stranger, without saying that I was the richest child in
town, because I owned all *^ Ivy Island, ' the most valuable farm in Connecticut. My
mother often reminded me of my immense possessions, and my father occasionally asked
xne if I would not support the &mily when I came in possesaion of my property. I
frequently assured my lather, in the most perfect ffood faith, that he need give himself no
uneasiness upon that score, for I would see that iQl the family wants were bountifully sup-
plied when I attained my majority and received my estate. Our neighbours, too, reminded
me a dozen times a-day, that they feared I would refuse to play with their children, because
I had inherited such immense wealth, while they had nothing df the sort.

These continual allusions to ^' Ivy Island," for six or eight years, I fear excited my
pride, and I know that the prospect made me wish that the slow-moving wheels of time
would attain a rapidity which would hurnr up that twenty-first biilMay, a»d thus enable
me to become the nabob, which my grandfather's generous foresight had cut me out for.
How often, too, did I promise my playmates, when they rendei^ me a kind action, that
when I became of age they should have a slice of "Ivy Island " that would make them
rich for life ! I sincerely intended to fulfil these promises to the letter. But, alas for the
mutability of human affairs ! an issue was at hand which I little expected, and one which
was destined to effect a serious change in my hopes and aspirations.

Id AUTOBIOGEAPHT 07 P. T. BABNVM.

One summer (I think it was 1822, at which period I was twelve years old), I asked my
father^s permission to visit " Ivy Island." He promised I should do so in a few days, as we
should be getting hay in that vicinity. I scarcely slept for three nights, so great was my
joy to think that, like Moses of old, 1 should be permitted to look upon the promised land.
The visions of wealth which had so long haunted me in relation to that valuable locality
now became intensified, and I not only felt that it must be a land flowing with milk and
honey, but caverns of emeralds, diamonds, and other precious stones, as well as mines of
silver and gold, opened visibly to my mind's eye..

The wished-for morning at length arrived, and my father informed me that we were to
mow in the meadow adjoining " Ivy Island," and that I might visit it with our hired man
during " nooning." My grandfather kindly reminded me that when I came to look upon
the precious spot, I was to remember that 1 was indebted to his bounty, and that if I had
not been named " Phineas," I never could have been the proprietor of " Ivy Island." My
mother, too, had to put in a word.

"Now, Taylor," said she, " don't become so excited when you see your property as to
let your joy make you sick, for remember, rich as you are, that it will be nine years
before you can come into possession of your fortune." I promised to be calm and
reasonable.

" If you visit Ivy Island," she continued, " you wiU lose your rest at noon, and you will
feel tired, after turning hay all the forenoon. Had you not better lie under the trees and
rest at * nooning,' and visit Ivy Island at some other time?"

" No, mj^ dear mother," I replied^ ** I don't care for nooning, I shall not feel tired ; and
I am so anxious to step upon my property, that I cannot wait any longer."

" WeU, go," said my mother; "but don't feel above speaking to your brothers and
sisters when you return.'*

I felt that this injunction was not altogether superfluous, for I already began to feel
that it was rather degrading for me to labour as hard as those who had no estate settled
upon them.

We went to work in our meadow. It was situated in that part of " Plum-Trees " known
as "East Swamp." When we arrived at the meadow I asked my father where "Ivy
Island" was.

"Yonder, at the north end of Ihis meadow, where you see those beautiful trees rising in
the distance," he replied. I looked toward the place indicated, and my bosom swelled with
inexpressible pride and delight, as I beheld, for the first time, the munificent gift of my
honoured and generous ^andsbe.

The forenoon soon shpped away ; I turned the grass as fast as two men could cut it,
and, after making a hasty repast with my father and the workmen under the shady trees,
our favourite " hired man," a good-natured Irishman named Edmund, taking an axe upon
his shoulders, told me he was readv to go with me to visit " Ivy Island."

I started upon my feet with delight, but could not restrain asking him why he took an
axe. He replied, that perhaps I would like to have him cut into some of the beautiful speci-
mens of timber upon my property, in order that I could see how superior it was in quality to
that found in any other part of the world. His answer was perfectly satisfactory, and we
started. As we approached the north end of the meadow the ground became swampy and
wet, and we found great difi&culty in proceeding. We were obliged to leap from bog to
bog, and frequently making a mis-step, 1 found myself up to my middle in water. At one
time I stood upon a bog, and the next was so far ofl" that I greatly feared I could not reach
it. My companion, who was several rods in advance of me, saw my dilemma, and called
out for me to leap stoutly, and I should succeed.

" I am sure I cannot," I replied ; " and if I could, I shall be worse off' when I reach tfte
next bog than I am now, for there is no place near it that is above water."

"You are a little off' from the regular track," responded my Hibernian friend; **but
never mind, you will have to wade a Uttle."

" The water will be over my head, and I shall be drowned," I replied,, in a most despair-
ing tone.

" Divil a danger at all at all, for the water is not four feet deep in the deepest place," was
the reply.

" If 1 go under, you must help me out," I replied, tremblingly,

" To l^ sure I will ; so never fear, but give a strong jump, and you are all safe," was the
encouraging response.

I summoned all my strength, clenched both my hands, sprang with all mv force, and
just saved myself by striking upon the edge of the next bog. I straightened myself up

• CLBBK IN A 8TOKB — ANECDOTES. ' 13

got upon the middle of the bog, and began to prepare for wading in the water, which I
greatly feared wonld be too deep for me to ford, when I saw countless hornets rising from
the spot on which I stood. Instantly thej came buzzing about my face and ears. One
▼Icious rascal stung me on the tip of my nose, and, shrieking with the smart, I leaped into
the water regardless of consequences. I soon found myself up to my neck, and fearful that
the next step would carry me under water altogether, I roared lustily for help. The trusty
Irishman, feeling that there was no real cause mr alarm, broke into a peal of laughter, and
bade me be of good cheer ; " For," said he, " you'll not have to wade more than a quarter
of a mile in that way before you reach the verge of your yaluable property."

"If I go- under, you must help me in a moment, for I can't swim," I replied de-
spondingly.

*'Niver fear me ; if I see ve in danger 111 have ye out in a twinkling."

With this assurance I made an advance step and found my head still in the air. Half a
dozen hornets now attacked me, and I involuntarily ducked my head under the water.
When I popped out again mv tormentors had disappneared, and I waded on as well as I
could towi^ds " Ivy Island." After about fifteen minutes, during which time I floundered
through the morass, now stepping on a piece of submerged wood, and anon slipping into a
hole, I rolled out upon dry land, covered with mud, out of breath, and looldng considerably
more like a drowned rat than a human being.

" Thank the Merciful Powers, ye are saie at last," said my Irish companion.

" Oh, what a dreadful time I have had, and how that honiet's stintg smarts !" I groaned,
in misery.

" Niver mind, my boy ; we have only to cross this little creek, and ye*ll be upon yer
own valuable property," was the encouraging reply.

I looked, and behold we had arrived upon the margin of a stream ten or twelve feet
wide, the banks of which were so thickly lined with uders that a person could scarcely
squeeze between them.

" Good heavens !" I exclaimed, " is my property surrounded with water ?"

** How the divil could it be * Ivy Island if it was not?" was the quick response.

" Oh! I had never thought about the meaning of the name," I replied ; " but how in
the world can we get across this brook ?"

** Faith, and now youll see the use of the axe, I am thinking," replied Edmund, as he
cut his way through the alders, and proceeded to fell a small oak tree which stood upon the
bank of the stream. This tree fell directly across the brook, and thus farmed a temporary
bridge, over which Edmund kindly assisted me. I now found myself upon *^ Ivy Island,"
and began to look about me with curiosity.

^* Why, there seems to be nothing here but stunted ivies and a few straggling trees !'
I exclaimed.

" How else could it be ^Ivy Island?' " was the quiet answer.

I proceeded a few rods towards the centre of my domain, perfectly chop-fallen. The

truth rushed upon me. I had been made a fool of bv all our neighbourhood for more than.

half a dozen years. My rich "Ivy Island" was an maccessible piece of barren land, not

worth a farthing, and all my visions of future wealth and greatness vanished into thin air.

While I stood pondering upon my sudden downfall, I discovered a monstrous black snake

approaching me, with up-raised head and piercing black eyes. I gave one halloo and took

to my heels. The Irishman hdped me across the temporary bridge, and this was my first

and uut visit to "Ivy Island ! We got back to the meadow, and found my father and

men mowing away lustily.

" WeU, how do you like your property?" asked my father, with the most imperturbable
gravity.

'^ i would sell it pretty cheap," I responded, holding down my head. A tremendous
roar of laughter bursting from all the workmen showed that they were in the secret. On
returning home at night, my grandfather called to congratulate me, with as serious a
cotmtenance as if '^Ivy Island" was indeed a valuable domain, instead of a barren waste,
over which he^ and the whole neighbourhood had chuckled ever since I was bom. Mv
mother too, with a grave physiognomy, hoped I had found it as rich as I anticipated.
Several of our neighbours called to ask if I was not glad now, that I was named Phineas ;
and from that time during the next five years I was continually reminded of the valuable
property known as " Ivy Island."

I can the more heartily laugh at this practical joke, because that inheritance was lonsp
afiterwards of service to me. " Ivy Island " was a part of the weight that made the whee(
of fortone begin to turn in my favour at a time when my head was downward.

14 ArrOBIOGEAPHT OT T. T. BABKUM.

" What ifl the price of razor strops ?** inquired my grand&ther of a pedler, whose wagon,
loaded with Yankee notions, stood in fix)nt of our store.

" A dollar each for Pomeroy's strops," responded the itinerant merchant.

''A dollar ai>iecer exclaimed my grandfather; "theyll be sold for half the money
before the year is out."

'* If one of Pomeroy^s strops is sold for fifty cents within a year, Til make you a present
of one," replied the pedler.

** I'll purchase one on those conditions. Now, Ben, I call you to witness the contract,"
said my grandfather, addressing himself to Esquire Hoyt.

"Xil right," responded Ben.

** Yes," said the pedler, " Til do as I say, and there's no back-out to me."

My grandfather took the strop, and put it in his side coat pocket Presently drawing it
out, toad turning to Esquife Hoyt, he said, *' Ben, I don't much like this strop now I have
bought it. How much will you give for it ?"

** Well, I guess, seeing it's you, ni give fifty cents," drawled the 'Squire, with a wicked
twinkle in his eye, «hich said that the strop and the pedler were both incontinently sold.

"You can take it. I guess I'll get along with my old one a spell longer," said my grand-
father, giving the pedler a knowing look.

The strop changed hands, and the pedler exclaimed, "I acknowledge, gentlemen;
what's to pay?"

" Treat the company, and confess you are taken in, or else give me a strop," replied my
grandfather.

" I never wiU confess nor treat," said the pedler, " but Fll give you a strop for your
wit ;" and suiting the action to the word he handed a second strop to his customer. A hearty-
laugh ensued, in which the pedler joined.

" Some pretty sharp fellows here in Bethel," said a bystander, addressing the pedler.

"Tolerable, but nothing to brag of^" replied the pedler; "I have made seventy-five
cents by the operation. "

" How is that?" was the inquiry.

" I have received a doUar for two strops which cost me only twelve and a half cents
each," replied the pedler; "but having heard of the 'cute tricks of the Bethel chaps, I
thought I would look out for them and fix my prices accordingly. I generally sell these
strops at twenty^five cents each, but, gentlemen, if you want any more at fifty cents apiece,
I shall be happy to supply your whole village."

Our neighbours laughed out of the other side of their mouths, but no more strops were
purchased.

There was a poor sot in Bethel, who had a family consisting of a wife and four children.
Before he took to drink he was an industrious, thriving, intelligent, and respectable man — by
trade a cooper; but for ten years he had been running down hill, and at last became a
miserable toper. Once in a while he would " keg," as he called it; that is, he would abjure
strong drink for a certun length of time — ^usually for a month. During these intervais he
was industrious and sober. He visited the stores; the neighbours gladly conversed
with him, and encouraged him to continue in well doing. The poor fellow would weep as
he listen^ to friendly admonitions, and would sometimes reply:

** You are right, my friends; I know you are right, for now my brain is cool and clear,
and I can see as well as you can, that there is no happiness without sobriety. I am like the
prodigal son, who, * when he came to hifnself,* saw that there was no hope lor him unless he
arose and returned to his fiither and to the walks of duty and reason. / have come to
myseip^

" Yes," would be the reply ; "but will you remain so T*

Drawing himself up, with a look of pride which always distinguished him before his faB,
he would say, " Do you suppose that I would demean myself and family by becoming a
confirmed sot?"

His wife was respected and his children beloved by all the neighbours ; they continued
to interchange visits with our most worthy families; and, notwithstanding his^ long career
of dissipation, his neighbours did not cease to hope that., by appealing to his pride and self-
respect, thev could be able, during some <MF his sober intervals, to inauce a promise of total
and eternal abstinence from the cup. His sense of honour was so elevated, that they
felt sure he would break the fatal spell for ever, if he would but once pledge his word to
do so.

" No, soxelj you would not become a sot ; your self-respect and love for your fiunily

\

CLSUL IN A STOBB-'AKBCDOTM. 15

would not permit it ; and theiefoie I soppose j<m will never drink liquor again,** remarked
an anxious neighbour.

** Not till my ' keg' is up, which is three weeks from yesterday,** was the reply.
*' Oh, nve us your word, now,*' chimed in several Mends, *^ tlikt you will not drink when
your ' ke^ is up, out that you will abstain for ever. Only pledge your word, and we know
you'll keep it.**

'^ To be sure I would, so long as the world should stand. My word is sacred, and there-
fore I am cautious about pledging it. When once nyen, all the fiends of Pandemonium
cotdd not tempt or force me to break it. But I shaU not pledge myself. I only say you
are right, gentlemen; drinking liquor is a bad business, and when my * keg* is up— 1*11 tliink
about it. I break off once in a few months, merely to prove to myself and to you that I am
not a drunkard and never shall be, for you see I can control myself.**

WiUi this ddusive sophism the poor fellow would content himself, but he almost uncon-
sciously looked forwurd with hope and joy for the.time to arrive which had been fixed upon
for his pent-up appetite grew the stronger as the day approached, and therefore as soon as
the moment arrived he would seize the bottle, and be ^uimk as speedily as possible. Then
would be renewed his career of misery, and then again would his trembling wife and chil-
dien fed overwhelmed bv the dark picture opening before them.

At the termination of one of these *^ kegs,** he got drunk as usual, and beat his wife as
he had oH/sd. done before. On awiAing the next morning, he desired her to send a child to
the store for rum. She replied that they had all gone to school. He then requested her to
go and replenish the bottle. She made an excuse which put him off for an hour or two, when
he arose urom the bed and' essayed to eat his breakfast. But his parched tongue and burn-
ing throat, the results of last nighfs debauch, destroyed all appetite except for rum, and
alUiongh perfectly sober, this raging foe almost maddened him; and turning to his wife, he
said:

" Mrs. ^ I am sick ; you must go and get me some liquor.**

'* I cannot do it,** was the sad but mm repfy.

'* Cannot! Am I to be disobeyed by my lawful wedded wife? Have I sunk so low
that my wishes may be thwarted and my directions disobeyed by the partner of my life?**
replied he with all his native pride and mgnity.

" I never refused to do an^rthing which would promote your happiness, but I cannot help
you to procure that which will make you unhappy and your fiEmuIy wretched,'* replied the
desponding wife.

'* We will soon see who is master here,** replied the husband, *' and you will find that I
shall show my power in a manner that you will fsel, for I will stop your credit at the
store.'*

With this threat he buttoned up his coat, ran his finsers through his hair, and placing
his bottle in his pocket, strode of to the village with the dignity of a Brutus.

Arriving at our store, he marched up to the proprietor with the air of a wealthy patron,
xmd exclaimed : —

" Mr. Weed, my wife has disobeyed me this morning, and I forbid you to trust her
on my account"

Mr. Weed, seeing by the rolling eye and pallid face of his customer, that the '^keg '* was
broken, replied with considerable sharpness :

" On, Mr. , you need not have taken the trouble to forbid me trusting your wifo, for

IvfoMnottrust you /"

This repulse, so sudden and unexpected, at once overwhdmed and saved him. He was

''■C *'x*""^ '«'"»* ■• wii* uoTcr a|$«u u»i« a urop oi anyining mac can inroxicaie; ana
he kept his word. He is now a wealthy man, has fipequently represented his town in the
State L^^ature, and his family, including several grandcnildren, is one of the first in
the country in point of respectabifity and moral worth.

There is something to be learned even in a country store. We are apt to believe that
swaro trades, especially dishonest tricks and unprincipled deceptions, are confined entirely
to the city, and that the unsophisticated men and women of the country do everything " on
the square,'* I believe this to be measurably true, but know that there are many exceptions
to this rule. Many is the time I cut open bundles of rags, brought to the store by country
women in ezdumge for goods, and dedared to be aU linen and cotton, that contained

r

16 AVXOBIOGBAFHT OF P. T. BABSUM.

Scmntities of worthless woollen trash in the interior, and sometimes stonesj gravel, ashes,
jc. And sometimes, too, have*! (contrary to our usual practice) measured the load of
oats, com, or rye, which our farmer customer assured us contained a specified number of
bushds, perhaps sixty, and found it four or five bushels short. Of course the astonished
woman would mipute the rag swindle to a servant or neighbour who had made it up without
her knowledge, and the man would charge carelessness upon his " help " who measured the
grain, and by mistake " made a wrong count" These were exceptions to the general rule
of honesty, but they occurred with sufficient frequency to make us watchful of our cus-
tomers, and to teach me the truth of the adage, ** There's cheating in all trades but ours."

While I was clerk in the store in Bethel, my father kept the village tavern. I usually
slept with my younger brother £der, but when our house was filled with travellers we were
obliged to sleep " three in a bed," by taldng in our honest Irish farmer, Edmund, as
sleeping partner. After the store was closed at night, I would frequently join some of our
village bb^s in a party at the house of their parents, and what with storytelling, and
various kmds of "child's play," a couple of hour* would glide away, and at eleven
o'clock at night ([which was later than my parents permitted^ I would slyly creep up
stairs, and crawl into bed with the greatest caution lest I should awake my brother, who
would be sure to report my late hours to my parents.

My brother contrived all sorts of plans to catch me on my return home, but sleep would
overtake him, and thus I eluded his vigilance. Sometimes he would pile trunks and chairs
against the door, so that I could hardly open it without upsetting the barricade, and
awakening him by the noise. I generally managed, however, to open the door by degrees,
and get to bed without disturbing his slumbers.

One night I found the door fastened on the inside by a nail firmly driven over the latch.
Determined not to let him outwit me, I descended the stairs, found a short ladder which I
ascended, and entered our bedroom window without being discovered. These continual
contrivances of my brother made me always suspicious of some trap on my return home,
and I generally approached my dormitory with the greatest caution. One night I returned
as usual about eleven o'clock, and opemng the door a few inches with great care, I run in
my arm in order to discover any obstructions which might lie in wait for me. My hand
soon touched a small cord, wmch I found was attached to the door-latch by one end;
where the other end was fastened I could not imagine, and the darkness would not enable
me to discover. I drew a knife from my pocket, and cutting the cord very cautiously,
opened the door and got into bed without discovery. On awaking the next morning, I
found the other end of the cord attached to my brother's hig toe ! This ingenious con-
trivance he thought would wake him up, and it undoubtedly would have done so but for
my timely discovery.

Another night ne sat up in the middle of the bed and bolstered himself with pillows,
determined to Keep awake until I returned. But sleep at last overcame him, and when I
arrived and found him in that position, 1 snugged myself in cosily across the foot of the
bed and went to sleep. In the morning he found himself sitUng bolt upright in bed, just
as he went to sleep the night before. Giving me a kick, he woke me up, and exclaimed : —

** You worked it pretty well last night, but I'll catch you yet."

" You are welcome to do it if you can," I replied; " but you will have to get up early
in the morning to catch a weasel asleep."

The next night he fastened a spur upon his naked heel and went to sleep, thinking that
when I got into bed I should hit the spur, and perhaps rake my shin, the pain of which
would cause me to cry out and thus awake him. I retired with my usual caution that
night, and discovering no contrivance, I concluded my brother had abandoned the chase,
and turning my back to him I was soon wrapped in the arms of Morpheas.

It chanced that night that a number of tin pedlers and other travellers arrived at a
late hour, and every bed being engaeed, our Irish Edmund was obliged to sleep with us.
Perceiving me stowed away on the farther side of the bed, and my brother lymg as usual
plump in the middle, he quietly laid himself down on the firont and went to sleep. At about
two o'clock I was awakened by a fearful noise. The full moon was streaming in at the
window, making our bedroom as light as day.

" I'll tache ye to go to bed wid a spur on, ye little divil ye," exclaimed Edmund, as he
held my brother high in the air, one nand gripping his neck and the other holding the
ofi^ending lee with the spur on, just over my head.

" What IS the matter, Edmund?" I exclaimed in surprise.

" Nothing is the matter, except this brother of youn has run his spur into me groin a

SX7iri>AT-8CHOOL— -OLD MSftTIKQ-HOVSE. 17

matter of three inclies," replied the indignant Irishman, who was sa£fering nnder the smart
of his wound.

'^ I did not mean it for you; I meant it for Taylor," whined ont my brother, only half
awaka

** Divil a bit do I care who yon meant it for, so that 1 have got it," replied Edmund, at
the same time giving my brother several slaps, which made him yell like a young Indian.

Edmxmd then unbuckled the spur, and arranging us all in bed again, he turned to goto
sleep, simply remarking to my brother : *' The nixt time ye try to ride me for a horse, ye'll
Und l*m a Mcking one, ye spalpeen ! "

CHAPTER IIL

8UKDAY-SCHOOL— OLD MBJSTIXG-HOUSE,

Like most persons in the New-England States, t was brought up to attend church regu-

scarcely

country village at that time. The old meeting-house had neither steeple nor bell, but in
summer time it was a comfortable place for the inhabitants to con^gate. My good mother
would teach me my lessons in the New Testament and the Catechism, and my highest aspi-
ration was to get every word so perfectly as to obtain the reward of merit This valuable
pecuniary consideration consisted of a ticket which stated that the bearer was entitled ta
one mill "reward," so that ten tickets were worth one cent; and as this reward was not
pavable in cash, but in Simday-school books at ten cents each, it follows that one hundred
ticliets would be required to purchase one book, so that a scholar must be successful every
consecutive Sabbath ([which was simply impossible) for the space of two years before he
could come in possession of a tangible prize f Infinitesimal as was this recompense, it was
sufficient to spur me to intense diligence.

The first clergy-man whom I remember preadiing in Bethel was the Rev. Samuel Sturges.
At the time I was a clerk, the Rev. Mr. Lowe was the preacher. He traded at our store,
and although he was fond of his pipe, and most clergymen in those days who visited my
lather and grandfather loved their " glass," I was impressed with the belief that the clergy,
individually and collectively, were considerably more than human. I still entertain sincere
respect for that cidling, and am certain that many of its members (as all ought to be) are
devoted disciples of their blessed Master ; yet it is sadly true, that as the " best fruit is
most pecked by the birds," so also is the best cause most liable to be embraced by hypocrites ;
and we all have learned, with pain and sorrow, that the titJle " Rev." does not necessarily
imply a saint, for nothing can prevent our sometimes bdng deceived by a "wolf in sheep's
clothing."

The Rev. Richard Yarick Dey, who resided at Greenfield, Ct., was in the habit of coming
to Bethel to preach on Sabbath evening^ He was a very doquent preacher, and an eccen-
tric man. Re possessed fine talents — ^bis sermons were rich in pathos and wit, and he was
exceedingly popular with the world's people. The more straight-laced, however, were
afraid him. His remarks both in and out of the pulpit would frequently rub hard against
some popular dogma, or knock in the head some favourite religious tenet. Mr. Dey was
therefore frequently in hot water with t^e ohurch — and was either " suspended," or about
to be brought to trial for some alleged breach of ministerial duty, or some suspected heresy.
Wliile thus debarred fh)m preaching, he felt that he must ao something to support his
family. With this view he visited Bethel, Danbury, and other towns, and delivered
** Lectures," at the termination of which, contributions for his benefit were taken up. I
remember his lecturing in Bethel on " Charity." This discourse overflowed with eloquence
and pathos, and terminated in a contribution of more than fifly dollars.

It was said that on one occasion Mr. Dey was about to be tried befbre an ecdesiastical
body at Middletown. There being no railroads in those days, many persons travelled on
horseback. Two days before the trial was to take place, Mr. Dey started for Middletown
alone, and on horseback. Bis valise was fastened behind the saddle, and putting on his
lar^e great-coat surmounted with half a dozen broad "capes," as was the fashion of that
period, and donning a broad-brimmed hat, he mounted his horse and started for the scene of
trial.

2

18 AIJTOBIOGSAPHT OF P. T. BARNUBI.

On the second day of his journey, and some <tem miles before reaching Middletown, lid
overtook a brother clergyman, also on horseback, who was wending his way to the Conso-
ciaticm.

He was a man ^rhaps sixty years of age, and his silvered locks stood out like porcupine
quills. His iron visage, which seemed never to have worn a smile, his sinister expression,
small, keen, selfish^looking eyes, and compressed lips, convinced Mr. Dey that he had no
hope of mercy from that man as one of his judges. The reverend gentlemen soon fell into
conversation. The sanctimonious derg^'man gave his name and residence, and inquired
those of Mr. Dey.

" My name is Mr. Eichard^^ replied Rev. Richard V. Dey, ** and my residence is
Fairfield." [Greenfield is a parish in the town of Fairfield.]

" Ah," exclaimed the other clergyman ; " then you live near Mr. Dey : do you know
him?"

" Perfectly well," responded the eccentric Eichard.

" Well, what do you think of him?" inquired the anxious brother.

" He is a wide-awake, cunning fellow, one whom I should be sorry to oifend, for I
would not like to fall into his clutches; but if compelled to do so,'l43ould divulge some
things which would astonish our Consociation."

" Is it possible? Well, of course your duty to the Church and the Redeemer's cause wiH
prompt vou to make a clean breast of it,. and divulge everything you know against the
accused, resj»onded the excited cler^nnan.

** It is hard to destroy a brothers reputation and break up the peace of his family/*
answered the meek Mr. Richud.

^^ It is the duty of the elect to expose and punish the reprobates," replied tlie fiturdy-
Furitan.

'* But had I not better first tell our brother his fault, and give him an opportunity to
^nfess and be forgiven ? "

" Our brother, as you call him, is undoubtedly a heretic, and the true faith is wounded
by his presence amongst us. The Church must l^ purged fromoinbeliet We must beware
of those who would introduce damnable heresieis."

" Are you sure that Mr. Dey is an unbeliever?" inquired the modest Mr Richard.

*' I have heard that he throws doubt upon the Trinity — shrugs his shoulders at some
portions of the Saybrook Platform, and has said that even reprobates may sincerely repent,
pray for forgiveness, and.be saved. Ay, that he even doubts the damnation of unregenecate
infants ! "

" Horrible ! " «^iaciaated Mr. Richard. *

" Tes ! horrible indeed, but I trust that our Consociation will excommunicate bim at
once and for ever. But what do you know concerning his belief? "

'^ I know nothing specially against his belief" responded Mr. Richard, ** but I have
witnessed some of his acts which I should be almost sorry to expose."

*' A mistaken charit]^ I It is your duty to tell the Consociation all you know regarding
the culprit, and I shall insist upon your doins so."

" I certainlv desire to do that which is ri^t and just, and as I am but young in the
ministry I shall defer to vour judgmentfounded on age and experience. But I would preter
at first to state to you what I know, and then will 1^ guided by your advice in regard to
giving my testimony before the •Consociation."

^< A very proper course. You can state the facts to me, and I will give you my counseL
Now what do you know ? "

*' X know that on more than one occasion I have caught him in the act of kissing my
wife," replied tlie ii^jused Mr. Richard.

**I am nf)t at all astonished," responded the clergyman; "such conduct coinddes
exactly with the opinion I have formed of the man. I commiserate you, sir, but I honour
your sense of duty in divulgii^ sueh important facts, even at the expense of exposing
serious troubles in your domestic relations. But, sir, justice must.have its course. The^
facts must be testified to before.the Consociation. Do you know anything else against the
delinquent?"

"1 know something more, but it is of a natuie so delicate, and concerns me personally
so seriously, that I must decline divulging it."

" Sir, you cannot do that I will not permit it, but will insist on your telling the tohole
truth before our Consociation, though your heart-strings were to break in consequence. I
repeat, sir, that X sympathise with you personaUy^ bat personal feelings must be swallowed
up in the promotion of public good. JSTo sympathy for an individual can be permitted

8UNDAT-8CHOOI. — OLP MEETING-HOUSE. 19.

to clash with the interests of the true Church. You had better tell me, sir, all you
know."

" Since you say that duty requires it, I will do so. I have caught him, under very
suspicious circumstances, in my wife^s bedroom," said the unfortunate Mr. Hichard.

'•Was your wife in bed ? " inquired the man with the iron face.

" She was," faintly lisped the almost swooning Mr. Richard.

** Enough, enough," was the response. ^* Our Consociation vrill soon dispose of the Rev.
Richard V. Dey."

The two clefgj-men had now arrived at Middletown. The Rev, Mr. Vinegarface rode to
the parsonage, while Mr. Dey, alias "Mr. Richard," went to a small and obscure imi. The
Consociation commenced the next day. This ecclesiastical body was soon organised, and
after disposing of several minor questions, it was proposed to take up the charges of heresy
against the Rev. Mr. V>^y, The accused, with a most demure countenance, was conversing
with his quondam travelling companion of the day previous, who upon hearing this
proposition instantly sprang to his feet, and informed the Reverend Chairman that
providentially he had been put in possession of facts which must necessarily result in the
immediate expulsion of the culprit from the Church, and save the necessity of examining
testimony on the question of heresy. " In fact," continued he, " I am prepared to prove
that the Kev. Richard V. Dey has frequently kissed the wife of one of our orethren, and has
also been caught in a situation which affords strong evidence of his being guilty of the
crime of adultery !"

A thrill of horror and surprise ran through the assembly. Every eye was turned to Mr.
Dey, who was seated so closely to the last speaker that he touched him as he resumed his
seat. Mr. Dey*s countenance was as placid as a May morning, and it required keen vision
to detect the lurking smile of satisfaction that peeped from a comer of his eye. A few
minutes of dead silence elapsed.

" Produce your witnesses," finally said the Chairman, in an almost sepulchral voice.

" I call on the Rev. Mr. Richard, of Fairfield, to corroborate under oath the charges
which I have made," responded the hard-visaged Puritan.

Not a person moTcd. Mr. Dey looked as unconcerned as if he was an utter stranger to
all present, and understood not the language which they were speaking.

" Where is the Rev. Mr. Richard ? " inquired the venerable Chairman.

" Here he is," responded the accuser, familiarly tapping Mr. Dey on the shoulder.

The whole audience burst into such a roar of laughter as probably never was heard in a
like Consociation before, and the accuser was almost petrified with astonishment at such
inconceivable conduct on the part of that sedate religious assembly.

Mr. Dey alone maintained the utmost gravity.

" That, sir, is the Rev. Richard V, J>ey" replied the Chairman, when order was re«
stored.

The look of utter dismay which instantly marked the countenance of the accuser threw
the assembly into another convulsion of laughter, during which Mr. Dey*s victim withdrew,
and was not seen again in Middletown. The charges of heresy were then brought forward.
After a brief investigation they were dismissed for want of proof, and Mr. Dey returned to
Greenheld triumphant.

Mv grandfather was a Universal bt, and for various reasons, fancied or real, he was
bitterly opposed to the Presbyterians in doctrinal views, though personally some of them
were his warmest and most intimate friends. Being much attached to Mr. Dey, he induced
that gentleman to deliver a series of Sunday evening sermons in Bethel, and my grandfather
was not only on all these occasions one of* the most prominent and attentive hearers, but
Mr. Dey was always his guest. Ho would generally stop over Monday and Tuesday with
my grandfather, and as several of the most social neighbours were called in, they usually
had a jolly time of it. Occasionally " mine host" would attack Mr. Dey good-naturedly on
theolo^cal points, and would generally come off second best, but ne delighted, although
vanquished, to repeat the sharp answers with which Mr. Dey met his objections to the
" confession of faith.*'

One day, when a dozen or more of the neighbours were present, and enjoying themselves
in passing around the bottle, relating anecdotes, and cracking jokes, my grandfather called
out in a loud tone of voice, which at once arrestea the attention of all present :

*' Friend Dey, I believe you pretend to believe m foreordination ? '*

»* To be sure I do," replied Mr. Dey.

"Well now, suppose I should spit m your face, what would you do?" inquired my
grandfather.

20 AUTOBIOGKAPIIT OF P. T. TlARNUM

** I hojie that is not a eupposable case," responded Mr. Dey, '^for I abound probabljr
knock vou do>vn."

"That would be very inconsistent," leplied my fjandfathor exuUinglv; "for if I spat
in your face it would be'because it was foreordained I bhould do so; why then would you
be so unreasonable as to knock me do>m V*'

" Because it would be foreordained that I sliould knock you down," replied Mr. Bey
with a smile.

The company burst into a lau^h, in which my grandfather heartily joined, and he
frequently related this incident witli much gusto.

I have before said that our old mcoling-house, without either steeple or bell, was a
comfortable place in summer. But my teeth chatter even now, as I think of the dreary,
cold, and freezing times we had there in winter. Such a thuig as a stove in a mecting-houso
had never been heard of in those days, and an innovation of that description would have
been considered little less than sacrilege. The old-fashioned sermons were an hour and a
half to two hours long, and there the congregation would sit and shiver, and tlieir faces
would look so blue, that it is no wonder " the woild's people" sometimes called them ^* blue
skins." They were literally so. Oiur mothers and ffrandmothers were the only persons who
were permitted to approach comfort. Such as could aiTord it had a '4nuff ancl tippet," and
carried a "foot-stove," which consisted of a small square tin box, perforated, and uiclosed
in a w^ood frame, with a wire handle. There was a door in one side, in which was thrust a
small square iron dish of hve coals, sprinkled over with a few a-shes. ITioge who lived some
distance from the meetiug-house took their foot-stove in the wagon or " cutter" — for there was
generally good sleighing in winter — and, on arriving "to meeting," they would replenish
the foot-stove with fresh coals at the nearest neighbour's before entering the sanctuary.

At last, and after many years, the spirit of relorm reached the shiveiincr congregation
of the old Bethel meeting-house. ^ brother, who was evidently quite ahead of the age, and
not, as some of the older brethren thought "out of his head," had the temerity to propose
that a stove should be introduced into the church for the purpose of heating it. .Many
brethren and sisters raised their hands and rolled their eyes in surprise and horror. " A
pretty pass, indeed, when professing Christians needed a 'fire to warm their zeal." The
proposition was impious, and it was voted down by an overwhelmmg majority. The
" reformer," however, persevered, and, by persuasion and argument, ho gradually gained a
few converts. He argued that one large stove for heating the whole house was as harmless
as fifty small stoves to warm the fifty pairs of feet belonging to the owners of said portable
stoves ; and while some saw no analogy between the two cases, others declared that if he
was mad there was " method in his madness."

Another year rolled by; cold November arrived, and the stove question was again
mooted. Excitement ran high ; niglit meetings and church caucuses were heki to discuss
the question; arguments were made pro and con in the village stores ; the sul^ect was
introduced into conference meetings and prayed over; even the youngsters had the question
brou;;ht up in the debating club, and early in December a general * society's meeting " was
called to decide by ballot whether there should or should not be a stove in the meeting-
house.

The ayes carried it by a majority of one, and to the consternation of the minority, the
stove wais introduced. On the first Sabbath afterwards two venerable maiden 'ladies
fainted on account of the dry atmosphere and sickly sensation caused by the dreaded mno-
v.ition. They were carried "out into tlie cold air, and soon returned to consciousness, after
being informed that in consequence of thei'e not being pipe enough fs-ithin two lengths, no
fire had yet been placed in the stove !

The following Sunday was a bitter cold day, and the stove was crammed with well-
seasoned hickory wood and brought nearly to a red heat. This made most pails of the house
comfortable, pleased many, and horrified a' few. Immediately after the benediction had been
pronounced at the close of the afternoon service, one of the deacons, whose "pew" was
near the door, arose and exclaimed, in a loud voice, "The congregation ate requested to tarr^'.*'

Ev'ery person promptly sat down on hearing this common announcement. The old
deacon approached the altar, and turning to the people, addressed them in a whining tone
of voice as follows : —

" Brethren and sisters, you will bear me witness that from the first I have raised my
voice against introducing a stove into the house of the Lord. But a majority has pro-
nounceu acainst me. 1 trust they voted in the fear of God, and I submit, for 1 would not
wittingly introduce schisuis into our church; but if we must have a stove 1 do insist on
having a larger one, for the one you have is not large enough to heat the whole house, and

8UIIDAT -SCHOOL— OIJ> MEETING-HOUSE. 21

the consequence is, it drives all the cold back as far as the oatside pews, making them three
times as cold as they were before, and we who occupy those pews are obliged to sit in the
entire cold of this whole house."

The countenance and manner of the speaker indicated, beyond all doubt, that he was
sincere, and nothing would appease him until the ** business committee" agreed to take the
subject into consideration. In the course of the week they satisfied him that the store was
large enough, except on unusually severe days, but they found great difficulty in making
him comprehend that if the stove did not heat the entire building, it did not mtensify the
cold by driving it all into a comer.

While Rev. Mr. Lowe preached in Bethel he formed quite a large Bible-class, which
was composed mostly of boys and girls from twelve to fourteen years of age. I was one of
the class. A portion of our duty was to take a verse selected hy the minister, write out our
explanation of it, and drop the composition into a hat passed round for the purpose. All
the articles were then read aloud by the clergyman. As the verses selected and distributed
to the scholars were also promiscuously drawn from a hat, no person, not even Mr. Lowe
himself, knew what subject fell to any particular scholar.

The Bible-class was held immediately after the conclusion of the afternoon services, and
it was customary for the entire congregation to remain and hear the compositions read.
Sometimes the explanations mven by the scholars were wretched, sometimes ludicrous, but
generally very good. I think that my own usually fell under the second head. Mr. Lowe
always made a few remarks at the reading of each composition, either by way of approval
or dissent, and in the latter case he always gave his reasons. I remember that on one occa-
sion I drew from the hat, Luke x. 42 : " But one thing is needful ; and Mary hath chosen
that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Question. What is the one thing
neednd?

I took home my verse and question, and at the first opportunity wrote out the explanation
about as follows :

** This question, * What is the one thing needful T is captble of receiving various answers,
depending much upon the persons to whom it is addressed,

*^ The merchant might answer that ^the one thing needful is plenty of customers, who
buy liberally without *' beating down," and pay cash tor all their purchases.*

" The farmer might reply that ^ the one thing needful is large harvests and high prices.*

"The physician might answer that * it is plenty of patients?

** The lawyer might be of opinion that ' it is an unruly community, always engaged in
bickerings and litigations.*

" The clerg3rman might reply, ^ It is a fat salary, with multitudes of sinners seeking
salvation and paying large pew rents.'

"The bachelor might, exclaim, * It is a pretty wife who loves her husband, and who
knows how to sew on buttons.'

" The maiden might answer, * It is a good husband who will love, cherish, and protect
m e while life shall last'

" But the most proper answer, and doubtless that which applied to the case of Mary, would
be, * The one thing needful is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, follow in his footsteps,
love God and obey his commandments, love our fellow-man, and embrace every opportumty
of administering to his necessities. In short, the one thing needful is to live a life that we
can always look back upon with satisfaction, and be enabled ever to contemplate its
termination with trust in Him who has so kindly vouchsafed it to us, surrounding us with innu-
merable blessings, if we have but the heart and wisdom to receive them in a proper manner."

Although the reading of most of the above caused a tittering among ttxa audience, in
which the dergyman himself could scarcely refrain from joining, and although the name of
** Taylor Bamum" was frequently whispered among the congregation, I had the satisfaction
of hearing the Rev. Mr. Lowe say, at the conclusion, that it was a well written and correct
Answer to the question, " What is the one thing needful ? "

Mr. Lowe Was an Englishman. He purchased a small farm near Bethel and undertook
to carry on fanning, but having had little or no experience in that way, he made many
awkward mistakes. One day he and his man were engaged in blasting rocks near his bam.
They had drilled a large deep hole, charged the blast, and ac^usted the slow match. Mr.
Lowe requested his man to retire while he completed the process. His man went to the
other side of the bam. Mr. Lowe then applied the fire to the match, and stepping to the
barn, which was within two rods of the rock, he stuck his head into the stable window,
leaving his enture body exposed. The explosion filled the air with large fragments of rock.

,2Z AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BABNUM.

One piece, supposed to weigh three hundred pounds, fell at the side of the parson, grazing
his clothing as it passed, and was imbedded twenty inches In the ground, close to his fbet.
" Mr. Lowe could but acknowled^ his frightfully narrow escape, and took no more lessoua
from the ostrich when engaged m blasting rocks.

CHAPTER IV.

AKECDOTES WITH AX EPISODE.

Danburt and Bethel were and still are manufacturing villages, fiats and combs wer«
the principal articles of manufacture. The hatters and comb-raakers had occasion to go
to New York every spring and fall, and thej generally managed to go in parties, frequenUy
taking in a few "outsiders" who merely wished to visit the city for the fun of the thing.
They usually took passage on board a sloop at Norwalk, and the length of their passage
depended entirely upon the state of the wind. Sometimes the run would be made in eight
hours, and at other times nearly as many days were required. It however made little
difference with the passengers. They went in for " a spree," and were sure to have a jolly
time whether on land or water. They were all fond of practical jokes, and before starting
they usually entered into a solemn compact, that any man who got angry at a practical
joke should forfeit and pay the sum of twenty dollars. This agreement n^uently saved
much trouble, for ocaisionallv an unexpected and rather severe trick would be played ofT,
and sadly chafe the temper ox the victim.

Upon one of these occasions a party of fourteen men started from Bethel on a Monday

SiomiQg for New York. Among the number were my grandfather, Capt. Noah Ferry,
enjamin Hovt, Esq., Uncle Samuel Taylor (as he was called by everybodv), Eleazer
Taylor, and Charles Dart Most of these were proverbial jokers, and it was donbl>r necessary
to adopt the stipulation in regard to the control of temper. It was therefore done in writing,
dvlysigned.

They arrived at Norwalk Monday afternoon. The sloop set sail the same evening, with
a fair prospect of reaching New York early the next morning. Several strangers took
passage at Norwalk, among the rest a clergyman. He soon found himself in jolly company,
and attempted to keep aloof. But they informed him it was no use, they expected to reach
New York the next morning, and were determined to ''make a night of it," so he might as
well render himself agreeable, for sleep was out of the question. His " Reverence" remon-
strated at first, and talked about '' hb rights," but he soon learned that he was in a
company where the rights of *' the majority were in the ascendant ; so he put a smooth face
upon affairs, and making up his mind not to retire that night, he soon engaged in conversation
with several of his fellow-passengers.

The clergyman was a slim spare man, standing over six feet high in his stockings, Cght
complexion, sandy hair, and wearing a huge pair of reddish-brown whiskers. Some of
the passengers joked him upon the superfluity of hair upon his face, but he repHed that
nature had placed it there, and although he thought proper, in accordance with modem
custom, to shave off a portion of his beard, he considered it neither unmanly nor underical
to wear whiskers. It seemed to be conceded that the clergyman had the best of the argument,
and the subject was changed.

Expectation of a speedy run to New York was most sadlv disappointed. The vessel
appeared scarcely to move, and through long weary hours of day and night, there was not
a npple on the surface of the water. Nevertheless there was merriment on board the sloop,
each voyager contributing good humour to beguile the tediousness of time. Friday morning
came, but the calm continued. Five days from home, and no prospect of reaching New
York ! We may judge the appearance of the beards of the passengers. There was but ono
razor in the company ; it was owned by my grandfather — and he refused to iise it, or Sruffer
it to be used. " We shall all be shaved in New York," said he.

Ob Saturday morning " all hands" appeared upon deck— and the sloop was becalmed
opposite Sawpitts! (now Port Chester.)

This tried the patience of the passengers sadly.

** I expected to start for home to-day," said one.

" I supposed all myr combs would have been sold at auction on Wednesday, and yet here
• they are on board," said another*

ANECDOTES WITH AN EPT80DB. 23

" I intended to- liarve- sold my kats surely this week, for I haver a note to pay in Ne"w
Haven on Monday," added a thml.

" I have an appointment to preach ia New York this evening And-to-merrow,*' said the
clergj^man, whose huge sandy whiskers overshadowed a face now completely covered ,wfth
a bright red beard a quarter of an inch long.

** Well, there is no use crying, gentlemen," replied the captain ; " it is lucky fbr nsthat
we have chickens and eggs on freight, or we might have to be put upon allowance."

After breakfast the passengers^ who now began < to look like bart)arian8, again solibited
the loan of my grandfather*s razor.

" No, gentlemen," he replied^; " I insist that shaving is unhealthy and contrary to
nature, and I am determined neither to shave myself nor loan my razor imtil we reac^
New York."

Night eamej and yet no wind; Sunday morning found them in the same position.
Their patience was well nigh exhausted, but after breakfast* a slight ripple appeared. It
gradusuly increased^ and the passengers were soon delighted in < seeing the uiohor weighed
and the sails again set. The sloop glidedfinely through the water, and smiles of satisfaction
forced themselves through the swamps of bristles which covered the faces of the passengers.

" What time shall we reach New York if this breeze continues?'' was the anxious
inquirv of half a dozen passengers.

" About two o'clock this afternoon," replied the good-natured captain, who now felt
assured that no calm would further blight his prospects.

'* Alas! that will be too late to get shaved," exclaimed several voices — " the barber
shops dose at twelve."

" And I shall barely be in time to preach my afternoon sermon," responded the red-
. bearded clergyman. <* Mn Taylor, do he so kind as to loan me your shaving.utensilB," he
continued, addressing my grandfather.

The old gentleman then went to^ his trunk, and unlocking it, -he drew forth his razor,
lather-box, and strop. The passengers pressed around him, as all were now doubly anxlouB
for a chance to shave themselves.

" Now, gentlemen," said my grandfather, •* I' will be fair with yom I did not intend to
lend my razor, but as w« shall arrive too late for the barbers, you shall all use it. But it is
e^ndent we cannot all have time to be shaved with one razor before we reach New York,
and as it would be hard for half of us to walk on shore with clean faces, and leave the rest
on board waiting fur their turn to shave themselve8,^ I hav^hit upon a plan which I am
wire you will all say is just and equitable."

" What is it?'* was the anxious inquiry.

"It is that each man shall shave one half of his face, and pass thv-razor ovef to the
next, and when we are all' half shaved we shall go^ on in rotation and'* shave the other
lalfl"

They all agreed to this except the clergvman^ He objected to appearing -so ridiculous
upon the Lord> day, whereupon several declared that any man with such enormous reddi^
whiskers muet necessarily always look ridiculous, and they insisted that if the clergyman
used the razor at all he should shave off his whiskers.

My grandfather assented tO'thi»- proposal, and said: — "Now, gentlemen, as t own the
razor, I will begin, and as our reverend friend is in a hurry he shidl be next ; but off* shall
come one of his whiskers on the first turn, or he positivelv shall not use my razor at aQ."

The clergyman, seeing there was no use in parleying, reluctantly agreed to the proposition^
In the course of ten minutes one side of my grandfather's face and chin, in a straight line
from the middle of his nose, was shaved as close as the back of his hand, while the other
looked Uke-a thick brush fence in a country swamp. The passengers burst into a roar of
laughter, in which the clergyman iiresistibly joined, and my grandfather handed the razor
to the clerveal gentleman.

The clergyman had already well' lathered one half of Ms face and passed the brush to
the next customer. In a short time the razer had performed its work, and the clergyman
was denuded of one whisker. The left side of his face was as naked as that of an infant,
while from- the ether cheek four inches of a huge red whisker stood: out in powerful contrast.
Nothing more ludicrous could well be conceived'. A deafening burst of laughter ensued,
and the poor clergyman slunk quietly away to wait an hour unti> his turn should arrive te
shave the other portiou of his face.

The next man went through the same operation, and all the rest followed; a new Itogh
breaking forth as each customer handed over the razor to the next in turn. In the course
Hi in hour and a quarter every passenger on board was half shavedr It was then proposed

24 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OP P. T. BABNVM.

^that all should go upon deck and take a drink before operations were oommenced on the
^other side of their faces. YHien they all gathered upon the deck the scene was most ludicrous.
The whole party burst again into loud merriment^ each man being convulsed by the ridicul-
ous appearance of the rest.

*' Kow, gentlemen," said my grandfather, ^* I will go into the cabin and shave off the
other side. You can all remain on deck. As soon as I have finished I will come up and
give the clergyman the next chance."

^^ Ton must hurry or you will not all be finialied when we arrive," remiurked the captain,
** for we shall touch PecK Slip Wharf in half an hour."

My grandfather entered the cabin, and in ten minutes he appeared upon deck razor in
liand. ^e was smoothly shaved.

•* Now," said the clergyman, " it is my turn."

" Certainly,? said my grandfather. *• You are next ; but wait a moment, let me draw
the razor across the strop once or twice."

Putting his foot upon the side rail of the deck, and placing one end of the strop upon
his leg, he drew the razor several times across it. Then, as if by mistake, the razor new
from lus hand, and dropped into the water! My grandfather, with well-feigned surprise^
exclaimed in a voice of terror, " Good heavens ! the razor has fallen overboard! "

Such a picture of consternation as covered one half of all the passengers' faces was never
before witnessed. At first they were perfectly silent, as if petrified with astonishments But
in a few minutes murmurs began to be heard, and soon swelled into exclamations. *^ An
infernal hog! " "The meanest thing I ever knew," remarked another. "He ought to be
thrown overboard himself," cried several others ; but all remembered that every man who
got angry was to pay a fine of twenty dollars, and they did not repeat their remarks. Pre-
sently, all eyes were turned upon the clergyman. He was the most forloni picture .of
despair that could be imagined.

" Oh, this is dreadful!" he drawled, in a tone which seemed as if every word broke a
heart-string.

This was too much, and the whole crowd broke into another roar. Tranquillity was
restored! the joke— though a hard one — ^was swallowed. The sloop soon touched the dock.
The half-shaved passengers now agreed that my grandfather, who was the only person on
board who appeared Hke a civilised being, should take the lead for the Walton House in Frank-
lin-square, and all the rest should follow in " Indian file." He reminded them that they would
excite much attention in the streets, and enjoined Uicm not to smile. They agreed, and
away they started. The^ attracted a crowd of persons before they reached the comer of
Pearl-street and Peck Shp, bat they all marched with as much solemnity as if tliey were
going to the grave. The door of the Walton House was open. Old Backus, the landlord,
was quietly enjoying his cigar, while a dozen or two persons were engaged in reading the
papers, &c In marched the file of nondescripts with the rabble at their heels. Mr, Backup
and his customers started to their feet in astonishment. My grandfather marclwd aol^nnly
up to the bar— .the passengers followed and formed double rows behind him. ** Santa Cruz
rum for nineteen ! " exclaimed my grandfather to the bai^keeper. The astonished liquor-
seller produced bottles and tumblers in double quick time, and when Backus discovei«d that
the nondescripts were old friends and customers, he was excited to uncontrollable merri-
ment.

" What in the name of decency has happ^ed," he exclaimed, " that you should all appear
here half-shaved?"

*^ Nothing at all, Mr. Backus," said my grandfather, with apparent seriousness. '* These
gentlemen choose to wear their beards according to the prevailing fashion in the place they
came from, and I think it is very hard Uiat they should be stared at and insulted by you
Yorkers, because your fashion happens to differ a trifie from theirs."

Backus half believed my grandfather in earnest, and the bystanders were quite con-
vinced such was the fact, for not a smile appeared upon one of the half-shaved countenances.
After sitting a few minutes the passengers were shown to their rooms, and at tea-time every
man appeared at the table precisely as they came from the sloop. The ladies looked aston-
ished, the waiters winked and laughed, but the subjects of this merriment were as grave a:i
judges. In the evening they maintained the same gravity in the bar-room, and at ten
o'clock they retired to bed with all due solemnity. In the morning, however, bright ami
early, they were in the barber's shop undergoing an operation that soon placed them uoon
a footing with the rest of mankinds

It is hardly necessary to explain that the clergyman did not appear m that singnlar
X>roces4ion of Sunday afternoon. He tied a handkerchief over his face, and taking lu3

AKECDOTES WITH AN BPISOBE. 25

valise in his hand, started for Market-street, where it is presumed he found a good hrotbcr
and a good razor in season to fill his appmntment.

In the month of An^st, 1825, my maternal grandmother met with an accident which,
although considered tnvial at the time, resulted in her death. While walking in the
garden she stepped upon the point of a rusty nail, which ran perhaps half an inch Into her
foot. It was immediately extracted, but the foot became swollen, and in a few days the
most alarming sjrmptoms were manifest. She was soon sensible that she was upon her
death-bed, but she was a good Christian, and her ^approaching end had no terrors for her.
The day before her departure, and while in the full possession of her faculties, she sent for
all her grandchildren to take their final leave of her. I never can forget the sensations
which I experienced when my turn came to approach her bed-side, and when, taking my
hand in hers, she spoke to me of her approaching dissolution, of the joys of religion, the
consoling reflections that a death-bed afforded those who could feel that they had tried to
live good lives and be of benefit to their fdlow-men. She besought mo to think seriously
of religion, to read my Bible often, to pray to our Father in heaven, to be regular in my
attendance at church ; to use no profane nor idle langua^ge, and espcciaDv to remember that
I could in no way so effectually prove my love to God. as m loving all my fellow-beings.
I was affected to tears, and promised to remember her counsel. When I received from her
a farewell kiss, knowing that I should never behold her again alive, I was completely
overcome, and however much I may have smce departed from her injunctions, the impres-
sions received at that death-bed scene have ever been vivid among my recollections, and 1
trust they have proved in some degree sfdutary. A more sincere Christian or a more
exemplary woman than my grandmother I have never seen.

In the days of which I am now ¥n:iting, a much stricter outward regard was paid to
the Sabbath in the State of Connecticut than at present. If a man was seen riding horse-
back or in a carriage on Sunday before sundown, a tithing-noan, deacon of a church, or
grand-jury man was sure to arrest him, and unless he could show that sickness or some
other case of necessity induced him to come out, he was fined the next day.

The mail stage from New York to Boston was permitted to run on the Sabbath, but in
no case to take passengers. Sometimes the cupidity of the New York agents wotdd induce \
them to book travellers through Connecticut on the holy day, but nearly every meeting-
house had its sentinel on the look-out, and it was very difficidt for a driver to escape being '
arrested if he had one or more persons in his coach. In that case the driver, his horses,
stage, mail, and passengers were obliged to " lie to " until Monday morning, when driver
and dassengers must each pay a fine before being permitted to depart

On one occasion, Oliver Taylor and Benjamin Hoyt, a brace of wags from Bethel, were
in New York, and as the way-bill was filled for several week-days ahead, they went to the
sta«e-ofiice, No. 21| Bovreiy, early one Sunday morning, and a^ed to be carried that day
to Norwalk, Ct,

"It can't be done," peremptorily replied the stage agent

" It is very important," responded Oliver ; ** my wire and children are dangerously sick
at Bethel, ana I must reach there before to-morrow morning.'*

*' And my mother isn't expected to live the day out,** meekly added 'Squire Ben, with a
face considerably dongated

" It won't do, gentiemen ; these periodical sicknesses are excessively prevalent, and I
am wonderfvlly sorry for you, but we have been .stopped, fined, and our mail detained
several times this year, in your State. We are decidedly sick of it, and will carry no more
passen^rs in Connecticut on Sunday," was the prompt reply.

" They are not as strict now as they were formerly," urged Mr. Taylor.

" Not half," added Mr. Hoyt

" Formerly 1" exclaimed the agent ; " why, it is only t¥ro weeks since we were arrested
in Stamford.'^

" Yes, and it cost me eleven dollars besides the detention," added the proprietor, who
had just stepped in.

"Now, sir," said Mr. Taylor, addressing the proprietor, " our business is urgent ; we are
Connecticut men, and know Connecticut laws and Connecticut deacons— yes, and how to
dodge them, too. We will pay you ten dollars for our passages to Norwalk, and whenever
we pass through a Connecticut village we will lie down on the bottom of the stage, and
thus your vehicle, being apparently empty, will pass through unmolested.'*

"Will you do this promptly as you pass through each Connecticut villag;e ? ** asked the
melting; proprietor,.

26 AXrrOBIOGRAPRT OF P. T. BABNUSC

" Positirely,'' was the reply of Taylor and Hoyt.

" Well, I don't think it any sin to dodge your Yankee blue-laws, and I'll take you <to
those conditions," responded tlte stage man.

The passage money paid, the two valises snngly packed imder the inside seats, and
their two owners were as snngly seated in the mail coach.

^' Remember yonr promises, gentlemen, and dodge the Yankee deacons," said the stage
proprietor, just as the driver doorisbed his long whip, and the horses started off in a gallop.
The two passengers nodded a willing assent.

Messrs. Taylor and Hoyt knew every inch of the road. As the stage approached the
Connecticnt line, thev prepared to stow themselves away. Just before reaching Greenwich,
they both stretched themselves npon their backs on the bottom of the coach. The agents of
the law — and gospel, were on thelook-ont, the driver's face assumed a most innocent look, the
apparently empty stage " passed master,"' and was permitted to move along nnmolested, a
straight-laced deacon merely remarking to the tithing-man, " I guess them 'ere Yorkers
have concluded it won't pay to send their passengers up this way on tiie Lord's day." The
tithing-man nodded his satisfaction.

At Stamford the game of '^ hide and seek" was successfully repeated. At Darien, which
ia within six miles of Norwalk, where our passengers were to leave the stage and take their
chances for reaching Bethel,- about twenty miles north, thev once more laid themselves
down on their backs, and the driver, assuming a demure Iook, let his horses take a slow
trot through the village;

" Now, Ben," said Tajlor, ** Fm a going to g^ve the deacons a chance, fine or no fine,*'
and instantly he thrust his feet a tempting distance out of the side window oi the coach.

" Oh, for heaven's sake, draw in your feet," exdaim^ Hoyt, in horror, as he saw a pair
of boots sticking a couple of feet (no pun intended) out of the window.

** Couldn't think of such a thing,'' quietly responded Taylor, with a chuckle,

** But we agreed to hide, and now you are expoang the stage driver as well as ourselves,"
urged the conscientious and greatly alarmed- Hoyt.

*^ We agreed to lie on our backs, and we are doing it fiat enough ; but my legs want
stretching, and they must have it," was the mischievous reply.

They were now opposite the village church, and the poor driver, unconscious of the
grand display his passengers were making, earned his head high up, as much as to say,
•• You may look, gentlemen, but it*s no use."

A watchful deacon, horror struck at beholding a pair of boots with real- legs in them
emerging from the stage window, hallooed to the driver to stop.

"I'm empty, and shan't do it," responded coachee, with a tone of injured innocence*

" You have got a passenger, and must stop," earnestly replied the deacon.

The driver, turning his race towards the body of his coach, was alarmed at seeing 8 panr
of legs dangling out of the window, and with a look of dismay, instantly jerking his reins
and giving his horses half a dozen smart cuts, they struck into a quick gallop just aa l^e
deacon's hand had reached within a foot of the leader's bridle. The coach slightly grazed
the deacon, half knocking him over, and was soon beyond his reach. The frightened
driver applied the lash wiUi all his might, continually hallooing, " Draw in them mfemal
boots I"

A double haw-haw of laughter was all the satisfaction he received in reply to hiis com-
mands, and, Jehu like, the team dashed ahead until not a house was in sight. The chriver
then reined in his horses, and began remonstrating with his passengers. They laughed
heartily, and handing him a half dollar, bade him be quiet.

" In ten minutes it will be sundown," they added, " you can therefore go into Notwalk
m safety."

" But they will pull me up in Darien and fine me when I return," replied the driver.

"Don't be alarmed," was the response; "they can't fine you, for no one can swear you
nad a passenger. Nothing was seen but a pair of legs, and for aught that can be proved
they belon^d to a wax figure.**

" But they moved," replied the driver, still alarmed.

" So does an automaton," responded Mr. Taylor ; '* so give yourself no uneaatness, yon
are perfectly safe."

The driver felt somewhat relieved, but as he passed through Darien the next day, he
had some misgivings. The deacon, however, had probably reached the same condosion in
regard to tiie rules and nature of evidence as had Mr. Taylor, for no complaint was made,
and the driver was permitted to pass unheeded. His fright, however, caused him to notify
his employers, that if they ever sent any more passengers to Connecticut on the Sabbath^

AVECDOT£S WITH AW £PISOI>B. 27

Vmy might send a driyer witb themt for he wouldl see them — "Mowed** before they would
catch Mm in another such a scrape.

About the last prosecution which we bad in Danbury tor a violation of the Sabbaih,
was in the summer of 182o(^ There was a drought that season. The grass was withered,
the ground was parched, all vegetation was seriously ir^ured^ and the streams far and near
were partially or wholly dried up. As there were no steam mills in those daysr &t least in
that vicinity, our people found it difficult to get sufficient grain ground for domestic purposes
without sending great distances. Our local mills were crammed with the '' grists " of all
the neighbourhood awaiting their turn to be converted into flour or meal. Finally it com-
menced raining on a Saturday night, and continued all day Sunday. Of course, every-
body was delighted. Families who were almost placed upon an " ulowance " of bread,
were gratified in the belief that now the mills would be set a-going, and that the time ox
deliverance was at hand. One of our millers, an eccentric individual, and withal a worthy
man, knowing the strait in which the community was placed, and remembering that our
Saviour permitted his disciples to pluck ears of com upon the Sabbath, concluded to risk
^e ire of bigoted sticklers who strained at a gnat and swallowed a camel, set his mill in
motion on Sunday morning, and had finished many a grist for bis neighbours before Monday's
sun had arisen.

On Monday afternoon he was arrested on a grand juror*s complaint for breaking the
Sabbath. He declined employing counsel, and declared himself ready for trial. The
court-room was crowded with sympathising neighbours. The complaint was read, setting
forth the enormity of his crime in converting grain into flour on the holy Sabbath — but it
did not state the fact, that said grinding saved the whole neighbourhood from a state of
semi-starvation. The defendant maintamed a countenance of ex.treme gravity.

^* Are you guilty, or not guilty? " asked the man of judicial authority.

" Not guilty — but I ground," was the reply.

Loud laughter, which the court declared was quite unbeconung the halls of JusUce, was
here indulged by the spectators.

As the act was confessed, no e>ddence was adduced on the part of the State. Numerous
witnesses testified regarding the great drought, the difficulty of procuring bread from the
lack of water to propel the mills, and stated the great necessity of the case. The defendant
said not a word, but a verdict of not ffuUtv was soon returned. The community generally
was delighted ; and the ideas that had hitherto existed in that vicinity, that a cat should
be punished for catching a mouse on Sunday, or that a barrel of cider should be whipped
for " working" on the first day of the week, became obsolete ; compelling men to go to "meet-
ing " went out of fashion ; in fact, a healthy reaction took place, and from that time the
inhabitants of Connecticut became a voluntary Sabbath-observing people, abstaining from
servile labour and vain recreation on that day, but not deeming it a sin to lift a suffering
OK from the pit if he happened to be cast therein after simset on Saturday, or before sun-
down on Sunday.

My father, besides being in the mercantile line, and keeping the village tavern, ran a
freight wagon to Norwalk, and kept a small livery stable. On one occasion, a young man
named Nelson Beers applied to him for the use of a horse to ride to Danbury, a distance of
three miles. Nelson was an apprentice to the shoe-making business, nearly out of his t^^ie,
was not overstocked with brains, and lived a mile and a half east of our village. My
father thought that it would be better for Nelson to make his short journey on foot than to
be at the expense of hiring a horse, but he did not tell him so.

We had an old horse named " Bob." Having reached an age beyond his teens, he was
turned out in a bog lot near our house to die. He was literally a "living skeleton — ^much
in the same condition of the Yankee's nag, which was so weak his owner had to hire his neigh-
bour's horse to help him draw his last breath. My father, in reply to Nelson's application,
told him that the livery horses were all out, and he had none at home except a famous
"race-horse," which he was keeping in low flesh in order to have him in proper trim to win
a great race soon to come off.

. "Oh, do let me have him, Uncle Phile ;• I will ride him very carefully, and not inltire
him in the Isast ; besides, I will have him rubbed down and fed in Danbury," said Nelson
Beers,

t

. * 'My father's name was Philo, but as It was the custom to call everybody In those parts niMfle or
annt, deacon, colonel, captain, or squire, my father's general title was as above.

28 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. BABNUM.

*' He 13 too valoable an animal to risk in the hands of a young man like you," responded
my father.

Nelson continued to importune, and my father to play off, until it was finally agreed
that the h(tfse could be had on the condition that he should in no case be ridden faster than
a walk or slow trot, and that he should be fed four quarts of oats at Danbuiy.

Nelson started on his Rosinante, looking for all the world as if *he was on a mission to
the *^ carrion crows ;" but he felt every inch a man, for he fancied himself astride of the
greatest race-horse in the country, and realised that a heavy responsibility was resting on
his shoulders, for the last words of my father to him were, "Now, Nelson, if any
accident should happen to this animal while under your charge, you could not pay t^e
dunage in a lifetime of labour."

Old "Bob " was duly oated and watered at Danbury, and at the end of several hours
Mr. Beers moimted him and started for Bethd. He concluded to take the " great pasture "
road home, that being the name of a new road cut through swamps and meadows, as a
shorter route to our village. Nelson, for the nonce, forgetting his responsibility, probably
tried the speed of the race-horse, and soon broke him down. At all events, some^mg
occurred to weaken old Bob's nerves, for he came to a stand-still, and Nelson was forced to
dismount. The horse trembled with weakness, and Nelson Beers trembled with fright. A
small brook was running through the bogs at the roadside, and Beers thinking that perhaps
his "race-horse " needed a drink, led him into the stream. Poor old " Bob stuck fast in
the mud ; and not having strength to withdraw his feet, quietly closed his eyes, and, like a
patriarch as he was, he dropped into the soft bed that was awaiting him, and died ydthout
a single kick.

No language can describe the consternation of poor Beers ; he could not believe his eyes,
and vaialy tried to open those of his horse. He placed his ear at the .mouth of poor old
Bob, but took it away again in utter dismay. The breath had ceased. At last Nelson,
groaning as he thought of meeting my father, and wondering whether eternity added to
time would be long enough for him to earn the value of the horse, took the bridle from the
" dead-head," and unbuckling the girth, drew off the saddle, placed it on his own back, and
trudged gloomily towards our village.

It was about sundown when my father espied his victim coming up the street with the
saddle and bridle thrown across his shoulders, his face wearing a look of the most complete
despair. My father was certain that old Bob had departed this life, and he chuckled
inwardly and quietly, but instantly assumed a more serious countenance. Poor Beers
approached more slowly and mournfully than if he was following a dear friend to the grave.

When he came within hailing distance my father called out, " Why, Beers, is it possible
you have been so careless as to let that race-horse run away from you.

" Oh, worse than that — worse than that. Uncle Phile," groaned Nelson.

" Worse than that ! then he has been stolen by some judge of valuable horses. Oh,
what a fool I was to entrust him to anybody ! " exclaimed my father with well-feigned
sorrow.

" No, he ain't stolen, uncle Phile." said Nelson.

^' Not stolen ! well, I am ^lad of that, for I shall recover him again ; but where is he ?
I am afraid you have lamed him."

" Worse than that," drawled the unfortunate Nelson.

<* Well, what is the matter ? where is he ? what ails him ? " asked my father.

*'' Oh, I ecmH tell you — I can't tell you ! " said Beers with a groan.

" But you nmtt tell me," returned my father.

** It will break your heart," groaned Beers.

" To be sure it will if he is seriously injured," replied my father ; " but where is he ?"

^^ He is DEAD ! " said Beers, as he nerved himself up for the announcement, and then
do^g his eyes, sank into a chair completely overcome with firight.

My father groaned in a way that started Nelson to his feet again. All the sensations of
horror, intense agony, and despair Y(ere depicted to the life on my father^s countenance.

"Oh, Uncle Phue, Uncle Phile, don't be too hard with me; I wouldn't have had it
happen for all the world," said Beers.

"You can never recompense me for that horse," replied my father.

" I know it, I know it. Uncle Phile j 1 can only work for you as long as I live, but you
shall have my services tul you are satisfied after my apprenticeship is finished," returned
Beers.

After a short time my fStither became more calm, and although api>arently not reconciled
to his loss, he asked Nelson how much he supposed he ought to owe him.

ANECDOTES WITH AN EPISODE* 2f)

•♦ Oh, I don't know — I am no judge of the value of blood horses, but I have been told
they are worth fortunes sometimes," replied Beers.

" And mine was one of the best in the world,'* said my father, " and in such perfect
condition for running— all bone and muscle."

" Oti yes, 1 saw that," said Beers, despondingly, but with a frankness that showed he
did not wish to deny the creat claims of the horse and his owner.

" Well," said my father with a sigh, " as 1 have no desire to go to law on the subject,
we had better ti*v to agree upon the value of the horse. You may mark on a slip of paper
what sum you think you ought to owe me for him, and 1 "will do the same ; we can then
compare notes and see how far we differ."

** 1 will mark,'* said Beers, ** but, Unde Phile, don't be too hard with me."

" 1 will be as easy as I can, and endeavour to make some allowance for your situation,"
said my father; "but. Nelson, when I think how valuable that horse was, of course 1 must
mark something in the neighbourhood of the amount of cash I could have received fi)r him.
I believe, however. Nelson, that you are an honest young man, and are willing to do what
you think is about right. I therefore wish to caution you not to mark down one cent more
than you really think, under the circumstances, you ought to pay me when yon are able,
and for which you are now willing to give me your note of hand. You will recollect that
I told you when you applied for the horse that'l did not wish to let him go."

Ndson gave my father a grateful look, and assented to all he said. At least a dozen of
our joke-loving neighbours were witnessing the scene with great apparent solemnity. Two
f>lip8 of paper were prepared ; my fatiier marked on one, and after much hesitation Beei*s
wrote on the other.

" Well, let us see what you have marked." said my father.

" I suppose you will think it is too low," replied 'Beers, handing my father the slip of
paper.

"Only three hundred and seventy-five dollars!" exclaimed my father, reading the
paper; " wdl, there is a pretty specimen of gratitude for j'ou."

Ndson was humbled, and could not muster sufficient courage to ask my father what he
had marked. Finally one of our neighbours asked my father to show his paper — ^he did so.
lie had marked " Six and a quarter cents,^* Our neighbour read it aloud, and a shock of
mirth ensued which fairly lifted Beers to his feet. It was some time before he conld
comprehend the joke, and'when he became fuUy aware that no harm was done, he was the
happiest fellow I have ever seen.

" By thunder ! " said he, " I Ve got a dollar and thirty-seven and a half cents, and
darned if I don't treat that out as free as air. I was never scared so bad before in my life."

Nelson stood treat for the company, and yet having half his money left on hand, he
trudged home a happier if not a wiser man.

CHAPTER V.

A BATCH OF mCIDE^TTS.

AiroNG the various ways which I had for making money on my own account, from the
age of twelve to fifteen years, was that of lotteries. One of our neighbours, a pillar in the
church, permitted his son to indulge in that line, the prizes consisting of cakes, oranges,
molasses, candy, &c. ; and the morality of the thing being thus established, I became a
lotterj' manager and proprietor. The highest prize was generally five dollars — ^sometimes
less, and sometimes as high as ten dollars. All the prizes in the lottery amounted to from
twelve to twenty-five doUara. The cost of the entire tickets was twenty or twenty-five per
cent, more than the prizes. I found no difficulty in disposing of my tickets to the workmen
in the hat and comb manufactones, &c.

1 had Gen. Hubbard as a predecessor in that business. He was a half-witted old fellow,
■who wandered about the town living upon the charities of its inhabitants. He was eccentric

On one occasion he got up a lottery— capital prize ten dollars, tickets twelve and a half

80 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BARNUM.

cents each. He sold out all his tickets in a few days and pocketed the money. Coming
around in those parts a fortnight afterwards, his customers inquired about their prizes.
*' Oh," replied Gen. Hubbard, " I am convinced this is a species of gambling, so I have
concluded not to draw the lottery ! " His customers laughed at the joke and lost their
shillings.

Lotteries in those days were patronised by both Church and State. As a writer has
said, " People would gaanble in lotteries for the benefit of a church in which to preach
against gambling."

In 1819 my grandfather, Phineas Taylor, and three other gentlemen, were appointed
managers of a lottery for such a purpose, and they met to concoct a " scheme." My grand-
father was anxious to adopt something new, so as, if possible, to make it peculiarly
attractive and popular. He finally hit upon a plan which he said he was sure would carry
everything before it. It was adopted, and his anticipations were fully realised. The
Scheme, as published in tiie " Republican Farmer," Bridgeport, July 7, 1819, set forth that
the lottery was " Bjr Authority of the State of Connecticut," for the benefit of the " Fair-
field Episcopal Society," and the inducements held out for the purchase of tickets were as
follows:—

"The Episcopal Society In Fairfleld was at the eonimenceroeat of the revolutionary war blcased
with a handsoTne Charch, completely finished, and painted inside and out, with an elefi^ant set of plate
for the communion service, and a handsome Library ; also a larf^e and elegant Parsonage-House,
■with out-houses, fences, &c., which were all destroyed by fire, or carried away at the time the town
of Fairfleld w?is burnt, in the year 1779, by the British troops under Tryon, which so impoverished
tne Society that they never have been able to reinstate themsekres; and, as all other Ecclesiastical
Societies, and individuals, who suffered losses by the enemy at that time, have long since, in some
measure, been remunerated by the Hon. Legislature; and at their Spring Session, 1818, on the peti-
tion of The Wardens and Vestry of the Episcopal Church in Fairfield, to the Hon. General Assembly,
they granted a Lottery that might in some measure remunerate them also for their so long omitted
claims."

The *' Scheme" itself was considered a novelty, for it announced, " Not a Blank in the
Ijottery." It was certainly attractive, for while the price of a ticket was five dollars,
11,400 out of a total of 12,000 prizes were set down at two dollars fifty cents each I

This favourable state of things justified the managers in announcing (as they did) that

" A more favourable Scheme for the Adventurer, we presume to say, was never offered to the public.
The one now offered contains more high Prizes than Schemes in general of this amount ; and it will
be observed that a person can obtain two Tickets for the same money that will buy but one In a
Scheme of any other description. Consequently the Adventurer will have two chances for the high.
Piizes to one in any other Lottery.'^

Never was a lottery so popular, before it was drawn, as this. The fear of drawing a
blank had hitherto been quite a drawback to investments in that line ; but here there was
" NOT A BLANK IN THE LOTTERY ! " Besides advcuturcrs had " ftoo chances for the high
prizes to one in any other lottery!" Rather slim chances to be sure, when we observe that
there were only nine prizes above one hundred dollars, in twelve thousand tickets ! One
chance in thirteen hundred and thirty-three ! But customers did not stop to think of that.
Then, again, according to the Scheme, "a person can obtain two Tickets for the same
money that will buv but one in a Scheme of any other description."

The tickets sola with unparalleled rapidity. Scarcely a person thought of purchasing
l38S than two. He was sure to draw two prizes of two dollars fifty cents each, and at the
worst he could lose no more than five dollars, the ordinary price of a ticket ! AU the
chances were sold some time previous to the day announced fur the commencement of the
drawing — a fact unprecedented in the history of lotteries. My grandlather was looked upon
as a public benefactor. He sold personally more than half the entire number of tickete, and
as each manager received a per centage on sales made by himself^ there was profit in the
operation.

The day of drawing arrived. My grandfather announced each prize as it came from the
wheel, and during the twenty-four days required for drawing the twelve thousand numbers
at five hundred each day, he called out ** two dollars and fiftv cents" eleven thousand four
hundred times, and various other prizes, all told, only six nundred times ! Persona who
had bought two tickets, being sure of losing not more than five dollars at the worst, found.
tliemselves losers five dollars seventy-five cents, for as the Scheme announced '* all prizes
subject to the usual deduction of fifteen per cent," each two dollars fifty cent prize realised
cO the holder two dollars twelve and a half centfl| ** payable in sixty days."

A BATCH OF INCIDENTS. 31

The whole cotmtry was in an uproar. " Uncle Phin Taylor** was unanimously voted a
regular old cheat— the scheme, with " not a blank in the lottery," was denounced as " the
meanest scheme ever invented, and nobody but Phln Taylor would have ever thought of
such a plan for deceiving the people ! " In fact, from that date till the day oT his death, he
was called '*01d two doUars and fifty cents," and many was the hearty laugh which he
enjoyed at the thought thereof. As time wore away, he was declared to be the *cutest man
in those parts, and the public generally became reconciled to consider his fajnous " Scheme**
as a capital practical joke. |

The drawing of a State-Church Lottery (under other managers) was advertised in Feb- '
rnary, 1823, and ** adventurers " were assured of this ^* farther opportunity of obtaining an
easy independence fur the small sum of five dollars." The quiet unction of this announce-
ment is peculiarly refreshing. One chance in onfy twelve thousand 1 Such bipeds aa
* 'humbug" certainly ejdsted long before I attained mv majority.

My grandfather was for many years a ^* Justice of the Peace," and became somewhat
learned in the law. As lawyers were not then so plentv in Connecticut as at present, he
was sometimes engaged In pettifogging small cases before a justice. On one occasion he
went to Woodbury, Ct., in that capacitv. His opponent was lawyer Bacon, an attorney of
some celebrity. iBacon despised the idea of contending against a pettifogger, and seized
every opportunity during the trial to annoy my ^andfather. If the latter objected to evi-
dence introduced by the former as irrelevant or illegal, Mr. Bacon would remind the court
thai his adversary was a mere pettifogger, and of course knew nothing about law or the
rules of evidence. My grandfather took this all verv coolly ; indeed, it gratified him to
annoy the learned counsel on the other side. At last Mr. Bacon became considerably
excited, and, looking my grandfather directly in the face, he said; —

^* Your name is Taylor, I believe, sir? *'

" It is," was the reply,

'* It takes nine tailors to make a man," responded the lawyer, triumphantly.

'* And your name is Bacon, I Uiink," said my grandfather.

" Yes, air."
^ ** Bacon is the meanest part of the hog," rgoined the pettifogger. Even the court
joined in the laughter which followed, and at the same time advised Mr. Bacon to refrain
m futurie from remarks which were unnecessary and unbecoming. The learned attorney
exhibited a ready willingness to aceede to the request of the Jud^e.

My grandfather was troubled with the asthma. One day, whde walking up a steep hill,
in company with Mr. Jabez Taylor ^father to Oliver), an old wag of about his own age, my
grandfather, puffing and breathing like a porpoise, exclaimed:—

" I wish 1 could stop this plaguy breathing."

'* So do all your neighboufs," was the facetious reply.

As Danbury lies twenty miles from the sea-board, we had no fish-market there ; but a
good substitute was found in numerous fish pedlers, who brought clams, oysters, scallops,
and all kinds of fish and samphire in its season from Bridgeport, Norwalk, &c., and sold the
same from house to house in such quantities as might be wanted. These pedlers usually
each made several trips per week ; so that, although we were situated inland, we could
usually obtain a daily supply of fresh fish. My grandfather, who took great pride in excel-
ling his neighbours in anything he tmdertooW, made a standing ofifer of one dollar for the
first fresh shad that was brought to our village each season. As customers usually were-
willing to buy shad only when they were sufficiently plenty to retail at twenty-five cents each,
my grandfather was sure to receive his "first shad," annually, a week or, two before any
others were seen in that market One season, as usual, the itinerant fish merchant coming
into Bethel w.lth a load of "porgies," clams, and fresh cod, brought the prize shad, and
received his dollar. My grandfather invited several of the neighbours to breakfast with
him the next morning, and placed his shad in cold water upon his back piazza. Captain
Noah Ferry, a precious wag, managed to steal it just in the dusk of the evening, and con-
veyed it to his own house. The neighbours were as usual gathered at the store in the even-
ing. My grandfather countermanded his invitations, and complained bitterly that the shad
had been stolen. He could not help thinking that a dog had done it, and concluded that it
had been destroyed. The neighbours, most of whom were in the secret, pretended to sym-
pathise with the loser.

"Never mind, Phin,** said Captam Noah, "you must be more careful next time and put
TOur fish out of the readi of doga. As it is, you probably have made no provision for
Dieakfast, so I invite you and Ben and Dr. Haight to come over and breakfast with

32 AUTOBIOGRAPJIT OF P. T. BAltMUM.

mo. I shall have a nice loin of veal cooked in a new style, which I ain sure' will please

you"

The invitation was accepted, and Noah purchased a quart of Santa Cruz mni) at the
same time enjoining 'Squire Hoyt to be sure and bring over some fresh tansy in the morning
for bitters.

The guests arrived at an early hour, and after a brief social chat, breakfast was announced.
Instead of veal, a splendid shad, hot, well buttered, and bearing the marks of the gi*idiron,

jou were a tmei, and now i am sure ot it. Anotner iaugn trom the company gave
an additional zest to their appetite, and the ** first shad of the season '* was so<hi numbered
among the things that were.

The following spring my grandfather*s prize shad was stolen by a dog. Somewhat more
tiian half of the tit- bit was, however, redeemed from the thief, and put into a pan of clean
water on the back piazza. By 'cute management of its owner, Fernr stole the precious
morsel, and invited a company to breakfast, as before, without specifymg the viands. My
grandfather purposely arrived at too late an hour to participate in the luxuiv. Ferry ex-
pressed regret, '^for,''' said he, **we had the first shad of the season." 'mien the facts
came out, he was thoroughly chop-fiillen, and it was long before he foiigave the practical
joke.

As before stated, my grandfather had a great desire to excel On his farm he had a par-
ticular meadow of ten acres, which every season he would have cut, dried> and put into the
bam in a single day, merely that he could brag of doing what no one else did. Of course
he hired extra hel^ for that purpose. In the year 1820 he was appointed deputy marshal for
taking the census in that part of the county. True to his natural diaracteiistics, he was
determined it should be done quicker than any predecessor had ever accomplished the same
thing. Consequently he arose every morning at daylight^ spent little time at breakfast, and
mounting his horse started ofi^ on his mission, not returning home until dark. He would
ride np to a house, give a " halloo," and immediately address his interrogations to the lady
er whoever else happened to come to the door.

" What is the name of this family ?" " How many children ?" " What sexes ?" " What
ages?" "How many can read and write?*' "Any deaf and dumb," &c. &c Then
placing his memorandum book in his side coat pocket, he would say " All right," and gallop
off to the next neighbour. My grandfather's chirography was horrid. It usually looked
as if a spider that had dropped into a bottle of ink was permitted to crawl over the paper.
He himself could not read it half the time when he had forgotten the purport of the subject
he had written about.

He hurried up the census of the territory placed under his charge in twenty-one da}'s.
Ten years previously it had taken thirty-nine days. Here was a feat for him to boast o^
and he improved the opportunity.

But having once taken the census, it was now necessary to get competent persons to
transcribe, or perhaps I might more properly say, translate it For this purpose he employed
Moses Hatch, Esq., a talented and wittv lawyer in Danbury, *Squire Ben Hoyt, who wrote
a plain round hand, and his own son, £dw ard Taylor.

It was a rare treat to see these individuals seated at the table trying to decipher the
wretched manuscript that lay before them. My grandfath^ walked up and down the room,
bemg called every few minutes to explain some name or other word that was as unintel-
ligible as if it had been written in Araoic He would put on his spectacles, look at it, turn it
over, scratch hi^ head, and try to recollect some circumstance which would enlighten him
and aid him in threading the labyrinth. He had an excellent memory, and would generally
manage, after long studying, to make out what he had intended to write. The delay, how-
ever, occupied many more davs than he had gained in taking the census. At times the old
gentleman would lose his patience, and protest that bis writing was not half as bad as hia
transcribers pretended, but that their own obtuseness caused the delay; he would then say,
" It is unreasonable to expect me to write, and then famish brains to enable yon to copy
it"

On one occasion Moses Hatch, after puzzling in vain for twenty minutes over something
that was intended for a man's name, called out, "Come, Uncle Phin, here is a man named
Whitlock, but what in all conscience do you call this which you have marked down foT his
Christian name?"

My grandfather glanced at it for a moment, and sa*d it was ** Jiabod." tiddmg, ^ Any
fool could see that, without calling on me to read it for him.**

A BATCH OF INCIDENTS. SS

*' Jiabod !" said Hatch. " Now what mother would ever think of giving her son snch an
ontlandish name as * Jiabod?'"

" I don't know nor care anything about that," replied my gnmdfktheri *'batl know it
is Jiabod. I recollect the name perfectly well."

*^ Jiabod TVliitlock,** repeated Hatch ; " you are certainly mistaken; yon must he m^
taken ; no man could ever have been named Jiabod."

My grandfather insisted he was right, and intimated to Mr. Hatch that he desired him
to write away and not dispute him wnen he knew he could not be mistaken.

'Squire Hoyt looked at the word some time, and then said, **Phin, was not his name
Cchabod.?"

" I declare I believe it was," said my grandfather, mellowing down considerably.

The transcribers* laugh nettled him.

" You can laugh, eentlemen," said he, *^ but remember under what drcumstances that
was written. It was done on horseback, in warm weather, and the horse was continually
ddcking off the flies : the devil could not write legibly under such circumstances."

' ^' Oh no," said Hatch soothingly ; *^ as you say, nobody could write plainly on horsebadc
while the horse was kicking off the flies ; out only g^ve you a good pen, 'Squire Taylor, and
let you sit down to a table, and you do wrUe a beauHfid nandP*

My grandfather could not help loining in the merriment that followed this happy hit.
It was many years before he heard tne last of ** Jiabod."

" Tin pedlers," as they were called, were abundant in those days. They travelled
through the country in covered wagons, filled with tin ware and small Yankee notions of
almost every description, including jewellery, dry goods, pins, needles, &c. &c. They were
a sharp set of men, always ready for a trade whether cash or barter, and as they generallv
were destitute of moral principle, whoever dealt with them was pretty sure to be cheated.
Dr. Carrington, who kept a country store, had frequentlv traded with them, and had just
as frequenUy been shav^ He at last declared he would never again have any business
transaction with that kind of people.

One day a pedler drove up to the doctor's store, and jumping firom his wagon went in
4ULd told him he wished to barter some goods with him.

The doctor declined trading, quietly remarking that he had been shaved enough by tin
pedlers, and would have nothing more to do with them.

'* It is very hard to proscribe an entire class because some of its members happen to be
•dishonest," said the wary pedler, " and I insist on your giving me atriaL I am travelling
all through the country, and can get rid of any of your unsaleable goods. So, to give ^ou
a fair chance, I will sell you anything I have in my wagon at my lowest wholesfue price,
and will take in exchange anytning you please to pay me fh>m your store at the retail
price."

" Your offer seems a fair one," said the doctor, " and I will look over your goods."

He proceeded to the wagon, and seeing nothing that he wanted except a lot of
whetstones, of which the pedler had a large quantity, he inqidred the price.

*^ My wholesale price of whetstones is three dollars per dozen," repued the pedler.

" Well, I will take a gross of them," said the doctor.

The twelve dozen whetstones were brought in, counted out, and carefully placed upon a
dlielf behind the counter.

^*^t}^* at the same time commencing to count back one half of his purchase.

The pedler looked astonished for a moment, and then bursting into what is termed
«* a horse laujB^h," he exclaimed, " Took in, by hookey I Here, doctor, take this dollar for
your trouble' (handing him the money); " give me back my truck, and I'll acknowledge
for ever that you are too sharp for a tin pedler ! "

Tlie doctor accepted the proposed compromise, and was never troubled by that pedler again

In those days politics ran high. There were but two parties, Democrats and Federalists.
On one election day it was known that in Danbury the vote would be a very close one.
Every voter was Ibrought out. Wagons were sent into all parts of the town to bring in the
" lame, halt, and blind," to cast th«r votes. The excitement was at its height, when a
slovenly fellow, who had just voted, was heard to whisper to a friend, "I have voted once,
and I would go and vote again if I thought the moderator would not know. me."

3

: 84 AUTOBIOCntAl^HY OF P. T. BABNUM.

*' Go and -wash jonr face, and nobody would know yon again," said luicle Jabez Taylor,
who happened to overhear the remark, and who was on the opposite political side.

My uncle, C<donel Starr Bamnm, who is stiU living, was uways famous for a dry joke.
On one occasion he and my grandfather engaged in a dispute about the church. My grand-
iather had contributed largety towards buUding the Bethel ^^ meeting-house," ana twenty
years afterwards, when he invited a clergyman of his own particular belief to preach th^re,
the use of the house was refused him. He was indignant, and in .this conversation with my
uncle he became much excited, and said *^ the church might go to the devlL"

^* CiSome, come, my dear fellow ; you are going a little too fast, my dear fSeUow," said the
Colonel ; " it don't happen to be your business to be sending folks to the devil in that way.
You are a little too fast, my dear fellow."

The expression, " my dear fellow," was a favourite one with my unde, and was used on
aU occasions.

In the course of their conversation the belligerents disputed about an •x-chain. Each
claimed it as his own. Finally my grandfather seized it, and declaring that it was his, said
that no person should have it without a law-suit.

'* Take it and go to the devil with it," said the Colonel in a rage.

" Come, come, my dear fellow," said a neighbour, who had heard all their conversation ;
** you are a little too fast, my dear fellow. You must not send Uuole Phm to the devil in
that way, my dear fellow."

My uncle saw the force of the remark, and merely replied with a smile, " You
must remember, my dear fellow, that he was sending a whole dbrarch to the devil, when I
was sending only one man there. That, I take it, is a very different thing, my dear
fellow."

The old Colonel, now over seventy years of age, still resides in Bethel. I called on him
. a few days since. He is quite infirm, but retains his vivacity in a great degree. I roent
half an hour with him in talking over old times, and when about to leave, I said, ^' Unde
dtarr, I want to come up and spend several days with you. I am collating facts for my
autobiography, and 1 have no doubt you could remind me of many things that I would like
to put into my book."

^' I guess I could remind you of many thin^ that you would not like to put in your
hook," grunted the old Colonel with a chuckle, wmch showed his love of the humorous to be
as strong as ever.

My grandfather one dav had a cord of hickory wood lying in front of his door.^ As he
and 'Squire Ben Hoyt stood near it, a wood-chopper came along with an axe in his hand.
My grandfather, always ready for a joke, said, " Ben, how long do vou think it would take
me to cut up that load of wood in suitable lengths for my fire*plaoe r "

** I should think about five hours," said Ben.

** I think I could do it in four hours and a half," said my grandfather.

" Doubtful," said Ben ; " hickory is very hard wood."

" I could do it in four hours," said the wood-chopper.

" I don't believe it," said Ben Hoyt.

" I do," replied my grandfather,

^^ I dont think any man could cut that wood in four hours," said Squire Ben confidently.

" Well, ril bet you a quart of rum this man can do it," said my grandfather.

'^ I will bet he can't," replied Ben, who now saw the joke.

The wood-chopper took off his coat and inquired the time of day.

^* Just nine o'clock." said my grandfather, looking through the window at his clock.

" Ten, eleven, twelve, one; if I get it chopped by one o'clock, you win your bet," said
the wood chopper, addressing my grandfather.

^* Yes," was the response from ooth the bettors.

At it he went, and the chips flew thick and itmt.

^^ I shall surely win the bet," said my grandfather.

" I don't believe it yet," said £squire Ho^i; .

Several of the neighbours came around, and learning the state of the case, made various
. remarks regarding the probable result Streams of perspiration ran down the wood-chopper's
fitce, as he kept his axe moving with the regularity of a trip-hammer. My grandfather, to
atimulate the zealous wood-cutter, gave him a glass of Santa Cruz and water. At eleven
o'clock evidently more than half the wood-pile was cut. My grandfiither expressed
himself satisfied that he would win the bet.

Esquire Hoyt, on the contrary, insisted that the wood-chopper would soon begin to lag.

A BATCH OF IKCII>£IiT8« 3o

and that he would gime ovt before the wood was fixuahed. These remarks wiuoh of course
were intended for the wood-cutter's ear, had the desired effect. The perspiration continued
to flow, but the strength and vigour of die wood-eutter's arms exhibited no relaxation. The
neighbours cheered hun. His pile of wood was fast diminishing. It was half-past twelve,
and only a few sticks were left. All at once a thought struck the wood-chopper. He
stopped for a moment, and resting on his axe addressed my grandfather.

*^ Look hare, who is going to pay me for cutting this wood ? " said he.

** Oh, I don't know anything about that," said my grandfather, with great gravity.

'''• Thunder! Yon don't expect I'm going to out a cord of wood for nothing, do you ?"
exclaimed the wood-chopper indignantly.

^^That^sno business of mine," said my grandfather ; " but really I hope you won't waste
your time now, or I shall lose my bet" ,

" Go to blazes with your .bet I" was die savage reply, and the wood-cutter threw his axe
upon the ground.

The bystaBders all joined in a hearty laugh, which increased the anger of the victim.
They went to dinner, and when they returned he was sitting on the pile of wood, muttering
vengeance against the whole village. After teasing him for an hour or two, my grandfather
paid his demands.

The wood-chopper taking the money said : '^ That's all right, but I guess I shall know
who employs me bi^ore I diop the next cord of wood.'*

My father was faconght to his bed with a severe attack of fever in March, and departed
this life, I trust for a better world, on the 7th of September, 1625, aged 48 years.

I was then fifteen years of age. I stood by his bedside. The world looked dark indeed,
when I realised that I was for ever deprived of my paternal protector ! I felt that I was a
poor inexperienced boy, thrown out on the wide world to shift for myself, and a sense of
forlonmess completely overcame me* My mother was left with fiv^ children. I was the
oldest, and the youngest was only seven years of sge. We followed the remains of husband
and pasent to their restxng-place, and returned to our desolate home, feeling that we were
forsaken bv the world, and that but little hope existed for us this side the grave.

Administrators to the estate were appointed, and the fact was soon apparent that my
father had not succeeded in providing any of this world's goods for the support of his family.
The estate was dedared insolventy and it did not pay fift^ cents upon a doUar. My mother,
like many widows before her, was driven to many straits to support her little family, but
being industrious, eoonomieal, andpersevering, she succeeded in a few years in redeeming
the homestead and becoming its sole possessor. The few dollars which I had accumulated,
I had loaned to my father, and held his note therefor, but it was decided that the property
of a minor belonged to the father, and my daim was ruled out.^ I was subsequently
compelled to earn as clerk in a store the money to pay for the pair of shoes that were
pnrfehased for me to wear at my father's funeral. I can truly say, therefore, that I began
tiie world with nothing, and was barefooted at that.

I remained with tib. Weed as derk but a little longer, and then removed to " Grassy
Plain," a mile north-west of the village of Bethel, where I engaged with James S. Kceler

^ m getting

Jerusha Wheeler and her daugntevs, Jerusha and Harv. As nearlv ever^'body had a nick-
name, the two former ladies weie called ^^ Kushia" — the old lady being designated " Aunt
BusMa." They were an exceedingly nice and worthy family, and made me an excellent
home. I chose my unde Alanson Taylor as my ''guardian," and was guided by his
counsel. I was extremely active as a clerk, was considered a 'cute trader, and soon p:ained
the confidence and esteem of my employers. I remember with gratitude that they allowed
me many facilitaes for earning money.

On one occasion a pedler called at our store with a large wagon filled with common
green glass bottles of various sizes, holding from half a pint to a gallon. My emploj^ers
were both absent, and I bantered him to trade his whole load of bottles in exchange for
goods. Thinking me a gre^ihom, he accepted my proposition, and I managed to pay him
off in unsaleable goods at exorbitant prices. Soon after he deported, Mr. Keeler rctiu-ned
and found his little store half filled with bottles !

*' What under heaven have you been doing ?" said he in surprise*

'* I have been trading goods for bottles," said L

36 AUTOBIOOBAFKY OF P. T. BABKUM.

"You have made a fool of yourself," he exdaimed; *'for yoa have bottles enough to
supply the whole town for twenty years."

I begged him not to be alarmed, and promised to get rid of the entire lot within three
months.

" If you can do that," said he, " you can perform a miracle."

I then showed him the list of goods which I had exchuiged for the bottles, with the
extra prices annexed, and he foimd upon figuring that I had bartered a lot of worthless
trash, at a rate which brought the new merchancuse to considerably less tiian one-half the
wholesale price. He was pleased with the result, but wondered what could be done with
the bottles. We stowed away the largest portion of them in the loft of our store.

My employers kept what was calkd a Jmrter store. Many of the hat manufacturers
traded there, and paid us in hats, giving *' stores orders" to their mmierous employees, in*
eluding journeymen, apprentices, female hat trimmers, &c. &c Of course we had a large
number of customers, and I knew them all intimately.

I may say that when I made the bottle trade, I had a project in my head for selling
them alij^ as well as getting rid of a large quantity of tinware which had been in the store
for some years, and had become begrimed with dirt and fly-specks. That project was a
lottery. On the first wet day, therefore, when there were but few customers, I spent several
hours in making up my scheme. The highest prize was twenty-five dollars, payable in
any kind of goods the customer desired. Then I had fifty prizes of five dollars each,
designating in my scheme what goods each prize should consist of. For instance, one five-
dollar prize consisted of one pair cotton hose, one cotton handkerchidT, two tin cups, four
pint glass bottles, three tin summers, one quart ^lass bottle, six tin nutmeg graters, eleven
half-pint glass bottles, &c. &c. — the glass and tmware always forming the greater portion
of each prize. I had one hundred prizes of one dollar eac^, one hundred prizes of fifty
cents each, and three hundred prizes of twenty-five cents each. There were one thousand
tickets at fifty cents each. The prizes amounted to the same as the tickets — ^five hundred
dollars. I had taken an idea from the church lottery, in which my grandfather was
manager, and had many prizes of only half the' cost of the tickets. I headed the scheme
with glaring capitals, written in my best hand, setting forth that it was a " MAGNIFI-
CENT LOTTERY!" "25 DOLLARS FOR ONLY 60 GTS.!!" "OVER 650
PRIZES ! ! !" " ONLY 1000 TICKETS ! ! ! !" " GOODS PUT IN AT THE LOWEST
€ASH PRICES !!!!!" &c. &c. &c.

The tickets went like wildfire. Customers did not stop to consider the nature of the
prizes. Journeymen hatters, boss hatters, apprentice boys, and hat trimming girls bought
tickets. In ten days they were aU sold. A day was fixed for the drawing of the lottery,
and it came off punctually, as announced.

The next day, and for several days thereafter, adventurers came for their prizes. A
young lady who had drawn five dollars would find herself entitled to a piece of tape, a
spool of cotton, a paper of pins, sixteen tin skimmers, cups, and nutmeg graters, and a few
dozen glass bottles of various sizes. She would beg me to retain the glass and tinware and
pay her in some other goods, but was informed that such a proceeding would be contrary to
the rules of the establishment, and could not be entertained for a moment.

One man would find all his prizes to consist of tinware. Another would discover that
out of twenty tickets, he had drawn perhaps ten prizes, and that they consisted entirely of
glass bottles. Some of the customers were vexed, but most of them laughed at the joke.
The basket loads, the arms full, and the bags full of soiled tin and glass bottles which were
carried out of our store during the first few days after the lottery drawing, constituted a
series of most ludicrous scenes. Scarcely a customer was permitted to depart without one
or more specimens of tin or green glass. Within ten days, every glass bottle had dis-
appeared, and the old tinware was replaced by a smaUer quantity as bright as silver.

My uncle Aaron Nichols, husband of my aunt Laura, was a hat manufacturer, on a
large scale, in Grassy Plains. His employees purchased quantities of tickets. He bought
twelve, and was very lucky. He drew seven prizes. Unfortunately they were all to be
paid in tin ! He took them home one day in his wagon— looking like a tin pedler as he
went through the street. Two days afterwards, Aunt Laura brought them all back.

*^ I have spent six hours," said she, '* in trying to rub some of the tin bright, but it is
impossible. 1 want you to give me some other goods for it." I told her it was quite oat of
the question.

" What on earth do you supjpose I can do with all this black tin? " said she.

I replied, that if my uncle Nichols had the good fortune to draw so many prises would
be presumption in me to dictate what use he should make of them.

A BATCH OF IKCU>BNT8. 37

t^Toiir unde is a fool, or he would never have bought any tickets in such a worthless
lottery," said she.

I laughed outright, and that only added to her vexation. She called me many hard
names, but I only hiughed in return.

Finally, says I, ** Aunt Laura, why don't you take some of your tin over to ' Aunt
RaBhia?' I heard her inquiring this morning at the breakfSast table where she could
buy some tin sk^mers.*^

^* Well, I can supply her," said my Aunt Laura, taking half-a-dozen skimmers and an
assortment of other artides in her apron, and proceeding at once to my boarding-house
across the street.

<t Aunt Bushia," said she, as she entered the door, " I have come to sell you some tin
skimmers."

surprise.
_ ^oker," said Aunt Rushia, laughing ; "he
did that to plague me, for I drew seven skimmers m the lottery."

Aunt Laura returned more vexed than ever. She emptied the whole lot of tin upon the
floor of the store, and declared she would never have it m her house again. She returned
home.

I immediately despatched the lot of tin to her house in a wagon. It reached there before
she did, and when she entered her kitchen, she found the tin-ware piled up in the middle of
the room, with the fdlowing specimen of my poetry dangling from the handle of a tin coffee-
pot:—

*' There was a man whose name was Nick,
He drew seven prizes very slick;
For the avails he took tinware,
Which caused his wife to fret and swear.**

It was several weeks before my Aunt Laura foigave me the joke. At about that period,
however, she sent me a mince pie nicely covered over in clean white paper, marked on the
outside :•>" A mince pie for Taylor Bamum."
- I was delighted. I cut the string which surrounded it, and took off the paper. The pie
was baked in one of the unwashed tin platters ! Of course I could not eat it ; out it was an
evidence to me of reconciliation ; and that afternoon I took tea with my aunt, where I had
enjoyed many an excellent meal before, and have done the same thing scores of times
since.

My grandfather ei^oyed the lotterj^ speculation verv much, and seemed to agree with
many others, who declared that I was indeed " a chip of the old block."

Occasionally some one of my school-mates in Bethel would visit me in the evening, and
sleep with me at my boarding-house. James Beebe, a boy of my own age, once came for
that purpose. One of our nearest neighbours was Mr. Amos Wheeler, son of the widow,
" Aunt Jemsha." As he and Ids wife were absent that night, they had arranged that i
should sleep in their house, so as not to have their children left alone. I took my chum,
Jim Beebe, with me, as a fellow-lodger. Several days afterwards Jim called on me, and
said, that in dressing himself in the morning, at Mr. Wheeler's, he had put on the wrong
stockings. Instead of getting his own, which were a new pair, he had cot an old pair
belonging to Mr. Wheeler. They were distinctiy marked " A. W." I told him the only
way was for him to return to Mrs. Wheeler her husband's stockings, and explain to her
how the mistake had been made. He did so, and soon returned in a high state of anger.
He called Mrs. Wheder all sorts of hard names. It seems that she examined the old
stockings, and, notwithstanding the initials of her husband's name, " A. W.," were worked
into the top of them, she denied that they were his, and, of course, denied having any stock-
ings in her possession bdonging to Jim Beebe.

I confess I thoueht her conduct was unaccountable. It was difficult to believe that for
a pair of stockings sne would state an untruth, and yet it was evident that "A. W." were
not the initials of James Beebe's name, and that they were the initials of Amos Wheeler.
Jim declared that he discovered his mistake on the very dav that he dressed himself at
Amos Wheder's house, and of course Mrs. Wheder must be mistaken, I showed the
stockings to Mr. Wheeler. He did not know so much about his wardrobe as his wife did,
but he said he was sure his wife could not be mistaken. Of course we were just as con-
fident that she was mistaken. There could be no doubt about it, but Jim was compelled
to take home the old stockings. I was considerably vexed by the circumstance. Jim was

3S AUTOBIOGBAPHY Of P. T. BAANUM.

downright mad, and declared he woidd not sleep in Grassy !E*Iaiiis again under any con-
sideration, lest the women might steal all his clothes, and claim them as their own.

I met him a week afterwards, and commenced langhing at Mm about his old stockings.

" Oh, that is all right," said he. " You see I happened to sleep with John Williams a
nfght or two before 1 slept with you, and as all tha Williams boy« slept in the same room,
I got the wrong pair of stockings. John Williams met me » few days ago and told me his
brother Adam had a pair of stockings with my initials marked on taem, and he concluded
therefore that I had worn Ms and left mine by mistake. I called on Adam, and fouad'that
it was as he suspected."

So it seemed that the A. W. stood for Adam Williams, instead of Amos Wheeler, and
that Mrs. Williams was right after all. It certainly was a singular coincidence, and made
a strong impression on my mind. I have many a tmie since that simple event reflected tihat
scores, probably hundreds, of innocent men have? been executed on circuinstantial evidence
less probable than that which went to prove Amos Wheeler to be the owner of tkt eld
stockings bearing his Initials.

On Saturday nights I usually went to Bethel to remain with my mother, and attend
church on the Sabbath. My mother continned for some years to keep the village tavern.
One Saturday evening a violent thunder shower came up ; it was veiydark, and rained in
torrents, with occasional intervals of a few minutes. Miss Mary Wheeler (who waa a
milliner) sent word across to the store that there was a giii at her house from Bethel, w1m»
had come up on horseback to obtain her new bonnet, that she waa afraid to return home
alone, and if I was going to Bethel on horseback that night, she wished me to escort her
customer. I assent^ and in a few minutes my horse was at "Aunt Kushia's" door. I
went in, and was introduced to a fair, rosy-cheeked, buxom-looking ^rl, with beautiful
white teeth, named " Chairy Hallett." Of course " Chairy " was a nickname, which I
subsequently learned meant " Charity."

I assisted the young lady into her saddle, was soon mounted on my own horse, and we
trotted slowly towards Bethel.

The brief view that I had of this girl by csndle-Mght, had sent all sorts of agreeable
sensations through my bosom. I was in a state of femng quite new to me, and as unac-
countable as it was novel. I opened a conversation with her, and finding her affable, and in
no degree prim or " stuck-up," (although she was on horseback,) I resetted that the dis-
tance to Bethel was not five miles instead of one. A vivid Ibash of lightning at that moment
lighted up the horizon, and gave me a fair view of the face of my interesting companion. I
then >vished the distance was twenty miles at the least. I was not long in learning that she
was a tailoress, working with Mr. Zerah Benedict, of BetheL The tailoriug trade stood
much higher in my estimation from that moment than it ever did before. We soon arrived
at Bethel, and bidding my fair companion good>nigfat, I went to my mother's. That gifFs
face haunted me in my dreams that night. I saw her the next day at church, and on eveiy
subsequent Sunday for some time, but no opportunity offered that season for me to renenr
the acquaintance.

Messrs. Keeler and Whitlock sold out their store of eoods to Mr. Lewis Taylor in the
summer of 1827. I remained a short time as clerk for Mr. Taylor. They have a proverb
in Connecticut, that *' the best school in which to have a boy learn human mature, is to
permit him to be a tin pcdler for a few years." I think his chances for getting *'his ^re-
teeth cut " would be equally great in a country barter store like that in which I was clmc.
As before stated, many of our customers were hatters, and we took hats in payment for
goods. The large manufacturers generally dealt pretty fairly by us, but some of
the smaller fry occasionally shaved us prodigiously. There probably is no trade in whicii
there can be more cheating than in hats. Ira hat was damaged "in colouring " or other-
wise, i)erhaps by a cut of half a foot in length, it was sure to be patched up, smoothed
over, and slipped in with others to send to the store. Among the ftirs used for the nap of
hats in those days, were beaver, Russia, nutria, otter, coney, muskrat, &c. fte. The best
fur was otter, tlie poorest was coney.

The hatters mbced their inferior furs with a little of their bedt, and sold os the hats for
" otter." We iu return mixed our sugars, teas, and liquors, and gave them the most valuable
names. It was "dog eat dog," — "tit fbr tat" Our cottons were sold for wool, our wool
and cotton for silk and linen ; in fact, nearly everything was different from what it was
represented. The m5toi7iers cheated uh in their fabrics ; we cheated the customers withonr
goods. Each party expected to be cheated, if it was posiible. Our tyc», and not our

INCIBBHTS AND TAItXeVB 8.CHBMS8» 39

had to be our masters. We must beUeve little tiiat we saw, and less tiiat we heard. Oar
calieoes were ail ^^fastcolonrs,** according to our representationB, and the colours would
generally run ^ &Bt ** enough, and show Uiem a tub of soap*«nds. Our gionnd coffiae wa»
as good as burned peas, beuis, and com could make ; and our gingar was tolerable, con-
sidering the price of com meal. The ** tricks of trade" were numerous. LP a "pedler**
wanted to trade with us for a box of beaver hats worth sixty dollars per dozen, he was
sure to obtain a box of ^* coneys," which were dear at fifteen dolliffs per aozen* If we took
our pay in clocks, warranted to ke^p good time, the chances were that they were no better
than a chest of drawers for that purpose — that they were like Pindar's razors, '^ made to sell,**'
and if half the number of wheds necessary to form a dock could be found within the caae^
it was as lucky as extraonUnary.

Such a school would ** cut eye-teeth,** but if it did not cut oonscienoe, morals, and
integrity all up by the roots, it would be because the scholars quit befora thdr educatiea
was completed I

Perhaps I should apologise for devoting so much space, as I have done in the foz^<^g
pages, to practical jokes and other incidents not immediieitely relating to myself. I wa*
born and reared in an atmosphere of merriment; my natural bias was developed and
strengthened by the associations of my youth ; and I t&H myself entitled to record the say^
ings and doings of the wags and eccentricities of Bethel, because they partly expUin UMr
causes which have made me what I am.

CHAPTER TL

INdDEHTB AmO VABKHTS BCHXHE8.

In the autumn of t8S8' Mr. Oliver Tavlor, who hadremoved &om Danbury to Brooklyn,
Long Island, a few years previously, o£lered me the position, of clerk in Ms grocery storo*
He had also a large comb uctory in Brooklyn and a comb store in New York* I accepted
Mr. Taylor's offsr. The store was at the comer of Sands and Pearl streets.

Many of our customers were early ones, to buy articles for their breakfasts, and I waa
obliged to rise before daylight. This was so difibient from my previous habits, that I had
mu^ difficulty in waking m the morning. To aid me in my endeavours at diligence, I
arranged with a watchman, at two shillings per week, to pull a string which hung out of
my chamber-window in the third story, one end being fastened to my big toe. The arrange^
ment fully answered the purpose, but Mr. Taylor became acquainted with it, through the
watchman, I believe; and on one occasion there was a more violent pulling than I had
bargained for. I howled with pain, ran to the window, and bade the watchman desist, elsa
he would pull my toe off. Not suspecting a tridc, I dressed myself, went down stairs, and
discovered that it was only half-past twdve o*clock ! It was a long tuone before I ascei^
tained who my tormentor was, though I might reasonably have suspected Oliver; but aftav
that adventure I managed to waSo without assistance, and discharged tho watchmaa
in tot<K

I had not long^ been in ^Ir. Taylor^s employment before I became conversant with, the
routine of the business, and the purchasing of aU the goods for the store was soon intrusted
to me. I bought for cash entirely, and thus was enabled to exercise my judgment in
making purchases — ^sometimes going into all sections of the lower part of the city in search
of the cheajfest markets for groceries. I also frequently attended the wholesale auctions of
teas, sugars, molasses, &c, so that by watching the sales, noting the prices, and recording,
the names of buyers, I knew what profits they were realising, and how far I could probably,
beat them down for cash. At these auctions I occaoionaUy made the acquaintance of several
grocers who wanted small lots of the ^oods offered for sale, and we frequently clubbed "
together and bid off a lot which, being divided between us, gave each about the quantitj he
desired, and at a reduced price fircon what we should have been compelled to pay u the gooda
had passed into other hands and thus been taxed with ano^er profit.

My emplo^rer manifested great interest in me, and treated me with the utmost kindness
but the situation did not swt me. The fact is, there are some persons so constituted t^at
they can never be satisfied to laboxur for a fixed salary, let it be never so great. I am ona
of that sort. My disposition is, and ever was, of a speculative character, and I am nfiver

40 AUTOBIOGBAFHT OF P. T. BABSVH.

ootttent to engage in any buBiness unless it is of such a nature that my'profits may be greaity
enhanoed by an increase of energy, perseverance, attention to business, tact, &c. As there-
fore I had no opportunity to specuUte on my own account in this Brooklyn store, I sooa
became uneasy. Toung as I was, (and probably because I was so young,) I began to think,
seriously of going into business for myself, and although I had no capital to start on, several
men of means had offered to furnish the money and join me in busmess. I was just then
at an uneasy age — in a transition state — ^neither boy nor man — ^an age when it is of the
highest importance that a youth should have some discreet friend and instructor on whose
gt)od counsel he can rely. How self-conceited, generally, are boys from sixteen to eighteen
years old. They feel that they are fully competent to transact business which persons much
older than they know requires many years' experience. This is the age, too, when the
* eighteen-year>old fever,* is apt to make fools of young men in other than a business point of
view. Boys of this age and girls of twelve to sixteen, are undoubtedly the most disagreeable
persons in the world. They are so wild, so stubborn and self-sufficient, that reflecting,
parents have great reason for deep anxiety as to the *4um** which they may take.

- In the summer of 1827 I caught the small-pox, wMch, although I had been vaccinated
racoessfully some eight years previously, assumed a very severe type of varioloid. This^
confined me to the house for several months. The expense attending my sickness made a
sad inroad upon m;^ funds. As soon as I was sufficiently recovered, I started for home to-
CTKM id a few weeks in recruiting my health, taking passage on board a sloop for Korwalk..
When the passengers, numbering twenty ladies and genuemen, came on board, they were
frightened at the appearance of my face, which still bore strong marks of the disease from
wmch I had just recovered. By an unanimous vote I was requested to go on shore, and.
Captain Munson Hoyt, whom I well knew, having been in the habit of visiting his sloop
weekly for the purchase of butter, eggs, &c., informed me that he was pained in conveying^
to me the wishes of the affiighted passengers. Of course I felt comp^ed to comply, and
left the sloop with a heavy heart I lodged that night at Holt's old hotel in Fulton-street^
and the next morning went to Norwalk by steamboat, reaching Bethel the same afternoon..

I spent several weeks with my mother, who was unremittmg in her exertions to make-
me comfortable. During my convalescence I visited my old schoolmates and neighbours
generally, and had several opportunities of slightly renewing the short acquaintance whidb
I had formed with the attractive tailoress, ''*■ Chairy Hallet," while escortmg her on horse-
back from Grassy Plains to Bethel, in the thunder shower. These opportunities did
not lesson the regard which I felt for the young lady, nor did they serve to render my sleep
any sounder. However, ^* I did not tell my love," and the " worm in the bud" cud not
feed on my ^^pock-marked cheek."

At tiie end of four weeks I again left the maternal roof and departed for Brooklyn. In a
short time I made arrangements for opening a porter-house, on ** my own hook," in the
neighbourhood of the grocery store; and, giving Mr. Taylor the requisite notice of my
desire to leave his employment, he engaged a practised hand as mj successor, and 1
opened the porter-house. Within a few months 1 found an o^portumty of selling out to<
advantage, and as I had a good offer to engage as clerk in a similar establishment kept by*
Mr. David Thorp, 29, Peck Slip,* New York, I sold out and removed thither. Mr. Thorp's
place was a great resort of the Danbury and Bethel comb-makers, hatters, &c, and this
giving me a constant opportunity of seeing my townsmen, made it very agreeable. I
boarded in Mr. Thorp's family, who used me very kindly. He allowed me frequent
opportunities of visiting the theatre with such of my companions as came to J^ew
York. I had much taste for the drama, soon became, in my own opinion, a dose critic, and
did not fail to exhibit my powers in this respect to all the juveniles from Connecticut who
accompanied me to the theatre.

My habits generally were not bad. Although constantly engaged in selling liquor to
others, I probably never drank a pint of liquor, wine, or cormals, bdbre I was twenty-two
years of age. I always attended church regularly, and was never without a Bible m my
tnmk, which I took frequent occasion to read.

In February, 1828, my grandfather wrote me that if I would come to Bethd, and
establish some kind of business for myself, he would aUow me to occupy, rent free, one-halT
of his carriage-house. I had a strong desire to return to my native village, and after
several wedks' reflection I accepted his offer.

The carriage-house referred to was situated on the public-street in Bethel, and I con>
eluded to finish ofiT one part of it, and open a retail frmt and confectionery store. Before
leaving New York, I consulted several fruit dealers with whom I was acquainted, and made

IHdSBNTS AMD YAKZOVS 8CHBMB8, 41

amngements for Bending them my orders. I then went to Bethel, arranged the bnildmg,
put in a small stock of goods, ineluding a banrel of ale, and opened my establishment on
the first Monday morning in May, 1828, that being onr military training day.

The hopes and fears irhich agitated me for weeks, previously to this my first grand
opening, have probably never had a parallel in all my subsequent adventores. I was worth
about one hundred and twenty dollars, and I invested all I possessed in this enterprise. It
cost me fif^ dollars to fit up my little store, and seventy doUars more purchased my stock-
in-trade. I am suspicious that I received little good from attending church the day pre-
viously to opening my store, for I distinctly remember bcang greatly exercised in mind for
fear it would rain the next day, and thus diminish the numto of customers for my cakes^
candies, nuts, raisins, ftc.

I was up betimes on Monday morning, and was delighted to find the weather propitious..
The country people began to flock into the village at an early hour, and the novelty of my~
little shop, wnich was set out in as good style as I was capame of, attracted their attention.
I soon had plenty to do, and before noon was obliged to call in one of my old schoolmate*
to assist me m waiting upon my numerous customers. Business continued brisk during the
whole day and evening, and when I closed I had the satisfiiction of counting out sixty-three
dollars as my day's receipts I My entire barrel of ale was sold, but the assortment of other
goods was not broken up, nor apparently very seriously diminished, so that, although I had
received the entire cost of my goods, less seven dollars, the stock on hand showed that my
profits had been excellent

I need not attempt to relate how gratified I was by the result of my first day's experi-
ment. I considered my little store as a " fixed fact," and such it proved to be. I put in
another barrel of ale, and proceeding to New York, expended all my money for a small:
stock of fiancy goods, and such articks as I thought would find a ready sale. My assort-
ment included pocket-books, combs, beads, cheap finger-rings, pocket-knives, and a few-
toys. My business continued good during the summer, and, in the fall, I added stewed
oysters to my assortment.

Mv grandfather had great pleasure in my success, and advised me to take the agency of
some lottery dealer for the sale of lottery tickets on commission. Lotteries were at mat time
legal in Connecticut, and were generally considered as legitimate a branch of business as
any other. I therefore adopted my grandfather's advice, and obtained an agency for selling*
lottery tickets on a commission of ten per cent. This business, connected with the fruity
confectionery, oyster, and toy establishment, rendered my profits quite satisfactoiy.

In time my uttle store became a favourite resort for the men in our village, and many
is the good practical joke that was enacted there.

Danbury is situated about eight miles east of the line which separates the State of
Connecticut from that of New York. Several eccentric individuals from " York State ""
were in the habit of visiting BetheL Among these was a gray-headed old miller whom I
will call Crofiit Another was Mr. Hackariah Bailey, alwajrs for short called "• Hack
Bailey." Crofat was a very profane man. Almost eveiy other word was an oath. He
had become so confirmed in a habit of swearing, that he was quite unaware of the extent
of his profanity. He was a man of wealth. He generally visited Bethel to dispose of
wheat-flour, bringing it in bags piled up to the very top of a large wagon, drawn by a
pair of splendid horses. Crofut and Bailey were both seu-willed men. When their minds
were made up, there was no turning them. Hack Bailey was a showman. He imported
the first elephant that was ever brought to this country, and made a fortune by exhibiting
it. He was afterwards extensively engaged in travelUng menageries, and subsequently^
was very successful in running opposition steamboats upon the North Kiver. He built a
fine hotel in Somers, N. Y., the place of his residence, called it the Elephant Hotel, and
erected a large pillar in front of it, on which he placed a golden elephant.

^ One day, Crofat was in my little store, engaged in conversation with many of our
neighbours, who were always sure to congregate about him whenever he came to the
village. ^ His language as usual partook largely of the profane. Nathan Seelye, Esq., one
of our villag:e justices of the peace, who was a strict man in his religious principles, came
in, and hearing the conversation told Mr. Crofut that he considered it his duty to fine him
one dollar for swearing.

Crofdt responded immediately with an oath, that he did not care a d— n for the Con-
necticut blue-laws.

" That will make two dollars,*' said Mr. Seelye.

This brought forth another oath.

42 AUTCHixoGBAFirz OF F. T. BABannc

^^ Three dollftrs," said the sturdy justice.

Kothing but oaths were giyen ia ceply, until Esquiie Seelye declared the damage to thfl
Connecticut laws to amount to fifteen dollaxs.

Crofut took out a twenty^dollar bill^ uid handed it to the jo^iee of the peace, with an oatb.

^^ Sixteen doUara," said Ms. Seelye, counting out fbm: dollars to hand to Mr. GiDfot^ aa
Ills change.

'^ Oh, keep it^ keep it," said Crofdt, *^ I don't want an^ diange, Til d>-n soon swear
out the baluice" — and he did so, after which he was more circnniapect in his conversadoni.
remarking that twenty dollars a-day fdr swearing was about a» mvu^ as he oould stand.

^^ Hack Bailey," a&er making many thousand doUaiB by the exhibitian of his elephant,
concluded to take the world a little easier, and in order to avoid the necessity of travelfing
uny more tIu*ot^ the country, he sold one half of hia interest in the aninial to a showman,
who agreed to exhibit tdxe elephant andaccoiuit to Hack for one half the receipts.

After the partner had been absent some weeks, Hack be^an to look with some amdely*
for a remittance. Nothn^ came, however, and he wrote to his partner to inquire the caoeo.
He received n& reply. At last, becoming impatient, he took the. stage to Boston,, and in the
course of a few days overtook his partner at New Bedfocd,. Mass. Hack, asked him why he .
had not remitted ma portion of the profits. He was asaused, in xepLy, that there werena
profits, that the expenses swallowed them aB, &c.

Hack knew bett^ than this, &)r he had heard that the elephant had drawn large crowd*
wherever he went, and he saw that many hundreds of persons visited the exhibition in New
Bedford. He therefore insisted on a settlement

^^ I will settle wkh you. when I return next fall'; I have no tame now," replied the
stubborn partner.

This reply stroigthened Hack's oenvietion. that his ehaooe for the profits under the
present management was a. very slim one. He then offered to sell his iaierest in the da-
phant to his partner;.

" I have elephant stock enough now," was the reply.

*'^ WelL I will buy out yoxtx interest," said Hack.

^* No, I thank you, I don't care about selling ; I am veiy weE sidisfied as it is."

'< But I am not," relied Hack, ^* and I won't stand it. Yon shall not travel any longec
in charge of this elephant as long as I own any interest in him."

^^ 1 would like to see yon prevent it. Our written contract stipulates that I am to haive
charge of the elephant, and next fall we are to settle up," replied tba partner.

" But it also stipulates that yon are to remit me one half of the profits as fast as they
accrue," replied Hack.

'^ Yes, and no faster. I tell you there are no profits," responded the partner.

Hack grew more indignant. '^ Will yon sell your half of the d^hent ? " he asked.

" No," was the reply.

" Will yott buy my half?"

** No."

*^ Then yon go no farther with the animal," replied Hack.

*^ I know the law, and defy yon to try it," responded the partner.

'^ I'U try somethmg that will be effectual, as I am a living man," said Hack, who no>w
felt the lion fairly aroused within him.

" Try what you please," was the reply.

The next morning at daylight the partner went to the bam to takB the elephant, which
was to be led to the next town. He found Mack Buley standing at the elephant's side with
a loaded rifie.

^^ Don't you touch that animal quite yet," said Hack, raising his rifie.

^^ Mr. Bailey, do vou mean to kUl me? " cried the a£&ighted partner.

*' No, sir," replied Mr. Bailey, ^^ I mean to do nothing but what is lawfuL I came here
to get my rights. You refose them to me. You ought to know me bettw than t» suppose
you can impose upon me any longer. You have refused to buy or sell — now you may do
what you please with your half of that ^phant^ but I am fimy determined to sfuxit nw
halfr

The man knew that these was no back-out in the character of Hack Bailey, and he saw
also that he was never more in earnest in his life. Hack raised the rifle to his shoulder asid
pointed it towards the elephant.

" Stop, stop, and I'll settle," exclaimed the partner with a look of horror*

^^ Oh, no, you won't," said Hack, proceeding to take aim.

" I wUl, upon honour," was the earnest reply.

INCIDENTS ANB VABIOUS SCIUSMSS. 43 <

Hack lowered his rifle, and within half an hoar afterwards he had sold his half of the
elephant to his partner for a good round price, and the animal thus escaped having the life
taken out of at least one half of him.

My grandfather, helng a Justice of the Peace, frequently had to sit in judgment upon
civil and criminal suits. On one occasion a man was arrested on a grand jury complamt
for assault and battery. The case was to be tried before my grandfather. A young
medical student named Newton was boarding at my mother's, and he vcdunteered to defend
the prisoner. C^ course pettifogging was new business to Kewton, but he thought it would
be a good chance to show off his talents to our villagers. Mr. Conch, the grand-jury man,
came to me and said that inasmuch as a pettifogger was engaged by the prisoner, he thought
the 8tate ought to have some person to defend its interest, and he would ^ve me
a dollar if I would go in and argue the case of the State before the Justice. Kothmg loth,
I accepted the proposition and received my fee in advance.

The fact of two such ^^ eminent counsel" being engaged, drew in crowds from the hat
shops and otbber portions of the village. The guilt of the prisoner was established by the
direct evidence of half a dozen witnesses, and as no testimony was offered on his part, there
was no more need of arguing the case, than there would be to attempt to enlighten the court
regarding the fact that noonday is lighter than midnight.

However, young Newton was in lor the fight, and he arose with no small degree of
dignity and addressed the court with, " May it please the honourable court," &c. On he
went with a string of r^marole, quoting largely from Shakspere, and repeadng imknown
<juantities of poetiy, occasionally alluding to tne situation of '^ the persecuted defend«nt,
the' prisoner at the bar, and the cruel vindictiveness of the plaintifi," pointing his finger
disdainfully at the grand-jur^ man. My grandfather maintained the utmost gravity
for about half an hour, at whieh time Newton, in the middle of what he intended to be a
splendid peroration, having for probably the twentieth time pointed to Mr. Couch (the
^rrand-jury man)a8 the plaintiff, was interrupted by the court. Newton felt excessively
annoyed that he should be stopped at the precise moment that he was about to give the
master-stroke to his grand eoaclusion.

*^ What is the pleasure of the honourable court?" asked Newton, in a tone of vexation.

^^ You should understand, as the pleasure of the court, that that gentleman Is not tiio
plaintiff in the case^" answered the judge.

^^ Not the plaintiff! Then may it please your honour, I should like to know who is the
phuntiff?" said Newton, sarcastically.

" If I had followed your argument it would have been rather a difficult matter to deter-
mine, and I was afraid if I allowed you to continue your high-flown language much
further, none of us would have been able to moke out who the jdaintiff is ; but I believe
I heard from the grand-juiy man that it was the State of Connecticut!" replied my grand-
father, with a bland smile.

Poor Newton dropped into his chair as suddenly as if he had been struck by a twenty-
four pounder.

A titter ran through the crowd at Newton's discomfiture^ and I who had been busy
taking notes during the speech, now arose with great confidence, and after hitting Newton
e. rap over the knuckles, proceeded to examine the evidence and urge its demonstrative
proof of the guHt of the prisoner. I bore upon the fact that every witness had seen the
transaction, wad all agreed in their statements. I further urged, that nothing in the cross-
examination had been discovered to clash with that of the direct testimony — ^tlw.t no attempt
had been made to impeach either of the witnesses — ^that no testimony whatever had been
offer^ on the part of the delience-^that net the slightest shadow (tf a doubt of the guilt of the
prisoner could possibly exist>-that I was astonished at the incBscretion and audacity of both
prisoner and counsel in not pleading gjuiHy in the first place. Warming with my subject, I
soared aloft into space, where, after indulging in numerous grandUomient manoeuvres, I
began to look down from my giddy height with some trepidation, lest I should not make a
safe descent, wh«!i all at once my grnmdfather interrupted me.

'* Young man," said he, "will you have the kindness to inform the court which side you
are pleading for— the plaintiff or the defendant?"

I dropped is an instant, amid a tremendous shout of laughter from eveiy portion of the
court-room. Newton had been sitting with a downcast iSok ever since his discomfiture,
but on the principle that " misery loves company," he now looked up with a broad grin
upon his features. I did not exactly relish the joke, and informed my grandfather that I
thought he might have had some little regard for the sanctity of a court of justice, but he

44 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. BABNUM.

gave me no satisfactory repl^. After order was restored, the prisoner was botmd over to
the next County Court for tnal, and the new members of the bar were both glad to sne^
out of the room with all reasonable celerity.

A man in onr village who was somewhat of a genius, and conld do almost anything he
undertook, purchased a set of " turnkeys," and added the business of extracting teeth to hi»
numerous other avocations. He advertised his new branch of business, announced 12^
cents each as being his usual charge, and added to his advertisement that he would extract
teeth for relatives gratis. A cousin of his, who was a wag, sent him a horse^s head, and
wrote a letter asking him to extract twenty teeth for him.

The pseudo-dentist went to work, and by dint of hammer, pincers, and "turnkeys" he
extracted the twenty teeth, and sent them with the horse's head to his cousin, accompanied
by the bill, amounting to two dollars and fifty cents.

The cousin refused to pay, claiming exemption on the ground of relationship. To this
the tooth-puller replied, " I am cousin to vow, but not to your horse, so you must pay up."

A joke was never given up in Bethel until the very end of it was unravelled ; so the
cousin, still refusing to pay, was sued before a village justice and condemned in debt and
costs to the amount of seven dollars and a half, which he was compelled to pay for Ms joke .

One afternoon, the usual nimiber of customers being gathered together in my little
store, one of our joke-loving neighbours asked a farmer if he had geese feathers for sale?

" I shall pick my geese in about a month, and then I shall have a lot of feathers for
sale," was the reply.

" What is your price ?"

" Fifty cents per pound."

" Oh, that is too cheap. I will give you twenty-five dollars for as many pounds of pure
geese feathers, if delivered to me in this store a month from to-day," was the reply.

The old farmer, who was pretty 'cute, was sure that there was some ^' catch" in this
offer, but concluding to risk it, he assented to the proposition.

^^Let us put it in writing," said our neighbour. He then drew up an agreement,
stipulating that, imder a mut^ forfeiture of twenty dollars, the farmer'should deliver, on
such a day, at my store, twenty-five pounds of pure geese feathers, for which the said
neighbour should pay twenty-five dollars. The agreement was left with me.

On the day designated, the farmer, punctual to his agreement, was on hand with his
feathers. The feather purchaser, being sure of a good joke upon the farmer, had invited s
number of neighbours to witness the d^nouemenf.

" Well, I have brought the feathers," said the farmer.

*' Let me examine them," replied the neighbour.

One of the sacks was opened, the neighbour thrust in his hand, and drawing it out,
exclaimed, " Oh, these featiiers will never do for me ; you were to deliver me pure geese
feathers, and now I perceive they are half gcmdera^ feathers. Ton must pay the forfeit?'

*' Not exactly," replied the farmer, with a grin ^ *' that is just where 1 {nought the catcb
lay, so 1 picked my geese by themselves, and here is a certificate signed by three respectable
neighbours that there is not a gander's feath^ in the whole lot."

Our neighbour, a prettj substantial comb manufacturer, was completely caught in his
own trap ; so he had nothmg to do but hand over the money and take the reathers, having
the satisfaction of knowing that he had purchased twenty-five dollars* worth of pure geese
feathers at a dollar per pound I

One Saturday evening, a young man, an apprentice to the tailoring trade in Bethel,
whose education had been somewhat neglected, and whom I will call John Mallett, told me
that he wished me to write a love-letter for him after I had closed the store. As I wa»
somewhat of a novice in that line of business, I asked *^Bill Shepard," a worthy young
man of about my own age, to remain and assist in the great production.

At nine o'clock I closed the store, and after all had departed except Shepard, Mallett,
and myself, we arranged the lights, pens, ink and paper, and asked Mallett to state his cose.

It seemed that he had been verysuccessful hitherto in paying his attentions to a young
lady whom I shall call Lucretia. He had at times "cut out" nearly all the boys of the
village, with Miss Lucretia ; in fact, I was one of the number thus made to stand behind,
when MaUet was about But now, after exhibiting a constancy of about six months^
duration, she had shown strong symptoms of jilting the favourite, Mallett. On the Sundav
evening previously, she had, very much to his astonishment, declined to ^* take his arm *

nvCIDENTS AND YABIOUS SCHEMES. 45

when coming out of chizrcli, and immediately thereafter took the first young man's arm
that was offered her. Mallett was now bent upon receiving from Lucretia an explanation
of her unaccountable conduct, and he was determined, at the same time, to give her a piece
of his mind. He desired us therefore to begin the letter in strong terms.

We commenced as follows — Shepherd acting as scribe :—

Bethel, , 1^—.

Miss Lucretia :-^l write this to ask an explanation of your conduct in giving me the
mitten on Smiday night last. If you think, niadam, that you can trifle with my affections,
and turn me off »>r every little whipper-snapper that you can pick up, you will find your-
self considerably mistaken. [We read thus far to MaUett, and it met his approvaL He
said he liked the idea of calling her "madam,*' for he thought it sounded so " distant,'* it
woold hurt her feelingd very much. The terms " little whipper-snapper" also delighted
him. He said he guessed that would make her feel cheap. Shepard and myself were not
quite so sure of its aptitude, since the chap who succeeded in capturing Lucretia, on the
occasion alluded to, was a head and shoulders taller than Mallett. However, we did not
intimate our thoughts to Mallett, and he desired us to '^ go ahead and give her. another
4o8e."] You don't know me, madam, if you think vou can snap me up in this way. I wish
you to understand that I can have the company of girls as much above you as the sun is
above the earth, and I won't stand anv of your impudent nonsense no how. [This was duly
read and approved. " Now," said Mallett, " try to touch her feelings. Remind her of the
pleasant hours we have spent together ;" and we continued as follows H My dear Lucretia,
when I think of the many pleasant hours we have spent together— ofthe delightfiil walks
which we have had on "moonlight evenings to Fenner's Rocks, Chestnut Rid^ Grassy
Plains, Wildcat, and Puppy-town — of the strolls which we have taken upon Shdter Rocks,
Cedar Hill— the visits we have made to Old Lane, Wolfpits, Toad-hole, and Plnm-Trees* —
when all these things come rushing on my mind, and when, my dear girl, I remember how
•often you have told me that you loved me better than anybody else, and I assured you my
feelings were the same as yours, it almost breaks my heart to think of last Sunday night.

I "Can't you stick in some affecting poetry here?" said MaUett. Shepard could not recol-
ect anv to the point, nor could I, but as the exigency of the case seemed to require it, we
concluded to manufacture a verse or two, which we did as follows :] —

Lucretia, dear, what have I done,

That you should use me thus and so,
To take the arm of Tom Beers' son,

And let your dearest true-love go !

Uiserable fate, to lose you now,

And tear this bleeding heart asunder I i

Will you forget your tender tow ?

I. can't bollere It— no, by thunder I

[Mallett did not like the word '* thunder," but being informed that no other word could
be substituted without destroying both rhyme and reason, he consented that it should
remain, provided we added two more stanzas of a sqfier nature; something, he said, that
would make the tears come if possible. We then ground out the following : J

Lucretia, dear, do write to Jack,

And say with Beers yon are not smitten ;
And thus to roe in love come back,

And give all other boys the mitten.

Do this, Lucretia, and till death

I'll love yon to intense distraction ; • •

I'll spend for vou my every breath,

And we will live in satisiSAction.

I " That win do very well," said Mallett. ** Now I guess you had better blow her up a
little more." We obeyed orders as follows:] — It makes me mad to think what a fool I was
to give you that finger-ring and bosom-pin, and spend so much time in your company, just
to be flirted and bamboozled as I was on Sunday night last. If you continue this course of
conduct, we part for ever, and I will thank you to send back that jewellery. I would sooner
see^t crushed under my feet than worn by a person who abused me as you have done. I
ahaU despise you for ever if you don't change your conduct towards me, and send me a
letter of apology on Mondav next. I shall not go to meeting to-morrow, for I would scorn
to sit in the same meeting-house with you until I have an explanation of vour conduct. If
you allow any young man to go home with you to-morrow night, I shall know it, for you

* These were the euphonious names of localities in the vicinity of Bethel.

46 A1TTOBIOGBAFHT OF P« T, BARNUM.

"Will be watched. [" There," said Mallett, '* that is pretty strong. Now I guess you had
better touch her feelings once more, and wind vtp the letter." We proceeded.a8 follows :] —
My sWeet girl, if you only knew the sleepless nights which I have spent during the present
week, the torments and simermgs which I endure on your account ; if you oo«ld but realise that
I regard the world as less than nothing without you I am certain you would pity me. Ahomely
cot arid a crust of bread with my adorable Lucretia would be a paradise, where a palace with-
out you would be a hades. [" What in thunder is hades ?" inqmred Jack. We eM)lained.
He considered««the figure rather bold, and requested us to close as soon as possible.] Now,
dearest, in bidding you adieu, I implore you to reflect on our past enjoipnents, look forward
with pleasure to our future happy meetings, and rely upon your affectionate Jack in storm
or caun, in sickness, distress, or want, for all these will be powerless to change my love. I
hope to hear from you on Monday next, and, if favourable, I shall be happy to call on you
the same evening, when in ecstatic joy we will laugh at the past, hope for the future, and
draw consolation from the fact that "l^ie course of true love never did run smooth.*'
This from your disconsolate but still hoping lover and admirer. Jack Majllbtt.

P.S. On reflection I have concluded to go to meeting to-morrow. If all is well, hold
your pocket handkerchief in your left hand as you stand up to sing with the choir— in which
case I shall expect the pleasure of giving you my arm to-morrow night. J. M.

•

I am sorry to say that Lucretia was not overpowered by this letter, whidi was handed
to her early on Sunday morning. She held her handkerchief firmly in her right hand
during all the church services, and on Monday morning returned the " ring and bosom-pin"
.to her disconsolate admirer. Beers' son carried ofl^ the palm, and the following year kd
Lucretia to the altar.

Mallett had agreed to give me five pounds of carpet rags for my mother, and to deliver
twelve yards of broadcloth "lists" to Shepard, as a remuneration for our services; but
owing to his ill success with Lucretia, he "begged off," and we compromised by accepting
• one-half the amount promised.

My business in Bethel continued to increase beyond my anticipations, and I was very
happy in believing that my suit was prospering with Charity Hallett, the fair tailoress.
Although I associated with all the young people, and attended their parties, pic-nics, sleigh-
rides, &c.. Charity continued to stand lugheat in my estimation, and to improve upon
acquaintance.

About this time I made arrangements to go to Pittsburgh, Pa., with Mr. Samuel Sher-
wood, of Bridgeport, on an exploring expedition. I had heard that there was a fine opening
in that city for a lottery office, and Sherwood and mj^self concluded to try our fortunes there>
provided we found the prospects equal to our anticipations. We called at the office of the
New York managers, i ates and Mclntyre, and had an interview with their chief business
man, Mr. Dudley S. Gregory — at present ex-mayor and a large proprietor in Jersey City.
Mr. Gregory did not think fevourably of Pittsburgh, but, after an hour's conversation with
me, he offered me the entire lottery agency for the State of Tennessee, if I would §o to Nash-
ville and open an office there. The proposition was tempting, but I feared the distance was
too great to meet the approbation of a certain tailoress in Bethel whose wishes I felt bound
to consult, for specisd reasons. I therefore declined giving an answer for two weeks. In the
meantime, Sherwood and myself having given up the Pittsburgh trip, concluded to go to
Philadelphia for a pleasure excursion. We went in a morning boat to New Brunswick,
where the passengers all took stages to Bordentown, a distance of perhaps thirty miles through
the sand, where we again took steamboat to Philadelphia, arriving there about dusk. We put
up at Congress Hall in Chestnut-street^ where we experienced rather taller living than we had
ever before met with. The array of waiters, napkins and other et-ceteras, as well^as frequfaat
change of plates, was something entirely ahead of all our former experience ; but we lay off like
old stagers, and lived in clover for a week, going to the theatre every night, and riding in our
coach every day. On Sunday, we listened to the chiming bells of Christ Church wim great
satisfaction, being the first we had ever heard. At last we concluded to start for home. Our
hotel bill astonished us beyond measure, and awakened serious apprehensions in regard to our
ability to raise sufficient ftmds to reach home. Counting up both our piles, we found that
our fears were not without foundation. We had been foolishly extravagant in our outlays,
and ^ter paying our hotel bills and securing our tickets for Nbav York, we had only twenty-
seven cents left I ^

This was decidedly a dose shave. Tortimately we discovered our dilemma before break-
fast, and as that meal had been included in our bill, each of us embraced the opportunity, while
sipping our coffee, to pocket a few biscuits, which sufficed us for a dinner we could not buy.

INCDTEKTB AND VABIOTJS 6CBEA1E8. 47

As we were about leaving. the hotel, the boot-black asked ns to remember him, to which
Sherwood replied.that it was. an imposition: he had always, while travelling, been accus-
tomed to have his boot-blacking included in the bill, and he would not stand it. I tried to
look indignant also, but was overcome, and, putting my hand hi my pocket, drew forth a
quarter dollar, and handed to the polisher of our ** understandings. This reduced our
capital to two cents, and with this we started, saying to the porter that, merely for the sake
of the exercise, we preferred carrying tOur own trunks.

Living all day upon our biscuits and cold water, we reached New York, and carried
OUT baggage to Holt's Hotel, in Fulton-street, a distance of about a mile. In the mornings
Sherwood borrowed a couple of dollars from a Bridgeport friend, and proceeding to Newaik^
obtained a loan of fifty dollars fhmi his ftiend and cousin, Dr. Sherwood. He loaned me
one-hadf the amount, and after sojourning a few days in New York we returned home. I
do not know what Sherwood's feelings were, but I was forcibly reminded, as I have oftea
been since, of the old adage, that ** a fool and his money are soon parted."

Our visit to Hie New York lottery managers greatly enlightened me in r^^rd to the
profits of that line of business. I had been in the habit of selling tickets for Washington
Yale, the editor and printer in Danbunr, also for O. W. Sherwood, and his cousin Samuel of
Bridgeport, for a commission of 10 to 15 per cent. ; but in my interviews with If r. Gregor}^,
I learned that the managers, taking to themselves the 15 per cent, deducted on all prizes,,
famished tickets to their agents at what was called *^ scheme price," which allowed the
agents from 25 to 80 per cent, profit. The lotteries being drawn by combination numbers,
the public generally had no knowledge whatever of the number of tickets in a lottery ; the
managers, therefore, made the prizes amount to less than the retail price of tickets by 25
or 80 per cent. This extra per centage was

a shave additional to the 16 per cent. aUowed

in old-fashioned lotteries. I also learned
that the process of arriving at the number
of tickets in a lottery is this : Multiply the
three highest combination numbers and di-
vide by six; the quotient is the number
of tickets.

I am continually annoyed, even at this
late date, by Lottery Schemes sent by va-
rioofi agents at the South, where lotteries
are still legaL I received one yesterday
from a lottery firm in Baltimore. One of
their schemes is as follows. My object
in inserting it will, I trust, be appreciated.

It will be observed that there are 78
combination numbers in tiiis lottery. The
number of tickets, as I have remarked, is
determined by multiplying together the
tiiree highest combination numl^rs, 76, 77,
and 76, and dividing by 6, as foUows : —

36086
42042

6)456456

76076 tickets.

30,000 DOLLABS.

MARYLAND

CONSOLIDATED LOTTERY,

Far the Benefit of the Susquelianna
Canal, and other purposes,

CLASS 26.

To be di'awn In Baltimore, Md., on
WEDNESDAY, Sept, 27th, 1854.

SCHEME.

DOLS.

1 of 30,000 dollars is 30,000

1 of 20,000 ., is 20,000

1 of 10,000 „ is 10,000

1 of 5,000 „ is 6,000

1 of 3,000 „ is 3,000

1 of 2,870 „ is 2,870

60 of 1,000 „ are 60,000

60 of 600 „ are 25,000

180 of 200 „ are 36,000

ffS' 65 Prizes of 100 are 6,500

65 do. 80 are 5,200

130 do. 60 are 7,800

130 do. 40 are 5,200

4,680 do. aoare 93,600

27,040 do. 10 are 270,400

32,396 prizes, amotmting to 670,570

Tickets, 10 dollars; Half, 6 dollars;

Qr., 2 dollars 50 cents. p^j^.

Certificate of Package of 26 Wholes, 148 00
do. do. 26 Halves, 74 00

do. do. 26 Qnarters. 37 00

78 Numbers and IS Drawn Ballots.

48 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. BABNUM.

This number of tickets, at 10 dols. each, amounts to ••••.. • Dols. 760,760 00
Whereas tiie prizes amount to no more than 670,570 00

Leaving a profit of Dols. 190,190 00

Add Id per cent, deducted from 570,570 dols., the aggregate of prizes . 85,585 60

Making the entire profits on a single lottery ' • Dols. 275,775 60

The ^^ scheme" I have here presented is " Glass 25." If the preceding classes were the
same, the aggregate profits on the series is nearly seven miilions of doliars!

In the above lottery the a^ent procures his tickets at 7.50 dols. each. The T^hole number
of tickets, midtiplied by this price, amounts exactly to the sum set apart for prizes,
^70,570 dols. ; and the managers get 15 per cent, drawback, or 85,585dols. 50 cents.

Another scheme, in the same circular, announces tickets at 2 dols. each, 78 numbeis,
the prizes amounting to 106,506^ doU. The tickets in this lottery are, at the scheme price,
1.40 dol. each, thus giving the agents 60 cents, profit on each 1.40 doL which he expends,
or a trifle over 42 per cent. I This, with the 15 per cent, of the managers, makes more
than 57 per cent., thus giving a lottenr-ticket buyer a chance of realising 42^ cents for
•everv dollar that he expends .' provided he is as lucky as the other adventurers.

'thousands of persons are at this day squandering in lottery tickets and lottery policies
the money which their families need, if wis expose shall have the effect of curing their
j^nous infatuation, I, for one, shall not be sony.

After learning the jirQ/&a62e basis of the foregoing facts, I went to our Connecticut lottery
managers, and from that time obtained my tickets directly from them at >* the scheming
price. In my turn, I established agents all through the country, and my profits were
immense. I sold from five hundred to two thousand dollars* worth of tickets per day.
About this time my uncle Alanson Taylor joined me as a partner in the lottery ousineBS,
and proved a very efficient salesman.

On one occasion I sold a package of quarter tickets to my aunt Laura Nichols and a
neighbour of hers for 25 dols. Bdtore the lottery was drawn the neighbour sickened of her
bargain and begged me to take the tickets back, and my aunt consented. When the mail
brought the drawn numbers from Hartford, I had the package of tickets on hand. Not
•desiring to risk that amount, I induced eight of mv customers to join me in the purchase
of the package. We then opened the letter contamin^ the drawn numbers, ami found
that we had drawn a quarter of the highest prize, 15,000 dols. This result gave myself
and eight others a profit of 850 dols. each.

The fact was dmy announced, and my aunt never ceased to blame her timid neighbour
nor to lament her own ill fortune. The great luck of drawing the highest prize spread like
wild-fire, as usual in such cases, and the country, for miles around, was lottery-crazy. Our
aales increased immensely. My clerk was a boy mamed Hiram M. Forrester, at present
a successful New York Merchant. At another time, I employed a boy named Philo K.
WiLDMAN, who became an eminent surgeon, and recently died in Savaimah, 6a.

Fully appreciating the powers of the press (to which more than to any other one cause
I am indebted for my success in life), I did not fail to invoke the aid of *' printer's ink." .1
issued handbills, circulars, &c., by tens of thousands, with striking prefixes, affixes, staring
capitals, marks of wonder, pictures, &c. The newspapers throughout the region teemed
with unique advertisements. Immense gold signs, and placards in inks and papers of all
colours, covered my lotterv office. As the curious letters of " Joe Strickland " were higUy
popidar at that time, I advertised my office as being under the especial favour and protec-
tion of *' Dr. Peter Strickland/' own blood-cousin to the renowned Joe Strickland, &c. In
my bills and advertisements, I rung all possible changes upon the renowned name. " The
ever lucky Dr. Strickland!" "Five more capital prizes sold by Dr. Strickland!" "A
fortune for a dollar, — ^apply to Fortune's favourite, Dr. Strickland." " Another mammoth
prize ! — huzza for Dr. Strickland," &c. &c. Home-made poetry was also frequently brought
into requisition to set forth the inducements for patronising my office. Customers who
brought their tickets and found them blanks, were told that their only wise plan was to
** look for their money where they lost it," — " it was a long lane that never turned," — " such
bad luck could not continue long," &c. &c.

Ti^ lucky drawers of the high prize before mentioned gave an oyster supper at my
mother's tavern to about sixty persons (whom I invited, knowing them to be good ticket
customers^; and after the supper was finished, I counted out the prize-money to the elated
polders or the fortunate ticket This so excited our guests, that a package of tickets,

INCIDSSTS AND VARIOUS SCHSBifiS. 4d

amountiug to one thousand doUars, was foithmth sealed up, and bought by fifty robBcribers

on the spot, at twenty dollars each.

Selling so many tickets as I did, a prize of one or two thousand dollars, and numeroua
smaller ones, must occasionally turn up. These, being duly trumpeted, rendered mine the
"lucky office" in the estimation of many. I reoeivM. orders from distant parts of the
country by maSH, and sent out tickets on commission by post-riders and others. Among my
** private customers " were a number of clergymen and deacons ; and occasionally some of
the weak brothers of the " Shakers," who came to Bethel to sell garden seeds, bought a few
lottery tickets " on the sly."

Whenever I visited Brookfield I called on one man who was of a serious turn. He and
his wife were professors of religion, and he was a frequent exhorter at prayer-meetings. He
always managed to buy a ticket or two from me, under the strictest injunction never to
divulge the fact to his wife. I usually dined with him ; and when he was busy looking
after my horse, or otherwise engaged out of doors, I never failed to sell a ticket to his wife,
who begged me to be very careral not to let her husband have any suspicion of it, for he
was opposed to such things, and would never forgave her if he shotdd know there was a
lottery ticket in the house.

I still kept a close eye upon the attractive tailoress, Charity Hallett ; and although my
good mother and some o&er relatives feared that I was not looking high enough in the
world, those who knew the girl best, declared that she was an industrious, excellent, sen-
sible, and well-behaved gir^ and some of them added that " she was altogether too good
for Taylor Bamum." I perfectly agreed with them in their conclusions, and in the summer
of 1829 I proved it by asking her hand in marriage. My suit was accepted, and the
wedding-day appoiutecL In the meantime I applied myself closely to business, no person
suspectinfif that the "event" was near at hand. In October mv "sweetheart" went to
New York, ostensibly to visit her uncle, Nathan Beers, who resided at Ko. 3, Orchard-
street. I left home on Saturday, November 7, for New York, having particular occasion
to purchase goods for our little store. On the next evening, by the aid of the Rev. Dr.
McAule}^, and in the presence of sundry relatives and friends of hers, the tailoress changed
her name to Mrs. Charity Barnum, and I became the husband of one of the best women
that was ever created.

I was at that time little more than nineteen years of age. I have long felt assured,
that had I waited twenty years longer, I could not have found another woman so well
suited to my disposition, and so valuable as a wife, a mother, and a friend ; vet I do not
approve of nor recommend too early marriages. Young persons* minds should become more
matured before they venture to decide upon the most important event which can occur to
them in a Ufe-time. Marriage has been called " a lottery," " taking a leap in the dark,"
&c. It is, to say the least, a serious ordinance, deserving serious thought. Hasty marriage,
and especially the marriage of boys and girls, has, in my opinion, been the cause of untoM
misery in thousands of instances, the advice of that worthy old philosopher, Ben Franklin,
to the contrary notwithstanding.

The bride and bridegroom returned to Bethel the same week, and took board in the
family where she had previously resided. My mother received me as if nothing had happened,
and made no allusion to the wedding. She evidoitly felt chagrined at the clandestine manner
of my marriage ; but I called on her every day wim the same freedom that I had ever done,
and within a month she invited me to bring "my wife," and spend the following Sabbath wit^
her. I did so ; and from that day to this, I am sure that neither she nor any otiber person ever
said or believed that I had not been extremely fortunate in the selection of my compani<m»

In the winter of 1829-30, I opened a lottery office in the village of Danbury, still
keeping up the Bethel office, as well as branches in Norwalk, Stamford, and Middletown,
&c., and a host of small agencies all through the country, for thirty miles around. In
June, 1830, I purchased from my grandfather three acres of land in Bethel, a few rods
south of the village, for the purpose of erecting a dwelling thereon. Lewis Osborne, the
builder, put me up a two-and-a-half stor^ house, 26 by 30 feet, for ten hundred and fifty
dollars, and my wife and myself moved into it and commenced housekeeping the ensuing spring.

My ticket sales were now confined in a neat measure to a few large customers, who
bought liberally, and to whom I gave a credit. Leaving tkeao 'Marge customers" in the
hands of a trusty clerk, I went into a book speculation for a couple of months. I purchased
books at auction and otherwise in New York, and taking them around the country, adver-
tised and sold them at auction, I acting as auctioneer. I did tolerably well with two excep-
tions. I held my auction one night atLichfield, Ct. The law school was located there at that

$9 AtJTOBfOOBAPHT OF F. T. BAVNTJM.

time. Tbe students were among 1117 cnstomers, and they managed to steal a laige number
of the most costly books. The game thing Was done in Kewbm^h, N.Y., and I quitted the
aiHftion bnsiBess-m disgust.

In the same spring of 18^, I put np a bnilding in Bethel, known as the '* yellow store,**
making it sufficiently capacious to accommodate a family in the second and third stories.
hk July, 1831, my uncle Alanson and myself opened the establishment with an assortment
of goods, such as are usually found in a country store, consisting of dry goods, groceries,
haardwam, crockery, &c &c. Like most persons who engage m a bu^ess which they
do not understand, we were unsuccessful in the entexprise, and on the 17Ui of October, I
bought out my uncle's interest, as will be seen by the mllowing adyertisement, whidi I cut
from A newspaper dated the 20th of that month :

*' DISSOLUTIOX.— The firm of TAYLOR & BABKUM is this day dissolved by matnal consent.

ALANSON TATLOR,
FHIN£AS T. BARNUK.

" S^ The business vrUl be condoeted in fatare by P. T. BARCiUM, who will sell all idnds of
^ry goods, groceries, crockery, &c» &c., 25 per cent, cheaper than any of his neighbours.
"Bethel, Oct. 17, 1831.

At about this period there was much excitement in the religious world — ^I mean in that
pefrtion of tbe country where I was residing, and indeed, generally throughout New Eng-
umd. Protracted rehgious meetings were held in many of the daurches, and by means of
systematised effort, largenumbers oipeople of all ages, but espedally the young, were converted
and receiyed as members into the various chnrdies where these meetings were hdd. So
great was the alarm awakened inihe minds of some of these converts, that they became
victims of religious frenzy, and frequent cases of suicide and murder committed while in
thm state were chronicled throughout the country. I could mention many melancholy
Instances of the sort, including the murdo* of two children in New Canaan by their own
fa<ttier, but I forbear. I mere^ refer to the facts as one of the considerations moving me to
the publication of a newspaper.

There was the addition^ consideration that certain over zealous sectarian partisans had
recently, and most injudiciously, recommended the formation of a ^* Christian party in
politics." They advised that none except professors of religion should receive the benefit of
the elective franchise, for any office m honour or profit in the <;ivil government. One
yenerable clergyman stated that through the influence of Sabbath schools alone, a com-
plete triumph could be achieved over ** the world's people" within ten, or at the farthest
twenty years.

I 6ad never yet voted, haying attained ray majority on the fifth of July, 1831, but all
my predilections were strongly in favour of the Democratic party. My grandfather and his
two sons were staunch Democrats, and I felt extremely anxious thus far to tread in their
footsteps. Many persons (myself among the number) were honestly alarmed lest a great
religious coalition should be formed in this country, which would carry out the desires of
certain fanatics as above shadowed forth.

I have long seen, and here confess, that our fears were exaggerated, though it is possible
those fears had a part to perform in preventing the result referred to. It is true,
many thousands of our citizens were influenced by the religious enthusiasm which was
sweeping like a tornado through our land, and with the pages of history opened before us,
setting forth what atrocities had been committed in the name of rdigipn, when sectarianism
was in power, persons were perhaps excusable forfearing that such scenes might possibly be
re-enacted in this countxy. And yet I repeat that, after all, there was little reaton to fear
such a result. Th«« were multitudes of smcere professors of re^gion, who cherished a deep
reverence and lovefor those old Puritans, andjothers, who fled from persecution across the ocean,
and it was an unreasonable apprehension that these wondd consent or be a party to anymeasure
tending, in the remotest degree, to a union of Church and State. Our entire system of
sehool education, too, had been, and still is, so strongly in favotft of liberty, including of
course political and religious equality, as to debar the success of any party that should attempt
to ostracise such citizens as shoidd happen to differ with them in their rdi^ous tenets.

However, being, as 1 confess, one of the number who had serious apprehensions on that
Sfl3)ject, and being also a devoted democrat at heart, I openly expressed my opinions, and
^hnretleBS thereby excited feelings of animosity with some mdividuius which otherwise would
nev«r have existed. I also wrote several communications for the Danbury weekly paper,
setting forth my fears upon the subject, and animadverting in strong terras upon the eyfl^
esifltmg from undue religious excitement, and especially from countenancing the publicly

XNCBMBMTI AHD TASIOOf 'SCHSMBS. 51

•ttnoxmced policy of eertain fanatical clzTgyTosn in reiatioii to public affairs. The publican
tion of those Gomnuinicatioas was refusea me hy the pioprietois of the Danbnrv paper. X
became exceedingly iadigoant, and declared, as I honestly believed, that alreaa^ had this
sectarian influence become so powerful as to muszle the press, and hence I felt it a do«ble
dntr to arouse the public to a nill appfehensioQ of the true state of affiiira.

X tMoot^anf^j announced that I should purchase a press and types, and would within a
few weeks commence the publication of a weekly paper which should oppose all comUna^
tions against the llbertieB of our country. On the 19th of October, 1831, 1 issued the fizat
number of ^* The Hekat.t» of Fbbbdom."

The boldness and vigour with which this paper was conducted, soon commanded a liberal
cifcidaAion, not only in the vicinity of its pu M ioaition, but large numbers of copies were sent
into nearly every State in the Union.

Incited by the vefaemenoe of youth, and without the caution of Mcperience or tiie dread
of consequences, I repeatedly laid myself open to legal difficulty under the law of libel, and
time times, donng my three years as editor, I was proceouted. One of these was a ci\il
prosecution brought by abutcherin Danborv, a aealouspolitician, whom I accused as bdnga spy
m the caucus of the Democratic partv. Ou the first trial the jury could not agree ; on the
aeoond I was fined several hundred doOan. Both the other prosecutions were brought in
the name of the State. One of these was withdrawn without coming to triaL Ln the issue
of the otiier, I was sentenced to pay a fine of one hundred di^lars, and to be imprisoned Ibr
sixtv days in the eemmon JaiL

Ihhe Bbel of the butcher will scarcely be thought a heinous ofience, as judged by the
generid standard of political wai&re ; the auit entered but not tried need not be more par«
ticolarly mentioned ; but the most serious of the libels will justify a few limes in detaiL

I was indicted for infomung the readers of my paper, that a certain lav dignitary of a
chuTOh in Betfad had ^* been guilty of taking usiury of an orphan boy." The general fact
was accompanied by severe editonid commentary, and criminal prosecution was instituted
against me.

The case came to trial, and several witnesses, including the party accused, proved sub-
atantiidly the truth of my statement. But, alas I ^' the greater the truth the greater the
libel ;" and besides, I had employed the term usury. Had I termed' the deed an extortion, or
note-shaving, or grinding the face of the poor orphan boy, the verdict might have been
4ifferent-^bnt 1 had called the act *^ usury." The judge charged the jury as though he
wme the attorney lor the prosecution, and was believed to experience penonal sotisfiiction in
pronouncing the sentence which I have already mentioned.

I here withhold the names of the parties, because the insertion of them could accomplish
no good purpose. The party whom i charged with a serious offence, naturally felt deeply
aggrieved, though he has recentiy declared that the prosecution was instituted without his
suggestion or concurrence. At the time, I spoke in no gcntie terms in relation to him, and
since that date have frequentiy repeated those hard words. Nevertheless the whole affair
was, and has always been, a source of merriment to me. The annoyance I experienced was
measurably merited by the severity of my strictures on a deed which aroused my indignation,
but which might possibly have been palliated by the circumstances ; and now that I am
listening tiie general fkets in these pages, I desire to wipe out all unpleasant recollections
on tiie subject. The judseexempUfied only human weakness in permitting my course as an
editor to embitter his feenn^ as an earnest sectarian ; but he has gone to that ** better
•country" in which animosities are not dMriahed, and I am sure they exist not in my own
breast m connection with his memonr.

I was very coi^rtably provided for in the common jail of Danbury. I had my room
papered and earpetBd previously to taldng possession as a tenant for 8*ixty days ; I lived
w«il ; was even oppressed by tlie almost constant visits of cordial friends ; edited my paper
as usual, and received several hundred additional subscrifcers to my list, during the term of
my impnsQSiment.

When that term was ended, the event was cel<ftirated by a 'large concourse of people,
f^rom all the country romia. 'It was odebrated in the eourt-room in which I had been
oonvicted for libeL An admirable ode, written for the occasion, was sung, and an eloquent
oration on tiie Freedom of the Tiess was delivered by -the Rev. T. Fied^e. Several hundred
gentiemen afterwards partook of a sumptuous dinner, and the toasts and speeches, while not
neglecting the subjects usual in pc^cal and soeiitf festivals, related prominently to the
circnmstances idnch had called the people together.

Then came the most imposing part of the cereinonial. It was reported and described as
-fbllowB in my paper of December 12, 1832 :

52 AUTOBIOGItAPHT OF P. T* BABKUM.

** P. T. Bahkuk and the band of muic took tbeir seats in a coach drawn by six horses, which had
been prepared for the occasion. The coach was preceded by forty horsemen, and a marshal bearing
the national standard. Immediately in the rear of the coach was the carriage of the Orator and the
President of the day, followed by the Committee of Arrangements and six^ carriages of citizens,
which joined in escorting the editor to his home in Bethel.

'* When the procession commenced its march amidst the roar of cannon, three cheers were given
by several hundred citizens who did not join in the procession. The band of music continoed to play
a variety of national airs until their arrival in Bethel, (a distance of three miles,) when they struck np
the beautiful and appropriate tune of * Home, Sweet Home I' After giving three hearty cheers, the
procession returned to Danbury. The utmost harmony and unanimity of feeling prevailed throngh*
out the day, and we are happy to add that no accident occurred to mar the festivities of the occasion."

No one will be surprised that I should have regarded such a return to my home and
family as a triumphal march. It was in effect a vmdication, because an approval of mj
course, and a condemnation both of the " common law of libel," and of all who had been
engaged in m^ prosecution.

My editorial career was one of constant contest, and might furnish many interesting
incidents for these pages, but I pass to another section of my history.

The mercantile business, which I continued while publishing the Herald, did not thrive,
for various reasons. I was not in my natural sphere. I wanted to do business faster than
ordinary mercantile transactions would admit; hence I bought largely, and in order to sell
largely, was compelled to give extensive credits — and soon had an accumulation of bad
debts. My old ledger at this day has hundreds of accounts upon it which are balanced
thus : " By death, to balance," — " By running away, in full," — ** By cheating me out of my
dues, to balance," — "By failing, in full," — "By swearing he would not pay me, in ftill;"
and one small account of a few dollars against a rich man of Danbury, having stood so long
that I supposed the wealthy debtor had forgotten it, and I felt lotn to remind him of his
indebtedness, stands balanced by being " Too rich to be dunned."

^ I should have said that in the summer of 1831, 1 took Horace Faircluld into co-partner<-
ship, but in January, 1833, 1 sold out all my interest in the store to a Mr. Toucey, brother
of Senator Toucey, who, with Horace Fairchild, continued l^e business under the name of
" Fau-child & Co."

No. 160 of the "Herald of Freedom" was published in Danburv, Nov. 6, 1834, after
which it was removed to Norwalk, Ct., and there published for me by my brother-in-law,
John W. Amerman, until, in the course of the year ensuing, it was sold to Mr. George
Taylor.

CHAPTER VIL

STBUOCLING — ^JOICE HKTH— VTVALLA.

In the winter of 1834—35, I removed my family to New York, having hired a house in
Hudson street. Strictlj speaking, I entered that great city to " seek my fortune." Lotteries
in the State of Connecticut had been prohibited by law ; I had lost hurge amounts of money
by my private customers, some of whom had gone beyond, their means in purchasing
tickets, while others had put their property out of their hands, and thus defrauded me of
considerable sums. 1 was also a large loser by the mercantile business, and must confess,
in addition, that the old proverb, " £asv come easy go," was too true in my case. I had
learned that I could make money rapidly and in large sums, whenever I set about it with a
will, and I did not hesitate to expend it in various extravagances as freely as I gained it.
I aojuired it so readily, that I did not realise the worth of it, and I entertained no anxiety
whatever about laying it up. To be sure, I thought that at some Jviure time I should begin
to^ accumulate by savmg, but I cared not for the present, and hence I scattered my means
with an open and unsparing hand.

When I removed to New York, I had no pecuniary resources except such as were
derived from old debts left in the hands of an agent in Bethel for collection.

I had hoped to find an opening with some mercantile firm in New York, where for my
services I coiUd receive a portion of the profits, for I had a disposition which ever revolteoL
at labouring for a fixed siuary. I wanted an opportunity where my faculties and energies
could have full play, and where the amount of profits should depend entirely upon the amooiit

STRUGGLING JOICE BETH — ^VIVALLA. SS

to several stores, including the cap and stock store of Mr. Chapman in Chatham-street, the
proprietors of which allowed me a small commission on all sales which they made to
customers whom I introduced.

This of course was only a temporaiy arrangement, and, like "Macawber," I was con-
tinually on the look-out for something better to " turn up." Every morning at sunrise m^
eyes were running over tiie columns of "Wants" in the New- York " Sun," hoping to hit
upon something that would suit me. Many is the wild-goose chase which I had in pursuit
of a situation so beautifully and temptingly ^t forth among those "wants." Fortimes
equalling that of Crcesus, and as plenty as blackberries, were dangling from many an
advertisement which mysteriously invited the reader to apply at Room No. 16, in the fifth
story of a house in some retired and uninviting locality ; but when I had wended my way
up nights of dark, rickety, greasy stairs, and through sombre, narrow passages, I would
find that my fortime depended firstly upon my advancing a certain sum of money, from
three dollars to five hundred as the case might be ; and secondly, upon my success in
peddling a newly discovered patent life-pill, an Ingenious mouse- trap, or something of the sort.

I remember that, on one occasion, an advertisement was headed, " Immense Specula-
tion on a small capital ! 10,000 dollars easily made in one year ! Apply to Professoi
, at Scudder's American Museum."

I had long fancied that I could succeed if I could only get hold of a public exhibition,
and I hastened with all despatch to call on the kind Professor who held forth such flattering
promises at the Museum. Being ushered upon the stage of the lecture-room in the third
story, I was grieved to find a dozen applicants already ahead of me. I instantly sought
out the Professor, and calling him aside, took a few moments to recover myself, for I wa
nearly out of breath from running so fast up stairs, and then I asked him whether he had
yet disposed of his speculation.

" Not positively, but several customers are ready to close with me immediately," was
the Professor's reply.

" I beg of you to ^ve me a chance ; you will find me just the man you want," I replied
with great earnestness.

" Well, as you are so anxious, and seem to be a young man of energj", I will give you
the first chance," replied the kind Professor.

I felt exceeding fateful, and asked him the nature of his enterprise.

" I am the proprietor of the great Hydro-oxy^n Microscope," said he. " It is the most
extraordinary instrument now extant. Its public exhibition through the coimtry would
in a very short period secure to its owner an mdependence. My healm is feeble, and I will
sell for only two thousand dollars ; one thousand cash — ^the balance in sixty and ninety
days, on good security."

My golden visions vanished, and I abruptly informed the Professor that I declined
becoming a purchaser of his instrument.

On another occasion an advertisement announced that " twenty dollars per day could be
«amed without any capital." This struck me as a capital chance, and I started forthwith
for the place indicated for applicants.

I found a little dark-lookmg old woman, surrounded by at least twenty anxious listeners.
Her tongue was running at a most ramd rate. She informed her auditors that she was
About to publish a pamphlet, called the Tenant's Guide, setting forth a full description of
jdl the houses that were to let in the city of New- York. " Now," said she, " here is a
quantity of small blank books and lead pencils. Each of you is to take one of these
books and pencils ; leave me a shilling as a guaranty that you will return them ; then
teU me what streets you will take, so as not to cross each other's track. You are to
Tvatch everv house closelv. The moment you see a bill up, indicating that the house
is ' To Let, ring the bell, pull out your book and pencil, and when a person comes to
the door, inquire the price of rent, the number of rooms, and aU the various accommoda-
tions — mark them all down^ and hasten on to the next house which has a bill up, where
you must repeat the operation. I hope, by having a large and effective corps of agents, to
have the citv finished m ten days, and to print my book in ten days more. The proceeds
of my pamphlet, after paying the expenses of printing, publishing, advertising, &c., shall
be £vided in this manner : One half to me, the inventor of this great desideratum, and
the other half to be fairly divided among you, my agents, according to the number of
' houses to let ' which you return to me. I have no doubt that thousands of dollars will be

j»4 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF F. T. BABNUBI.

veallaed by this speculation, and you will perceive that he who works the hardest will be
the best paid. I always like to reward persons according to their labours. In other worda^
I delight in helping people who ynll try to help* themselves. I would mention, however,
that the number of houses obtained will not be ihe only criterion of reward, as I ^all make
favourable allowance to such as write jdainly and who ^ve me the best detail of particulaa
in regard to each house.**^

Before the old lady had finished her speech the larger porUon of her audience had
departed, but new appucants continued to arrive, and she recommenced her address as soon
as she had finished it.

It will be believed that I was not tempted by the grand speculation, but being always
a student of human nature, I could not help remaining until she had repeated her speech
several times, merely to witness the effect which it had upon her hearers. None ventured to
take a book while I was there, and the supply of customers being about equal to its falling;
off, there were constantly two moving rows of applicants, one row passing down stairs and
the other passing up.

One morning I found in the ^^ Sun" an advertisement for a bar-keeper, applicadon t»
be made to Wm. Niblo. I proceeded at once to Niblo's Garden, and there, for the first
time in mv life, saw its gentlemanly and justly-popular proprietor. Upon stating mv
business. Mr. Niblo informed me that he wished to employ a well-behaved and r^able
man, wno was competent to fill the vacant situation, who could produce the highest
testimonials of his integrity,- and who would bind himself to remain in the situation for
three ^ears. This last condition, of course^ clashed with my arrangements, as I sought the
situation onlv as a means of temporary rehef, being detemuned at an early day, if possible,
to secure a place such as I have before described.

All my running at the beck of advertisers finally benefited me nothing, I obtained
no situation during the entire winter.

Early in the spring I received several hundred dollars from my agent in Bethel, and
finding no other business to suit me, I opened a small private boarding-house at No. 52,
IVantdfort-street, on the 1st May, 1835. I intended this mostly for tranoent boarders,
consisting of my acquaintances in Connecticut who had occasion to visit New York. We
soon had a good share of custom, but not having sufficient emplojnnent for my time I
purchased an interest in a grocery store, No. 156, South-street, in company with Mr. John
Moody.

In the latter part of July, 1835, Mr. Cdey Bartram, of Reading, Ct, and at present a
resident of the same State, called at our store. He was acquainted with Mr. Moody and
myself. He informed us that he had owned an interest in an extraordinary negro womaiiy
named Joicb Heth, whom he believed to be one hundred and sixty-one years of age, and
whom he also believed to have been the nurse of General Washington. He had sold out
his interest to his partner R. W. lAadaay^ of Jefferson County, Kentucky, who was now
exhibiting her in Philad^phia, but not having much tact as a showman, he was anxious
to sell out and return home.

Mr. Bartram also handed me a copy of " The Pennsylvania Inquirer," of July 15,
1885, and directed my attention to the following advertisement, which I here tranacnbe
verbatim: —

CURIOSITT.^The dtiseiis of PhiiadelphU and its vieinl^ have on opportanity of witnesBlng aft
the Masosic Hall, one of tho greatest natural coriomties erer witneraed, viz., JOICE HETH, •
Degress aged 161 years, who formerljr belonged to the fotber of Gen. Washington. She has been a
member of the Baptist Church one hundred and sixteen years, and can rehearse many hymns, and
ahig them according to former custom. She was bom near the old Potomac River in Virginia, and
has for ninety or one hundred years lived in Paris, Kentucky, with the Bowling family.

All who have seen this extraordinary woman are aatisfled of the truth of the aoeoont of h« affs.
The eyidenee of the Bowling famUy, which is rsspeotabie, is strong, but the original bOl of sate of
Augustine Washington, in his own handwriting, and other evidenoe which the proprietor has ta nSs
possession, will satUQr even the most Incredolons.

A lady will attend at the hall during the afternoon and evening for the accommodation of those
ladks who may call.

The NewTork newspapera had already flnmished descriptions of this wonderfhl penenaget
md beoomfaig considerably exdted upon the subject, I proceeded at once to Philadelphia
and had an interview with Lindsiqr at the Masonic HalL

I wae favourably struck with the appearance of the old woman. So &r as oatward
locHoatieni were conoemed, she mi^^t almost as well have been called a thousand yean old

STKUGGUNG — JOICE HSXa — YIVALLA. Q

i^

as any other age. She was lying upon a> high kuinge in the middld of the xoom; her
lower extremities were drawn up, with her knoes elevated some two feet above the top of
the lounge. She was i^pasently in good health aoid spirits, but former disease or old age,
or perhaps both combined, had rendered her unable to ehan^ her position ; in fact,
although she could move one of her arms at will, her lower mnbs were fixed in their
position, and could not be straightened. She was totally blind, and her eves were so
deeply sunken in their sockets that the eyeballs seemed to have disappeared altogether.
She hisd no teeth, but possessed a head of tmck bushy gray hair. Her i^ arm lay aeroaa
her breast, and she had no power to remove it. T^e nngera of her left hand were drawn
down so as nearly to close it, and remained fixed and immovable. The nails upon that hand
were about four mehes in length, and extended above her wrist. The nails upon her large
toes also had grown to the thickness of nearly a quarter of an inch.

She was very sociable, and would talk almost mcessantly so iDng" aa visitors would oon*
veise with her. She sang a vari^ of aaudent hymns, and was veiy garmloas when speak-
ing of her prot^g^ *^ dear Httle Gfeorae,** aa she termed the great fhther of our country.
She dedsred that she was present at his birth, that she was formerly the slave of Augustine
Waslungton, the father of Georg^ and that she was the first person who put clothes upon
him. '* In fact," said Joice, and it was a &vourite expneasion of heis, ^* I raised him."
She related many interesting anecdotea of ** her dear little Greorge," and this, mixed with
her oonveisations up«n rdigions subjects, fbr she claimed to be a member of the Baptist
Church, rendered hear exhibition an interesting one.

I asked Mr. Lindsay for tiie proofs of 1^ extraordinary age, and he exhibited what
purported to be a bill of sale from Augustine Washington, of the county of Westmoreland,
Virginia, to "Elizabeth Atwood," of "one negro woman, named Joice Heth, aged fifty-
four years, for and in oonsideratiaa of the sum of tfautv-tfaree pounds lawM money of
Virginia." The document bore the date "fifth day of February, one thousand seven hun-

dred and tirei^-eeTen," and was "sealed and delivered in the presence of Richard Buefcner
and William Washington.''

The story told by Lindsay and " Aimt Joice** was, that Mis. Elisabeth Atwood was a
sister-in-law of Augustine Washington, that the husband of Joice was the slave of Mrs.
Atwood, and for that reason the above sale was made. As Mrs. Atwood was a near neigh-
bour of Mr. Washington, Aunt Joioe was pvesent at the birth of "little Gerage," and she
having long beea the ^d finally nurse, was the first person called upon to clothe the new**
bominftmt.

The storv seemed plausible, and the " bill of sale" had every appearance of antiquity
It was exhibited in a glass firame, was very sallow in appearance, ana seemed to have been
folded for such a great length of time that'the folds were worn nearly through, and in some
parts entirely so.

I inquired why the existence of such an extraordinary old woman had not been dis-
covered and made known lone ago. The reply was that she had been lying in an out-
house of John S. Bowling of f^entucky fi>r many years, that no one knew or seemed to
care how old she was, that she had been brought thither tram Virginia a long time ago,
and that the fact of her extreme age had been but recently brought to light oy the £»-
covery of this old bill of sale in the Record Office in Vurginia, by the son of Mr. Bowling,
who, while looking over the ancient papers in that office, happened to notice the paper
indorsed Jdce Heui, thai his oario^ty was excited, and from inquiries made in that neigh-
bourhood he was convinced that the document applied to his father's old slavte then li^nng,
and who was therefore reidlv one hundred and sixty-one years of age ; that he thereupon
took the paper home, and became confirmed in regard to tiie identity of Joice with the
slave described in that paper.

This whole account appeared to me satisfactory, and I inquired the price of the negressL
Three thousand dollars was the sum naoMd: but before leaving Flmadelpliia I received
from^ Mr. Lindsay a writing, stipulating that I should have the right at any time
within tea days to become her owner upon pajring to him the sum of one tm>ussaid
dollars.

With this paper I started for New Torlf^ determined if possible to purchase Joioe Heffa.
I did not possess more than five bandied dollars in cadi, but my glowing representations to
aftiend, of the golden harvest which I was sure tiie exhibition must produce, induced him
to loan me tiie other five hundred delhtfs; and after a few days, dtiring which time I sold
my interest in the grocery store to my partner Moody, J returned to Philadelphia with
tfie m oney, and becomo he proprietor of the negtess, as appears by the fbllowing
^feomnexit :— •

56 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF F. T. BABNUM*

Whebxas, by articles of agreement dated Jnne 10th, AJb. 1885, John S. Bowling, the owner of an
Afirican woman called Joiob Hbth, and R. W. Lindsay, of Jefferson Connty, Commonwealth of
Kentucky, eorenanted and agreed for the term of twelre months to participate equally in the gains
and losses in exhibiting the Afirican woman, Joice Heth, in and amongst the cities of the United
States : And whereas, B. W. Lindsay says, that John S. Bowling transferred all his light, title, in-
terest, and claim arising out of said agreement to Coley Bartram ; and whereas, the said Coley Bartram,
by a writing dated at Philadelphia, July 24th, A.D. 1835, did transfer to R. W. Lindsay all his interest
in the coloured woman, Joice Heth, aged 161 years, sold to him by John S. Bowling, of Kentucky,
dated June 15th, A.D. 1835 : Now know all men by these presents, that I, the said R. W. Lindsay, for
and in consideration of the sum of one thousand dollars to me in hand paid by Phimxas T. Ba&num,
at or before the sealing of these presents, the receipt whereof is hereby acknowledged, haye barg^ed.
Bold, truisferred, and deliTered, and by these presents do bargain, sell, transfer, and d^ver unto tiie
said Phineas T. Bamum, his executors, administrators, or assigns, the possession of the person of the
Afirican woman, Joicb Hkth, and the sole right of exhibiting her during the unexpired term of the
twelve months mentioned in the agreement dated June 10th, A.D. 1835, in and amongst the cities of
the United States, and all my right, title, interest, or claim whatsoever, to the possession of the said
Joice Heth, and to the right of exhibiting her as aforesaid. And I do hereby for myself my heira,
executors, and administrators, covenant, promise, and agree to and with the said Phineas T. Bamum, his
heirs and assigns, by these presents, that I, the said R. W. Lindsay, and my heirs, have and do eqjoy the
just and legal possession of the said Joice Heth, and the sole right of exhibiting her in and amongst
the cities of the United States during the unexpired time of the twelve months commencing June
lOtli, A.D. 1835. And I do farther covenant, promise, and agree, that the possession of Joice Heth,
and the right of exhibiting her as aforesaid, and all my title and interest in Joice Heth, hereby
transferred and delivered unto the said Phineas T. Bamum, his heirs and assigns, aitainiit me, B. W.
Lindsay, and my heirs, and against Coley Bartram, and against John S. Bowling and Ms heirs, and
agahist all and every other person and persons whatsoever, lawfully claiming or to claim by, flrom, or
.under him, them, or any of them, shall and will warrant and fbr ever defend by these presente.

Provided, always, such claims shall be made previous to the tenth day of June, A.D. 1836. I hold
myself clear of all covenants and agreements for the possession of the person of Joice Heth, or the
right of exhibiting her after the tenth day of June, A.D. 1836.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand ,and seal, this sixth day of August, Anno Domini
one thousand eight hundred and thirty-five.

Sealed and delivered in presence of )

Sjlml. H. Tbaquaib, >- B. W. LINDSAY. L. S*

W. Dblakt. )

Bec^ved, August 6, 1835, firom Phineas T. Bamum, one thousand dollars, being the Aill consider-
ation of the within conveyance, and of the covenants and agreements contained therein.

(Signed) B. W. LmseAT.

I engaged Lindsay to continue (he exhibition in Philadelpliia for a week, in order to
allow me time to make the necessary arrangements for her reception in New York.

I applied to Mr. William Niblo, who I believe had seen the old negress in Philadelphia.
He did not recognise me as the person who a few months previously had applied to him for
the situation of oar-keeper. We soon made a bargain for the exhibition of Aunt Joice in
one of the large apartments in his dwelling-house m the vicmity of his saloon, which was
at that time a large, open, and aiiy establishment, where musical and light entertainments
were given, the gaests during the intermission, as well as at other times, being supplied
with ice-creams and other refreshments, in little alcove boxes fitted up with tables, and
running nearly all the distance around his garden.

These alcoves were tastefully decorated on the outside with festoons of lamps of varie-
gated colours, and the grand walk through the middle of the garden
was Uluminated on each side by chaste and pretty transparencies,
about seven feet high and two feet wide, eadi surmounted with a
large globular lamp. These transparencies were then new in the
city of New York, and were venr attractive. They were gotten up
by W. J. and H. Hannington, who have since become so celebrated
for glass-staining and decorative painting. Mr. H. Hanningt<m pro-
pared me several transparencies, two feet by three in size, which I
iiad placed upon a hollow frame, and lighted from the inside. It was
painted in eolouis with white letters, and read —

The terms of my engagement with Mr* Niblo were these: He was to furnish the room
and lights, pay the expense of printing, advertising, and a ticket-seller, and retain therefor
one huf of the gross receipts. The result proved an average of about 1600 doUars per
week.

I engaged as an assistant in exhibiting '•^ Aunt Joioe" Mr. IiBvi Ltxan. He was a
lawyer by profession, and had been practising in Penn Yan, N. Y. He was a ahxewd,

161

STRCOGUNQ — ^JOICE HETH — ^VIVALLA. 57

sociable, and somewliat indolent Yankee ; possessed a good knowledge of human nature ;
was polite, agreeable, could converse on most subjects, and was admirably calculated to fill
the position for which I engaged him.

Of course, in carrying out my new vocation of showman, I spared no reasonable efforts
to make it successful, i was aware of the great power of the public press, and I used it to
the extent of m^ ability. Lyman wrote a brief memoir of Joice, and putting it into a
pamphlet form, illustrated with her portrait, sold it to visitors on his own account, at six
cents per copy.

I had the same portrut printed on innumerable small bills, and also flooded the city
with "posters," setting forth the peculiar attractions which "the nurse of Washington^*
presented. Here are a few specimens of advertisements and notices of that day :

'^NiBLO's Gabden ^Tbe greatest eurio&tty in the world, and the most interesting, particularly to

Americans, is now exhibiting at the Saloon fronting on Broadway, in the building recently erected for
the dioramic view, Joicb Heth, nurse to Gen. George Washington, (the father of our country,) who
has arrived at the astonishing age of 161 years, as authentic documents will prove, and in full posses-
sion of her mental faculties. She is cheerful and healthy, although she weiglis but forty-nine pounds.
She relates many anecdotes of heryoung master; she speaks also of the red-coats during the Revolu-
tionary War, but does not appear to hold them in high estimation.

** she has been visited by crowds of ^ladies and gentlemen, among whom were many clergymen
and physicians, who have pronounced her the most ancient specimen of mortality the oldest of them
has ever seen or heard of, and consider her a very great curiosity.

^'She has-been a member of the Baptist Church for upwards of one hundred years, and seems to
take great satisfaction in the conversation of ministers who visit her. She frequently sings and
repeats parts of hymns and psalms."

Another advertisement contained a still closer appeal to both patriotism and curiosity :

'* Joice Hbth is unquestionably the most astonishing and interesthog curiosity in the world. She
was the slave of Augustine Washington, (the father of George Washington,) and was the first person
who ptU clothes on the unconscious in/ant who was destined in after days to lead our heroic fathers to
;;lory, to victory » and to fr-eedom. To use her own language when speaking of her young master
Creorge Washington, * she n^sed him.' "

Editorial notices wore abundant in many papers of the day, news, literary, political, and
religious — of which the following may serve as samples :

" Joice Hbth.— The arrival at Niblo's Garden of this renowned relic of the olden time has created
quite a sensation among the lovers of the curious and the marvellous ; and a greater object of marvel
and curiosity has never presented itself for their gratification. From the length of her limbs and size
of her bones, it is probable she was a large, stout woman in her day, but now she comes up exactly
to one's idea of an animated mummy. Her weight is said to be less than fifty pounds ; her feet have
shrunk to mere skin and bone, and her long, attenuated fingers more resemble the claws of a bird of
prey than human appendages. Notwithstanding her burden of years and infirmities, she is lively,
and seems to retain all her senses wonderfully. Her hearing is almost as acute as that of any person
of middle &ge."~-Ifew York Sun,

" The * old one' has arrived, and crowds of ladies and gentlemen have visited her at Niblo's. She is
lively, and answers every question cheerfblly. From the bill of sale of this old lady from General
Washington's father, we can have no doubt that she is 160 years of age. Her appearance is very
like an Egyptian mummy just escaped from its 8aTCophagus."^iireto Fork Evening Star.

** We venture to state, that since the flood, a like circumstance has not been witnessed equal to one
which is about to happen this week. Ancient or modem times fiimish no parallel to the great age
of this woman. Methuselah was 969 years old when he died, but nothing is said of the age of his
wife. Adam attained uearly the age of his antiquated descendant. It is not unlikely that the sex in
the olden time were like the daughters at the present day— unwilling to tell their age. Joice Heth is
an exception ; she comes out boldly, and says she is rising 160."-'iVeto York Daily Advertiser.

** This old creature Is said to be 161 years of age, and we see no reason to doubt it. Nobody 'indeed
wonld dispute it if she claimed to be five centuries, for she and the Egyptian mummy at the American
Museum appear to be about of an age."— -flTw York Courier and Enquirer.

« The dear old lady, after carrying on a desperate fiirtation with Death, has finally jilted him. In

the ftiture editions, we shall expect to see her represented as the impersonation of Time in the Primer,

old Time having given her a season ticket for life. The Wandering Jew and herself are the only two

people we wot of that have been put on tlie free-list of this world for the season of eternity."-~if«»

York Spirit qf the Times.

Joice was an inveterate smoker, and Grant Thorbum (better known as L«wne Todd)
gave some occasion of triumph to many editors by publishii^ an article in the Evening J3tar
from which the following is an extract:

56 ACTOIUOGILAPHX OS P. T. BJLSKUM.

** I hare beeato'see Jolee Heth to-day. I find that vitb. all ber other rareqnalltiei, she itaprqfound
HMker, Her attendants are obliged to abridge this luxury, else the pipe would never be oat of her
mouth. I asked her bow long she had used the pipe, and she answered, * One hundred and twenty
years ! ' So, if smoking be a poison, it is in her case, at least, a very slow poison.**

Our exhibition ustially opened with, a statement of the manner in -which the age of Joice
Beth was discovered, as well as the account of her antecedents in Virginia, and a reading;
of the bill of sale. We would then question her in relation to the birth and youth of
General Washington, and she always gave satisCactory answers in every particular.
Individuals among the audience would also frequenilv ask her questions, and put her to the
severest cross-examinations, without ever findiiu^ ner to deviate &om what had every
evidence of bdng a plain unvarnished statement of facts.

Joioe was very fond of chuich-nuisic, to which she would beat time by waviag her lon^
withered arm. On one occasion in New York an aged Baptist minister stood by her side
as she was singing one of her favourite hymns, and he joined her, and Hnei eadi verse.
She was much pleased by this circumstance, and sang with renewed animation. After the
hymn was finished, the cleiKynian Uned off the verse of another hymn, and Joice immediately
remarking, *^I know that nymn,** joined him in singing it. He Uned in this manner
several hymns which were entirely new to me, and in each case Joioe knew them, and in
Ofiie or two instances refireshed his memory when he fbund himself at a loss to recall the
exact language of the verses. Joice loved to converse upon religious sulgects, and frequently
insisted on the attendance of clergymen for that purpose.

The question naturally arises, if Joice Heth was an impostor, who taught her these

things ? and how happened it that she was so familiar, not only with ancient psolmodj^, but
also with the minute details of the Washington family? To all this, I unhesitatm^Iy-
answer, / do not know. I taught her none of these things, ^e was perfectly familiar with them
all before I ever saw her, and she taught me many faets in relation to the Washington
family with which I was not before acquainted.

From Providence, where the exhibition was highly successful, we went to Boston. This
was my first appearance in the modem Athens, and I saw much that was new and
interestmg to me. I attended various churches, and was pleased to see such an almost
univenal observance of the Sabbath. The theatres, too, were not permitted to be open on
Saturday evenings, and my mind reverted to the customs of many of our neighbours in
Connecticut, who, according to the old Puritan fashion, '''■ kept Saturday night," that is,
th&jT considered that the Sabbath commenced with the settmg of the sun on Saturday
and closed at sundown on Sunday, at which time they would recommence thdr labours and
zecreatioiisi

We opened our exhibition in the small ball-room of Concert Hall, at the comer of Court
and Hanover-streets. The fame of Joice had preceded her, the city was well posted with large
Mils announcing her coming, and the newspajpers had heralded her anticipated arrival in such a
multiplicity of styles, that the public cunosity was on tip-toe. I remember that one of the
papers, after givmg a desciiption of Joice Heth, and the great satis&ction which her
exhibition had given in New Xoik, added, " It r!you»-heth us exceedingly to know that we
shall be pennitted to look wptm the old patriarcli."

The celebrated Maelzel was exhibiting his equally celebrated ** aiit<Mnaton chess-player*'
in the large ball-room of Concert Hall ; but the crowd of viMtors to see Aunt Joice was so
great that our room could not accommodate them, and Mr. Maelzel was induced to close
his exhibition and give us his large room. I had frequent interviews and Ions conversations
with Mr. Maelzel. ^ I looked upon him as the great &ther of caterers for pubuc amusement,
and was pleased with his assurance that I womd certainly mi^e a successfud showman.

^^ I see,*' said he in broken English, *'that you understand the value of the press, and
that is the great thing. Nothing helps the showmans like the types and the ink. When
vour old woman dies," he added, *^ you come to me, and I will make your fortune. I will
let vou have my * carousal,' my automaton trumpet-player, and many curious things which
irill make plenty of money.**

I thanked hm for his generous proposals, and aasured him that should drcumstanoes
sender it feasible, I should apply to him.

Our exhibition room contmued to attract large numbers of visitors for several weeks
before there was any visible falling off. I kept up a constant succession of novel advertise-
menis and unique notloes in the newspapers, which tended to keep old Joice fresh in the
xnSnds of tiia public, and serrad to sharpen the curiosity of the people.

When the audienoes began to decrease in numbers, a short coomxunication appeared in

ST&VOOU9G — ^JOICB HBTOr—VirALLA. 59

one of die newspapers, signed ^^A Vmtor,^* in wliidi the writer claimed to hmre made aa
important discovery. He stated that Joice Heth, as at present exhibited, was a hnmhng^
whereas if the simple truth was told with regard to the exhibition, it was really yastfy
ooriousand interesting. ^'The fact is," said the communication, ^* Joice Heth is not a
human being. What purports to be a remarkably old woman is simply a curiously con*
stmcted automaton, made up of whalebone, india-rubber, and nnmberless springs, ingeniously
put together, and made to move at the slightest touch, according to Uie will of the operator.
The exhibitor is a vehtnloquist, and all the conversations apparently held with the andenft
lady are purely imaginary, so far as she is concerned, for the answers and incidents pOF*
porting to be given and related by her, are merely the ventriloquial voiee of the exhibitor.*'

Maelzel's ingenious mechanism somewhat prepared the way for this aanonnoement, and
hmidreds who had not visited Joice Heth were now anxious to see the curious automaton f
while many who had seen her were equaUv desirous oi a second look, in order to determine
whether or not they bad been deceived. The consequence was, enr audiences again
largely increased.

From Boston we went to Hingham, and thence in succession to Lowell, Woieester^
Springfield, and Hartford, meethig with most satisfactory snoeess. Everywhere there ap-^
peared to be conviction of the extreme longevity of Joice.

We hastened to return to New York to fill a second engagement I had made with Mr.
Niblo. The American Institute held its annual Fair at his gatraen, and my engagement wa*
to commence at the same time. The great influx of visitors to the Fair caused our room to^
be continually crowded, insomnch that we were firequently compelled to announce to i^U-
oants tibat the hall was full, and no more could be admitted fbr the present. In those cases
we w(rald huny up the exhilntions, cut short a hymn or two, antfwer questions with great
rapidity, and politely open the firont door as an egress te visitors, at the same time opening;
the entrance m)m the garden for the ingress of fresh cnstomera.

From Kiblo's we went to New Haven for three days, where the crowds were as laise
as nsuaL We then returned to New Ycurk and proceeded to Newark, where I met with tod
usual success. From Newark we returned to New York and went to Albany for one week^
to fill an engagement made with Mr. Meech, the proprietor of the Museum.

While exhibiting there, light evening entertainments were given in the theatre of the
Museum, one part of which consisted of remarkable feats of balancing, plate spinning,,
stilt walking, &&, by ^* Signer Antonio." The b^andng and spinning of crockesy was
nearly or quite new in this part of the conntry-^-to ine it was entirely so. It was also aa
surprising as it was noveL The daring feats of Antonio upon stilts, his balancing gims
with the bayonets resting on his nose, and various other performances which I had never
seen before, attracted my attention. I inquired of Mr. Meech where Antonio came firom^
He informed me that he was an Italian — ^had sailed from, England to Canada, whence he
had proceeded to Albany, and had never exhibited in any oihi&e American dty. Learning
that Mr. Meech did not desire hb services after that week, I sought an interview with
** Antonio,*' and in ten minutes engaged him to perform for me in any portion of the United
States, for one year firom date, at the salary of twelve dollars per week, besides board and
travelling expenses. I did not know exactly where I should use my prot^g^, but I waa
certain there was money in him, and thus I became interested In my second show.

Antonio, Jotee Heth, Lyman, and myscJf, left Albany for New York, stopping at the
private boarding house in Frankfort-street which I had taken the spring previous, but had
sold out soon after engaging Aunt Joice. I left my two shows in Frankfort-street while I
went to join my wife and £uighter, who were boarding with a Mr. Knapp, in Chwry-
street.

The first favour which I asked of Antonio was^ that he should submit to be thoroughly
washedr— an operation to which he had apparenUy been a stranger for several years ; and
the second, that he should change his name. I did not think "Antonio" 'suffidlentlT
" foreign," hence I named him Signor Vivalla, to both which propositions he consenteoL
1 immediately wrote a notice annoimcing the extraordinary qualities of Signor VivBlla, who
had just arrived firom Italy, elaborately settmg forth the wonders of his peiformanoei. ThU
was published as an artiele of news in one of the dtv pikers, and I forwarded a dozen oop&ift
to the several theatrical managers m New York, and elesewhne.

I first called upon William Dinneford, Esq., manager of the Franklm Theatre, but he
declined engaging the " eminent Italian artist" He had seen so many performanoea of that
kind which were vastly more extraordinajry thioi anything which YivaUa could do, he
iroald not think of engaging him.

" Now," sayi I, " Mr. Dmneford, I beg your paidon, bat I must be permitted to my that'

60 AUTOBIOGEAPHT OT P. T. BARNL'M.

f ou are mistaken. You have no doubt seen strange things in your life, but, my dear sir,
I should neyer have imported Signor Yivalla from Italy, unless I had authentic evidence
tliat he was the only artist of the kind who ever left that country."

" What are your terms ?" asked Dinneford, who (like many worthy young ladies, and
many other republicans of the first water) was evidently beginning to melt under the magic
ififiuence of a foreign importation.

*' You shall have him one night for nothing,*' I replied. " K you like him after one
trial, you shall have him the remainder of the week for fifty dollars — but, understand me,
this is only that the public may be able to see what he is. After that, my terms are fifty
dollars per ni^ht."

My proposition for the one night was accepted. I invoked the powers of "printer's
ink " and wood-cuts for three days and nights previous to the first appearance of " the
renowned and extraordinary Itahan artist. Signer Vivalla," and they were potent for my
purpose. The house was crammed. I marched upon the stage as a supernumerary to
assist Yivalla in arranging his plates and other " crockery ware," to hand him the gun to
fire when he had divested himself of one of his stilts, and was hopping across the st^e on
one stilt ten feet high, and to aid him in handling his muskets, &c. This was my ''^ first
appearance upon any stage J'

The applause which followed each of the Italian's feats was tremendous. It was such as
only a Chatham or a Bowery audience could give. Manager Dinneford was delighted, and
before we left the stage he engaged Yivalla for the weelc At the termination of the per-
formances Yivalla was called before the curtain, and as I did not consider it policy for him
to be able to speak English, (although he could do so very well, having travelled several
years in England,) I went out with Imn and addressed the audience in his name, thanking
them for their generosity, and announcing him for the remainder of the week.

In the meantime I had opened the exhibition of Joice Heth in the large hall at the
junction of tiie Bowery and Division-street, but as I saw that Yivalla' s prospects were
bright, and that his success would depend in a great measure upon management, I left
Lyman to exhibit Joice. After she had remained In that location for several weeks, he took
her to several towns in Connecticut and elsewhere. Yivalla remained a second week at the
fVanklin Theatre, for which 1 received 150 dollars — ^immediately after which, I realised the
same sum for his services one week in Boston ; and then we proceeded to Washington city
to fldfil an enga^emtot I had made with Wemyss, my profits depending en the receipts.

The theatre in Washington was a small out-of-the-way place, and we opened, Jan. 16,
1886, to a house not exceeding thirty dollars. It was a hard beginning, for the stipulations
required fifty dollars more before I was entitled to a penny !

This was my first visit to Washington, and I was much interested in viewing the United
States Capitol, and other Government buildings, and satisfied a laudable curiosity by having
pointed out to me, in their seats in Congress, Clay, Calhoun, Benton, Webster, J. Q. Adams,
Polk, Richard M. Johnson, &c.

Mr. Polk was then Speaker of the House of Representatives, and Mr. Yan Buren, who
was then Yice President of the United States, of course presided over the Senate. I had
an opportunity one afternoon, while in the gallery of the Senate, to witness the extraordi-
nary powers of self-control which Mr. Yan Buren possesses. In those days of high political
excitement, he was called by his enemies "Reynard the Fox,'* "the Little Magician,"
&c. ; and in fact he was looked upon by many persons as a man so wily as to be able to dr-
cumvent everybody and everything short of " Old Homy " himself.

Blr. Calhoun rose to speak. He was intensely excited, and spoke very rapidly as follows,
" Mr. President, I am continually annoyed by newspapers sent to me from the New England
States, in which are set forth the principles and designs of a class of— I will not say men,
for they deserve not the title, but a class of ingrates, known as abolitionists. Witn your
Mrmission, sur, I will read an extract from a newspaper which I recdved by mail this mom-
laig, and which I now hold in my hand."

Mr. Calhoun then read a most violent and bitter attack upon the southern slaveholders,
denonnchig them as man-stealers, pirates, robbcurs, murderers, men who set at nought evexy
seqnirement of the decalogue, and who richly deserved to be butchered by their own slaves.
In fact, the editor advised the ^ves to execute immediate and bloody vengeance upon thdr
masters.

A thrill of indignation against the editor, whoever he mi^ht be, ran through the assembly
and Mr. Calhoun contfamed : " The political character of this paper, Mr. President, can be
judged by the following names which I read from the head thereof: For President, Martdc
Van Bubbn, of New York; for Yice President, B. M. Johnsov, of Kentncky."

STRUGOLn^G — JOICE HSTH — ^VIVALIiA. 61

The Senate was convulsed with laughter at this palpable hit Meanwhile Mr* Yaa
Bnren maintained a countenance as placid as a May morning, and tibe keenest eye could
not have detected the slightest evidence that he was any more interested in the speech of
Mr. Calhoun than an infant. Mr. Calhoim continued for twenty minutes to denounce the
administration in the most scathing language. Van Buren manifested the utmost uncon-

ilinglv

I called on Anne Koy all, the authoress of the Black Book, who at that time was quite a cele*
brated personage. She published a little paper entitled " Paul Pry." I had exchanged
with her while I edited the " Herald of Freedom ;" she strongly sympathised with me in
my persecutions, and was now delighted to see me — she was even boisterous in her assuiv
ances of that fact.

Anne was the most garrulous old woman I ever saw. Her tongue ran like wildfire.
She said when she first saw me she thought it was Claybum, meaning the member of Con-
gress from Mississippi.

"lexjpect Clavbum here every minute," says she. "Do you know," she continued,
" that he IS a terrible wag ? ^ Yes, Bamum, that Claybum once passed himself off on me as
a clergyman. But never mind, I forgive him, for he is a good fellow after all."

" Come, Sally, put the things in order," said Mrs. Royall (addressing her helpmate, a
tail woman of about thirty, somewhat ragged and considerably dirty) " get things to rights •

You see how I look, ragged and poor, but thank God I am saucy and independent. The
whole government is afraid of me, and well they may be. I know them all, from top to
toe — I can fathom their rascality through all its ins and outs, from the beginning to the end.
By the way, Bamum. who do you support for President and Vice President ?"

" Well, I believe I shall go for Matty and Richard M.," meaning Martin Van Buren and
Bichard M. Johnson.

I have seen some fearful things in my day— some awfiil explosions of tempestuous passion*
but never have I witnessed such another terrible tempest of fuiy as burst from Mrs. Anne
Royall, in reply to my response. After a minute, during which her utterance was choked
she broke forth as follows — I kept a diaryin those days, and I here copy verbatim : '

"My God ! my God ! is it possible ? Will you support such a monkey, such a scoundrel

1 1 nope tne next vessel you put

"Ha! ha! ha! no, you don t."

"Oh, you villain! lau^h, will you? when your country is in danger! laugh when
fire-arms are in preparation to destroy your country! Oh. you donit believe it but
let me tell you, the conspirators know too much to let you foolish Yankees into their secret.
Remember, I was once with them, and I know all about it."

" Whvj Anne, you must acknowledge there are some good people in our ranks."

" No, I don't. There's not one devil of you who cares a cent for his country. You
would not give a farthing to save it from destruction. See how I live ! see how I work to
save my country I I am at work every moment — see my house — see I have no bed to lie
on— no anything, and then you tell about loving your country ! Oh, you deserve to be
lynched, every devil of you ! "

In this style Anne raved for half an hour. I occasionally laughed, which made her
worse, and if I tried to slip in a word of excuse, she would exclaim :

" There, that's the way with you Yankees ; you won't hear anybody, and that is the
reason you don't know anything.^'

At last she talked herself out of breath. I had formed a pretty correct idea of Aime's
character, and felt assured, therefore, that although she was a monomaniac upon political
subjects, she was nevertheless a good-hearted, generous woman, and that ^her present
ranting was but an ebullition of her eccentricity, and not any evidence of her disliking me.
And so it proved, for, lowering her voice into a calm, she tumed the conversation as
follows:

" Well, Bamum, you are a good fellow, and I am really glad to see you. How sony I
am that we mentioned politics, for I am so nervous. Now, I want a real good talk with you."

Sally here announced that the papers were ready for mailing, upon which Anne started

62 A<0TOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. B&KIVM.

lip and flnld, *'' Come, Banmin, go -witli me isto iSbt ]>x^tiiigH>ffiee, and there ire can talk
«Bd yroA together.*'

We procMded to s emaU Inick bunding, near the house, and after ezpeiiendn^ some
diffienllT' fai climbing up a dirty pair of stairs, and groping our frw^ through a dark passage
in the second storj, we reached the printing-Kxffioe of the "^ Paul Prj.'* The irhole force
of the establishment consisted of one man and a boy. A pile of newspapers in wrappers,
and a31 dkected to their places of destination, laj upon the middle of the floor.

** Now, Bamum," said Anne, ^* I am going to sort these papers for the midls, for our
lazy officiitils in the post'-office would not do it in a week, and you shall help me ; so sit
Tight down on the floor by my side, and we ean woxk and talk together."

Anne then seated herseu upon the dirty floor, and as there was no chair hi tiie room, I
«at down beside her, not daring even to spread my handkerchief, or in any way zemoye the
dust, lest she should construe it into an insult.

In this way I spent another half hour with Anne, aiding her in assarting her papers,
and keeping up with her a very agreeable conversation, during which she gave me briefly
her history, which I cannot spare space to record.

Before leaving her, my showman propoisities were manifest, inasmuch as I tried to hire
her to give a dozen or twenty piiblic lectures upon Government, in the Atlantic cities; but
4Bhe was not to be tempted oy pecuniary reward, and I was obliged to give over that
speculation, which, bv the way, I am certam would have proved a profitable one.

Upon parting with Mrs. Boyall, she seemed very grateful to me for calling on her, and
aaid I must certainly never visit Washington without spending a few hours with her. To
tUs I agreed, but never again met the eccentric old lady.

Since writing the foregoing, Mrs. Royall has departed this life. I cut tiie following slip
from a New York paper (^ October 5, 1854 :

** Hbs. Akiis Rot all died at ber residence in Washlniirton, on Sunday monibuc, October Isi^ 1854, at
a very adyanced age. She was the widow of a rerolutionary olOoer, Coionel WUliam Royall, and she
publiahed a newspaper in Washington for many years, flrst as the * Panl Pry,' irtiidi name was after-
ward ebanged to * The Hantress.' ' The Washington Star* says :—

*< ( Ever since the publication of the fiimoos history of her peregrinations throughout the oonntiy,
fighting the Presbyterians, she has made her residence here. For the last four or five years she has
been oat and about very little, owing to her increasing infirmities. When about, howeyer, her tongue
went as before — always so as to attract a crowd of wonderers around her. Vehement and riolent in
her antipathies, and the expression of them, she was equally warm in her firiendship for those slie
favoured, though firom her peculiar way of manifesting her Uldngs, few, indeed, courted her affsetiOBate
regards. To the hour of her death she preserred all the peculiarities of ttioagbC, tempw , and laannera
which at one lime rendered har «o famous throughout the land.' "

There was incessant snow in Washington during Yivalla's engagement, and I was so
unexpectedly a loser by the operation, that I had not sufficient funds to return to Phila-
delphia. Arter much hesitation, and with a deep feeling of sadness and humiliation, I
pawned my watch and chain for thirty-five dollars, promismg to redeem it within a month.
Fortunately, however, Mr. Wem^ss arrived on Saturday momiiu;, bringuig with him
liuoius Junius Booth and Miss Waring, afterwards Mrs. Scfton. Bur. Wemvss loaned me
thirty-five dollars, and I redeemed my watch, paying a dollar for the use ol the money a
few hoxirs.

Yivalla and myself proceeded to Philadelphia, and opened at the Walnut-street, on tlic
26th, to a alim house. The sleighing was good and theatricals dull. Hadawav, the
popidar actor, at jiresent engaged at my Museum, was the low comedian at the Walnut,
and appeared just as old then as now. X then thought him one of the most chaste and
^ective comedians of the day, and I think the same of him stiH. His laugh, his widk, hia
eveiy look and act is eomlo — he must be droll in spite of himself— every tone and modu-
lation of his voice is tmly comic He never utters a vulgar expression, never overacte his
gart — ^bot possesses a mok judicious mind, which, ever o&at upon his profession, has made
im, with his excellent personal habits, a most worthy and justlv popular actor.

" fiignor Yivalla^s" performances were wdl received* On the second night, however, I
heard two or three distinct hisses from the pit. It was the first time that my prot^g^ had
noelved the slightest maik of ^Bsapprobation since I had ensaj^ him, and I was surprised.
YivaUa, who, under my management, had become proud of nis profession, was excessivcdT
•mnoyed. I proceeded, therefore, to that portion of the house wnenoe the niesing emanated*
and foimd that it came from a circus performer named Roberto and his friends. It
seems that Roberto was a balancer ma juggler, and he dedared he could do all that
Yivalla could. I was certain he could «iof, and told him so. Some hard words ensued. I
then proeeeded to the tlcket-oiBce, where I irrote screral copies of a *^ card," and pro-

vntvoouao — sours hbth— rrr alila.. 68

cee^iBff to the printfaig-^ffioeB of rtaiom newspspem^ combing up Barrow stain and
threa4^ng dark aUeys fbr the piupose, I «ecuTed its appearance in the papers of the nesct
morning. The card was headed " One Thomand IhUars Raward!^ and then proceeded to
state that Signer Yivalla would pay the foregoing sum to any man who wonld publicly
Aceompliah iSs (Yivalla's) feats, at such public place as Viyalla should designate.

Roberts came out with a card the next day, accepting Yiyalla's offer, idling on him to
put up the HiOQsand dollars, to name the time and place of trial, and stating that he conld
be found at a certain hotel near 6reen*s Circus, of which he was a monber. I borrowed a
thousand dollars of my friend Oliyer Taylor — ^went to Mr. Warren, treasurer of the Widnut,
and asked him what share of the house he would giye me if I would ^t up an excitement
that should bring in four or fiye hundred dollars a night. (The entuw receipts the nieht
preyioos were but seyenty-fiye dollars.) He repUed that he would giye me one third
of the gross recdpts. I told him I had a crotchet in my head, and would inform him
within an hour whether it would work. I then called upon Roberts and showed hhn my
tiiousand dollars. ^* Now,'^ says I, ** I am ready to put up this money in re^onsible
hands, to be forfeited and paid to you if you accomplish Signor Viyalla's feats."

** Yery well," said Roberts, with considerable brayado ; ** put the money into the hands
of Mr. Green, the proprietor of the drcus" — ^to which I assented.

^^ Now," said 1, '* I wish you to men this card, to be published in handbills and in
to-morrow*s newspapers." He read it. it stated that Signor Yiyalla haying placed one
thousand dollars in hands satisfactory to himself, to be forfeited to him if he succeeded in
performing the yarious feats of the said Yivalla, he (Roberts) would make the public trial
to do so on the stage of the Walnut-street Theatre, on the night of the 30th inst.

*' You don*t expect me to perform ail Yiyalla's feats, do you ? " said Roberts, alter
reading the card.

" No, I don't earpect jon ca», but if you do not, of course you will not win the thousand
dollars," I replied.

^> Yvhy, I know nothing about walking on stilts, and am not fool enough to risk my
neck in that way," said Roberts.

Seyeral persons, circus-riders and others, had crowded around us, and exhibited some
degree of excitement. My thousand dollars was stUl openly displayed in my hand. I saw
that Roberts was determined to back out, and as that would not be consistent with my
plans, I remarked that he and I could do our own business without the intermeddling of
third parties, and I would like to see him alone. He took me up stairs to his room, and
bolting the door, I thus addressed him :

" Now, Roberts, you said to the public in your card that you aocepted Yiyalla's offer.
What was that offer? Why, that he would give a thousand dollars to the man who could
accomplish his feats. Now, you may spin a plate or two as well as Yiyalla, but Yivalla
spins ten plates at once, and' I doubt whether you can do it — If not, you lose the reward.
Again, you confess that you cannot perform <»i stilts. Of course, then, you don't accom-
plish * his f^ats,' and therefore you could not receive the thousand dollars."

" But I can toss balls and do tricks which Yivalla canH accomplish," said Roberts.

*' I have no doubt of that," I replied, *^ but that has nothing to do with Yivalla's offer."

" Oh, I see," said Roberts, in a huff, " you have fixed up a Yankee card to suit yourself,
and left a hole to sneak out of."

*'Not at all, Mr. Roberts. I have made a specific ofier, and am ready to fidfil it. Do
not fret nor be angry, for you shall find me your friend instead of an enemy."

I then inquired whether he was engaged to Mr. Green.

" Not at present," he replied, " as the circus is closed."

''Well," 1 responded, **it is evident you cannot ^in the thousand dollars. I did not
intend you should, but I will give you tliirty dollars if you will perform under my directions
one night at Uie Walnut-street Theatre, and will keep your own coansel."

He consented to this, and I then asked him to sign the card, and give himself no
uneasiness. He signed, and I had it thoroughly published^ first dosing my bargain with
the treasurer of the Wahiut fbr one third of the gross receipts on the tnal night, proyided
there was 400 dollars in the house.

The next day I brou^t Roberts and Yivalla privately together, and by practishigthey
soon discovered what tricks each could accomplish, and we then prooeedea to arrange the
manner in which the trial should come off, and how it should terminate.

In the meantime the exoit^oaent about the coming trial of skill was &st increasing.
Suitable *^ notices" were inserted in the papers, braggmg that Roberts was an Ameriean,
and could beat the foreigner all hollow. Koberts in the meantime announced in the papers

64 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BASNUM.

that if, as he expected, he should dbtain the thousand dollars, a portion of it should be
disbiursed for charitable purposes. I set "thepbess" at work lustily, in the shape of
handbiUfi, squibs, &c Before the night of trial arrived, the excitement had reached fever
heat. I knew that a crowded house was unfadt accomplL

I was not disappointed. The pit and upper boxes were crowded to suffocation. In fact»
.the sales of ticksts to these localities were stopped because no more persons could posably
gain admittance. The dress circle was not so full, though even that contained many more
persons than had been in it at one time during the previous two or three months.

The contest was a very interesting one. Roberts of course was to be beaten, and it was
agreed that Vivalla should at first perform his easiest feats, in order that the battle should
be kept up as long as possible. Roberts successively performed the same feats that Vivalla
did. Each party was continually cheered by his friends and hissed by his opponents.
Occasionally some of Roberts's finends from the pit would call out, ** Roberts, beat the little
Erendmian," " One Yankee is too much for two Frenchmen anytime," &c. The contest
lasted about forty minutes, when Roberts came forward and acknowledged himself defeated.
He was obliged to give up on the feat of spinning two plates at once, one in each hand.
His Mends ui^ged mm to try again, but on his declining, they requested him to perform his
own peculiar feats, (juggling, tossing the balls, &c.) This he did, and his performances,
which continued for twenty minutes, were highly applauded.

As soon as the curtain fell, the two contestants were called for. Before they went out
I had concluded a private arrangement with Roberts for a month — ^he to perform solely as
I directed. When he went before the curtain, therefore, he informed the audience that he
had a lame wrist, which was indeed the fact. He further informed them that he could do
more feats of various kinds than Yivalla could, and he would challenge Vivalla to such
a trial at any time and place he pleased, for a wager of five hundred dollars.

^^ I accept that challenge," said Vivalla, who stood at Roberts's side, '^ and I name next
Tuesday night in this theatre."

"Bravo," cried Vivalla's friends, as vigorously as "bravo" had been shouted by the
friends of Roberts.

Three hearty cheers were given by the enthusiastic audience, and the antagonists, looking
daggers at each other, withdrew at opposite sides of the curtain. Before the uproar of
applause had ceased, Roberts and Tlvalla had met upon the stage, shaken hands, and were
enjoying a hearty laugh, while little Vivalla, with thumb to his nose, was maMug curious
gyrations to an imaginary picture on the back of the screen, or possibly to a reiu tableau
vwant in front of the curtain.

The receipts of the theatre on that night were 593 dols. 25 c, of which I received one-
third— 197 dols. 75 c.

The contest on the Tuesday night following was nearly as profitable to me as the first
one, as so indeed were several similar trials of skill brought forward in Dinneford's Franklin
Theatre, Kew York, and various other places, during the month of Roberts's engagement*

These details may possess little interest to the general reader. They however serve to
show (though it ma^ be revealing some of the " tricks of the trade ") how such matters are
frequently managed in theatres and other places of amusement. The people are repeatedly
wrought to excitement and take sides most enthusiastically in trials of skill, when, if the
truth were known, the whole affair is a piece of management between the prominent parties.
The entertainment of the time may be an ofiset to the " humbug" of the transaction, and
it may be doubted whether managers of theatres will be losers by these revelations of
mine, for the public appears disposed to be amused even when they are conscious of being
deceived.

MeanwhQe, poor old Joice had sickened, and with her attendant, a faithful coloured
woman whom I hired in Boston, had gone to my brother's house in Bethel, where she was
provided with warm apartments and the best medical and other assistance.

On the 2lBt of February, 1836, my brother's horses and sleigh stopped at the door of my
boarding-house in New York. The driver handed me a letter from my brother Philo,
stating that Aunt Joice was no more. She died at his house on Friday night, the 19th,
and her body was then in the sleigh, having been conveyed to New York for me to dispose
off as I thought proper. I at once determined to have it returned to Bethel and interred
in our village burial-ground, though for the present it was placed in a small room of which
I had the key.

The next morning I called on an eminent surgeon who, upon visiting Joice at Niblo's,
had expressed a desure to institute a post-mortem examination if she should die in this
oonntry. I agreed that he should have the opportunity, if imfortunately it should occur

STRUGGLINQ — JOICB HSTH— -YIVALLA. 65

while she was under my protection. I now informed him tibat Aunt Joice was dead, and he
reminded me of my promise. I admitted it, and immediately proceeded to arrange for the
examination to take place on the following day.

In the meantime a mahogany coffin and plate were procured and taken to the hall where
the examination was to take place. A large nimiber of physicians, students, and several
clergymen and editors were present. Among the last named class was Richard Adams
Locke, author of the celebrated " Moon Hoax," who was at that time editor of the ** New
York Sun."

An absence of ossification of the arteries in the immediate region of the heart was deemed
by the dissector and most of the gentlemen present an evidence against the assumed age
of Joice.

When all had withdrawn excepting the surgeon, his particular friend Locke, Lyman,
and myself, the surgeon remarked, addressing me, that there was surely some mistake in
regard to the alleged age of Joice; that instead of being 161 years old, she was probably
not over eighty.

I stated to him, in reply, what was strictly true, that I had hired Joioe in perfect good
f£uth, and relied upon her appearance and the documents as evidence of the trutii of her
stor^. The same gentleman had examined her when alive on exhibition at Niblo*s. He
rejomed that he had no doubt I had been deceived in the matter, that her personal appear-
ance really did indicate extreme longevitv, but that the documents must either have been
for^d, or else they applied to some other mdividuaL

Lyman, who was always ready for a joke, no matter what the cost nor at whose
expense, here made a remark regarding the inability of the faculty to decide with much
precision in regard to a case of this kind His observations wounded the feelings of the
surgeon, and, taking the arm of his friend Locke, they left the hall — I fear not in very
good humour.

The " Sun" of the next day (Feb. 26, 1836) contained an editorial, written of course
by Locke, commencing as follows : —

**DissscTioir OF JoiGE Hkth.— Precious Humbuo Exposkd.— The anatomical examination of the
body of Joice Heth yesterday, resnlted in the exposure of one of the most precious humbugs that ever
was imposed upon a credulous community."

Mr. Locke then proceeded to give a scientific account of the dissection, and the reasons
he had for doubting her story.

Here let me say a word in reply to the captious who may claim that I was over-
credulous in accepting the story of Joice and her exhibitor, as a matter of fact. I assert,
then, that when Joice Heth was living, I never met with six persons out of the mairjr
thousands who visited her, who seemed to doubt the claim of her age and history. Hundreds
of medical men assured me that they thought tibie statement of her age was correct, and
Dr. Rogers himself, in his parting conversation above noted, remarked to me that he
expected to have spoiled half a dozen knives in severing the ossification in the arteries
around the region of the heart and chest. Indeed, Mr. Locke plainly indicated his belief in
her story, by the following remarks found in the editorial from which I make the above
extract : —

" We were half inclined to question the propriet}' of the scientific curiosity \rhich prompted it" (the
dissection). " We felt as though the i>eTBon of poor old Joice Heth should have been saved from expo-
sure and mutilation, not so much on account of her extreme old age, and the public curiosity which
she had already gratified for the gain of others, as for the high honour with vhieh she was endowed in
being the nurse cf the immortal Washington."

Locke's editorial asserted that the age of Joice did not exceed seventv-five or eighty
years.

When the " Sun " newspaper appeared, and the account of the post-mortem examination
was read, thousands of persons who had seen her when alive, were much astonished. " There
must be a mistake," said one, " for her very appearance indicated her age to have been at
least a hundred and twenty." " She could not have been less than a hundred," said others ;
while still others believed she was quite as old as represented.

In this state of the public mind, Lyman detemuned to put a joke upon James Gordon
Bennett, of the "Herald." He therefore called at Bennett^s office, and told him that we
had been humbugging Dr. Rogers ; that, in fact, Joice Heth was now being exhibited in
Connecticut, and that the body which had been dissected as hers was that of an old uegress
who had recently died at Harlem. Bennett swaUowed the bait, hook and alL He decbured
it was the best hoax he ever heard of, eclipsing Locke's " moon hoax " entirely, and he

5

66 .AUTOUOOBAPST OT P. T. BAMHtVU,

jgow&i&l to jot down the detaiUs as ibey wore invented bj Lyman's fertile brain. The
foroltwas, the appearance of the artide fieom. the ^'Snn'^in the "Heiald" of Feb. 27,
1836, preceded by the following remarks : —

*< AvoTHiK Hoax f — Aimezed is a long ilgmftrole accotoit of the dlasecHon of Jolce Heth, extracted
from yeBterday's * Sm', which Is nothing more nor leas than a complete hoax from beginning to end.
Mm Mtth it so< dttul, Ob Wednesday laat» as we learn from the best authority, she was liring at
Bebron in Connecticut, where she thea was. The subject on which Doctor Rogers and tiie Ifedkal
Faculty of Barclay-street haye been exercising their knife and their ingenuity, is the remains of a
respectable old negress called Aukt Nellt, who has lived many years in a sznaU house by liend£f in
Harlem, belonging to Mr. Clarke. She is, as Dr. Rogers sagely discoyers, and Doctor Locke his col.
league accurately records, only eighty years of age. Aunt Nelly before her death complained of Old
age and inflrmity. She was otherwise in good m>irit8. The recent winter, however, has been very
eevere, and so she gs^ ap the iifhost a fsw days ago.

** Somoaperson in this city, we believe one <tf the advertising doctors who had been hoaxed hy tiia
Lunar Discoveries, in the manu£soture of which it ia now believed that Dr. Rogers had a prtnclpal
hand along with Sir Richard A. Locke, resolved, as soon as he heard from a friend of the death of poor
AuMT Nei^'T, to send her body into the city, and contrive to pass her off upon the Medical Faculty for
the veritahle Joloe Heth. The trick took. Several of the hoaxed went, looked, wondered, and held up
their hands in astonishment Her death was announced in the Sua, and a ptut'mnrtmn examina-
tion prepared. The public swallowed the pilL Aunt NOUy, nefi^toeted, unknewa, unptfied when aUv^
became au object of deep science and deeper investigation when she dfaid. She looked as old and u|^
as Jol(» herself and in that respect answered the tldng exactly.

" Such is the true verrion of the hoax, as given us by good authority, of the story tdd in the following
piece of humbug, taken from yesterday's * Sun.' "

This editorial preficice of the " Herald '* introduced the account of the dissection aa ii
utpeared in the " Sun,** and Bennett suhioined the comprebensiFe comment : ^ Thus far
tne Joice Heth hoax, for the veracity oi wlucli we h&ve names and edrtificates in our
possession.**

Upon reading the article firom tho " Herald," a large portion of the pnbUo hefiered it, and
consoled themselves b^ sa^^, "Ah! I was sure the old woman was considerably mord
than eighty. The article in the * Herald ' makes the matter all clear."

Locke insisted that he had not been humbugged, and Bennett peraistM that he had, and
offered to lay a wager of several hundred dollars that Joice was reallv alive and then beine
exhibited in Connecticut ! After a while the editor of the *' Herald" nnding himself hoaxed,
eried still the louder that he was right, and published several iSctitions c^ficates purport-
ing to have been written and signed by persons residing in Hairiem, eortoborathig Lyman'a
atory of " poor Aunt Nelly."

fn September of the same year, (while I was id>s6nt at the South,) Bennett met Lyman
in the street, and proceeded to ^^blow bim sky high" for having imposed upon him. Ly>
man laughed j he said he only meant it as a harmless joke, and that " now, as a recompense
for the imposition, he would nimish Bennett with '• the veritable hist«y of the rise, progress,
and termination of the Joice Heth hnmbug.*"

Bennett was delightecL They went to his office, and Lyman dictated while the editor
teok down the heads of what purported to be the history of Joice— of her having been first
foond by me in the ont-house of a plantation in Kentucky-—^ my having extracted aH her
teeth — taught her the Washington story— called her 110 years old in Louisville, 121 in Cin-
cinnati — ^twenty yean older in Pittsburgh, and 161 at Philadelphia.

This ridiculous story, being a ten tunes greater humbug than the one befbre practised
mpon theeditor of the ^^Herald,'* was duly written out and embeUished by Bennett, as will be
found by turning to the files of the *' Herald,'* of Thursday, Sept. 8, and Tuesday, Sept. 13,
1886, where the first article under the editorial head has the title in capitals, ^* The Joick
Heth HoaxI" Then follow several columns, purporting to give an account of Joice from
her first discovery in Kentucky imtil her arrival in Philadelphia. On the 17th September
follows another chapter under the aame caption, surmounted with a wood engraving of her
portrait.

The editor of the <* Herald** asserted his full belief in this second and greatest humfaog, by
the following statement in his paper of the 8th of September already mentioned :-«

"A ftiU and accurate account of the hoax, perpetrated by Joice Heth and her fi*iends, upon the
cities of Philadelphia, New York, and Boston, and particularly the medical (kculty ef each, will be one
of the most interesting histories of this singular exposition of human Ingeunity on the one side and
human credulity on the other. Some of the most eminent medical men in thsaa three dtiet, and eape-
dalty the famous Doet. Warren of Boston, figured most coavieuonsly In this langhable developmaat.
Thtrt can beno mi$lak0 9bonHhefaet$nlttted, because we have taken them down from the hps of the very
iadivldnal who originated, and carried into effect, this most stupendoashoax, tUostratlve of the accuracy
of medical science, the skill of medical men, and the generiil good-nature and credulity of the puMle.'*

tHE tBAVEixfira cntcvs. 67

It woidd tecmt, l^ liil«r iet«lopnient0, as if Benn«ti hftd ntftMr lbrgiy«h me for ^« ri^
iilons figim lie ira» m«cto to out m tbii *^ Joice Heffa Hoax."

The stoiy of Lytban has since been gemendly Accredited as the true hi^r^ of the M.
egressy md neter, vhitil the present wrmng, hAVe I said or written a n^ok^ by Way of ooft-
radicftion or oofreetion. Newspaper tAd social controversy on the subject (ttad selwmi hsiie
astly more impoytani naiters belb so Ittigely discussed) served my purpose as ^^ a shownunf *
y keeping my name before the public.

I will onrjr add, thai the remains of Joice were removed to Bethel, and buried
espectably.

CHAPTER VIII.

THE TRAVEIiLING CIRCUS.

My Iti^ian, Signer Vivalla, continued to perform for lAe iii various theatres and circuses,
.8 well as at Peal^s Museum in New York. I also took him to Danbuiy, Bridgeport, New
Tavcn, Norwalk, and other places in Connecticut ; and to Newaik, Elizabethtown, Rahway,
nd New Brunswick, N. J., wh«« I generally met with poor success, the expetises, licenses,
be, frequently exceeding the receipts.

In April, 1886, 1 arranged with Aaron Turner, A cirteus proprietor, (fisther of the cele-
•rated riders N. B. and T. V. Turner,) to connect Vivalla with his travelling circus company
»r the ensuing summer. I was to oe paid for Yivalla the nominal salary of 50 dols. per
Qonth and two half-dear benefits, and 30 dols. per month for mvself ; and also, in consider-
ition of Vivaila*8 and my own services, I was to receive one flfm of the entire profits of the
ircus o6mpany. I was at this time paying Vivalla 80 dols. per month, so that kis and thy
lominal salary united, reimbursed my payment, and left me the chance of 20 per cent, of
he net receipts for my profits. I was to act as ticket seller, secretary, and treasurer.

Mr. Turner was an old showman. To me, this traveUmg and pefforrtiing in canvass
ents was altogether new. I removed mv wife and little daughter to Bethel, where th*y
"esided in the dwelling-house over the yelfow stoi^.

On Tuesday, the 26th AprO, our circus company, with all its paraphernalia of wagons,
arriages, tents, horses, ponies^iand of music, and about thirty-five men and boys, took up
ts march from Danbtiry for West Springfield, Mass., where we were to perform on Thurs-
lay. The first day, instead of halting on the road to dine as I eanpected We should, Ifr.
Pumer stopped at a country fiirmhonse, bought three loaves of rye bread and a pound of
)utter ; then, borrowing a knife from the farmer's wife, he proceeded to cut ofi^ pieces of
)read, spread them lightly with butter, and handed one to. each man. The bread and
mtter were soon consumed; Turner paid the woman fifty cents, ordered his men to
rater the horses, and we proceeded on our journey, having tarried less than fifteen
ninutes.

I thought that was rather scanty fare, and my little Italian began to grumble.^ I pacified
lim by the assurance that we should do better after we once commenced performing. Th(^
«ras an opportunitv to test the prophecy at West Springfield, where we arrived on the 28th,
md began our periormances for the season.

Our band or music, expected from IProvidence, had not arrived, and, at Turner's request;
C preceded tiie performances with a speech announcing the disappointment, and our deter-
mmation to ^ease the audience even m the absence of music.

The two Turner boys rode admirably. Joe.PentLEmd, the clown, was, and still is, one 'of
the most witty, original, and chaste men in his line in the country. He made up in a great
neasure for the absence of the band, and this, together with Vivalla's performances and
)ther exercises in the ring gave satisfkction to the small audience. Our music arrived fA ft
lay or two, and we contmued to give one or two performances every week-day, our
* houses" constantly growing better as the season advanced. We performed in numerous
towns, villages, and cities in New England, New Yoris, New Jersey, Pennsylvania,
Delaware, llaiyland. District of Columbia, Virginia, and North Carolina, and my diary
refreshes my memory witli many incidents in toe progress of our tour. I have space in
these pages for only a few.

•

As was usually my custom, on the Sabbath I attended church in Lenox, Mass. The
?lerg^'man took occasion to declaim against our circus ; said that aU men connected wit**

-68 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. BABNUM.

circuses were destitute of morality, &c. In tact, he called us such hard names, that I wrote
a request to be permitted to reply to him, and asked him to give notice from the pulpit
that I should do so. I signed it, " P. T. Bamum, connected with the circus, June 5, 1836 ,• "
and as soon as he had read the closing hymn, I walked up the pulpit-stairs and handed
him the request. He declined noticing it, and immediately after the benediction was
pronounced, I strongly lectured him for not granting me an opportunity to vindicate our
characters, gave him my opinion of a slanderer, &c.

This incident caused great commotion in the village. Several members of his church
apologised for their clergyman^s conduct. They said that he had recently lectured them
for permitting their children to speak in dialogue at an exhibition of the village-school,
censured him for his course regarding the circus, and hoped I would not hold the church
responsible for his iU behaviour. I was satisfied, and, as Louis Napoleon would say,
" tranquillity was restored."

A similar scene subsequently^ occurred at Port Deposit, on the lower Susquehanna,
though in the latter case I insisted on addressing the audience in defence of ourselves
from personal assault I did so for half an hour, and the people attentively listened to me,
thoufi^ the dergyman repeatedly begged them to disperse. I sincerely thought myself
entitled to this hefuing. Many a time had I collected tne circus company on the Sabbath,
and read to them the Bible and such printed sermons as I could obtain, and I had repeatedly
induct many of them to accompany me to public worship in the towns and villages in our
route. We certainly had no religion to boast of, but we felt ourselves not altogether
" cast-aways," and thought we were . entitled to gentlemanly treatment at least when in
attendance on the gospel ministry.

Aaron Turner, the proprietor of the circus, was an original genius ; a good judge of
himian nature, a man from whom much information might be derived. He was -withal a
practical joker. By his untiring industry he amassed a large fortime, and was not a little

groud to inform the world that he commenced life without a shilling. Frequently have I
card him sav, ^* Every man who has good health and common sense is capable of making
a fortune, if he only resolves to do so. As a proof of it, look at me. Who am I ? I don^
know who I am, or where I came from. I never had father nor mother that I know of; at
all events, I must have started from the lowest depths of degradation. I never had any
education ; I commenced life as. a shoemaker. What little I can read, I picked up mysdif
after 1 was eighteen years of age ; and as for writing, why the way I first learned that,
was by signing my name to notes of hand ! I used at first to make my mark, but being
a poor devil, I had occasion to ^ve my note so often that I finally learned to write my
name, and so I have got along by degrees. You see what I am now. I have become so by
industry, perseverance, and economy ; and any man may become rich who will determine
to do so. There is not such a word as ^ cannot ' in the English language. Never say you
can't do a thing — ^and never cry * broke' till you are dead."

While in Annapolis, Md., Turner played a trick upon me which I shall never forget.
We arrived there late on a Saturday evening. We had been doing a highly profitable
business, which made me feel pretty rich, and I went out that night and bought me a fine
suit of black clothes. We were all strangers in that town, never having been there before.
On Sunday morning, feeling proud of my sable suit, I dressed myself, and started to stroll
about the town. I passed through the bar-room of the hoteL About twenty persons were
there, among whom was Turner, who had by that time made their acquaintance. After I
pass^ out, Turner, pointing in the direction which I had taken, remarked to the company,
'^ I think it's very singular you permit that rascal to march your streets in open day. It
wouldn't be allowed in Rhode Island, and I suppose that is the reason the black-coated
scoundrel has come down this way."

" Why, who is he ? " ejaculated half a dozen at once.

" Don't you know ? Why, that is the Rev. E. K. Avery, the murderer of Miss Cornell I'*
answered Turner.*

"Is it possible I" they exclaimed, starting for the door, eager to get a look at me, and
several swearing vengeance against tlie hypocritical priest.

Turner having thus put the ball in motion, quietly took a seat, while every person in
the bar-room started in pursuit of me. I had turned a comer of the street, and was very

* The then recent murder of Miss Cornell in Rhode Island, her diseoTery in a stack-yard, and the
trial of Key. Ephraira K. Arery for the deed, created unparalleled excitement I/eading Methodists
defended the accnscd, but in rain. The general sentiment of the whole country condemned him, and
though acquitted bj the law, he snnk into disgrace and obscarity. The Lor4 knows all the facts, and
will judge righteously.

THB TRAVELLING CISC US. 69

innoeently, though rather pompously, strutting down the side-walk, when I was overtaken
by a dozen or more persons, whose number increased every moment I observed as they

fassed me, that each person looked back and stared at me with apparent wonder. I believe
most have been uncommonly proud of that suit of clothes, for I was vain enough
to believe that my new ndt was what attracted such special attention. I however soon
awoke from the happy illusion. The mob passed me five or ten rods, and waited till I came
up to tliem. As I passed, I heard several observations like tiie following : — ^^ The lecherous
old hypocrite" — " the sanctified murderer" — " the black-coated villain" — *' lefs tar and feather
him"—" lynch the scoundrel , - &c. &c. I passed along totally unconscious that these remarks
could {)ossibly have any reference to me. The denowsmefU^ however, soon came. The mob,
which now numbered at least one hundred, overtook me as I passed another comer, and one
feUoTT seized me by the collar, while five or six others approached bearing a rail between them.
"Come," says the man who collared me, " old cnap, you can't widk any farther ; we
Imow you, and as we always make gentlemen ride in these parts, you may just prepare to
straddle that ra»7.'"

My surprise may well be imagined. '^ Good heavens ! " I exclaimed, as they all
pressed around me, " gentlemen, what have I done ? "

"Oh, we know you," exclaimed half a dozen voices ; " you needn't roll your sanctimo-
nious eyes ; that game don't take in this country. Gome, straddle the rail, and remember
tkestaekyard!'''*

I grew more and more bewildered ; it seemed like a dream ; I could not imagine what
possible ofience I was to suffer for, and I continued to exclaim, ** Gentlemen, what have I
done ? Don't kill me, gentlemen, but tell me what I have done."

" Come, make him straddle the rail ; we'll show him how to hang poor factory girls,'*
shouted some chap from the crowd.

The man who had me by the collar then remarked, " Come, Mr. Averv^ it's no use, you
see we know you, and well give you a touch of lynch law, and start you for home again."
" My name is not Avery, gentlemen ; you are mistaken in your man," I exclaim^.
*^Come, come, none of your gammon; straddle the rail, Ephraim," said the man who
had me by the collar.

The rail was brought to such a level as to allow me to be " straddled" on it without
difiiculty, and I was about to be placed according to orders, as the truth flashed upon me.

" Gentlemen," I exclaimed, " 1 am not Avery ; I despise that villain as much as you
can ; but my name is Bamum ; I belong to the circus which arrived here last night, and I
am sure Ola Turner, my partner, has hoaxed you with this ridiculous story."
".If he has, we'll lynch him," said one of the mob.

" "Well, he has. I'll assure you," I replied, " so just walk to the hotel with me, and 111
comonce you of tne fact."

This arrangement they reluctantly assented to, keeping, however, a close hand upon me.
As we walked up the main street on which the new State House is situated, the mob
received a reinforcement of some fifly or sixty, and I was marched like a malefactor up to
the hotel. Old Tomer stood on the piazza ready to burst with laughter. I appealed to him
for heaven's sake to explain this matter, that I might be liberated. He continued to laugh,
but finally told them " he believed there was some mistake about it The fact is," said he,
'* my friend Bamum has a new suit of black clothes on, and it makes him look so much like
a priest, I concluded it must be Avery."

The mob saw the joke. Some apologised to me for the rough manner in which I had
been handled, (for they had torn my coat half off my back, and rolled me in the dirt con-
siderably,) while others swore that Old Turner deserved the fate intended for me ; but the
majority of the people roared with laughter, declared it was a good joke, and advised me to
look sharp, and pay my partner off for it I was exceedingly vexed, and when the mob had
dispersed, I asked Old Turner what on earth could induce him to play such an outrageously
mean trick upon me.

" My dear Bamumj" said he, " it was all for our good. Remember, all we need to
Insure success is noiortety. You will see that this will be noised all about town as a
trick played by one of the circus managers upon the other, and our pavilion will be crammed
to-morrow night"

It turned^ out as he conjectured. The joke was in every per8oiL*8 mouth. We soon

became acquainted with the whole town, and had immense audiences during our stay. This,

however, did not induce me to forgive Old Turner, for I knew full well that sen-interest

was an after consideration in this case, tiie joke being prompted solely by a desire to see

Bome fiui) no matter at whose expense.

70 AUT09ioaBAFirr ei* p. t, babntjm.

From tJ^ia place we proceeded to Riclimoiid, where we remained several days. Tnmer tM
the Avery joke to all with whom he became acquainted, and I was determined to diadiarge
t]>e obligation, if possible. An opportunity here occurred, and I hastened to embrace it.

One nig^t after the performances were over, a dozen or more jovial fellows, with ^Old
Tomer'* and myself, were enjoying ourselves in the sitting noom of tb/e hotel, over a few
bottles of wine and a box of prime Havanae. Stories were told, songs song, &c JflnaUy
one man proposed several difficult and funny arithmetical questions, which were soon aohed.
by the companjr. ^^Old Tumw," who U&ed to be ** at home" in everything, named a
circumstance which he said had bothered some good scholara.

*^ A stranger," says he, ^' yr^nt into a bootmcukef's stqre and priced a pair of boots. Tbfiy
were five dolmrs. He took a pair a4d handed the owner a fifty-doUar biU* The boot-rman
could not change i^ but took it to a neighbour and received ten five-dollar notes in diangew.
He returned and gave l^e Strang forty-five dollars, and a pair of boots. Th^ stranger
went out and was never seen agam. In a few houi» after he left, the boot^maker's nei^boiir
brought in the fifty-dollar biU; it was a counterfeit The boot-maker was obliged to
borrow the amount of another neighbour in order to redeem the biU with good money ; now,
the question is, how much did he lose by the whole (^eration? "

. Simple as this case was, numerous answers were returned. Some said he lost ninety-five
dollars and the boots — others said fifty dol}ars and the boots, &c. A corr^t answer was
coon returned, however.

Hoping to catch Turnsr with a triek, I got behind him, and winking to the rest of the-
company, and pointing at him, I gravel^ proposed the following question :

^^ Suppose." said I, ^*a man is tmrty years of age and he has a child one year
of age, he is* tkirtt/ times older than his child. vVh^ the child is thirty yeara
old, the father, bem^ sixty, is only twice as old aa his child. When the child
is sixty the father is ninety, and therefore only one third older than the child. When the
child is ninety the father is one hundred and twentjr, and therefore only one fowpth older
than the child. Thus you see, gentlemen, the child is gradually but sam^ gavnmg on tiie
paiient, and as he must certainly continue to cpme nearer and nearer, m time ne must
overtake him . The question therefore is, suppose it was possible for them to live long enoogh,
i^Yf old would the fath^be when the child ov^took him and became of the same age? "

All the company, except Turner, saw the joke, and perceiving that I intended it for bus,
they gravely commenced figuring. Presently one of them remarked that it would take too
l^ng to figure it out then, ^ough it waa plain that such an event would occur if the parties
lived long enough.

" I think," Ireplied, "it is 999 years, but I have almost ^oigotten, as H is some years
since' I figured it out,"

Turner was much interested in the question. Said he, " I never heard that before, and
I would not have believed it ; but it is plain that it is so, for the son is gradually gaining on
the father, and although I don't know much about arithmetic^ <me thing is certain, if you
give a slow horse five miles or iift^r miles the start, and a faster horse is put behind him, I
^n sure he miut ceUch the slow one in time if they run far enough! "

As he appeared to be now convinced beyond doubt, an old gentleman gravely remaikfid
tfiat he knew nothing about figures, but that the idea of a son becoming as old as his fadier white
both were living was nonsense ; and he would bet a dozen of champagne that the thing was
impossible. Tmrner, who was a betting man, especially when he flelt sure of winning,
remarked that it appeared odd, but for reasons just stated it must be true, and he therefore
took the bet. When the wager was fairly concluded, and judges appointed, the companv
all burst into laughter, and after much talk. Turner became convinced that although
relatively the boy would giun on his father, th^« must always be thirty veors difi^nrence
between them. Turner paid the champagne, which cost him tweniynftve doJlarSr and it was
several months before I could convince him there was any fun in the joke. He acknowledged
it at last, however, and we agreed to call the champagne bet a fair oftset to the Averv* hoax*
From Richmond we proceeded to Petsrsburgh, thence to Warrenton, K. Cr where, on
the d9th October, (mv engagement with Turner having expired, with a clear profit to myself
of twelve hundred dollars,) I parted with tiie circus company, and takuag VivoUa and s
negro singer and dancer named James Sandford, with several musicians, horaea, wagons,
imd a small canvass tent, started off with an exhibition on my owil aeconnt, intending to
travel as far south as Montgomery, Ala. Early in the morning my little company started-
X remained behind for half an hour, receiving and reciprocating the kindly ^tdsfa^s of my
late eompaniona. and Mr. Turner then conveyed me in bis cairiaes to overtake my own
troupe. We rode Slowly, because reluctant to part, and twenty muas of rssd was begfllled

TSM TBAVBUUaiO CIRCUS. 71

'byplflaaing oonvwaadoabeforo wefevwtook tbose who had preeedod lu. H^r dd finead withed
me great suooeBS, and jretumed to his circus oompany. I felt lonely for several day^ but
my mind was so occupied hv buun^sei that I soon became reconciled to my new poMdon*

On Satnrdayi Nov. 12, 1836, we halted in a settlement known as Sock;^ Mount FaBc,
K. G-, and I attended the Baptist church on the following Sabbath moroing. In goiag
thither from tiie tayem, I noticed a roetnun and benchiBtf in a grove near by, and I saad to
the landlord, (who accompanied me,) ^* This is a very pleasant day, and I should like to
epeaik to the people from that stand."

The suggestion pleased him. He was sure, he said, that the congra^tion, most of whom
came a long distance to attend one service on the Sabbath, would be gud to hear a stranger*

Before the conduslon of morning woiBhip, I recjuested the venerable clergvman t*
announce that I would speak to the people, after dismission, for half an hour, in tne grove.
He inquired if I was a clergyman, and when I replied in the negative, he expressed a fear
that he should give offence by complying with my request, but he had no objection that /
should make the annoancement-~which 1 accordingly did. The congregation, numbering
about three hundred, promptly repaired to the grove, and I took my position in the preacher^
■atand.

I began by informing the people that I was not a clergyman, and had little experience in
public speaking ; but I felt a deep interest in the suljject of religion and morality, and would
attempt, in a plsun way, to set before them the duties and {oivileges of man. ^ The pleasures i
sin for a season," which Moses might have enjoyed in the palaces of Sgypt, I compared with
'^ the recompense of reward " whidi he had respect to, in obe3ring the comxnaads of God ; and I
appealed to every man's expeiience, observation, and reason, to^ ocmfixm the BiUe doctrine
of wretchedness m vice and happiness in virtue. We cannot violate the laws of God with
impunity, and he will not keep back the wages of well-doing. The outside show of things
is of very small account. We must look to realities and not to appearances. ^ Diamonds
may glitter on a vicious breast," but "the soul's calm sunshine and the heart-felt joy is
virtue's prize." The rognO) the man of ro«^ pas^om, the drunkard, are not to be envied
even at me best, and a conscience hardoied in sin is the most sorrowful thing that we can
thmk of. Such an one may enjoy life as a beast enjoys it— perhaps like a beast shut up in
a cage or a dungeon, with enougn to eat and to drink ; but the soul cannot be satisfied or
hj^py without devotion toward God and good-will toward man.

1 went on in this strain, with much Scripture and many familiar illustrations, for about
three quarters of an hour. When I had finished my speedh, several gentlemen shook me
by the hand, expressed themselves pleased, begged to know my name, which they wrote
down. I had no very high <^inlon of my performance, but i felt happy in beHering
that I possibly had done some good in that charming grove on that beautilfnl Sabbath.

In Kaleign, K. C, I sold one half of my exhibition to a man whom I will here caH
Henry. He may be a better man now than he was then, and I therefore conceal his real
name. He had kept along with us during the preceding week, with a wagourload of
ready-made clothing for sale, and finally bought the half-interest above named.

At Camden, S. C, Sandford abruptly left me. I had advertised negro songs ; no one
of my company was competent to fill his place; but being determined not to disappoint
the audience, 1 blacked ttufself Hufrovghly, and sung the songs advertised, namely, ** Zip
Coon." '^ Gittin up Stairs," and '' The Raccoon Hunt, or Sittimg on a Rail." It was de-
cidedly ^ a hard push," but the audience supposed the singer was Sandford, and, to my
surprise, my singing was applauded, and in two of my songs I was encored.

^ One of my musicians, a jjootchman named Cochran, was arrested in Camden, for having
said to the coloured barber who was shaving him, that he ought to escape to the Free States
or Canada. I made strong but vain efforts for his release. He was imprisoned over six
jnontha.

After singing my negro songs one evening, and just as I had pulled my coat off in the
«t dressing-room?' of the tent, I heard a dight distiirbinoe ontUds the canvass. Rushing to.
the spot, and finding a person disputing with my men, I took theirpart, and spoke my
mind to him T«ry fireely. He instandy drew his pistol, exclaiming, *^ To^ black scoundrel !
dare yon use such language to a white man ?" and proceeded deliberately to code it. I
saw that he supposed n^a to be a. n^gro, and might perhaps Uow tdj brains out. Quidk as
thought I rolled up my shirt sleeves, and sepUeC *^ I am as white as you art, sir." He
absolutely dropped the pistol with fright. Frobabry he had never seen a white man
blacked up before^ at all eveiits, he begged miy pardon,' and I re-entered my *^ dressing-
room," fully realismg that. I had incufred a narrow chance o£ losing my life, i^othing hvt
a presence of mind which never yet deserted me saved my brains. On four several occa-

72 AUTOBIOGKAPHT OP P. T. BABNUM.

Biona during my U& have I had a loaded pistol pointed at my head, and on each occasion
have I escaped by little less than a miracle. Several times, also, have I been in deadly
peril by accidents ; and now, when I look over my history, and call these things to mind,
and especially when, in tracing my career, I find that so many with whom I hare had
intercourse are tenants of the grave, I cannot but realise that I am indebted to the
mercy of God. I may as well add, as one of the sections of my reflective moods, that

and
not
atterly mined. I honestly bdieve that, under God, I owe my preservation fiom the wo6
of livmg and dying a loafer and a vagabond, to the single fact that I was never fond of
strong &ak. True, I have in my time drank liquor, and have even been intoxicated, but
generally I wholly abstained from the use of intoxicating beverages, and am happy to say,
that for a number of years past I have been strictly ^^a teetotaller."

During my absence from home, I usually wrote twice a-week to my family, and nearly
as often received letters from my wife. I received one from her, while in Colombia, S. C,
stating it as a report current in Connecticut that I was in prison in Canada, on a charge of
murder, had received mv trial, and was under sentence of death. The story, I believe,
originated in the fact that a circus company in Canada had gotten into difficulties with
some rowdies who assaulted them. It certainly was not Timer's, for we met it in
Columbia, S. C, Dec. 5, 1836. It was shortly to be disbanded. I bought four horses and
two wagons belonging to his side show, and hired Joe Pentland and Robert WMte to join
my company. PcaitJand, besides being a celebrated down, is a capital ventriloquist,
balancer, comic singer, and performer of legerdemain. White was a negro singer.
This reUeved me from the ne^ro-song line, and made my exhibition (of which Henry
was half owner) quite attractive. I called it " Bamom^s Grand Scientific and Music^
•Theatre."

Henry acted as treasurer, and I received the tickets at the door. While doing this at
Augusta,' Ga., a man attempted to pass. I demanded a ticket. He demurred, and upon
inquiring why, he said he was a shenfi; I told him that I knew no particular reason why a
sheriff uiould not pay as well as anybody else, to which he replied, " You had better ask
Mr. Henry about that." This startled me, so 1 passed him in, and hastened to ask Henry
what was the matter. He reluctantly informed me that the sherifi^ had served a writ on
him for a debt of five hundred dollars. Henry had six hundred dollars of the company's
money in his possession, and I saw that management would be required to prevent " seques-
tration of the funds." Privately hastening to a lawyer, I procured a bill of sale of all the
property of the exhibition, lacking only Henry's signature, and returned to the theatre,
where the performances were still m progress. The lawyer of Henry's creditor, and the
creditor himself, awaited me. They demanded the keys of the stable, so as to *' levy'* on the
horses and carriages. I declined compliance, whereupon they threatened to break down
the doors and seize the property. I begged them to wait a few moments, until I could
consult with Henry, and they consented. Henry desired to cheat his creditor, and im-
mediately signed the bill of sale. Lest the sheriff should search him, he handed me ntnety
doUars, stating that he had five hundred dollars locked up in a safe place where the sheriff
could not find them. Leaving him in the ticket office, I returned to the sheriff and the
creditor, and informed them that Hennr refused to compromise or to pay the claim.
*' Then give me the keys," said the sherifi; I declined doing so, and he again threatened to
break down the stable doors. " Why will you do this ?" said I.

^^ To attach the horses and carriages," he replied.

*' Why do you wish to levy on themr"

^' To secure a debt that Mr. Henry owes, and I wish to attach his interest in the pro-
perty,"

^^ Tou have not yet levied on the horses and carriages?" I said.

" No, I have not, but I toUl within ten minutes," replied the sheriff.

" Not exactly," said I, at the same time handiiig the bill of sale to my friend Jackson
O. Brown, with a request to read it He did so. " Now, gentlemen," said I, addressing
the sheriff and creditor, *' you see that I am in full possession of the property as entire
owner. You confess you have not yet levied on it, and if you toildi my property, you do
it at your peril."

I do not remember ever having seen two persons look more surprised than did these
geatlemtfi, when they discovered they had been the yictiou of a ** Yankee trick."

THE TBAVKIXING CIBCUS. 73

The sheiiff immediatelF seized Henry, and took him to prison. It was Saturday night,
D«c 17. I privately told Henry to keep up courage ; that it was too late to find bail uiat
night, bat I would call on him in the morning.

, The next morning I learned from unquestionable authority that Henry owed his cre-
ditor 1800 dollajrs; that he agreed, so soon as the Saturday evening performance dosed, to
hand over five hundred dollars in cash (belonging to the company), and a bill of sale of his
interest in the horses, carriage, and exhibition ; and that, as a consideration, one of the
horses should be ^' ready saSUed and bridled'' for Henry to decamp, leaving me in the
lurch. This conspiracy happened to be defeated by the single fact ([succeeded by a little
management) that the shenfT sought to pass me at the door of the theatre as *^ a dead-
head.^

Under the circumstances, I could have little sympathy for Henry, and I now desired to
secure the five hundred dollars which he had secreted. Vivalia obtained it from him to
keep it from the shenbOf, and / obtained it from Vivalia on Henry's order, as a means of
procurinff the required bail on Monday morning. I then paid the creditor the full amount
received orom Henry as the price of his half-interest in the establishment — ^received in ex-
change a guaranty that I should never be troubled by my quondam partner on that score,
also an assignment of five hundred dollars of the creditor's claim; and thus my "lucky
stars" relieved me from one of the most difficult positions of my life.

My " Diary," from which the preceding and much else has here been condensed, con-
tains many incidents which I shi^ omit. I cannot, however, pass an adventure of mine as
Pentland's confederate in several tricks of legerdemain.

His table had the usual trap-door for passing things to his assistant, preparatory to the
magical tranrformations presented to the spectators. The quarters below were painfully
narrow for a man of my size, but I volunteered for the occasion in the absence of the dimi-
nutive employee in that line of business. Squeezing into the allotted space, I found that
my nose and my knees were likely to become acquainted by dose contact ; nevertheless,
though heartily wishing myself out of the scrape, I held a live squirrd in my hand, ready
to wmd the chain of a watch around his neck, and hand him up through the trap-door
when needed.

Pentland's arrangements of vases, cups, balls, and divers other accompaniments of leger-
demain, were on the table. In due time, he called for a watch with a gold chain. One of
the spectators favoured him with the artide, and it was soon passed into my possession
under a vase and through the little trap-door in the top of the table. Awkwardly perform-
ing my part, the squirrd bit me severdy ; I shrieked with pain, straightened m^ neck first,
then my back, then my legs, overthrew the table, smashed every breakable article upon it,
and rushed behind tiie curtain ! The squirrd galloped off with the watch around his neck.
P«itland was struck speechless ; but if ever there was hooting and shouting in a mass of
spectators, it was heard that night.

In passing from Columbus, Georgia, to Montgomery, Alabama, we were obliged to travd
eighty miles through a very tlunly-settled and desolate portion of country known as the
'^Indian Nation." At this time our govemmeit was gathering in the Indians, and lodging
them in encampments at various posts under a strong guard, preparatory for their migra-
tion to Arkansas. The chief portion of the Indians came in voluntarily, and were wiUing
to be removed to their new home ; but there was a good number of " hostiles"* who would
not come in, but who infested the swamps near the road leading from Columbus to Mont-
gomery, and who almost daily murdered passengers who had occasion to pass through the
^^ Indian Nation." Many considered it hazardous to pass over the road without a strong
•escort. The day previous to our starting, the mail st^ had been stopped, the passengers
all murdered, and the stage burned, the driver escaping almost by a miracle. It was with
much trepidation that we determined upon incurring the risk. Our chidT hope was, that
owin^ to the large number composing our company, and the Indians being scattered in
:smaU bands, our appearance would be too formidable for them to nek an attack. We all
.armed omsdves with guns, pistols, bowie-knives, &c., and started on our journey.

None of ua fdt adiamed to admowledge that we dreaded to incur the risk, except
Vivalia. He was probably the greatest coward amongst us; but, like most of that class
vrhen they fed pretty «{/«, he swaggered and strutted about with much apparent import-
ance, laughing at us for our fears, and swearing that he was afraid of nothing, but if he met

* For a highly interesting acooont of the sarage varfure of the Indians, see ** ITick of the Woo<]s.'*
Lrondon : Ward and Lock,

74 AtTTOBIOOBAPHT OV P. T. BAXNUM.

4lly Indittu '^He tfaonld me them one devil of a Hcking^, and send dem baek to de swamp
ift no time." The cowacdly litde braggadoeta vexed us much, and we detecmined, if we
ever got through, to put his courage to the test.

The fini day we tasvelled thirty miles withooi aeemg any Indians, and before night
cama :to a halt at the house of a cotton-planter, who kept ue Mfe tiU moraizig'. The >ezt
day we proceeded aaieiy to Tuske^ga— a small village where there waa an encampment of
ween kundred Iwiiana, including squasFS and cliiM r p J t . The tfaird day we arrived at
If QOBt Hogs, where there was another ^^ Indian camp," containing twenty^five hundred of
Hiered-skma. We were now within ftmrteen miles of MontgDmery, and felt out of all dan-
ger. But being determined to play a trick upon the ooucageoua Vivalla, we informed him
the next morning that we had to pass over the most dangerous portion of the road, as it waa
said to be ii^ted with desperate hostile warriors. Y ivalla, as usual, was ail coura^ ; saying,
^ he only hoped be should see some of de copper-c(ddured rascals ; how he would make dem
ran." When we had traveUed about six miles, and had come to a dismal-'Iookingy thickly-
wooded place, a large fox squirrel crossed the road, and ran into the adiointaff woods.

"0, giving a hint i
iu pursuit of thi
fringed hunting

moccasins, which we had secretly purchased at Mount Megs, and ccdouring hia &ce with
Spanish brown, which we had obtained for the purpose, and mountii^ lus head with a cap
of coloured feathers, he shouldered a musket and followed the track of Vivalla and his party,
looking as much like a real Indian as any we had seen the day previous in the camp.
When we had ^t near them, he approached stealthily, and was not discovered till he leaped
in their very midst, and uttered a tremendous ^' whoop."

Yivalla's companions, who were all in tiie joke, instantly fled in the direction of the wa-
gons, and Vivaila himself, half frightened to death, exhibited great swiftness of foot in his
endeavours to take the same route ; but the artificial Indian betrayed extreme partiality
and malignity in allowing all the others to escape, and devoting his whola attention to
*^ heading^' the ItaJ^an. The poor little fellow y^d like a wild man, when he saw the
musket of the Indian pointed towards him, and found there was no possible means of escape,
except by running in the direction opposite to whrare we were waiting. He ran lOce a deer,
jumping over fallen trees and stumps with remarkalde quickness, not daring to look behind
him. rentland, who was the most nimble on foot, allowed the Italian to keep ahont four
rods ahead, while he followed, gun in hand, uttering a horrible Indian yell at every other
atep. The race continued neany a mile, when the Signor, completely out of breath, per-
ceiving his red-skin adversary was fast gaining on him, stopped, and throwing himself on
Ids kiiies, begged for life. The Indian, pretending not to understand English, levelled his
gun at YivaUa's head, but the poor fellow writhed and sereed^ like a panther ; and carry*
ing on a pantomime, gave the Indian to understand that lifo was all he asked, and if that
was spared everything he possessed was at the service of his foe. The savage appeared
fco relent, and to understand the signs made by the Italian. He took his musket by the
muzzle and rested the breech upon the ground, at the same time motioning to hia trembtisg
fictim to *^ shell out."

Quick as thought, Yivalla turned his pockets inside out, and the Indian seized his pmrse
containing eleven dollars. This was all tiie money he had about him, the rest being depo-
sited in a trunk in one of our waggons. Gloves, handkerdiie&t knives, &&, were next
offered up to appease the wrath of the savage ; but he looked upon llie ofiferings wiUi diad^pn.
Then motioning the Italian to rise from his knees, the poor fulow got up, and was led by
his c<mqueror hike a lamb to the slanghter. Tiie savage marched him to a large and stately
oak, where he proceeded, with the aid of a handkerchief, to tie his arms in the most sden*
tific and Indian-like manner around the trunk of the tree.

The red-skinned warrior then departed, leaving poor Yivalla more dead than alive. Pent-
land hastened to ioin us, and doffing his wampum dress and waslmig his face, we all pro-
eeeded in quest of the Italian. We found the Uttle feUow tied to the tree, neauy dead with
fright ; but when he saw us his joy knew no bounds. We loosened his hands, and he
jumped and langhed, and chattered hke a monkey. His courage returned instentlyi and he
.swore that after his oompamons left him, the Juidian was joined by haH a dozen others ;
tjbatif he had kept his gun. he sliould have shot one and beat out the Drains of the other six,
but being unarmed, he waa obliged to surrender. We pretended to believe his story, and
^allowed him to repeat and brag over his adventures for a week afterwards, at which time
we told blm the joke. Chagrin and mortification sat on feveiy line ot his countenance, l>iit
he noon rallied, and swore that it was all " one great lie." Penthmd o£^ered him his deven

lUn, bnt he would not toach. it, for he '^ swore like a trooper** that it eotild not be hir
* seven Indians took his money from him. Many a hearty lauffh did ire have over tfaa
lonx of the little Italian; b«t we wore at last ohii|;ad to (jxop the subject altogether for
3 mere aUusion to it made him 00 angry and surly that we could not get a ideassnt word
t of him for a week afterwArds. But fjrom that time we never heardthe Signer b»ast of
I courage^ or make any thieats against a foe^ real or imagimuy.

We reached Montgomery, Ala., Febmarv 28th, 1837. Here we met a legerdemain per>^
rmer by the .name of Henry Hawley. He was about ibrty-five years of ag«; but bein^
ematurely gray, he had the appearance of a venerable geotleniaa of serenty. He pv^
.ased oue half of mv exhibition.

Hawley had much ready ¥dt-*a happy way of localising most of his trieks^-was verv-
*pular in that part of the country, where he had been performing for several yean-^and £
irdly ever saw him ''nonplussed." One of his tricks was called *' Xha £igg>bag and tfaa
id Hen." It is done in the following manner : —
The exhibitor has a bag in which he declares there is an old hen, that will lay as manv
gs as he pleases. He turns the bag inside out. There is apparently nothing in it ; but
tually, between the outside of the bag and the lining, is a small pocket so contrived with
visions as to hold six eggs. Having convinced the audience that there is nothing in th&
ig, he commands the hen to lay, and produces an egg. This he does, showing the inside
id outside of the bag, each time, untu all are gone but one. Keeping his hand on that,
irt of the bag which covers the last egg, he puts the rest of the bag on the ground, and
amps upon it, to show that there is no deception ; then, 'stating that he can have as many
ore eggs as he pleases, puUs out the last. '* Before I take any more out," he says, '*!
ill satisfy yeu that the eggs are real."' At this time he stands'm front of his table and
hile breaking upon a plate an egg which he holds in his right hand, the empty bag 'is in
is left hand. All eyes are turned upon the egg to see whether it is genuine or not»
Thile the exhibitor thus distracts the attention of the audience, he slyly passes his left
and to the back of the table, and hangs his empty ba^ on a hook which is placed there*
.t the same instant he detaches from another hook, behmd the table, a bag exactly similar
) the one which held the eggs, but which bag contains a hen.

" Now," says the exhibitor, *' having seen that the eggs are real, I wUl show yon the
Id hen that laid them." Dropping the mouth of the bag upon the ground, he turns out
le old hen, to the astonishment of the audience.

After the performances, in country places, Hawley usually sat in the village bar-roonu
nd a knot of astonished and credulous persons would gather about him. They were also
ttracted by the marvellous stories In which he indulged. His gray head, grave countenance,
nd serious manner, carried conviction in the more probable narratives — the bandy possiUe
rere swallowed, though with occasional signs of choking— bnt when he enlarged in his
iunchausen vein, some of his auditors would forget his venerable presence, and cry out
' That's a lie, by thunder ! " Hawley would laugh heartUy and rep^, '* It is as true as
nything I have yet told you."

He had a singularly lively imagination, and his inventive fiiculty regarded neither
hyme nor reason. Had he Uved in the times of the Arabian Nights' Entertainments,
.e would have been celebrated, as I think a few specimens of his bar-room stories wili
how.

*' Gentlemen, you have doubtless heard that ' truth is strange, 'stianffer than fiction.'
There never was a truer saying. When Bruce, the great African trav&er, returned to
England and stated that some of the filthy black tribes there cut atefljcs out of cattle while
dive, he was called a liar. Catlin tells us that an Indian who eame to one of our sea^
ports, on his return to his own tribe was killed. His cnm^ was telling the truth ; but so
mpossible did his account of ships appear to them, that they said, ' Our brother lies,' and
^hen did his business, and took his scalp. I mention these facts, because some of my owa
experiences are stranger thau anytbmg you perhaps have ever heard. Without this
preface you might not believe me."

*' Oh, we should net ^link of doubtmg j^na word," said they.

" Gentlemen, has either of you ever visited the Kooky Mountains? " ashed Hvwiey as
be glanced around at his auditors. - They repHed in the negative^ •'

'' I have been there fre^uenti^," he contmued, '^ and am acquainted with many singtilar
facts concerning that, region. There is one locality where all the Araerioan hunters and
trappers in that vicinity meet everv Fourth of July to celebrate * Indc|)endenos.* i $ad
happy to say that they make excellent ice-punch, the ice being obtained from a hug«
cavern in th« neighbourhood, where it is found in large qu«Qtitic«, at all seasons. On on^

76 AUTOBIOGEAPHT OF P. T. BARNUM.

occasion, we all drank so freely as to use up a cart-load of ice, aaH we sent a couple of
Irishmen for a second load.

** They soon returned in sore affright. In digging the ice, they came upon a pair of
boots witn real legs in them, and they dare proceed no further. A party of us went down
to the cave, assisted in removing the ice, which had probably not been (Hsturbed for fifty
years, and succeeded in exhuming a man. The corpse looked as fresh as if it had been
alive. It was habited in an antique dress — short breeches and knee-buckles, a queer old-
£Ekshioned coat, and cocked hat. We placed the body upon the cart and took it to our place
of rendezvous. It looked so fresh and life-like, that several of the old trappers insisted it
was merely in a dormant state, and could be restored to ' animation by using the proper
means. This seemed to me ridiculous, but they prepared a large kettle of warm water, in
which they placed the body, after stripping off the clothing, and then proceeded to pour hot
brandy into the mouth.

" In the course of twenty minutes, you may judge my surprise in seeing the man open
his eyes and relax the muscles of his face ! They then placed nim in woollen blankets, and
commenced rubbing him briskly. In another quarter of an hour h(? began to speak, and in
a very short time he was folly recovered. We dressed him, he joined us in our convi-
vialities, and seemed for an hour to be as happy as any of the party. He then started to
his feet, and thanking us for our courtesy, said he must proceed on his journey, and called
for his horse.

"* What horse?*
" * The horse I rode last night.*
" None could answer.

" * Gentlemen, do not detain me, I beg of you,* he exclaimed. * My business is of the
utmost importance. Provide me with a horse, and I will pay you weU. You see that I
have money.* With this he pulled out a bag or purse, which was stocked with guineas,
coined in the reign of George the Third. There was a mystery about the whole afniir that
we could not fathom, and our curiosity was as great as the stranger's impatience.
" * If you will tell us where you are going, we will,' we said.
" * On your promise not to detain me, I will.*
*' We promised.

" * I am going to the army with despatches from the government.*
" * Oh ! ' we said, wondering at the strangeness of the man's attire, * you are going to
Florida then .9*

u*No, to .'

" * Why, friend, there's no army there; and what makes you wear such a queer old-»
fashioned dress ? "

**At this, for the first time, he appeared to regard our attire, and looked no less
astonished than we really were.

" * Who and what are you ? * we exclaimed, our curiosity becoming insupportable.
" * I am in your power,* he said, * I scorn equivocation. Do with me as you wilL I
am an officer of King George, whom I am proud to serve.*

" To make a long story short, gentlemen, I will tell you at once, that this officer, as we
afterwards learned crom his own hps, had been sent out on a mission to some Indian tribes
during the revolutionary war, and was returning to the army, when he went into a cave to
ftleep. It was quite dark, and he fell and became insensible. He knew nothing more until
we recovered him.*'

This story created an immense sensation. The auditors looked at old Hawley, saw that
his countenance was as grave as that of a judge, glanced at his gray hair, and they swallowed
the soldier, head, boots, and alL Emboldened by his success, Hawley proceeded to relate
that there was, in that same section, an area of twenty miles where the air was so pure that
people never died, unless by accident.

" Never died!'* exclaimed several of his hearers in astonishment.
"' No, gentlemen, it was quite impossible. The rare purity of the atmosphere prevented
it When persons got too old to be usefol, they would sometimes be blown away, and, once
outside of tiie charmed circle, they were lost."

** Is that really possible?** asked one of his hearers, in some doubt.
** A fact, upon my honour," rejoined old Hawley. "Indeed, some years ago several
philanthropic gentlemen erected a museum at that place, where persons who became too old
tot usefrilness were pat into sacks, labdled, registered at the office, and hung up. If at any
flnbseqoent period uieir friends wished to converse with them, for a fee of fifty cents the old
fUead would be taken down, placed in a kettle of tepid water, and would soon be enabled to

XHB TSAVELUKG CIBGU8. 77

hold a conversation of half an honr, when he would he taken out, wiped off, and hvng up
again.

" That seems incredible I ** remarked one of the listeners.

" Of course it does," replied Hawley. " It is nevertheless true. Why, gentlemen," he
continued, ^^ on one occasion I went to the museum, and asked if thev had a subject there
named Samuel Hawley. I had an uncle by that name who went to the Bocky Mountains
.thirty years before, and we had not heard from him in a lone time. The clerk, having
examined the register, replied that Samuel Hawley was in Sack No. 367, and had been there
nineteen years. I paid the fee and called for an interview. The contents of that particular
sack were placed in the warm water, and in a short time I proceeded to inform my old uncle
who I was. He seemed pleased to see me, although I was a child when he left our part of
the coontry. He inquired about my father and other friends. His voice was very weak,
and after a conversation of twenty minutes, he said his breath was failing him, and if I had
nothing more to say he would like to be hung up again. I remarked that I believed he
formerty owned a large ^un, and asked him where it was. He informed me that it was
lying on the cross-beam m mv father^s garret, and that I was welcome to it. I thanked him,
and Didding him good-bye, the keeper of the museum took him in hand^ and soon placed
him in his proper locality . If any of you should ever go that way, gentlemen, I hope you
wUl call on my imcle and present him my compliments. Remember his number is 367."

Hawley acquired such a habit of relating ms fictitious experiences, that it was difficult
to get the truth out of him. I could not name a place in any part of the world that he had
not visited. One day I said to him, " Hawley, I think I can name one place where yon
have never been,"

" Very likely," he replied ; " but where is if? "

" You have never made a balloon ascension," said I.

^* There you are very much mistaken," he replied ; ^^ for I went up three times with Wise
in 1832 from the city of Louisville. One was the highest ascent he ever made."

There was no use in disputing him, for I felt confident there was not a word of truth in
his story.

Our company performed in numerous places in Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee, and
disbanded in Nashville, May, 1837, Yivalla went off on his own account, performed a few
months in New York, and thence in the fall he sailed to Cuba, where I heard he died the
year following. At a later period in my Idstory, however, the little fellow turns up again.

Hawley remained in Tennessee to take charge-of our horses, which had been ^ turned out
to grass," and I returned to " home, sweet home," to spend a few weeks with my dear
family. Early in July I returned to the West, with a new company of performers, rejoined
Hawiey, and recommenced operations in Kentucky. We were not successful. One of our
few employees was incompetent— one was intemperate— both were dismissed ; our negro-
singer was drowned in the river at Frankfort^ Funds were low — I was obliged to leave a
horse in this town, a carriage in thai, and my watch in another, as security for tavern bills.
Thouffh these articles were afterwards redeemed by better success, I felt for several weeks
that the stars were unpropitious.

Dissolving with Hawley in August, I formed a co-partnership with Z. Graves, left him
in charge of the establishment, and went to Ohio in quest of Pentland, to re-engage him.
I met him at Tiffin.

I was a stranger m the town, but religious conversation at the hotel introduced me to
several gentlemen, \mo solicited me to lecture on certain subjects which we had discussed.
X complied, and the town school-house was crowded by an attentive congregation in the
afternoon and evening of the Sabbath, A gentleman from Republic urged me to deliver
two lectures in that town on the evenings of September 4 and 5, which I did.

Having engaged Pentland and several musicians, I bought his horses and wagons, and
we started for Kentucky.

The prominent points at which our company performed in that western and southern
tour, were Nashville rwhere we visited General Jackson at the Hermitage), Huntsville,
Tuscaloosa, and Vicksourg — of course paying due respect to numerous intermediate places.
We met with various success, though on the whole we did remarkably well.

At Vicksburg we sold all our land conveyances, excepting four horses and the " band

white widow who, I had been informed, would answer the purpose. She objected, because

Ti AUTOftfOQBAFtnr OF T. T. BAitNUM.

9t» hoped shortlv to many it yonng palfitef. We needed a em>k ; onr ease w&8 despefatd ;
I called on the loyer; mentioned my object; related the story; and asked him if he fei^
tended to marry the widow. He had not yet determined.

^* Oon^t you hurry np yoirr id^as, and marjy her at onc6 ? ^

^ Gertadnly not. He did sot know that she would have Mfny and he did not know fftst
he WM^ have her,"*

This was reasonable, but otuT case was desperate. '* If yotl will marty her to-nMnNr#
morning, I wiQ hir« her at 25 dollars p«r month aa cook, and you at the same piicB aft
'painter— boarding free for both — and a bonus of 6f> doHan, cash hi hand.

There was a wedding on board the boat the next morning. The bride doflfed her wlilte
fobes, and at noon that day we had a capital dmner.

The New Orleans papers of Kaich 19, 1838, anffidtmced the arrival of the ^* vteamat
Ores, Gsj^^a^ Ksumttm, with a theatrical company." After a week^s performance, w6
started tor the AttaA:apas coimtiy. At Opelousas we exchanged the steamer for sogxt and
molasses; <mr company was disb^mded; and I started foYhome, arriving hi New York, Jane 4^

lM88m

1 was thoroughly disgosted with the life of an ithierarit showman ; and thongh I fsTt that t
4»nild succeed m that line,' I always regarded it, not as an end, but as a means to something
better in dne time. Aiming for a respectable, permanent business, I adyertised for a x>artnel',
stating the fact that I had 2,506 dollars, in cash, to inyest, together with unremitting per-
aonal attention. I received timetj^tkreepr€posiHon» — ^and' sudk propositions I Whoever wishes
to buy a cheap dollai^s wortlx of knowledge how people live, or hope^o live, let him spend
that sum in advertising for a partner, announcing, at the same time, that four or five tnotr-
aand dollars are *^ in the wind."

One third of my letters were from porter-hottse keepers. I also had applications from
hrok^ps, lottery-policy men, pawnbrokers, hiventors in large numbers, patent medicine men,
&c. Several of my correspondents declined naming their business, but promised, in a con-
^dential interview, to open my eyes to minea of gold. I met seyeral ot these mysterious
personages, and one of them, after much hesitation and repeated promises of secrecy, was
actually a counterfeiter^ who proposed that I should join him in the business. He snowed
me counterfeit com and bank notes ^ told me iP I exposed him it would be certain death,
tmt if I joined him I should reap a rich and safe harvesft He needed the 2,500 dollars to
purchase paper and ink, and procure new '* dies.**

• A sedate, fiumeMooking individual, dressed' in Quaker costume, applied. He wished
me to jom him in an oat speculation, fie said he was a broken down merchant, but by
dressing in the garb of a Quaker farmer, and buying a horse and wagon, he thought a pro-
stable trade could be driven by purchasing oats at wholesale and semng them in bags ftotb.
has waeon, in the neighbourhood of 21 Bowery. Oaftmen and livery-men, he said, would
generally purchase more fredy, and not be so particular about measuring the grain over
again, if they thought they were tracBng with a Quaker farmer.

" Do you mean to cheat in measuring your grain ? " said I.

^ I should probably make it hold out,** said he, with a leer which convinced me that
there were better men in the State prison.

^ One wool merchant from Pearl Street appfied. I observed that he failed in busifness
vrithin a month afterwards. One man had a " perpetual motion ^ that would make our
fortunes ; but unfortunately, in examining it, I discovered a main spring slyly deposited

under one of the hollow posts, and so connected as to make the motion perpetual ^until it

fan down.

I finally entered into co-paitnership witJi a German named Proler, who brought reeoa-^
mendatlonB from a city alderman. The latter also assured me, in a personal interview, that
Mr. Proler was a man of honour. He was a manufacturer of paste blacking, waterproof
paste Ibr leather, cologne water, and bear's grease. We took the store Ko. 10l| Boweiy, at
a rent (including the dwelling) of 600 dollars per annum, and opened a large manufiietory
<sf the above articles. Proler manufiictured and sold me goods at wholesale in Boston, •
.Ctharleston, Cleveland, and various other parts of the oountiy. I kept the accounts, and
amended to sales in the store, wholesale ana retail.

For some months, the business seemed to be prosperous. But when all my capital hiid
"heetL absorbed, and our notes of hand for additional stock were falling due, our goods mean-
while having been sold on Ibng credit, I began to see the beauties of '* the credit system." I
JHU it too, for many a sleepless night did I pass, tormented by the note in the bank that
^fonld claim my acquaintance to-morrow.

JftoUr waa a fine-looting man, of plausible manners, but he proved himself a scaanp of

J

THB VBATXLURO CIBCUf. 19

u file flnt water." The details of disco^efy would poieess little intenst to the feader. Oif
co-partnership was diasolyed in Jannaxy, 1840, Proler being the pnrchaser of the entin
interest for 2,600 doUan, on ^ the credit system." Beft>re his notd was due, he packed ud
^bag' and baggage," and sailed to Botteraam, having swindled me meet efiectoally. Au
that remained to me were the foUowing receipts, which I present to the pnblic, gratis :

1. *' Cologne Water.~>To six gallons of Alcohol, add four ounces each of the oils of
Lavender, Tliyme, Rosemary, Cloves, Nitre, Bergamot, and Lemon. Mix thoroughly three
times a-day. Let it stand twenty-four houn, then add one and a half gallons of pure spirits,
<mly proof. Stir^well, let it stand four hours, then filter through red blotting paper."

N, B. — ^As Americans are extremehr partial to foreijgn productions, your sales will be
increased by advertising ** Grezman Cofogne," and copying German labels for your bottles
and boxes.

2. ^*' BsAjt^B GsxASE [made without the Bear f]— Three {wunds of hog*s lard and one
and a half pounds of mutton tallow. Melt them weU together. Then mix, in a separate
csp, two ounces each of Ml ^ Cloves ai^ ofl of Bergamot, fmd ene oanoe eaeh of oil cf Laven-
der, Thyme, and Boeemary. Pour them all into the mated grease, and mix and stir them
iveU together."

P. S.— ThiB is the real '^ Gemiine Sear's Grease," whiidi will cover a bald head with
beautiful, glossy, curly hair— as quickly as any other composition yet discovered. N. B.— *
To increase the faith o£ your customers, exhibit a live bear in front of the store, with the
labd, *^ To be slanghteied next !" The same animal win answer for to-morrow. Occa-
sionally head your advertisements, " Two more Bears killed yesterday !**

3. *^ Blacking [which took the premium at the Great Fair of the American Institute^
held at Niblo's in 1888]. — Put into a tub six gallons of Molasses and add three pints of
Whale OiL Mix thoroughly, then add twen^-five pounds of Ivory Black, mixing as
fast as added. When twenty pounds are mixed, put in a quart of Vinegar ; then add tiie
remaining five pounds of Ivory Black, and three half pints more of Vinegar. This must be
weU mixed. Then pour in a quart of Muriatic Add, and be sure that it is well mixed. Theft
add a quart of Oil of VitrioL Let it be well stirred for half-an-hoor, and your Blacking is
complete. Take care not to work where the sun shines."

4. " Watbb-proof Paste. — ^Ten pounds of Tallow and five pounds of Lard. Put into
an iron pot over a slow fire. In anotiier pot, melt very gentfy two and a half pounds of
Beeswax cut in small pieces. Pour this mto the large ^ot, stirring and mixing it welL
When this is done, take your pot from thci fire and put mto it two and a half pounds of
Olive Oil and a quart and half pint of Spirits of Turpentine. Then add ten or tw>eN«

Sounds of Ivory Black, aU by smaU quantities, and ke^ a boy always stirring for at least
alf-an-hour. Then put it aside till it is cold, and fill your boxes. Take care not to fill
your boxes where the sun is shining."

During my business connection with Proler (it was in the spring of 1839), I became
JK^uainted with a lad named John Diamond, who was really a gmius in the dancing line.
I entered into a contract with his father, put him in charge of aa agent, called jmblic atten-
tion to his extraordinarr merits (though I did not ^en appear in the transaction), and he
became justly celebrated as the best negro-dancer and rraresentative of EthiopiaB *^ break-
downs '^ in tne land. He was indeed the prototype of the numerous performers of the sort
wiM> have snrnrised and amused the public these many years.

In the sprmg of 1840, I hired from Mr. Bradford tfpnes the 8ak>on i& Vauxhi^ Gtfdea
in New York, md opened it with a vwiefy of p^ormances, including singhig, ^Hieing,
Yankee stories, &c Miss Mary Taylor, the celebrated actress and singer, here made heit
first appearance on the stage.

My enterprise in VsnxhaU did not meet my expectations, and I relinquished the estabBsh-
ment m August. What I should do next, was now the question. No one but myself can know
how earnestly I struggled against the thought of resuming the life of an itinerant diowman %
but I had a dependent famfly, my fuids were low, and as notlmig better appeared, I deter-
mined once more to endure the privations, vexations, and uncertainties of a tour in tb#
West and South.

My large company of performers oonsisted ot Mr. C. D. Jenkins, an admirable singer anft
delineator of Yankee and other eccentric characters. Master Diamond, and a fiddler t At
Troy, N. Y., I added Francis Lynch, an orphan vagabond of fourteen years of age, whose

80 AUTOBIOGBAFHT OF F. T. BABNUM.

talent afterwards contributed a due portion to the interest of our entertainments. My
brother-in-law, Mr. John Hallett, preceded us as agent and advertiser.

Our route of travel passed tlurough Buffalo, Toronto in Canada, Detroit, Chicago,
Ottawa, Springfield, St. Louis, and numerous intermediate places. From the latter city, we
took steamer directly to l^ew Orleans— my company of performers having been reduced, by
desertions, to Master Diamond and the fiddler !

We arrived in New Orleans, January 2, 1841, and only 100 dollars remained in my
purse. I had started from New York with fully that amount — and four months of anxiety
and toil had resulted, with the exception of some small remittances to my family, in nothing
more than current expenses. In less than a fortnight aftwards my pockets were decidedly
at "ebb-tide." A week's boarding was due to our good landlady, Mrs. Gillies, and I
received notice to " pay or quit" I be^ed a little delay, assuring her that I should
be in funds when Diamond had his benefit. He was at that time performmg, but theatricals
were dull and profits were yot in the dim future. Having no high opinion of " showmen,"
the worthy woman demanded security, and I put my watch into her hands as a pledge.

The tide began to flow on the 16th, That night I received nearly 500 douars as my
half-share of Diamond's benefit, Mr. Manager Caldwell, of the St. Charles Theatre, retaining
the other half, as per agreement. The tide continued to flow ; for I received fifty dollars the
next night, and 479 the third — the latter as my share of the profits of a grand dancing
match, very much on the plan of the match in Philadelphia between Yivalla and Roberts.

Engagements at Yicksburg and Jackson did not result so favourably, but on our return
to New Orleans we again succeeded admirably — also subsequently m Mobile. Master
Diamond, however, after extorting large sums of money from me, finally absconded, and I
turned my face homewards by the route of the Mississippi and the Ohio, on the 12th of
March.

That sev^i months' tour was not barren in interesting incidents, but the contrary. 1
have here done little more than sketch the route, and will add only a few passages of other
recollections.

When we arrived in New Orleans, Tyrone Power, the justlv celebrated Irish
comedian, was about concluding an engagement with manager Caldwell at the St. Charles.
I was very happy to make his acquaintance. He was a man of most genial spirit. In
bidding me farewell, (it was January 8, 1841,) he cordiaUy wished me success, and hoped
we should meet again. Poor Power! " The ship on w^hich he embarked in New York for
Liverpool, passed away from these shores, and only the Lord's eye saw her settle down into
the bosom of the great deep.

Fanny Ellsler arrived in New Orleans about the 1st of March, to fulfil an engagement
at the St Charles. The best seats in the dress circle were sold by auction on the 4th, at an
average of four dollars and a half. I thought the price enormous, and gave her manager
the credit of doing what 1 had considered impossible, in working up public enthusiasm to
fever heat Little did I dream that I should be selling tickets in the same city for a
large advance on that price, within twelve years.

\Vhen I arrived in Pittsburgh March 30, I learned that Jenkins, who had enticed
Prands L3mch from my service hi St Louis, was exhibiting the lad at the Museum, under
the assumed name of ** Master Diamond." I visited the performance incoff,, and the next
day wrote Jenkins an ironical review, informing him that, on inquiry, he might possibly find
me in Pittsburgh, prepared to have our law fight forthwith, though if he preferred, I would
pos tpo ne the matter until we should meet in New York !

We met the next day. He threatened suit for a libellous review, and my laughter
probably instigated the revenge he attempted on the morrow. R. W. Lindsay, of whom I
hired Joioe Heth in Philadelpnia in 1835, and whom I had not seen since that day, was at
the time in Pittsburgh. By the instigation of Jenkins, Lindsay sued me for the value of &
pipe of brandy, whidi he pretended I had promised him in addition to the purchase-money
m the former transaction. The magistrate required me to give bonds of 500 dollars, I was
among strangers, could not Immediately find bail, and was thrown into jail ! My counsel,
with whom I left such securities as were then in my possession, had me liberated about four
o'clock in the afternoon.

The next morning I arrested Jenkins for trespass in regard to Francis Lynch, and the
assumption of " Master Diamond's name and reputation," &c. He waH sent to jail, and
liberated about four o'clock in the afternoon ! Each of us having had a turn in prison, we
adjourned our controversy to New York — and there he got the worst of the bargain. As
for Lindsay, he had been merely a tool of Jenkins, and I heard no more of liia claim.
Twelve years afterwards, he called upon me in Boston, with an apology. He vras miserably

THE AMERICAN MUSEUM. 81

poor, and I was highly prosperous. I hope I may be allowed to add that be did not after-*
wards lack a friend.

I arrived in New York, April 23, 1841, after an absence of eight months; found my
family in excellent health, and re-resolved that I would never again be an itinerant show-
man.

CHAPTER IX

THE AMERICAN MUSEUM.

April 26, 1841, I called on Robert Sears, the publisher of " Sears' Pictorial Illustrations
of the Bible," and contracted for five hundred copies of the work for 600 dollars, accepted
the United States agency, opened an office, May 10, at the comer of Beekman and Nassau-
streets, which was subsequently taken by Mr. Redfield as a book store, and is the present
site of the Nassau Bank. I had thus made another effort to quit the life of a showman for
ever, and settle down into a respectable calling. I advertised largely, appointed agents and
sub- agents, and managed in the course of six months to sell thousands of books, and at the
same time to place a sufficient number m the hands of irresponsible agents to use up aU my
profits and all my capital !

In the meantime 1 again leased Yauxhall saloon, and opened it June 14, 1841. I thought
it would be compromising my dignitv as a ^^ Bible man" to be known as the lessee of a
theatre, and the concern was managed, under mv (Erections, by Mr. John Hallett, my bro-
ther-in-law. We closed the season, Sept. 25, having cleared about two hundred dollars
above expenses.

Living in the city of New York vrith nothing to do and a family to support, in a very-
short time exhausted my funds, and I became about as poor as I should ever wish to be. I
looked around in vain H)r employment congenial to my feelings, that would serve to keep
my head above water. I finally obtained the post of writing advertisements and notices for
the Bowery Amphitheatre, my duties includmg daily visits to the upper stories of many
newspaper offices to deliver what I had prepared and see that they were inserted. For tliis
I received 4 dollars per week, and was thankful for even that

I also wrote articles for the Sunday press, for the purpose of enabling me to "keep the
pot boiling" at home.

These productions afforded me a fair remuneration, but it was at best a precarious way
of living, and I began to realise, seriously, that I was at the very bottom round of fortune *

caring little what the result was, so that I made a present livmg for my family, d now
saw that it was time to provide for the future.
• About this period, 1 received a letter from my esteemed friend, Hon. Thomas T.
Whittlesey, of Danbury. He had long held a mortgage of 600 dollars on a piece of property
which I owned in that town. He wrote to say that he was satisfied I never would lay up
^ything until I could ^^ invent a riddle that would hold water," and as that was not very
likely to occur, I might as well pay him now as ever. That letter strengthened the
resolutions I had made, and laying it aside unanswered, I said to myself, "Now, Mr. B., no
more nonsense, no more living from hand to mouth, but from this moment please to
concentrate your energies upon providing permanently for the future^"* ,

While engaged as outside clerk for the Bowery Amphitheatre, I casually leanied that
the collection of curiosities comprising Scudder's American Museum, at the comer of Broad-
way and Ann-street, was for sale. It belonged to the daughters of Mr. Scudder, and was
conducted for their benefit by John Furzman, under the authority of Mr. John Heath,
administrator. The price asked for the entire collection was 16,000 dollars. It had cost its
founder, Mr. Scudder, probably 60,000 dollars, and from the profits of the establishment he
had been able to leave a large competency to his children. The Museum, however, had been
for several years a losing concern, and the heirs were anxious to sell it.

^ It will not be considered surprising, under all the circumstances, that my speculative
spirit should look in that direction for a permanent investment. My recent enterprises had
not indeed been productive, and my funds were decidedly low ; but my family was in poor
health, I desired to enjoy the blessing of a fixed home — and so I repeatedly visited that

6

82 AUTOBIOGBAPHY OP P. T. BAfiNUM.

Museiim as a thoaght^ul looker-on. I saw, or believed I saw, tliat only energy, tact, and
liberality were needed, to give it life and to put it on a profitable footing ; and although it
might have appeared presumptuous, on my part, to dream of buying so valuable a property
without having any money to do it with, I seriously determined to make the purchase, if
possible.

I met a friend one day in the street, and told him my intentions. " You buy the
American Museum?" said he with surprise, for he knew that my funds were at ebb-tide*,
*' what do you intend buying it with?"

^^ Brass" I replied, " for silver and gold I have none."

It was even so.

The Museum building, I learned, belonged to Mr. Francis W, Olmsted, a retired mer-
chant, who had a suite of rooms in Park-place. How to approach this great man was a
question. I was acquainted with no one who knew him, and to enter his presence without
an introduction, I considered equivalent to being kicked out of his house. I therefore wrote
Mm a letter, informing him that I desired to purchase the Museum collection, and that
although I had no ready means, if it could be purchased upon a reasonable credit I was
entirely confident that my tact and experience, added to a most detennined devotion to
business, would enable me to make the payments when due. On this basis I asked him to
purchase the collection in his own name— give me a writing securing it to me provided I
made the payments punctually, including 5ie rent of his buUdiag — aSow me twdve dollars
and a half a- week on which to support my family — and if at any time I failed to meet the
instalment due, I would vacate the premises and foifeit all that might have been paid to
that date. " In fact, Mr. Olmsted," I continued in my earnestness, " you may bind me in
any way, and as tightly as you please — only give me a chanee to dig out, or scratch
out, and I will ei^er do so or forfeit all the labour and trouble which I may have
incurred."

I also endeavoured to show Mr. Olmsted, that by making this arrangement he would
secure a permanent tenant ; whereas, if I did not make the purchase, the Museimi would
probably soon be closed. I added, that if he would have the goodness to grant me an inter-
view, I should be happy to give him satisfactory references, and would also submit to any
reasonable conditions which he might propose.

I took the letter myself, handed it to his servant, and in two days afterwards I received a
reply, naming an hour for me to call on him. I was there at the exact moment, and Mr.
Olmsted expressed hims^pleased with my punctuality. He eyed me closely, and put several
home questions regarding my habits and antecedents. I told him frankly my experience
in the way of a caterer for public amusements— mentioned Yauxhall Garden, the Circus,
and several exhibitions that I had managed in the South. I wa<^ favourably impressed
with Mr. Olmsted's appearance and manner. He indeed tried to assume an austere look
and to affect the aristocrat ; but I thought I could see the good, open-hearted, noble man
peering through his eyes, and a subsequent intimate acquaintance proved the correctness
of my impression respecting him.

" Who are your references? " he inquired.

"Any man in my line," I replied ; " from Edmund Simpson, manager of the Park The-
atre, or William Niblo, to Messrs. Welch, June, Titus, Turner, Angevine, or other circus or
menagerie proprietors ; also Moses T. Beach of the ^ New York Sun.' "

" Can you get any of them to call on me ? " he continued.

I informed him that I could, and it was arranged that they should call on him the next
day, and myself the day afterwards. My friend Niblo willingly rode down in his carriage,
and had an interview with Mr. Olmsted. Mr. Beach and several others among the gentle-
men named also called, and on the following morning I waited upon the arbiter of my
fate.

" I don't like your references, Mr. Bamum,'* said Mr. Olmsted abruptly, as soon as I
entered the room.

I was confused, and said " I regretted to hear it."

"They all speak too well of you," he added, laughing; "in fact, they talk as if they
were all partners of yours, and intended to share the profits."

This mtelligence, of course, pleased me. Mr. Olmsted then inquired if I could not
induce some friend to give bonds as security that I should meet the instalments as they
became due. I thought it was doubtfuL

" Can you offer me any security in case I should make the purchase for you ? " wasliis
still more diivct question.

I thou/.it of sjvcral small piecea of lind which I owned in Connecticut, but they were

THE AMERICAN MV9EDM. 8S

merely afflicted with mortgages. " I have some land and boildings in Ooimectieiit, but
ere are incumbrances on tnem^" I replied.

"Yes, yes; I don't want mortgaged property," said Mr. O.; "I should probably have
redeem it."

During further conversation, it was agreed that if he concluded to make the pmrchase
* me, he should retain the property until it was all paid for ; and should also appoint (at
V expense) a ticket-receiver and accountant, who should render him a weekly statement.
was further stipulated that I should take in an apartment in the adjoining building
therto used as a billiard-room, eiad allow therefor five hundred dollars per year, making
e entire rent three thousand dollars per annum, on a lease of ten vears. I felt that in all
is I had been liberal in my propositions and agreements, and hoped that the wealthy
ndlord would demand no more concessions. But he wanted something more.

"Now," said he, " if you only had a piece of unencumbered real estate that you could
er as additional security, I think I might venture to negotiate with you."

This seemed the turning-point of my fortune. Thinks I to myself^ "It is now or never,"
d memory rapidly ran over my small possessions in search of the coveted bit of land.
/ Island^ in all the beauty in which my youthful imagination had pictured it, came
ncing to my relief. I hesitated an instant He is amply secured already — so I thought
thin myself— and without fome piece of land, I might lose the Museum altogether. I saw

particular harm in it, and after a moment's hesitation I replied : —

" I have five acres of land in Coimecticut which is free from all lien or encumbrance."

" Indeed ! what did you pay for it ? "

'' It was a present from my late grandfather, Fhineas Taylor, given me on account of

r name."

" Was he rich ? " inquired Mr. Olmsted.

" He was considered well ofi^ in those parts," I answered.

" Very kind in him to give you the land. It is doubtless valoabln. But I suppose yon
uld not like to part with it, considering it was a present."

" I shall not have to ]^art with it, if I make my payments punctually," I replied, " and
m sure I shall do that.'

" Well," said Mr. Olmsted, " I think I will make the purchase for you. At all events,
1 thinlv it over, and in the meantime you must see the administrator and heirs of the
ate— get their best terms, and meet me here on my return to town a week hence."

I withdrew, and proceeded at once to the house of Mr. John Heath, the administrator.
s price was 15,000 dollars. I ofi*ered him 10,000 dollars, payable in seven equal annuid
italments, with good security. He could not think of selling at that price, and I agreed
call again.

During the week I had several interviews with Mr. Heath, and it was finally agreed that
should have it for 12,000 dollars, payable as above — ^possession to be given on the 15th
}vember. Mr. Olmsted assented to tms, and a morning was appointed to draw and sign
3 ^vritings. Mr. Heath appeared, but said he must decline proceeding ssxy further in my
se, as he had sold the collection to the directors of Peele's Museum (an incorporated
jtitution) for 15,000 dollars, and received 1,000 dollars in advance.

I was thunderstruck. I appealed to his honour. He replied that he had signed no
iting with me, was not therefore legally bound, and he felt it his duty to do the best he
aid for the orphan girls. Mr. Olmsted said he was sorry for me, but could not help me.
3 would now have permanent tenants who would not require him to incur any risk, and 1
list necessarily be thrown overboard.

I withdrew, with feelings which I need not attempt to describe. I immediately
formed njysdf as to the character of this Peele's Museum Company. It proved to consist

a company of speculators, headed by an unsuccessful ex-president of a bank, who had
ught Peele's collection for a few thousand dollars, were now to join the American Museum
th it, issue and sell stock to the amount of 50,000 dollars, pocket 30,000 dollars profits,
d permit the stockholders to look out for themselves.

y-high." They all consented, and I wrote a large number of squibs, cautioning the public
jainst buying the Museum stock, ridiculed the idea of a board of broken-down bank
rectors engaging in the exhibition of stufifed monkey and gander skins, appealed to
e case of the Zoological Institute, Which had failed by adopting such a plan as the one •
^y proposed, and finally told the public that such a speculation would be infinitely mo^

84 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OP P. T. BABNUM.

unwise than Dickens's " Grand United Metropolitan Hot Muffin and Crumpet-baking and
Punctual Delivery Company."

The stock was as dead as a herring ! I then went to Mr. Heath and solicited a confiden-
tial conversation. He granted it. I asked him when the directors were to pay the other
14,000 dollars. " On the 26th day of December, or forfeit the 1,000 dollars already paid,"
was the reply. I assured him that they would never pay it, that they could not raise it,
and that he would ultimately find himself with the Museum collection on his hands, and if
once I started off with an exhibition for the South, I would not touch the Museum at any
price. " Now," said I, " if you will agree with me confidentiallv, that in case these gentle-
men do not pay you on the 26th December, I may have it on the 27th for 12,000 dollars, I
will run the risk, and wait in this city untU that date." He readily agreed to the proposi-
tion, but said he was sure they would not forfeit their 1000 dollars.

"Very well," said I ; " all I ask of you is, that this arrangement shall not be mentioned."
He assented. "On the 27th day of December, at ten o'clo<£ a.m., I wish you to meet me
in Mr. Olmsted's apartments, prepared to sign the writings, provided this incorporated com-
pany do not pay you 14,000 dollars on the 26th." He agreed to this, and by my request put
it in writing.

From that moment I felt that the Museum was mine. I saw Mr. Olmsted, and told him
so. He promised secresy, and agreed to sign the documents if the other parties did not meet
their engagement.

This was about the 15th November. To all who spoke to me about the Museum, I
simply remarked, that I had lost it. In the meantime the new company could not sell a
dolk.r's worth of stock, for I kept up a perfect shower of squibs through the papers.

About the first of December, I received a letter from the Secretary of the Peale'*
Museimi Company, or rather the "New York Museum Company," as it was called,
desiring me to meet the directors on the following Monday morning at the Museum, when
and where I should probably hear something to my advantage. I saw that the newspaper
medicine was doing its office. It was evident that those gentlemen wished to purchase my
silence.

I was punctual at the meeting. "The honourable board of directors" was in session.
The venerable President, a gray-haired, hawk-eyed old man, who had recently been
President of a broken bank, accosted me with his blandest smile and smoothest tone of
language. The upshot of the matter was, they proposed to hire me to manage the united
museimis. I professed to take it all in earnest, and when asked to mention the salary I
should expect, I specified 3000 dollars per annum. They complimented me on my character
for ability in that department, and engaged me at the sum I demanded, my salary to
commence on the 1st day of January, 1842. As I was leaving the " august presence" tlie
amiable President pleasantly remarked, " Of course, Mr. Bamum, we shall have no more
of your squibs through the newspapers."

" I ever try to serve the interest of my employers," I replied.

The joUy directors probably had a hearty laugh so soon as I was beyond hearing their
unseemly mirth. They probably meant by thus keeping me quiet to sell their stock, and
permit the stockholders to throw me overboard as soon as they pleased. They thought
they had caught me securely. I knew that I had caught them.

Finding that I was now removed out of the way, those directors did not fear that any
other person would attempt to buy the American Museum, and they concluded not to
advertise their stock until the 1st of January, as that would give the people longer time
to forget the attacks which I had made on it. As for their promised payment on the 26tb
December, unaware that Mr. Heath had contracted to me for 12,000 dollars, they thought
he would cheerfully wait on them until it suited their pleasure to pay him. In fact, so
unconcerned were they upon this point, that they did not even call on the administrator on
the 26th inst, nor send him the slightest apology for not doing so !

On the morning of the 27th, I was at Mr. Olmsted's apartment, witli my legal
counsellor, Chas. T. Cromwelx., Esq., at half-past nine o'clock. Mr. Heath came with his-
lawyer jpunctuaUy at ten, and before two o'clock that day I was put in formal possession of
the American Museum. The first act which I performed, after being thus installed, was to
write and despatch the following note : —

Americait McsETJi^ Kew Tobk, Dec. 27, 1841.
2V> the President and Directors cf the New York Miaeum:

GainxEMBN :— It gires me great pleasure to inform you that you are placed upon the Free list of
this estabUshmvit until farther notice.

p. T. BiBSUM, Proprietor.

THE AMERICAN MUSEUM. 85

The President was astonished beyond measure, and could scarcely beUeve his eyes. He
called upon Mr. Heath, and learned that I had indeed bought and was in possession of the
American Museum. His indignation knew no bounds. He threatened him with a prose-
cution, but finding that this availed him nothing, he demanded the return of the thousand
loUars which had been paid on the agreement. It was refused because forfeited, and the
jompany lost it.

No one will doubt that I now put forth all my energy. It was strictly "neck or
lothing." I must either pay for the establishment within a stipulated period, or forfeit it,
Qcluding all I might have paid on account, provided Mr. Olmsted should insist on the
etter of the contract. Let " come what would," I was determined to deserve success, and
Drain and hands and feet were alike busy in forwarding the interests of the Museum.

The system of economy necessary to support my family in the city of New York upon
iix hundred dollars a-year, was not only assented to by my treasure of a wife, but she
expressed her willingness to reduce the expenses to four hundred dollars per year, if
lecessary. «»/

One clay, about six months after I had purchased the Museum, my friend Mr. Olmsted
lappened in at my ticket office about twelve o'clock, and found me alone eating my
linner, which consisted of a few slices of corned beef and bread that I had brought from
lome in the morning. " Is this the way you eat your dinner ? " he inquired.

'' I have not eaten a warm dinner since I bought the Museum, except on the Sabbath,*'
[ replied, " and I intend never to eat another on a week-day until I am out of debt."

^' Ah ! you are safe, and will pay for the Museimi before the year is out," he replied,
lapping me familiarly on the shoulder. And he was right, for in less than a year from
hat period, I was in full possession of the Museum as my own property, every cent having
)een paid out of the profits of the establishment.

The American Museum, at the date of my purchase, was little more than the nucleus of
vhat it is now. During the thirteen years of my proprietorship, I have considerably more
;han doubled the value of the permanent attractions and curiosities of the establishment.
The additions were derived, partly from Peale's Museum (which I bought and transferred
:o my former collection in the fall of 1842) ; partly from the large and rare collection known
IS the Chinese Museum (which I removed to the American Museum in 1848) ; and partly
)y purchases wherever I could find curiosities, in both America and Europe.

The space now occupied for my Museimi purposes is more than double what it was in
L841. The Lecture Room, which was originally narrow, ill-contrived, and uncomfortable,
las been several times enlarged and improved, and at present may be pronounced one of the
nost commodious and beautiful halls of entertainment in New York.

There have been enlargement and improvement in other respects. At first, the Museum
was merely a collection of curiosities by day, and in the evening there was a performance,
consisting of disjointed and disconnected amusements, such as are still to be found at
nany of the inferior shows. Saturday afternoon was soon appropriated to performances,
md shortly afterwfirds the afternoon of Wednesday was added. The programme has for
irears included the afternoon and evening of every day in the week, (of course excepting
;he Sabbath,) and on great holidays, we have sometimes given as many as twelve
performances.

There has been a ^adual change in these, and the transient attractions of the Museum
have been greatly diversified. Industrious fleas, educated dogs, jugglers, automatons,
ventriloquists, livmg statuary, tableaux, gipsies, albinoes, fat boys, giants, dwarfs, rope-
dancers, caricatures of phrenology, and "live Yankees," pantomime, instrumental music,
singing and dancing in great variety, (including Ethiopians,) &c. Dioramas, panoramas,
models of Dublin, Paris, Niagara, Jerusalem, &c., mechanical figures, fancy glass-blowing,
knitting machines and other triumphs in the mechanical arts, dissolving views, American
Indians, including their warlike and religious ceremonies enacted on the stage, &c. &c.

I need not specify the order of time in which these varieties were presented to the public,
[n one respect there has been a thorough though gradual change in the general plan, for
the moral drama is now, and has been for several years, the principal feature of the
Lecture Room of the American Museum.

Apart from the merit and interest of these performances, and apart from everything
connected with the stage, my permanent collection of curiosities is, without doubt, abun-
dantly worth the uniform charge of admission to all the entertainments of the establishment,
and I can therefore afford to be accused of " humbug " when I add such transient novelties
as increase its attractions. If I have exhibited a questionable dead mermaid in my Muser—

86 AUTOBIOGBAPHY OF P. T. BARKUM.

ft Bhoald not be overlooked that I have also exhibited camelopards, a Yhi2K)cero3, grizzly
bears, orang-outangs, great serpents, &c., about which there coold be no mistake because
they were alive ; and I should hope that a little " clap-tr^ " occasionally, in the way of
transparencies, flags, exaggerated pictures, and puffing advertisements, might find an offset
in a wilderness of wonderful, instructive, and amusing realities. Indeed I cannot doubt
that the sort of " clap-trap" here referred to, is allowable, and that the public like a littJe of
it mixed up with the great realities which I provide. The titles of "humbug," and the
**princeof humbugs," were first applied to me by myself. I made these titles a part of
my '* stock m trade," and may here quote a passage from the "Fortunes of the Scattergood
Family," a work by the popular English writer, Albert Smith :

"'It's a great thing to be a humbag,' said Mr. Bosset. 'I've been called so often. It means
hitting the public in reality. Anybody who can do so, is sore to be called a hambog by somebody
who can't.' " ^

Among my first extra exhibitions produced at th^ American liluseum, was a model of
the Falls of l^iagara, belonging to Grain the artist. It was undoubtedly a fine model,
giving the mathematical proportions of that great cataract, and the trees, rocks, buildings,
&c., in its vicinity. But the absurdity of the tiling consisted in introducing water, thus
pretending to present a fac simile of that great wonder of nature. The falls were about
eighteen inches high, everything else being in due proportion !

I confess I felt somewhat ashamed of this myself, yet it made a good line in the bai, and
I bought the model for 200 dollars. My advertisements then announced among the
attractions of the Museum,

THE GREAT MODEL OF NIAGARA FALLS,

WITH REAL WATER.

A single barrel of water answered the purpose of this model for an entire season ; for
the falls flowed into a reservoir behind the scenes, and the water was continually
re-supplied to the cataract by means of a small pump.

Many visitors who could not afford to travel to Niagara, were doubtless induced to visit
the " model with real water," and if they found it rather " small potatoes," they had the
whole Museum to fall back upon for 25 cents, and no fault was found.

One day I was peremptorily summoned to appear before the Board of Croton Water
Commissioners the next morning at ten o'clock. I was punctual.

" Sir," said the President," you pay only 25 dollars per annum for the Croton water at
the Museum. That is simply intended to supply the ordinary purposes of your establishment.
We cannot furnish water for your Niagara Falls without large extra compensation."

Begging "his honour" not to believe all he read in the papers, nor to be too literal in
the interpretation of my large showbills, I explained the operation of the great cataract,
and oflered to pay a dollar a cbop for all the water I used for Niagara Falls exceeding one
barrel per month, provided my pump continued in good order! 1 was permitted to retire,
amid a hearty burst of laughter from the Commissioners, in wliich Ms honour the President
condescended to join.

On one occasion, Louis Gaylord Clark, Esq., the witty and popidar editor^ of th&
" Knickerbocker," cjtiled to view my Museum. I had never had the pleasure of 'seeing him
before, and he introduced himself. I was extremely anxious that my establishment should
leceive a " first-rate notice" in his popular magazine, and therefore accompanied him through
the entire Museum, taking especial pains to point out all objects of interest We^ passed
the entrance of the hall containing Niagara Falls just as the visitors had entered it from
the performances in the Lecture Room, and hearing the pump at work, I was aware that
the great cataract was at that moment in full operation.

I desired to avoid that exhibition, feeling confident that if Mr. Clark should see the
model Niagara, he would be so much disgusted with the entire show that he woulJ *' blow-
it up" in his " Knickerbocker," or (what I always consider much the worse for me) pass it
Iby in silent contempt. Seeing him approach the entrance, I endeavoured to call his attention
to some object of interest in the other hall, but I was too late. He had noticed a concourse of
-visitors in the " Falls Room," and his curiosity to know what was going on was excited.

"Hold on, Bamum," said Clark ; " let us see what you have here."

" It's only a model of Niagara Palls," I replied.

" Oh, ah, yes, yes, I remember now. I have noticed your advertisements and splendid
poBten announcing Niagara Falls with real water. I have some curiosity to eee the

THE AMEBIC AN MUSEUM. 87

caturact in operation," said Ctaxk, at the same time moaating upon a chair in order to
obtain a full view over the heads of the visitors..

I felt considerably sheepish as I saw this movement, and listened to the working of the
old pump, whose creakings seem to me to be worse than ever. I held my breath, expecting
to hear the sagaoioiis editor pronounce this the silliest humbug that he ever saw. I was
presently, however, as much surprised as delighted to hear him say :

^^ Well, Bamum, I declare that is quite a new idea. I never saw the like before."

I revived in a moment ; and thinking that if Louia Gaylord Clark could see anything
attractive in the old model, he must be particularly green, I determined to do all in my
power to assist his verdancy. '^ Tes," I replied, ^^ it is quite a new idea."

^^ I declare I never saw auytliing of the kind before in all my lil'e," exclaimed Clark
with much enthusiasm.

^ I flatter myself it is, in point of originality and ingenuity, considerably ahead of any
invention of modem times," I replied with a feeling of exultation, as I saw that I had
caught the groat critic, and was sure of a puff of the best sort.

" Original ! " exclaimed the editor. ^^ Yes, it is certainly original. I never dreamed of

such a thmg; I never saw anything of the kind before since I was bom and I hope

with all my heart I never shall agam ! "

It is needless to say that I was completely taken in, and felt that any ordinary keyhole
was considerably larger than would be necessary for me to crawl through.

We then passed to the upper stones of the Museum, and finally to the roof, where I had
advertised an ** atrial garden," which consisted of two tubs, each containing a stunted and
£ad^ cedar, and ten or twelve pots of wilted flowers, backed up by a dozen small tables and
a few chairs for the aooommodation of such partakers of ice-cream as could appreciate the
beauties of ever-verdant nature, as shown forth in the tubs and pots aforesaid.

The "Knickerbocker" appeared, and I felt happy to see that while it spoke of the
assiduity in business manifested by the new proprietor of the Museum, and a prognostication
that he would soon render his establishmeut highly popular, the editor had kindly refrained
from making any allusion to " The Cataract of JTlvgara with rkal water ! "

Some months subsequent to this, Mr. Clark came rushing into the Museum almost out of
breath, and with much earnestness saluted me thus : *^ Friend Bamum, I have come in to
ask if you have got the club in the Museum that Captain Cook was killed with ? "

Remembering that I had a lai^ lot of Indian war-clubs among the collection of
aboriginal curiosities, and feeling that I owed Clark a joke for his Niagara falls catch, I
instantly replied that I was the owner of the club in question.

" Well, I declare I am very glad to hear it," said he ; " for do you know tliat I have for
a long time had a singular and irrepressible desire to see that club ? "

"Wait here a few minutes, and I will show it to you," I replied.

Passing up-stairs, I commenced overhauling a lot of war clubs, and finally selected a
heavy one that looked as if it might have kiUed Captain Cook, or anybody else whose head
it came in contact wit^. Having affixed a small label on it, reading " The Capt. Cook
Club," I took it down to Mr. Clark, assuring him that this was the 'instrument of death
which he had inquired for.

" Is it possible ! " said he, as he took it in his hand. Presently raising it above liia head,
he exclaimed, " Well, I declare, this is a terrible weapon with which to take a man's
life."

" Yes," I replied serioudy, but feeling an inward delight that I was now paying off Mr.
Clark with interest ; " 1 believe it killed the victim at the first blow."

"Poor Captain Cook!" exclaimed Clark with a sigh; "I wonder if he was conscious
after receiving the fatal blow."

" I don't think he could have been," I responded with a well-feigned look of sorrow.

^* You are sure this is the identical club ? " inquired Clark.

" We have documents which place its identity beyond all Question," I replied.

"Poor Cook I poor Cook!" said Clark musingly. " Well, Mr. Bamum," he continued
seith great gravity, at the some time extending his hand and giving mine a hearty shake,
" I am really very mudi obliged to you for your kindness. I had an irrepressible desire to
see the club that killed Captain Cook, and I felt quite confident vou oould accommodate me.
I have been in half a dozen smaller museums, and as t/tet/ all had it, 1 was sure a large
establishment like yours would not be without it ! "

My laurels were fast withering, and I felt that unless I kept mv wits about me and
managed to pay Clark at least an instalment on what I owed him, 1 should be the laughing
stock of all his acquaintances. A few weeks aftervi^ard^', therefore, I wrote him a note

88 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF F. T. BABNUM.

saying that I desired to consult him for a few moments at nfy office, on a subject of seriotis
importance to me. He came immediately.

" Now," said I, *' I do not want any more of your nonsense, but I want your sober
advice."

" My dear Bamnm," he replied in the fulness of his truly generous heart, " nothing will
give me greater pleasure than to serve you in any way in mj power."

I proceeded to inform him that a gentleman who had visited Egypt had brought from,
the river Nile a most remarkable living fish, which he offered to hire for exhibition. The
fish, I told him, was of a peculiar formation, and that the owner of it would place 5,000
dollars in the hands of a responsible banker, to be forfeited if the fish did not within six weeks
pass through a transformation by which its tail would disappear, and it wo\ild then have legs.

" Is it possible ? " exclaimed Clark, in great astonishment.

I assured him that thei*e was no mistake about it. " But," said I, " his price is high, and I
want to ask your opinion in regard to its success. He asks 100 dollars per week for the use of it."

" It is cheap enough, my dear fellow. It will draw you more than that sum extra per
day. Why, the whofe thing is incredible. It will startle the naturalists — ^wake up the
whole scientific world — and draw in the masses."

" Do you reaUy think so ? " I asked.

" Upon my honour, I am sure of it," responded Clark, with much enthusiasm. " Make
an engagement for six months, or for a year if possible, then come out and state the facts
regarding this wonderful transformation — announce that 5,000 dollars have been deposited
in responsible hands which will be forfeited to the poor of this city, if the change does not
take place as described, and my word for it, your museum will not be large enough to
contain your visitors. I declare I believe you will make 20,000 dollars by the operation.

I thanked Mr. Clark very warmly for his kind counsel, and assured him I should not
fail to take his advice. " In fact," said I, "I thought well of the speculation, excepting
that I did not like the name of the fish. I think thai is an objection."

^^ Tush, tush, not at all ; what's in a name ? Nothing. That makes no difference what-
ever. What is the name of the fish ? **

" Tadpole, but it is vulgarly called a poUiwog," I replied, with becoming gravity.

" Sold, by thunder ! " exclamied Clark, springing to his feet and rushing down stairs.

The " Fejee Mermaid" was by many supposed to be a curiosity manufactured by myself
or made to my order. This is not the ract. 1 certainly had much to do in bringing it before
the public, and as I am now in the confessional mood, I will ^^ make a clean breast" of the
ways and means I adopted for that purpose. I must first, however, relate how it came into
my possession and its alleged history.

Early in the summer of 1842, Moses Kimball, Esq., the popular proprietor of the Boston
Museum, came to New York and exhibited to me what purported to be a mermaid. He
stated that he had bought it of a sailor whose father, while in Calcutta in 1817 as captain
of a Boston ship (of which Captain John Ellery was principal owner), had purchased it,
believing it to be a preserved specimen of a veritable mermaid, obtaineci, as he was assured,
from Japanese sailors. Not doubting that it would prove as surprising to others as it had
been to himself, and hoping to make a rare speculation of it as an extraordinary curiosity,
he appropriated 6,000 dollars of the ship's money to the purchase of it, left the ship in
charge of the mate, and went to London.

He did not realise his expectations, and returned to Boston. StiU believing that his
curiosity was a genuine animal and therefore higly valuable, he preserved it with great care,
not stinting himself in the expense of keeping it insured, though re-engaged as ship's cap-
tain under his former employers to reimburse the sum taken from their funds to pay for the
mermaid. He died possessing no other property, and his only son and heir, who placed a
low estimate on his father's purchase, sold it to Mr. Kimball, who brooght it to New York
for my inspection.

Such was the story. Not trusting my own acuteness on such matters, I requested my
naturalist's opinion of the genuineness of the animal. He rei>lied that he could not conceixp
how it was manufactured ; for he never knew a monkey with such peculiar teeth, arms,
hands, &c., nor had he knowledge of a fish with such peculiar fins,

*' Then why do you suppose it is manufactured?" I inquired.

" Because I don^ believe in mermaids," replied the naturalist.

** That is no reason at all," said I, " and therefore I'll bdieve in the mermaid, and hire
it"

This was the easiest part of the experiment. How to modify general increduHty ia

THE AMEBIC AN MUSSUM. 89

le existence of mermaids, so far as to awaken curiosity to see and examine the specimen,
as now the aJl-important question. Some extraordinary means must be resorted to, and I
iw no better method than to '^ start the ball a-rolling" at some distance from the centre of
itraction..

In due time a communication appeared in the '' New York Herald," dated and mailed in
'ontgomer^, Ala., giving the news of the day, trade, the crops, political gossip, &c, and
so an incidental paragraph about a certain t)r. Griffin, agent of the Lyceum of Natural
[istory in London, recently from Pemambuco, who had in his possession a most remarkable
iriosity, being nothing less than a veritable mermaid taken among the Fejee Islands, and
reserved in China, where the Dr. had bought it at a high figure for the Lyceum of Natural
[istory.

A week or ten days afterwards, a letter of similar tenor, dated and mailed in Charleston,
. C, varying of course in the items of local news, was published in another New York
iper.

This was followed by a third letter, dated and mailed in Washington city, published in
ill another New York paper — there being in addition the expressed hope that the Editors
' the Empire city would beg a sight of the extraordinary curiosity before Dr. Griffin took
lip for England.

A few days subsequently to the publication of this thrice repeated announcement, Mr.
yman (who was my emplov^e in the case of Joice Heth) was duly registered at one of the
rincipal hotels in Philadelphia as Dr. Griffin of Pemambuco for London. His gentlemanly,
gnified, yet social manners and liberality gained him a fine reputation for a few days, and
hen he paid his bill one afternoon, preparatory to leaving for New York the next day, he
«:pressed his thanks to the landlord for special attention »id courtesy. ^' If you will step
) my room," said Lyman, alias Griffin, '* I will permit you to see something that will surprise
ou. Whereupon the Iwndlord was shown the most extraordinary curiosity in the world —
mermaid. He was so highlv gratified and interested that he earnestly begged permission
) introduce certain friends of his, including several editors, to view the wonderful specimen.

" Although it is no interest of mine," said the curiosity hunter, " the Lyceum of Natural
[istory, of which I am agent, will not be ii]\]ured by granting the courtesy you request."
end so an appointment was made for the evening.

The result might easily be gathered from the editorial columns of the Philadelphia
apers a day or two subsequently to that interview with the mermaid. Suffice it to sa^,
lat the plan worked admirably, and the Philadelphia press aided the press of New York in
wakening a wide-reaching and increasing curiositjyr to see the mermaid.

I may as well confess that those three commumcations from the South were written bv
lyself, and forwarded to friends of mine, with instructions respectivelv to mail them, each
n the day of its date. This fact and the corresponding post-marks did much to prevent
ispicion of a hoax, and the New York editors thus unconsciously contributed to my arrange-
lents for bringing the mermaid into public notice.

I^nnan then returned to New York with his precious treasure, and putting up at the
acinc Hotel in Greenwidi-street as Dr. Griffin, it soon reached the ears of the wide-awake
jporters for the press that the mermaid was in town. They called at the Pacific Hotel, and
le polite a^ent of the British Lyceum of Natural History kindly permitted them to gratify
tieir curiosity. The New York newspapers contained numerous reports of these exuvi-
ations, all of which were quite satisfactory.

I am confident that the reporters and editors who examined this animal were honestly
ersuaded that it was what it purported to be— a veritable mermaid. Nor is this to lie
rendered at, since, if it was a work of art, the monkey and fish were so nicely conjoined
hat no human eye could detect the point where the junction was formed. The spine of the
sji proceeded in a straight and apparently unbroken line to the base of the skull— the hair
f the animal was found growing several inches down on the shoulders of the fish, and the
pplication of a microscope absolutely revealed what seemed to be minute fish scales b^g
1 myriads amidst the hair. The teeth and formation of the fingers and hands differed
laterially from those of any monkey or orang-outang ever discovered, while the location of
lie fins was different from those of any species of the fish tribe known to naturalists. The
nimal was an ugly, dried up, black-looking, and diminutive specimen, about three feet
ang. Its mouth was open, its tail turned over, and its arms thrown up, giving it the
ppearance of having died in great agony.

Assuming, what is no doubt true, that the mermaid was manufactured, it was a most
emarkable specimen of ingenuity and untiring patience. For my own part I really had
carcely cared at the time to form an opinion of the origin of this creature, but it was my

90 AOTQBIOGBvtPnY OP p. T. BAaNTJM.

impression that it was the work of some iagenious Japanese, CiiiaamaQ, or otlior eastern
genius, and that it had probably been one among the many hideoiu objects of Buddhist or
Hindoo worship.

Recently however, in reading myself up on the history of Japan, I found the following
article in a work entitled ''Manners and Customs of the Japanese in the Nineteenth
Gentorv, from theaceounts of recent Dutch residents in Japan, and from the German work
of Dr. Ph. Fr. Von Siebold:"

** Another Japanese flsherinan displayed his ingenoity in a lets honourable and nscful form than
Klyemon, to make money out of his countrymen's passion for whatever is odd and stranf^'c. He con-
trived to unite the upper half of a monkey to the lower half of a fish, so neatly as to defy ordinary
inspection. He then gave out that he had caught the creature alive in his net, hut that it had died
shortly after Ijeing takeir out of the water; and he derived considerable pecuniary profit from his
device in more ways than one. The exhibition of the sea monster to Japanese curiosity paid well ;
but yet more productive was the assertion that the half-human fish had spoken during the few
mlnntes it existed ont of its native dement, predicting a certain number of years of wonderful fertility,
to be followed by a fatal epidemic, the only remedy against which would be possession of the marine
prophet's likeness. The sale of these pictured mermaids was immense. Either this composite animal,
or another, the offspring of the success of the first, was sold to a Dutch factory and transmitted to
Batavia, where it fell into the hands of a shrewd American, who brought it to Europe, ivnd there. In
the years 1822-3, exhibited his purchase as a real mermaid, at every capital, to the admiration of the
ignorant, the perplexity of the learned, and the filling of his own purse."

Is it not a plausible conjecture that this account relates to the identical mermaid exhibited
in the American Museum ? Certainly the method adopted to induce people to buy the
likeness, as related by Siebold, fairly entitles my Japanese confrere to the palm and title of
" Prince of Humbugs."

While Lyman was preparing public opinion on mermaids at the Pacific Hotel, I was
industriously at work (thougH of course privately) in getting up wood-cuts and transparen-
cies, as well as a pamphlet, proving the authenticity of mermaids, all in anticipation of the
speedy exhibition of Dr. Griffin's specimen. I had three several and distinct pictures of
mermaids engraved, and with a peculiar description written for each, had them inserted in
10,000 copies of the pamphlet which I had printed and quietly stored away in a back office
until the time came to use them.

I then called respectively on the editors of the "New York Herald" and two of the Stmday
papers, and tenderwl to each the free use of a mermaid cut, with a well-written description,
for their papers of the ensuing Sunday. I informed each editor that I had hoped to use this
cut in showing the Fejee Mermaid, but since Mr. Griffin had announced that as agent for
the Lyceum of Natural History, he could not permit it to be exhibited in America, my
chance seemed dubious, and therefore he was welcome to the use of the engraving and
description. The three mermaids made their appearance in the three different papers on the
morning of Sunday, July 17, 1842.

Each editor supposed he was giving his readers an exclusive treat in the mermaid line,
but when they came to discover that I had played the same game with the three different
papers, they pronounced it a scaly trick.

The mermaid fever was now getting pretty well up. Few city readers had missed
seeing at least one of the illustrations, and as the several printed descriptions made direct
allusion to the mermaid of Mr. Griffin now in town, a desire to see it was generally pre-
vailing. My 10,000 mermaid pamphlets were then put into the hands of boys, and sold at
a penny each, (half the cost,J in all the principal hotels, stores, &c &c

When I thought the public was thoroughly " posted up " on the subject of mermaids, I
sent an agent to engage Concert Hall, Broadway, for the exhibition, and the newspapers
immediately contained the following advertisement :

THE MERMAID, AND OTHER WONDERFUL SPECIMENS OF THE ANIMAL CREATION
The public are respectfully informed that, in accordance witli numerous and urgent solicitations
from scientific gentlemen in this city, Mr. J. Gbiffin, proprietor of the Mermaid, recently arrived from
Pemambuco, S.A., has consented to exhibit it to the public, positively for one week only! For this
purpose he has procured the spacious saloon known as Concert Hall, 404, Broadway, which will open
on Monday, August 8, 1 842, and will positively close on Saturday the 18th Inst.

This animal was talcen near the Fefee Islands, and purchased for a large sum by the present pro-
prietor, for the Lyceum of Natural History in London, and la exhibited for this sliort pexlod more for
the gratification of the public than for gain. The proprietor having been engaged for several years in
various parts of the world in collecting wonderftil q;)ecimens in Natural History, has in his possession,
and will at the same time submit to public inspection. Tub OnxiTHORniKcmis, from New Holland,
being the connecting link between the Seal and the Duck. The Fltino Fisu, two distinct species, one

jr

THE AMSR1GAN B!UIIBITIOX. 91

Tom the Gnlf Stream, and the other from the Weit Indies. This aolmal eridently eonnects the Bfard
ivith the Fish. The Paddle-Tail Snakb from South America. The Sirbx, or Mw Iguana, an inter-
nediate animal between the Reptile and the Fish. Thb F&OTEns Sakouihus, a subterraneous animal
rom a grotto in Australia — with other animals forming connecting links in the greatest chain of Ani*
uated Nature.
Tickets of admission 25 oentB each.

A large number of visitors attended Concert Hall, and Lyman, alias Griffin, exhibited
the mermaid with much dignity. I could not help fearing that some of the Joicc Heth
victims would discover in Professor Griffin the exhibitor of the " nurse of Washington,
hut happily no such* catastrophe occurred. Lyman, surrounded by numerous connecting
links in nature, as set forth in the advertisement, and with the hideous-looking mermaid
tlrmly secared from the hands of visitors by a glass vase, enlightened his audiences by
curious accounts of his travels and adventures, and by scientific harangues upon the worka
Df nature in general, and mermaidB in particular.

The public appeared to be satisfied, but as some persona always taiU take thin^ literally,,
md make no allowance for poetic licence even in mermaids, an occasional visitor, after
liaving seen the large transparency in front of the hall, representing a beautiful creature
lialf woman and half fish, about eight feet in length, would be slightly surprised in finding
that the reality was a black-looking specimen of dried monkey and fish that a boy a few
years old could easily run away with under his arm.

The mermaid remained a single week at Concert Hall, and was then advertised to he
seen at the American Museum, " without extra charge." It was afterwards exhibited in
various parts of the country, and finally returned to its owner, Mr. Kimball, who has ever
since given it a prominent niche in his truly beautiful and attractive " Boston Museum."^
There it will remain until the 31st day of March, 1856. On the 1st of April next (a
most appropriate day), it will again make its appearance in my American Museum, New
York, where it wiU remain untU January Ist, 1856, to the admiration and' astonishment,,
no doubt, of many thousand patrons. On the 2nd day of January, 1856, the mysterious
lady-fish will again take up her old quarters under the guardianship of her owner, the
Hon. Moses Kimball (he having recently been elected to the State Senate, and thus,
acquired the title), and from that period the Fejee Meriiiaid will be installed as a promi-
nent and interesting^^ure in the Boston Museum.

" That " her ladyship " was an attractive feature, may be inferred from these facts and
figures:

The receipts of the American Museum for the four weeks immediately precedinc: the
exhibition of the mermaid, amounted to 1272 dollars. During the first four weeks of the
mermaid*8 exhibition, the recdpts amounted to 8341 dollars 93 cents.

Being in Albany on business in November, 1842, the Hudson river was frozen tight, and
I returned to New York, by way of the Housatonic Railroad. I stopped one night in
Bridgeport, Ct., my brother, Philo F., keeping the Franklin Hotel at the time.

I had heard of a remarkably smaU child in Bridgeport ; and by my request my brother
brought him to the hotel. He was the smtUlest child I ever sow that could walk alone.
He was not two feet in height, and weighed less than sixteen pounds. He was a bright-
eyed little fellow, with light hair and ruddy cheeks, was perfectly healthy, and as sym-
metrical as an Apollo. He was exceedingly bashful, but after some coaxing he was
induced to converse with me, and infi>rmed me that his name was Charles S. Stratton^
son of Sherwood E. Stratton.

He was only five vears old, and to exhibit a dwarf of that age might provoke the
question. How do you know that he is a dwarf? Some license might indeed be taken with
the facts, but even with this advantage I really felt that the adventure was nothing more
than an experiment, and I engaged him for the short term of four weeks at three dollars
per week — all charges, including travelling and boarding of himself and mother, being at my
expense.

They arrived in New York on Thanksgiving Day, Dec. 8, 1842, and Mrs. Stratton was
greatly astonished to find her son heralded in my Museum bills as Gen. Tom Thumb^
a dwarf of eleven years of age, just arrived from England !

This announcement contmned two decqitions. I shall not attempt to justify them, but
may be allowed to plead the circumstances in extenuation. The boy was uidoubtedly a
dwarf, and I had the most reliable evidence that he had grown little, if any, since he was
six months old ; but had I announced him as only five years of age, it would have beea
impossible to excite the interest or awi^en the curiosity of the public. The thing I aim

^2 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. BABNUM.

At was, to assure them that he was really a dwarf— and in thisj at least, they were not
deceived.

It was of no consequence, in reality, where he was bom or where he came from, and if
"the announcement that he was a foreigner answered my purpose, the people had only them-
selves to blame if they did not get their money's worth when they visited the exhibition. I
had observed (and sometimes, as in the case of Vivalla, had taken advantage of) the
American fancy for European exotics ; and if the deception, practised for a season in my
dwarf experiment, has done anything towards checking our disgraceful preference for
foreigners, I may readily be pardoned for the offence I here acknowledge.

I took great pains to train my diminutive prodigy, devotuig 'many hours to that
purpose, by da^ and by night, and succeeded, because he had native talent and an intense
love of the ludicrous. He became very fond of me. I was, and yet am, sincerely attached
to him, and I candidly believe him at this moment to be the most interesting and extra-
ordinary natural curiosity of which the world has any knowledge.

Four weeks expired, and I re-engaged him for a year at seven dollars per week, (and a
•gratuity of fifty dollars at the end of the agreement,) with privilege of exhibition in an v
section of the United States. His parents were to accompany him, and I was to pay all
travellmg expenses. Long before the year was out, I voluntarily increasea his weekly
«„!„«„ *^ * *„ £. j»n -_j v. i..._i , ,. .. , ,., , g ^ public

and when
there, I sent him to numerous cities and towns in many
.of the States, accompanied by my friend Fordyce Hitchcock. '

In the meantime, I had entirely paid for the American Museum, and entered into an
agreement with Gen. Tom Thumb for his services another year at fifty dollars per week
jand all expenses, with the privilege of exhibition in Europe.

CHAPTER X.

EUROPEAN TOUR— TOM THUMB.

On Thursday, January 18, 1844, 1 stepped on board the new and splendid packet ship
Yorkshire^ Capt. D. G. feailey, bound for Liverpool. My party consisted of Gen, Tom
Thumb, both his parents, his tutor. Professor Gidllaudeu the French naturalist, and myself.
The City Brass Band kindly volunteered to escort us to Sandy Hook, and we were accom-
panied by many of our personal friends.

At half-past one o'clock, the beU of one of the steamers that towed our ship down
ithe bay, announced the hour of separation. There was the usual bustle, the rapidly-spoken
yet often-repeated words of farewell, the cordial grip of friendship — and I acknowledge
.that I was decidedly in " the melting mood."

My name has so long been used in connection with incidents of the mirthful kind, that
many persons, probably, do not suspect that I am susceptible of sorrowful emotion, and
possibly the general tenor of these pages may confirm the suspicion. No doubt my natural
bias is to merriment, and I have encouraged my inclination to " comedy," because enough
jof " tragedy" will force itself upon the attention of every one in spite of his e£forts to tihe
contrary ; yet I shotdd be more or less than human, were I incapable of serious thought, or
^id I not frequently indulge in the sober meditation which becomes the solemn realities
•of life.

I do not now refer only to scenes of parting with friends, or of leaving coimtry and
home for a few months, or even years, but I speak of the ordinary occasions of experience. I
have had, and hope always to have, my seasons of loneliness and even sadness *, and, though
many people may not see how my profession of " a showman " can be made to appear con-
sistent with my profession of another kind, I must claim" having always revered the Christian
Beligion. I have been indebted to Christianity for the most serene happiness of my life,
and 1 would not part with its consolations mr all things else in the world. In aU my
.journeys as "a showman," the Bible has been my companion, and I have repeatedly read
It attentively, from beginning to end. Whether I have or have not been profited by its
precepts, is a question not here to be considered ; but the scriptural doctrine of the govern-
ment of God and its happy issue in the life to come, has been my chief solace in admction
.and sorrow, and 1 hope luways to cherish it as my greatest treasure.

EUBOFEA?} TOUS — TOM THDMB. 9^

The " melting mood" was upon me, for the pathway of the ship was toward the wid6-
i with its deep mysteries, and my heart clung to my family and home. I successively
fisped for the last time the hand of each parting firiend as he passed to the tow-boat, and
!ould not restrain my emotion ; and when the hand struck up " Home, sweet Home ! '*"
Y tears flowed thick and fast

The distance between the ship and the steamer rapidly increased. We stood on the
larter-deck, waving our handkerchiefs, and when the strains of "Yankee Doodle" floated
er the waters and distinctly saluted us, we all gave three cheers, and I wept freely,
erpowered as I was with mingled feelings of regret and joy. At two o'clock the
lot left us, and thus was broken the last visible living link that bound us to our
untry.

The voyage to Liverpool has so frequently been described in print, that I shall abstain
)m entering into details. Abundant material is before me, in the first two of a series of
e hundred letters which I furnished while in Europe, as correspondent of the "New York
tlas," but I shall do no more than transcribe or adopt such facts and adventures as will
rve to keep up the chain of my history.

In consequence of calms and some adverse winds, we were nineteen days on the passage,
ever was there a better ship nor a more admirable captain. Only a few of the passengers
ere called upon for the customary sacrifice to Neptune or the fishes — and, contrary to my
:pectations, I was one of the party exempted. Good fellowship prevailed, and the time
issed with sufficient rapidity, and some jokes.

On the eighteenth day out, the cry of " Land ho ! " brought us to the deck in great glee,
tie snow-capped mountains of Wales soon appeared in sight, and in three hours we were
fely in the Liverpool docks. A large throng of persons were gathered upon the wharves,,
id many were anxiously inquiring for Tom Thumb, as it had previously been announced

Liverpool that he would arrive m the Yorkshire, His mother managed to smuggle him
1 shore without being noticed, for they little thought that he was small enough to be
irried in arms, like an infant.

Our baggage was taken to the custom-house, and, after paying duties on evervthing
e could not swear was of English manufacture, we were permitted to depart. We took
lartments at the Waterloo Hotel — the best in the city — and after paying some half-dozen
Drters half a crown each for looking at our luggage, for not half that number touched it, we
ashed down our indignation with a bottle of port, and dined upon a noble sirloin or
nglish roast beof, accompanied with a rich delicacy known as " fried soles and shrimp
luce."

After discussing dinner, I walked out to take a look at the town. A few squares brought
le to the Nelson monument. While admiring its many beauties, a venerable-looking,
ell-dressed old gentleman, kindly volunteered to explain to me the various devices and
iscriptions. His whole soul appeared centred in that pillar raised to perpetuate the fame

nd I was rejoiced to be able so soon to testify that they had been seriously slandered.

Here, said I to myself, is one of their own soldiers, no doubt wealthy and respected,
^ho kindly volunteers to come with the most friendly familiarity, and devote an hour to a
tranger in pointing out the beauties of a noble pile, which gratifies his and his country's
•atriotism and pride. I began involuntarily to guess how much he was worth, and at last
et down his income at £10,000 per annum. Human nature rose at least a hundred degrees
n my estimation as I reflected that an "old English gentleman" could at once be so
v^ealthy and so kind and disinterested. I already expected every moment to be invited
spend a week at his mansion, and to ride about the city in his splendid equipage, and
herefore 1 gave him a parting bow of thanks, half ashamed that I had so long trespassed
>n his kindness, when he extended his hand, and in the voice of a mendicant remarked
hat he would be thankful for any remuneration I thought fit to bestow for his trouble !

My pretty vision of all his greatness was annihilated, and thrusting a shilling into his
land, I walked away with a rapid pace, giving an extra pull to the strings of my purse as"
[ slipped it into my pocket. Before I had proceeded five rods my ideas of the magnanimity
3f human nature fell twenty degrees below zero^ and I set it down as an est blished fact,
that in England it costs, two-and-sixpence to look at a man and just a crown to speak to
dim. It was a first impression merely, and I soon had reason to remember that there are
' queer fish " hailing from other than British waters.

In the evening I was called upon by the proprietor of a cheap show of wax figures at

94 AUT0BI06BAPHT OP P. T. BAKHXTM.

three ha'pence admiesion. Haying heard of the arrival of the great American cxmositv, he
had taken the earliest opportimity to make proposals for the engagement of the G&aerti and
myself, at about ten douazs per week, to add somewhat to the attractions of his already
remarkable exhibition I

I could but laugh at the novelty of the joke, and yet there was a sadness settling down
npon me in the thought that d^ivurfe were at rather a low figure in the fancy-stocks of
England. Under other circumstances, the shadow on my path would have speedily passed
away, but a sort of home-sickness had taken hold of me, and the world began to look very
dark. I was a stranger in a strange land. My letters of introduction had not yet been
delivered. Outside the little circle of my own company, I had not seen a famUiar face nor
heard a familiar voice. The crowded streets of Liverpool were gradually deserted as the
veil of night was being drawn over the earth. I Mt all alone, and, at the risk of being
laughed at, I must acknowledge that I had a solitary hearty crying-spell .' My dreams
that night were of" Home, sweet Home."

There waa a gleam of sunshine next morning. It was in the following note :

" Madame Celests presents her compllmeata to Mr. B&rnom, and beg* to eay that her private box
is quite at his service, any night, for himself and friends.
" Theatre Royal, Williamson Square.**

This polite invitation was thankfully accepted on the evening of its reception.

It had been my intention to proceed directly to London and begin operations at " head-
quarters" — that is, at ^e Palace, if possible. But I learned that the royal family was in
mourning because of the death of Prince Albert's father, and would not permit the approach
of entertainments. My letters of introduction speedily brought me into relations of friend-
ship with many excellent fjEunilies, and I was induced to hiie a hall and present the €reneral
to the public in Liverpool for a short time.

Meanwhile I had confidential advices from London that Mr. Maddox, Manager of
Princess's Theatre, was coming down to witness my exhibition, with a view to making an
engagement. He capie privately, but I was "posted up'* as to his presence and object A

engagement of the General for three nights
I was unwilling to contract for a longer period, and even this short engagement, though on
liberal terms, was acceded to only as a means of advertisonent.

The General made so decided a " hit" at Princess's Theatre, that it might have been
difficult to decide which party waa the best pleased, the spectators, the manager, or myself.
The first were pleased because they could not help it ; the second was ples^ed because he
had coined money by the operation ; and /was pleased because I had a visible guarantee of
success in London. I was offered a much higher figure for a re-engagement, but my purpose
had been sufficiently answered. The news was out that (general l^m Thumb was on the
tapis, as an unparalleled curiosity, and it onlv remained for me to bring him before the
public " on my own hook," in my own time and way.

I had taken a famished house in Grafton-street, Bond-street, West End, in the centre of
fashion. Lord Brougham and half a dozen families of the blood-aristocracy and many of
the gentry, were my neighbours. The house had been occupied by Lord Talbot for several
years previously. From this ma^ficent mansion, I sent letters of invitation to the editors
and several of the nobility, to visit the GreneraL Most of them caUed, and were highly
gratified. The' word of approval was, indeed, so passed around in high circles, that uninviled
parties drove to my door in crested carriages, arbd were not admitted.

This procedure, though in some measure a stroke of policy, was not either singular or
hazardous, under the circumstances. I had not yet announced a public exhibition, and' as
a private American gentleman it became me to maintain the dignity of my position. I,
therefore, instructed my servant, dressed in the the tinselled and powdered style of England,
to deny admission to my mansion to see my " ward," exciting to persons who brought
cards of invitation. He did it in a proper manner, and no offence could be taken — ^thou^ I
was always particular to send an invitation immediately to such as had not been admitted.

During our first week in London, Mr. Everett, the American Minister, to whom I had
letters of mtroduction, called and was highly pleased with his diminutive though renowned
countryman. We dined with him ^e next day, by invitation, and his family loaded the
young American with presents. Mr. Everett kindly promised to use influence at the
Palace in person, with a view to having Tom Thumb introduced to her Majesty Queen
Victoria.

EUROPEAN TOUB — TOM THVMB. 95

A few ovenings afterwards the Baroness Rothschild sent her carriage for us. Her
mansion is a noble structure in Piccadilly, surrounded by a high wall, through the gate of
which oar carriage was driven and brought up in front of the main entrance. Here we
were received by half a dozen servants elegantly dressed in black coats and pantaloons,
white vests and cravats, white kid gloves, and, in fact, wearing the tout ensemble of gentle-
men. One old chap was dressed in livery — a heavy laced coat, breeches, a lai^, white
powdered and curled wig, and everything else to match. The hall was brilliantly Ulumi-
natcd, and each side was graced with the most beautiful statuary. We were ushered up a
broad ilij^ht of marble stairs, and our names announced at the door of the drawing-room
by an elegantly-dressed servant, who tmdcr other circumstances I might have supposed
was a member of the noble family.

As we entered the drawing-room, a glare of magnificence met my sight which it is
impossible for me to describe. The Baroness was seated on a gorgeous couch covered with
rich figured silk damask, (there were several similar couches in the room,^ and several lords
and ladies were seated in chairs elegantly carved and covered with gold, looking indeed like
solid gold, except the bottoms, which were rich velvet. On each side of the mantlepiece
were specimens of marble statuary — on the right of which stood glazed cabinets containing
urns, vases, and a thousand other things of the most exquisite workmanship, made of gold,
silver, diamonds, alabaster, pearl, &c. The centre table, and several tables about the size
and something like the shape of a pianoforte, all covered with gold, or made of ebony
thickly inlaid with pearls of various hues, were loaded with hijous of every kind, surpassing
in elegance anything I had ever dreamed of. The chairs at one end of the room were made
of ebony, inlaid with pearl and gold, elegantly cushioned with damask. The walls were
paneUed and heavily gilt — ^the curtains and ornaments of the most costly kind. The
immense chandeliers, candelabras, &c., exceeded all my powers of description ; and I confess
my total inability to give a correct idea of the splendour in which uved the wife of tiie
most wealthy banker in the world.

Here we spent about two hours. About twenty lords and ladies were present. On taking
our leave, an elegant and well-filled purse was quietly slipped into my hand, and I felt that
the golden shower was beginning to fall!

It could not be a delusion, for precisely the same trick was played upon me shortly
afterwards, at the mansion of Mr. Drummond, another eminent banker.

I now engaged the '' Egyptian Hall," in Piccadilly, and the announcement of my unique
exhibition was promptly answered by a rush of visitors, in which the wealth and fashion
of London were liberally represented.

I made these arrangements because I had little hope of being soon brought to the
Queen's presence (for the reason before mentioned), but Mr. Everett's generous influence
secured my object. I breakfasted at his house one morning, bv invitation, in company
with Mr. Charles Murray, an author of creditable repute, who held the office of Master of
the Queen's Household.

In the course of conversation, Mr. Murray inquired as to my plans, and I informed him
that I intended going to the Continent shortly, though I should be glad to remain if the
General could have an interview with the Queen — adding that such an event would be of
great consequence to me.

Mr. Murray kindly offered his good offices in the case, and soon afterwards one of the
Life Guards, a tall noble-looking feUow, bedecked as became his station, brought me a note,
conveying the Queen's invitation to General Tom Thumb and his guardian, Mr. Bamum,
to appear at Buckingham Palace on an evening specified. Special instructions were the
same day orally given me by Mr. Murray, by her Majesty's command, to sufier the Gene-
ral to appear biefbre her, as he would appear anywhere else, without any training in the use
of the titles of royalty, as the Queen desired to see him act naturally and without restraint.

Determined to m^e the most of the occasion, I put a placard on the door of the
Egyptian Hall : — " Closed this evening, General Tom Thimib being at Buckingham Palace
by command of her Majesty."

On arriving at the Palaoe, the Lord in Waiting put me " imder drill" as to the manner
and form in which I should conduct myself in the presence of royalty. I was to answer all
questions by her Majesty through A«to, and in no event to speak directly to the Queen. In
leaving the royal presence I was to *' back out," keeping my face ^yrvy^ towards her
Majesty, and the illustrious Lord kindly gave me a specimen of that sort of backward loco-
motion. How far I profited by his instructions and example will presently appear.

We were conducted through a long corridor to a broad flight of marble steps, which led
to the Queen's miignificent picture gallery, where Her Majesty and Prince Albert, the

96 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BARNUM.

Duchess of Kent, and twenty or thirty of the nobilitv, were awaiting our arrival. They
were standing at the farther end of the room^ when the doors were thrown open, and the
General toddled in, looking like a wax doll gifted with the power of locomotion. Surprise
and pleasure were depicted on the countenances of the royal circle, at beholding this rmte of
humanity so much smaller than thay had evidently expected to find him.

The General advanced with a firm step, and as he came within hailing distance, made a
very graceful bow, and exclaimed, " Good evening, Ladies and GejitUmenf"

A burst of laughter followed this salutation. The Queen then took him by the hand, led
him about the gaflery, and asked him naany questions, the answers to which kept the party
in an unintermitted strain of merriment. The General familiarly informed the Queen that
her picture gallery was " first-rate," and told her he should like to see the Prince of Wales.
The Queen replied that the Prince had retired to rest, but that he should see him on some
future occasion. The General then gave hia songs, dances, imitations, &c., and, after a con-*
versatiou with Prince Albert and all present, which continued for more than an hour, we
were permitted to depart.

Before describing the process and incidents of " backing out," I must acknowledge how
sadly 1 broke through the counsel of the Lord in Waiting. While Prince Albert and other*
were engaged with Tom, the Queen was gathering information from me in regard to his
history, &c. Two or three questions were put and answered through the process indicated
in my drill. It was a round-about way of doing business, not at all to my liking, and I
suppose the Lord in Waiting was seriously shocked, if not outraged, when I entered directly
into conversation with her Majesty. She, however, seemed not disposed to check m^- bold-
ness, for she immediately spoke directly to me in obtaining the information which she"
sought. I felt entirely at ease in her presence, and could not avoid contrasting her sensible
and amiable manners with the stifiTness and formality of upstart gentility at home or
abroad.

The Queen was modestly attired in plain black, and wore no ornaments. Indeed, sur-
rounded as she was by ladies arrayed in the highest style of magnificence, their dresses
sparkling with diamonds, a stranger would have selected her as the last person in the circle
who could have been the Queen of England.

The Lord in Waiting was perhaps mollified toward me when he saw me following his
illustrious example in retiring from the royal presence. He was accustomed to the process,
and therefore was able to keep somewhat a-head (or rather a-back) of me, but even /
stepped rather fast for the other member of the retiring party. We had a considerable dis-
tance to travel in that long gallery before reaching the door, and whenever the General found
he was losing ground, he turned around and ran a few steps, then resumed the position of
" backing out, then turned around and ran, and so continued to alternate his methods of
getting to the door, until the gallery fairly rang with the merriment of the royal spectators.
It was really one of the richest scenes I ever saw, especially the concluding section. Run-
ning, under the circumstances, was an o£fence sufficiently heinous to excite the indignation,
of the Queen's favourite poodle-dog, and he vented his displeasure by^barking so sharply as
to startle the General from his propriety. He, however, recovered immediately, and, with
his little cane, commenced an attack on the poodle, and a funny fight ensued, which
renewal and increased the merriment of the royal party.

This was near the door of exit. We had scarcely passed into the ante-room, when one
of the Queen's attendants came to us with the expressed hope of her Majesty, that the
General had sustained no damage — to which the Lord in Waiting playfully added, that in
case of injury to so renowned a personage, he should fear a declaration of war by the United
States !

The courtesies of the Palace were not yet exhausted^or we were escorted to an apart-
ment in which refreshments had been provided for us. We did ample justice to the viands^
though my mind was rather looking into the future than enjoying ^ the present. I was
anxious that the " Court Journal" of the ensuing day should contain more than a mere line
in relation to the General's interview with the Queen, and, on inquiry, I learned that the
gentleman who had charge of that poition of the daily papers was then in Uie Palace. He
was sent for by my solicitation, and promptly acceded to my request for such a notice as
would attract attention. He even generously desired me to give him an outline of what I
sought, and I was pleased to see, afterwards, that he had inserted my notice verbatim.

This increased attraction required me to obtain a more commodious hall for my exhibi-
tion. I accordingly removed to the larger room in the same building, for some time previ-
ously occupied b^ our countryman, Mr. Catlin, for his great Gallery of Portraits of American
Indians and Indian Curiosities, all of which remained as an adornment.

BUROP£AN TOUR — ^TOM THUMB. 97

On our second visit to the Queen, we were received in what is called the *' Yelloif
Drawing Koom/' a magnificent apartment, surpassing in splendour and gor^usness any-
thing of the kind I had ever seen. It is on the north side of the gallery', and is entered from
that apartment. It was hung with drapery of rich yellow satin damask, the couches, sofas,
and clmirs, being covered with the same material. The vases, urns, and ornaments, were all
of modem patterns, and the most exquisite workmanship. The room was panelled in gold,
and the heavy cornices beautifully carved and gilt. The tables, pianos, &c., were mounted
irith gold, inlaid with pearl of various hues, and of the most elegant devices.

We were ushered into this gorgeous drawing-room before the Queen and royal circle had
left the dining-room, and, as thev approached, the General bowed respectfully, and
remarked to her Majesty that " he had seen her before ;" adding, ^^ I think this is a prettier
room than the picture gallenr ; that chandelier is very fine."

The Queen smilingly took him by the hand, and said she hoped he was very well.

" Yes, ma'am,"* he replied, " I am first-rate."

" General," continued the Queen, " this is the Prince of Wales."

" How are you. Prince ? " said the General, shaking him by the hand ; and then stand-
ing beside the Prince, he remarked — " The Prince ia taller than I am, but I /eel as big as
anybody" — upon which he strutted up and down the room as proud as a peacock, amid
shouts of laughter from all present.

The Queen then introduced the Princess Koyal, and the General immediately led her to
his elegant little sofa, which we took with us, and with much politeness sat himself down
beside her. Shortly rising from his seat, he went through his various performances as
before, and the Queen handed him an elegant and costly souvenir, which had been expressly
made for him by her order — for which, he told her, " he was very much obliged, and would
keep it as long as he lived."

The Queen of the Belgians (daughter of Louis Philippe) was present on this occasion.
She asked the General where he was going when he left London.

"To Paris," he replied.

*' Whom do you expect to see there?" she continued.

Of course all expected he would answer, " The King of the French," but the little fellow
replied :

" I shall see Monsieur Guillaudeu in Paris."

The two Queens looked inquiringly to me, and when I informed them thatMons. G. was
my French naturalist, who had preceded me to Paris, they laughed most heartily.

On our third visit to Buckingham Palace, Leopold, King of the Belgians, was also
present. He was highly pleased, and asked a multitude of questions. Queen Victoria
desired the General to sing a song, and asked him what song he preferred to sing,

" Y^ikee Doodle," was the prompt reply.

This answer was as imexpected to me as it was to the royal party. When the merri-
ment it occasioned somewhat subsided, the Queen good-humouredly remarked, " That is a
very pretty song, General. Sing it, if you please." The General complied, and soon after-
wards we retired.

I ought to add, that after each of our three visits to Buckingham Palace, a handsome
doitceur was sent to me, of course, by the Queen's command. This, however, was the
smallest part of the advantage derived from these interviews, as will be at once apparent to
all who consider the force of Court example in England.

The British public were now fairly excited. Not to have seen General Tom Thumb was
voted to be decidedly unfashionable, and from the 20th of March until the 20th of July, the
levees of the little General at Egyptian Hall were continually crowded— the receipts
^veragmg during the whole period about 600 dollars per day, sometimes gomg considerably
beyond that sum. At the fashionable hour, between fifty and sixty carriages of the nobility
have been counted at one time standing in front of our exhibition rooms in Piccadilly.

Portraits of the little General were published in all the pictorial papers of the time.
Polkas and quadrilles were named after him, and songs were sung in his praise. He was an
almost constant theme for the " London Punch," which served the General and myself up
so daintily that it no doubt added vastly to our receipts.

The expenses of the hall were only £44 per month, and our family expenses (as we now
kept house) averaged but one pound per week each. Altogether I reckon our entire dis-
bursements, including printing, and everything appertaining to the exhibition, at fifty
dollars per day. "^

Besides his three public performances per day, the little General attended from three to
four pnvate parties per week, for which we were paid eight to ten guineas each. Frequen*'

7

96 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BABNUM. .

ire would Tisit two parties in the same evemng, and the demand in that line was much
greater than the supply.

The Queen Dowager Adelaide requested the Grcneral's attendance at Marlborough House
«ne afternoon. He went in his court dress, consisting of richly embroidered brown silk-
Telvet coat and short breedies, white satin vest with fancy-coloured embroidery, white aillf
Stockings and pumps, wig, bag-wig, cocked hat, and a dress sword.

" Why, General," said the Dowager Queen, " I think you look very smart to-day."

" I guess I do," saad the General complacently.

A large party of the nobility were present The old Duke of Cambridge offered Tthe
£ttle Genercd a pinch of snuff, which he declined.

The General sang his songs, performed his dances, and cracked his jokes, to the great
amusement and delight of the distinguished circle of visitors.

" Dear little General," said the kind-hearted Queen, taking him upon her lap, " I see
you have got no watch. Will you permit me to present you with a watch and chain ? "

" I would like it very much," replied the General, his eyes glistemng with joy as he
spoke.

" I will have them made expressly for you," responded the Queen Dowager; and at tito

same moment she called Lord H , her firiend, and desired him to see that the proper

order was executed. A few weeks thereafter we were called again to Marlborough House.

A number of the children of the nobility were present, as well as some of their
parents. After passing a few compliments with the General, Queen Adelaide presented
him with a beautiful Httle gold watch, placing the chain around his neck with her own
hands. The little fellow was delighted, and scarcely knew how sufficiently to express his-
thanks. The good Queen gave him some excellent advice with regard to his morals,,
which he strictly promised to obey. Indeed, I am happy to say in this place that I never
knew the General to utter a profane or vulgar word in his life. His morals in all respects*
are unobjectionable, and his disposition is most amiable.

After giving his performances, we withdrew from the royal, presence, and the elegant
little watch presented by the hands of her Majesty the Queen Dowager was not onl^ duly
heralded, but was also placed upon a pedestal in the hall of exhibition, together with the
present from Queen Victoria, and covered with a glass vase. These presents, to which were
soon added an elegant gold snuff-box mounted with turquoise, presented by his Grace the
Duke of Devonshire, and maii^ other costly gifts of the nobility and gentry, added greatly
to the attractions of the exhibition. The Duke of Wellington called frequently to see the
little General at his public levees. The first time he called the General was personating
Napoleon Bonaparte, marching up and down the platform, and apparently taking snuff in
xleep meditation. He was dr^sed in fiill military uniform. I introduced him to the " Iron
Duke," who inquired the subject of his meditations. " I was thinking of the loss of the
battle of Waterloo," was the little General's immediate reply. That brilliant display of wit
was chronicled through the country, and was of itself worth thousands of pounds to the
eidiibition.

While we were in London in June 1844, the Emperor of Russia visited Queen Victoria.
I saw him on several public occasions.

I was present on the fifth of June at a grand review of the Qneen^s troops in Windsor
Park, in honour and in presence of the Emperor of Russia and the King of Saxony. Gene-
ral Tom Thumb had visited the latter royal personage, as well as Ibrahim Pacha, the week
previous.

The Way to Windsor presented an almost uninterrapted line of vehicles and pedestrians^,
reminding me of the Epsom Boad on the Derby day, which races I attended, but have not
room to describe. The Queen and her illustrious visitors arrived at the great Windsor Park
about twelve o'clock. The approach of the royal cortege from the Great Walk was intimated
by the shouts of hundreds of spectators. In one of the carriages were the Prince of Wales
and the Royal Princesses. The Emperor of Russia preceded the Queen's carriage on
horseback, with Prince Albert (who wore hi» field-marshal's uniform) on the left, and the
King of Saxonv on his right The Emperor's dress was a Russian uniform, the colour
dark green, and a black helmet with white feathers. The Duke of Wellington rode imme-
diately behind the Emperor, surrounded by noblemen and <^cers in uniform. Sir Robert
Peel rode amongst them, and his usual blue frock-coat and buff waistooat contrasted
strikingly with the splendid dresses around him. The Duke of Cambridge rode near the
Emperor.

At the rarions parties ivhich we attended, we met, in the course of the season, nearly-
aU 9f the nobility. That a single member of the nobility failed to see General Tom Thumb

EUROPEAN TOCK — TOM THUMB. 99

either at their own houses, the house of a friend, or at his public levees at Egyptian Hall,
I do not believe.

With some of the first personages in the land he was a great pet. Among these may
be mentioned Sir Robert and Lady Peel, the Duke and Duchess of Buckingham, Duke of
Bedford, Duke of Devonshire, Count d'Orsay, Lady Blessington, Daniel O'Connell, Lord
Adolphus Fitzclarence, Lord Chesterfield, Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Bates, of the firm of
Baring Brothers and Co., &c. &c.

We had the free entr^ to all the theatres, public gardens, and places of entertainment,
and frequently met the principal artists, editors, poets, and authors of the countiy.

Albert Smith was and is a particular friend of mine. He wrote a play for the General
called "Hop o' my Thumb," which he played with great success at the Lyceum Theatre,
London, and in several of the provincial theatres. We were absent from America over three
years, and visited nearly every town in England and Scotland, besides Belfast and Dublin,
m Ireland.* In Dublin our receipts on the last day, after having exhibited the previous
week in the great Rotunda Hall, were £261, or 1805 dollars. Besides that, we received £50,
or 250 dollars, for playing the same evening at the Theatre Royal. We also visited nearly
every town in France, and Brussels and several other tovras in Belgium, at which latter
city we appeared before King Leopold and the Queen at their palace.

In France we visited King Louis Philippe and the royal family on four different occa-
sions, besides attending at the Palace of the Tuileries by invitation, for our own amusement,
to witness the fire-works, &c., on the Bang's birth-dav. Louis Philippe and the Queen, as
also the King's sister, Princess Adelaide, were unusually partial and friendly to the General,
and gave him numerous valuable presents, as also did the Duchess d'Orleans and other
members of the royal family. Louis Philippe conversed -with me quite freely regarding
America, told me he had slept in the wigwams of several tribes of Indians, and the whole
family conversed as freely and were as void from ceremony as any well-bred family.

On the last occasion of our visiting this excellent family, which was at the Palace of St.
Cloud, five miles from Paris, I saw a sight which gladdened my eyes, and which might
afford a ^od lesson to the English nobility, as well as our American aristocracy.

The little General spent an hour with the royal family, which on that evening included
not only the King and Queen and Princess Adelaide, but also the Duchess d'Oneans and
her son the Count de Paris, Prince de Joinville, Duke and Duchess de Nemours, the
Duchess d'Aumale, &c. They each gave him a present at parting, and almost smothering
him with kisses bade him a "bon voyage," and wished him a long and happy life. On that
onlff occasion in France (and that by particular request of the King) did the Greneral repre-
sent Napoleon Bonaparte in full costume. After bidding the royal party adieu, we retired
to another portion of the palace to make a change of the General's costume, and partake of
some refreshments which were propared for us. llalf an hour afterwards, as we were about
leaving the palace, we went through a hall leading to the front door, and in doing so,
passed the sitting-room in which the royal family were spending the evening. The door
was open, and some of them happening to espy the General, called out for him to come in
and shake hands with them once more. We entered the apartment, and there found the
royal ladies sitting round a square table, each provided with two candles, and every one of
them, including the Queen, was engaged in working at embroidery, while a young lady
was reading aloud for their edification. I am sorry to say, I believe this is a
si^ht seldom seen in families of the aristocracy on either side of the water. At the church
fairs in Paris, I had frequently seen pieces of embroidery for sale, which were labelled as-
having been presented and worked by the Duchess d'Orleans, Princess Adelaide, Duchess
de Nemours, &c

In Paris the General made a great hit as an actor. He performed for two months at
one of the leading Uieatres, in a French play, written expressly for him, entitle " Petit
Poucet." f

From Paris we made the tour of France. For this purpose we purchased several
travelling carriages, including one covered wagon on springs, which carried the little General's
small Shetland ponies and miniature carriage. We went first to Rouen, and from thence to
Toulon, visiting all the intermediate towns, including Orleans, Nantes, Brest, Bordeaux,
Toulouse, Montpellier, Nismes, Marseilles, &c., thence branching off to Lille, and crossing
into Belgium.

* I had several times met Daniel O'Connell in private life, but here I heUrd him gire a most power-
ful and eloquent "Repeal" ipeech in Conciliation Hall.

t The General was elected a member of the French Dramatic Society.

100 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BABNUM.

While at Bordeaux, I witnessed a review by the Dukes de Nemours and d^Aumale, of
twenty thousand troops which were encamped within a few miles of the city. The evolu-
tions of horse and foot, and a regiment of flying artillery, were very perfect, and highly
interesting.

We were in the south of France in the vintage season. Nothing can well surpass the
richness of that country at that time of the year. We travelled for many miles where the
eye could see nothing but the beautiful vineyards loaded with luscious grapes and groves of
olive trees in full bearing. It is strictly a country of wine and oiL

While I was in Brussels I could do no less than visit the battle-field of Waterloo. I
proposed that our party should be composed of Professor Pinte (our interpreter), Mr. Stratton,
father of Gen. Tom Thumb, Mr. H. G. Sherman, and myself. Going a sight-seeing was
quite a new businev to Stratton, and as it was necessarv to start by four o'clock in the
morning in order to accomplish the distance, (sixteen miles,) and return in time for our
afternoon performance, he demurred. ^^ I don't want to get up before daylight and go off
on a journey for the sake of seeing a darned old field of wheat," said Stratton. '^ Shenvood^
do try to be like somebody once in your life, and go," said his wife. The appeal was
irresistible, and he consented. We engaged a coach and horses the night previous, and
started punctually at the hour appointed. We stopped at the neat little church in the
village of Waterloo for the purpose of examining the tablets erected to the memory of
some of the English who fell in the contest. Thence we passed to the house in which the
leg of Lord Uxbridge (Marquis of Anglesey) was amputated. A neat little monument in
the garden designates the spot where the shattered member had been interred. In the
house is shown a part of the boot which is said to have once covered the unlucky leg. The
visitor feels it but considerate to hand a franc or two to the female who exhibits the
monument and limb. I did so, and Stratton, though he felt that he had not received the
worth of his money, still did not like to be considered penurious, so he handed over a
piece of silver coin to the attendant. I expressed a desire to have a small piece of the boot
to exhibit in my Museum ; the lady cut off, without hesitation, a slip three inches long by
one in width. I handed her a couple more francs, and Stratton desiring, as he said, to
" show a piece of the boot in old Bridgeport," received a similar slip and paid a similar
amount. I could not help thinking that it' the lady was thus liberal in dispensing pieces of
the " identical boot" to all visitors, this must have been about the 99,867th boot that had
been cut up as the " Simon pure" since 1816.

With the consoling reflection that the female purchased all the cast-off boots in
Brussels and its vicinity, and rejoicing that somebody was making a triSe out of that
accident besides the inventor of the celebrated ^^ Anglesey leg," we passed on towards the
battlefield, lying about a mile distant.

Arriving at Mont Saint Jean, a quarter of a mile from the ground, we were beset b}'
some eighteen or twenty persons who offered their services, as guides to indicate the most
important localities. Each applicant professed to know the exact spot where every man
had been placed who had taken part in the battle, and each of course claimed to have been
engaged in that sanguinary contest, although it had occurred thirty years before, and
some of these fellows were onlv, it seemed, from twenty-five to twenty-eight years of age I
We accepted an old man who, at first, declared that he was killed in the battle, but
perceiving our looks of incredulity, consented to modify his statements so far as to assert
that he was horribly wounded, and lay upon the ground three days before receiving
assistance.

Once upon the ground, our guide with much gravity pointed out the place where the
Duke of Wellington took his station during a great part of the action ; the locality where
the reserve of the British army was stationed ; the spot where Napoleon posted his favourite
guard ; the little mound on which was erected a temporary observatory for his use during
the battle ; the portion of the field at which Blucher entered with the Prussian army ; the
precise location of the Scotch Greys ; the spot where fell Sir Alexander Gordon, Iieut.-Col.
Canning, and many others of celebrity. I asked him if he could teU me where Captain
Tippitiwichet of the Connecticut Fusileers was killed. " Ouij Monstmar,'' he replied, witU
perfect confidence, for he felt bound to know, or to pretend to know, every particular. He
then proceeded to point out exactly the spot where my unfortunate Connecticut friend had
breathed his last After indicating the locations where some twenty of my other fictitious
friends from Coney Island, New Jersey, Cape Cod, and Saratoga Springs, had given up the
ghost, we handed him his commission and declined to g^ve him further trouble. Stratton
grumbled at the imposition as he handed oat a couple of francs for the information
iweived.

EUROPEAN T0I3B— TOM THUMB. 101

Upon quitting the battle-field we were accosted by a dozen persons of both sexes with
baskets on their arms or bags in their hands, containing relics of the battle for sale. These
consisted of a great variety of implements of war, pistols, bullets, &c., besides brass French
eagles, buttons, &c. I purchased a number of them for the Museum, and Stratton was
equaJly liberal in obtaining a supply for his friends in " Old Bridgeport." Then we pur-
chased maps of the battle-ground,' pictures of the triumphal mound surmounted by the
colossal Belgic Lion in bronze, &c. &c. These frequent and renewed taxations annoyed
Stratton very much, and as he handed out a five franc piece for a " complete guide-book,"
he remarked, that ^* he guessed the battle of Waterloo had cost a darned sight more since it
was fought than it did before !"

But his misfortunes did not terminate here. When we had proceeded four or five miles
upon our road home, crash went the carriage. We alighted, and found that the axle-tree
was broken. It was now a quarter past one o^clock. The little General's exhibition waa
advertised to commence in Brussels at two oVlock, and could not take place without us.
We were unable to walk the distance in double the time required, and as no carriage was to
be got in that part of the country, I concluded to take the matter easy, and forego all idea
of exhibiting before evening. Stratton, however, could not bear the thought of losing the
chance of taking in six or eight hundred francs, and he determined to take matters in hand,
in order, if possible, to get our party into Brussels in time to save the afternoon exhibition.
He hastened to a farm-house accompanied by the interpreter. Professor Pinte, Sherman and
myself leisurely bringing up the rear. Stratton asked the old farmer if he had a carriage.
He had not. " Have you no vehicle ?" he inquired.

'^ Yes, I have that vehicle," he replied, pointing to an old cart filled with manure, and
standing in his barn-yard.

" Thunder ! is that all the conveyance you have got ?" asked Stratton. Being assured
that it was, Stratton concluded that it was better to ride in a manure cart than not get to
Brussels in time.

" What will you ask to drive us to Brussels in three-quarters of an hour ?" demanded
Stratton.

*^ It is impossible," replied the farmer ; " I should want two hours for my horse to do it
in."

" But ours is a very pressing case, and if we are not there in time we lose more than five
hundred francs," said Stratton.

The old farmer pricked up his ears at this, and agreed to get us to Brussels in an hour,
for eighty francs. Stratton tried to beat him down, but it was of no use.

" Oh, go it, Stratton," said Sherman ; " eighty francs, you know, is only sixteen dollars,
and you \n]l probably save a hundred by it, for I expect a full house at our afternoon exhi-
bition to-day,"

*^ But I have already spent about ten dollars for nonsense," said Stratton, *' and we shall
pay for the broken carriage besides."

" But what can you do better ? " chimed in Professor Pinte.

" It is an outrageous extortion to charge sixteen dollars for an old horse and cart to go
ten miles. Why, in old Bridgeport I could get it done for three dollars," replied Stratton
in a tone of vexation.

" It is the custom of the country," said Professor Pinte, " and we must submit to it."

By the way, that was a favourite expression of the Professor's. Whenever we were
imposed upon, or felt that we were not used right, Pinte woiUd always endeavour to smooth
it over by informing us it was " the custom of the country."

"Well, it's a thundering mean custom, any how," said Stratton, "and I won't stand
such an imposition."

" But what shaD we do ?" earnestly inquired Mr. Pinte. " It may be a high price, but it
is better to pav that than to lose our afternoon performance and five or six hundred francs."

This appeal to the pocket touched Stratton's feelings ; so submitting to the extortion, he
replied to our interpreter, " Well, tell the old robber to dump his dung-cart as soon as ]hm-
sible, or we shall lose half an hour in starting."

The cart was " dumped," and a large lazy -looking Flemish horse^was attached to it with
a rope harness. Some boards were laid across the cart for seats, the party tumbled into the
rustic vehicle, a red-haired boy, son of the old farmer, mounted the horse, and Stratton gave
orders to " get along." »* Wait a moment," said the farmer, " you have not paid me yet."
" I'll pay your boy when we get to Brussels, provided he gets there within the hour," replied
Stratton.

102 AUXOBIOGBAPHT OF P. T. BABKUM.

'"'' Oil) lie is sture to get there in an hour," said the farmer, '^but I can't let him go unless
3'ou pay me in advance." The minutes were flying rapidly, the anticipated loss of the day
exhibition of General Tom Thumb flitted before his eyes, and Stratton, in very desperation,
thrust his hand into his podket and drew forth sixteen five-franc pieces, which he dropped,
one at a time, into tiie hand of the farmer, and then called out to the boy, ^^ There now,
do try to see if you can go a-head."

The boy did go a- head, but it was with such a snail's pace that it would have puzzled a
man of tolerable eyesight to have det^mined whether the horse was moving or standing
BtUl. To make it still more interesting, it commenced raining furiously. As we had left
Brussels in a coach, and the morning had promised us a pleasant day, we had omitted
our umbrellas. We were soon soaked to the eJdn. We grinned and bore it awhile -without
grumbling. At length Stratton, who was almost too angry to speak, desired Mr. Pinte to
ask the red-haired boy if he expected to walk his horse all the way to Brussels.

^' Certainly," repUed the boy; *^ he is too big and fat to do anything but walk. We
never trot him."

Stratton was terrified as he thought of the loss of the day exhibition ; and he cursed the
boy, the cart, the rain, the luck, and even the battle of Waterloo itself. But it was all of
no use, the horse would not run, but the rain would— down our backs.-

At two o'clock, the time appointed for our exhibition, we were vet some seven miles
from Brussels. The horse walked slowly and philosophically through the pitiless storm,
the steam majestically rising from the old manure^cart, to the no small disturbance of our
unfortunate olfactories. '* It will take two hours to get to Brussels at this rate," growled
Stratton. " Oh, no," replied the boy, '* it will only take about two hours from the time
we started."

'' But your father agreed to get us there in an hour," answered Stratton.

'' I know it," responded the boy ; '' but he knew it would take more than two."

" I'll sue him for damage, by thunder," s^d Stratton.

" Oh, there would be no use in that," chimed in Mr. Finte, " for you could get no satis-
faction in this country."

*' But I shall lose more than a hundred dollars by being two hours instead of one," said
Stratton.

'* They care nothing about that ; all they care for is your eighty francs," remarked
Pinte.

"But they have lied and swindled me," replied Stratton.

"Oh, you must not mind that ; it is the custom of the country."

Stratton gave " the country " and its " customs " another cursing.

All things will finally have an end, and our party did at length actually arrive in
Brussels, cart and all, in precisely two hours and a half from the time we left the farmer's
house. Of course we were too late to exhibit the little GeneraL Hundreds of visitors had
gone away disappointed.

With feslings of utter desperation Stratton started for a barber's shop. He had a fine
black, bushy head of hair, of which he was a little proud, and ever}' morning he submitted
it to the curling-ton^ of the barber. His hair had not been cut for several weeks, and after
being shaved, he desired the barber to trim his fiowing locks a little. The barber clipped
ofi" the ends of the hair, and asked Stratton if that was sufiicient. " No," he replied, " I
want it trimmed a little shorter; cut away, and I will tell you when to stop."

Stratton had risen from bed at an unusual hour, and after having passed through the
troubles and excitements of the unlucky morning, he began to feel a little drowsy. This
feeling was augmented by the soothing sensations of the tonsorial process ; and while the
barber quietly pursued his avocation, Stratton as quietly fell asleep. The barber went
entirely over his head, cutting off a couple of inches of hair with every clip of his scissors.
He then rested for a moment, expecting his customer would teU him that it was sufficient ;
but the unconscious Stratton uttered not a word, and the barber, thinking he had not cut
the hair close enough, went over the head again. Again did he wait for an answer, little
thinking that his patron was asleep. Remembering that Stratton had told him to " cut
away, and he would tell him when to stop," the innocent barber went over the head the
third time, cutting the hair nearly as close as if he had shaved it with a razor ! Having:
finished, he again waited for orders from his customer, but he uttered not a word. The
barber was surprised, and that surprise was increased when he heard a noise which seemed
very like a more coming from the nasal organ of his unconscious victim. The poor
barber saw the en*or that he had committe:!, and in dismnv, asif bv mistake, he hit Stratton

SmtOPEAN TOUB^TOU THUMB. lOS

on tlie side of the head with his scissors, and woke him. He started to hia feet, looked in
the glass, and to his utter horror saw that he was unfit to appear in public wilhout a wig!
He swore like a trooper, but he could not swear the hair back on to his head, and putting on
his hat, which dropped loosely oyer his eyes, he started for the hoteL His despair and
indignation was so grMt that it was some time before he could giye utterance to words of
explanation. His feelings were not allayed by the deafening burst .of laughter which
-ensued. He said it was the first time that he eyer went a sight-seeing, and he guessed it
would be the last !

As an eyidence of how little interest Stratton usually feels in public eyents, I will
mention that in the months of May and June, 1843, he spent six weeks in Boston, the
General being exhibited at that time at Kimball's Museum. Stratton had nothing to do
but stroll about and see the citpr if he desired it, but he did not. He was there on the 17th
June, on which occasion President Tyler and Cabinet attended. Thousands of persons
went hundreds of mUes to attend that celebration, to listen to the speech of Mr. Webster,
And to see the monument. Stratton remained in the hotel wholly unemployed, and he has
neyer seen Bunker Hill Monument yet !

Seyeral months subsequent to our yisit to Waterloo, I was in Birmingham, and there
made the acquaintance of a finn who manufactured to order, and sent to Waterloo, barrels
of ^^ relics" eyery year. At Waterloo these "relics" are planted, and in due time dug up,
and sold at large prices as precious remembrances of the great battle. Our Waterloo
purchases looked ratiier cheap after this discoyery.

We returned from Brussels to London, where the General again opened his " Leyees " with
undiminished success, and ^o played at the theatres in " Hop o' my Thumb." He also
performed in the Surrey Zoological Gardens, under the direction of its proprietor and my
particular friend, Mr. Tyleb. From London we went to Scotland, stopping to exhibit in
important places by the way, and finally all returned to America in February, 1847.

The General had been absent for somewhat more than three years, during which space,
leaying him in charge of faithful agents, I had twice yisited the United States.

The first of these yisits was in October, 1844. Twenty months of pecuniary prosperity
appeared to haye ^ected some change in the yiews or conduct of certain people regarding
me— a change which I afterwards alluded to in one of my letters to the " Sunday Atlas " in
the' following terms :

" A source of great amusement to me on my return to New York, was the discoyenr of
many new friends. I could hardly credit my senses, when I discoyered so many wealthy
men extending their hands to me and expressing their delight at seeing me again, who
before I left Kew York would haye looked down on me with disdain had I presumed to speak
to them. I really forgot, imtil they forced the truth upon my mind, that since I left them I
had accumulated a few more dirty dollars, and that now therefore we stood on equal ground !
On the other hand, I met some honest friends in humble circumstances, who approached me
with diffidence neyer before exhibited — and then again I felt ashamed of human nature.
What a pitiful state of society it is, which eleyates a booby or a tyrant to its summit, pro-
vided he has more gold than others — ^while a good heart or a wise head is contemptuously
disregarded if their owner happens to be poor !

" No man can be truly happy who, because he chances to be rich, mounts upon stilts,
and attempts to atride oyer his fellow-beings. For my own part, the only special benefit
which, as I conceiye, wealth can confer upon an indiyidual is, that while it enables him to
■secure the comforts and conyeniences of Ufe, it afibrds him an opportunity to contribute to
the wants of his fellow-beings. My sincere prayer is, that I may be reduced to beggary,
rather than become a pampered, purse-proud aristocrat.

" This coat, I am sorry to say, will fit many of my acquaintances in New York. I beg
them, for their own sakes and for mine, to wear it. I wish tkem^ and all the world, to know
that my father was a tailor, and that I am ^ a slwicman ' by profession^ and aU the gilding
shall make nothing else of me. When a man is ashamed of his origin, or gets aboye his
business, he is a poor deyil, who merits the detestation of all who know him. The idea that
a shoemaker or a tinker cannot be a gentleman, is simply ridiculous ; but it is not as much
so as that which assumes eyery man necessarily to be a gentleman if he happens to be
wealthy. Money should in no sense be made the standard of respectability or honour. We
should neyer worship * golden calyes.^ "

In my account of our European tour, I haye confined myself principally to incidents
connected with the exhibition of Tom Thumb. It must not be supposed that I had no

104 AUTOBIOGIUPHY OF P. T. BARN CM.

recreation meanwhile, or that I restricted myself to a circle of observation with a golden
rim. Of course I constantiy had " an eye to bnsiness," but this still left me an eye to look
around upon men and things, without respect to my vocation as a showman. Every part
of Europe which we visited was indeed a great " curiosity shop" to me, and I had great
pleasure in viewing its many departments. Usually it was done in '^double quick time,'*
though thoroughly. I shall here mention one of the occasions, and I cannot do better than
callu

A DAY WITH AI^ERT SMITH.

While in London, my friend Albert Smith, who is a jolly companion, as well as a
witty and sensible author, promised that when I reached Birmingham he would come and
spend a day with me in " sight-seeing," including a visit to the house in which Shakspeare
was bom.

Early one morning in the month of September, 1844, the sim rose in unusual splendour
for that country, finding my friend Smith and myself on the box-seat of an Engush mail-
coach, whirling at the rate of twelve miles an hour over the magnificent road leading from
Birmingham to Stratford. The distance is thirty miles. At a little village four miles
before reaching Stratford,*jWe found that the genius of the bard of Avon had travelled thus
far, for we noticed a sign over a miserable barber's shop, " Shakespeare hair-dressing — a
good shave for a penny." In twenty minutes more we were set down at the door of the
Bed Horse Hotel in Stratford. The coachman and guard were each paid half a crown as
theirperquisites.

"Wnile breakfast was preparing, we called for a guide-book to the town, and the waiter
brought in a book, saying that we should find in it the best description extant of the birth
and burial-place of Shakspeare. I was not a little proud to find this volume to be no other
than the "Sketch-Book of our illustrious countryman, Washington Irving; and in
glancing over his humorous description of the place, I discovered that he had stopped at
the same hotel where we were then awaiting breakfast.'

After examining the Shakspeare House, as well as the tomb and the church in which
all that is mortal of the great poet rests, we ordered a post-chaise for Warwick Castle.
While the horses were being harnessed, a stage-coach stopped at the hotel, and twa
gentlemen alighted. One was a sedate, sensible-looking man ; the other an addle-headed
fop. The former was mild and unassuming in his manners ; the latter was all talk, without
sense or meaning — in fact, a reg^ular Charles Chatterbox. He evidently had a high
opinion of himself, and was determined that all within hearing should understand that he
was — somebody. Presentiy the sedate gentleman said : —

" Edward, this is Stratford. Let us go and see the house where Shakspeare was bom."

" Who the devil is Shakspeare?" asked the sensible young gentleman.

Our post-chaise was at the door ; we leaped into it, and were ofl^, leaving the '* nice
young man" to enjoy a visit to the birth-place of an individual of whom he had never
before heard. The distance to Warwick is fourteen miles. We sent to the Castle, and
approaching the door of the Great Hall, were informed by a well-dressed porter that the
Earl of Warwick and family were absent, and that he was permitted to show the apart-
ments to visitors. He introduced us successivelv into the " Red Drawing-Room," " The
Cedar Drawing-Room," " The Gilt Room," " fhe State Bed-Room," " Lady Warwick's
Boudoir," " The Compass Room," "The Chapel," and "The Great Dining-Room." As
we passed out of the Castle, the polite porter touched his head (he of course had no
hat on it) in a style which spoke plainer than words, " Half a crown each, if you please,
gentiemen." We responded to the call, and were then placed in charge of another guide,
who took US to the top of " Guy's Tower," at the bottom of which he touched his nat a
ahUling's worth; and placing ourselves in charge of a third conductor, an old man of
seventy, we proceeded to the Greenhouse to see the Warwick Vase. The old gentleman
mounted a rostrum at the side of the vase and commenced a set speech, which we began to
fear was interminable ; so tossing him the usual fee, we left him in the middle of his
oration.

Passing through the porter's lodge on our way out, under the impression that we had
fleen all that was interesting, the old porter informed us that the most curious tilings
connected with the Castle were to be seen in his lodge. Feeling for our coin, we bade him
produce his relics, and he showed us a lot of trumpery, which, he gravely informed us,
belonged to that hero of antiquitv, Guy, Earl of Warwick. Among these were his sword,
shield, helmet, breast-plate, watking-staff, and tilting-pole, each of enormous size — the
horse armour nearly large enough for an elephant — a large pot which would hold seventy

SUBOPEAN TOUB — ^TOH THUMB. 105

gallons, called " Guy's Porridge Pot," his flesh-fork, the size of a fanner's hay-fork, his
lady's stirrups, the rib of a mastodon which the porter pretended belonged to the great
"Dun Cow," which, according to tradition, haunted a ditch near Coventry, and, after
doing injury to many persons, was slain by the valiant Guy. The sword weighed nearly
200 pounds, and the armour 400 pounds !

I told the old porter he was entitled to great credit for having concentrated more lie*
than I ever heard before in so small a compass. He smiled, and evidently felt gratified by
the compliment.

^*I suppose," I. continued, ^Hhat you have told these marvellous stories so often, that
you almost believe them yoxirself ? "

^^Almasi/" replied the porter, with a grin of satisfEiction that showed he was "up to>
snuff," and had reallv earned two shillings.

The " Warwick Races" were then coming off within half a mile of the village. We
therefore went down and spent an hour with uie multitude.

There was very little betting or excitement regardingthe races, and we concluded to take a
tour through the" penny shows," the vans of which Imed one side of the course for the dis-
tance of a quarter of a mile. On applying to enter one van, which had a large pictorial sign of
giantesses, white negro, Albino girls, learned pig, big snakes, &c., the keeper exclaimed,
"Come, Mister, you is the man what hired KandaU, the giant, from 'Merika, and you
shows Tom Thumb ; now, can you think of pa^g less than sixpence for going in here ? ' "

The appeal was irresistible ; so, satisfying his demands, we entered. Upon coming out^
a whole bevy of showmen from that and neighbouring vans surrounded me, and began
descanting on the merits and demerits of General Tom Thumb.

" Oh," says one, " I knows two dwu:& what is better ten times as Tom Thumb."

" Yes," says another, " there's no use to talk about Tom Thumb while MeUa Patton is-
above the ground."

"Now, I've seen Tom Thumb," added a third, "and he is a fine little squab, but thft
onl^ 'vantage he's got is he can chaff so well. He chafis like a man ; but I can learn Dick
Swift in two months so that he can chaff Tom Thumb crazy."

" Never mind," added a fourth, "Pve got a chap training what you none on you knowff>.
what'll beat all the ^ thumbs ' on your grapplers."

" No he can't," exclaimed a fifth, "for Tom Thumb has got the name, and you all know
the name's everything. Tom Thumb couldn't never shine, even in my van, 'long side of
a dozen dwarfs I knows, if this Yankee hadn't bamboozled our Queen — God bless her — by
getting him afore her half-a«dozen times."

** Yes, yes — ^that's the ticket," exclaimed another ; " our Queen patronises everything.
foreign^ and yet she wouldn't visit my beautiful wax-works to save the crown of -ffingland."'

" Your heauHJiil wax-works," they all exclaimed with a hearty laugh.

" Yes, and who says they Aaint beautiful ? " retorted the other ; " they was made by
the best ^Italian ^artist in this country."

'* They was made by Jim Caul, and showed all over the country twenty years ago,""
rejoined the other ; " and arter that they lay five years in pawn in old Moll Wiggins'*
cellar, covered with mold and dust."

" Well, that's a good 'un, that is ! " replied the proprietor of the beautiful wax-works,
with a look of disdain.

I made a move to depart, when one of the head showmen exclaimed, "Come, Mister^
don't be shabby ; can you think of going without standing treat all round ? "

" Why should I stand treat ? " I asked.

" 'Cause 't ain't every day you can meet such a bl y lot of jolly brother-showmen,""

replied Mr. Wax-works.

1 handed out a crown, and left them to drink bad luck to the " foreign wagabonds what
would bamboozle their Queen with inferior dwarfs, possessing no advantage over the natives;
but the power of chaffing,'^

While in the showmen's vans seeking for acquisitions to my Museum in America, I wa»
struck with the tall appearance of a couple of females, who were exhibited as the " Canadian
giantesses, each seven feet in height." Suspecting that a cheat was hidden under their unfa~
shionably long dresses, which reached to the floor and thus rendered their feet invisible, I
attempted to solve the mystery by r&isint^ a foot or two of the superfluous covering. The
strapping young lady, not relishing such liberties from a stranger, laid me flat upon the floor
with a blow from her brawny hand. I was on my feet again in tolerably quick time, but not
until I had discovered that she stood upon a pedestal at least eighteen inches high.

100 AUTOBIOGRJLPHT OF F. T. BABNUM.

We retomed to the hotel, took a post chaise, and drove through decidedly the most loyely
country I ever beheld. Since taking that tour, I have heard that two genUemen once madb
& bet, each, that he could name the most delightful drive in England. Many persons were
present, and the two gentlemen wrote on separate slips of paper the scene which he most
admired. One gentleman wrote, " The road from Warwick to Coventry ;" the other had
written, " The road from Coventry to Warwick."

In less tlian an hour we were set down at the outer walls of Kenilworth Castle, which
Scott has greatly aided to immortalise in his celebrated novel of that name.

This once noble and ma^ificent cfustle is now a stupendous ruin, which has been so
often described that I think it unnecessary to say anything farther about it here. We spent
half an hour in examining the interesting ruins, and then proceeded by post chaise to Coventry,
a distance of six or eight miles. Here we remained four hours, during which time we
visited St. Mary's Hall, which has attracted the notice of many antiquaries. We also took
a peep at the emgy of the celebrated ** Peeping Tom," after which we visited an exhibition
called the ^^ Happy Family," consisting of about two hundred birds and animals of opposite
natures and propensities, all living in harmony together in one cage. This exhibition was
so remarkable that I bought it for 2,500 doUus (£500), and hired the proprietor to
accompany it to New York, where it has ev» since been an attractive feature in my
museum.

We took the cars the same evening for Birmingham, where we arrived at ten o'clock,
m^r friend Albert Smith remarking, that never before in his life had he accomplished a day's
journey on the Yankee go-ahead principle. He afterwards published a chapter in Bentley's
Magazine, entitled "A Day with Bamum," in which he said we accomplished business with
such rapidity, that when he attempted to write out the accounts of the day, he found the
whole thing so confused in his brain that he came near '^locating" Peeping Tom in the
house of Shakspeare, while Guy of Warwick would stick his head m)ove the ruins of Kenil*
worth — ^the Warwick Vase appearing in Coventry, &c.

^ During our journey, I amused him with many of my adventures, including the history of
Joice Heth, the Mermaid, the Buffalo Hunt, &c., which he afterwards served up in his
*^^ Scattergood Family," making me the hero. At this time my friend was an author, drama-
tist, and dentist, but subsequently he was exalted to the dignity of a " showman," and I am
most happy to learn that he has accumulated a fortune from the exhibition of the panorama
illnstratmg his extraordinary ascent of Mont Blanc

I introduce the foregoing merely as a sample of my many adventures in examining the
great curiositv shop of Europe. Indeed, I have in my possession sufficient materi^, as
shadowed forth in my letters to the " New York Atlas," to form volumes.

I was not wholly free from the usual infirmity of travellers, vix., a desire to look at the old
castles of feudal times, whether in preservation or in ruins ; but there was one of our party,
Mr. H. G. Sherman, who had a peculiar and irresistible taste for the antique. He gathered
trunks full of stone and timber mementoes from every place of note which we visited ; and
if there was anything which he admired more than all else, it was an old castle. He
spent many hours in clambering the broken walls of Kenilworth, in viewing the towers and
dungeons of Warwick, and climbing the precipices of Dumbarton. When travelling by
coach, Sherman always secured an outside seat, and, if possible, next to the coachman, so
OS to be able to make mquiries r^arding everything which he might happen to see.

On our journey from Belfast to Drogheda, Sherman occupied his usual seat beside the
driver, and asked him a thousand questions. The coachman was a regular wag, with
jCenuine Irish wit, and he determined to have a little bit of fun at the expense of the inqui-
sitive Yankee, As we came within eight miles of Drogheda, the watchful eye of Sherman
caught the glimpse of a large stone pile, appearing like a castle, peering up among some
trees in a field half a mile from the road side.

'^ Oh, look here ! what do you call that ? " exclaimed Sherman, giving the coachman an
elbowing in the ribs which was anything but pleasant.

*^ Faith," replied the coachman, ^' you may well as^ what we call that, for divil a call do
we know what to call it That is a castle, su:, beyond all question the oldest in Ireland^
iudade, none of the old books nor journals contain any account of it. It is known, however,
that Brian Borrhoimc inhabited it some time, though it is supposed to have be»i built cen-
turies before his day."

*' ril give you half-a-crown to stop the coach long enough for me to run and bring a
scrap of it away," said Sheiman.

£UBOF£AN TOUB — ^TOM THVHB. 10^

" Sure, and isn^t this the royal mail coach ? and I would not dare detain it for half the
Sank of Ireland," replied the honest coachman.

^' How far is it to Drogheda ? " inquired Sherman.

^' About eight miles, more or less, answered the coachman.

" Stop your coach, and let me dowp, then," replied Sherman ; " I'll walk to Drogheda,
and would sooner walk three times the distance than not have a nearer view, and carry off a
portion of the oldest castle in Ireland."

^ With that Sherman dismounted, and raising his umbrella to protect him from the cold
rain which was fiUling in torrents, he marched off in the mud, calling out to me that I
might expect him in Dublin by the next train to that which would take us from Drogheda
— ^the raih*oad bdng then completed only to that point from Dublin.

We flirived in Dublin about five o'clock, cold and uncomfortable ; but warm apartments
and good fires were in wtdting for us, and in a few hours we had partaken of an excellent
supper, and were as happy as lords. About nine o'clock in the evening, the door of our
parloiff was opened, and who should come in but poor Shennan, drenched to the skin with
cold rain — ^the legs of his boots pulled over the bottoms of his pantaloons, and covered with
thick mud to the yery tops, and himself looking like a half famished, weary, and froaen
traveller.

^^ For heaven's sake let me get to the fire ! " exclaimed Sherman, and we were too much
struck with his suffering appearance not to heed it

*' Well, Sherman," I remarked, " that must have been a tedious walk for you— eight
long Irish miles, through the rain and mud."

^' I guess you would have thought so, if yon had walked it yourself," replied Sherman,
doggedly.

^' I hope you have brought away trophies enou^ from the castle to pay you for all this
trouble," I continued.

" Oh, curae the castle ! " exclaimed Sherman.

" What do you mean by that ? " I replied in astonishment.

" Oh, you need not look surprised," replied Sherman, "for I have no doubt that you
and that bog-trotting Irish coachman have had fun enough at my expense before this
time."

I assured him that I positively had not heard the coachman speak on the subject, and
begged him to tell me what had occurred to vex him in this manner.

" Why, if you don't already know," replied Sherman, " I would not have you know for
twenty pounds, for you would be sure to publish it. However, now your curiosity is
excited, you would be certain to find it all out, if you had to hire a post-chaise and ride
there on purpose ; so I may as well tell you."

" Do tell me," I replied, " for I confess my curiosity is excited, and I am unable to
guess why you are so angry, for I know you love to see old castles — and that pleasure you
surely have enjoyed, for 1 caught a glimpse of one myself."

" Ko, you have not seen a castle to-day, nor I either J " exclaimed Sherman.

" What on earth was it, then ? " I asked.

"A thundering old lime kiln!^^ exclaimed Sherman : "and I only wish I could pitch
that infernal Irish coachman into it while it was under full blast I "

It was many a long day before Sherman heard the last of the lime kiln ; in fact, this
trick of the Irish coachman rendered him cautions in making inquiries of strangers.

One day we rode to Donn^brook, the place so much celebrated for its fairs and its
black eyes — ^for it would be quite out of character for Pat to attend a fair without having a
nourish of the shillelah, and a scrimoQe which would result in a few broken heads and
bloody noses.

Near Donnybrook we saw something on the summit of a hill which appeared like a

^, smile

he declined my advice.

" It can't be a lime kiln, at any rate," continued Sherman ; " it must be a castle of some
description."

The more we looked at it the more mysterious did it appear to us, and Sherman's castle-
hunting propensities momentarily increased. At last he exclaimed : " A man who travels
with a tongue in his head is a fool if he don't use it ; and I am not coming within a hun-
dred rods of what may be the greatest curiosity in Ireland without knowing it."

108 AUTOBIOGBAPHT OF F. T. BASNUM.

"With that he turned our horse's head towards a fine-looking mansion on our riffht, .
where we halted. Sherman jumped from the carriage, opened the small gate, proceeded up
the alley of the lawn fronting the house, and rang the bell. A servant appeared at the
door ; but Sherman, knowing the stupidity of Irish servants, was determined to apply at
head-quarters for the information he so much desired.

" Is your master in ? " asked Sherman.

" I will see, sir. What name, if you plaze ? "

" A stranger from the United States of America ! " replied Sherman.

The servant departed, and in a minute returned and invited Sherman to enter the
parlour. He found the gentleman of the mansion sitting by a pleasant fire, near which
were also his lady and several visitors and members of the family. Sherman was not
troubled with diffidence. Being seated, he hoped he would be excused for having called
without an invitation — ^but the fact was, he was an American traveller, desirous of picking-
Tip all important information that might fall in his way.

The gentleman politely replied that no apology was necessary, that he was most happy
to see him, and that any information which he could impart regarding that or any other
portion of the country should be given with pleasure.

" Thank you," replied Sherman ; " I will not trouble you except on a single point. I
hare seen all that is important in Dublin and its vicinity,'and in and about Donnybrook ;
there is but one thing respecting which I want information, and that is the stone tower or
castle which we see standing on the hill about a quarter of a mile south of your house. If
you could give me the name and history of that pile, I shall feel extremelv obliged."

" Oh, nothing is easier," replied the gentleman, with a smile. " I'hat ' pile,' as you
call it, was built some forty years ago by my father — and it was a lucky * pile ' for him,* for
it was the only windmUl in these p^its, and always had plenty to do ; but a few years ago
a hurricane carried off the wings of the mill, and ever since that it has stood as it now
does, a memorial of its former usefulness. Is there any other importcaU information that I
can give you ? " asked the gentleman with a smile.

"Not any," replied Sherman, rising to depart; "but perhaps I can give you some, and
that is, that Ireland is beyond all dispute the meanest country I ever travelled in. The
only two objects worthy of note that I have seen in all Ireland, are a lime-kiln and the
foundation for a wind-mill ! "

Upon resuming his seat in the carriage, Sherman laughed immoderately, although he
evidently felt somewhat chagrined by this second mistake in searching for ancient
castles.

For my own part, I was exceedingly pleased with the Irish people. The educated
classes are as refined and courteous as an^ persons I ever was acquainted with, and the
poorer classes are blessed with a " mother-wit which softens the rigours of their sorrowful
necessities.

I had abundant reason to be pleased also with the English and the Scotch, though I
acknowledge that the hilarity of the French character was more in unison with the merri-
ment of my own spirit. I must therefore devote a few pages to incidents of our tour in la
belle France.

In Paris, wc found great difficulty in procuring a proper interpreter for the General's
public exhibitions. We engaged half a dozen different ones, each of whom proved more
incompetent than his predecessor ; for they were all English, and their pronunciation of the
French was so bad that they were sure to be laughed at. At last I engaged a Frenchman,
who was a professor ojf one of the colleges, and, ^though he spoke English indifferently, he,
of course, gave the public jw<r« French, He was, withal, a perfect ^entlemany and I fbimd
some difficulty in engaging him, as he feared it would be compromising his dignity, I, how-
ever, at last convinced Wm that to be the prec^tor and interpreter of " Gen. Tom Pouce^^
would not be considered a menial office, and he accepted the situation. On arriving at the
Belgian frontier, he had no passport^ whereupon I remarked, " Monsieur Pinte, you will
never be a good thovmum till you learn to remember everything, and not thus be caught in
a scrape through your own negligence or forgetfulness."

^ " Do you consider me a skoiDrrum^ then ? " asked Monsieur Pinte, whose dignity was
evidently wounded.

" Certainly," I replied, laughing ; " we are all shoiDtnen, and you can make nothing
else of it"

The poor fellow was in a brown study for the next four hours. He felt that his dignity
had departed, and that the quondam "pWessor" was now nothing more nor less than a

EUBOPSAK TOUB — ^TOM THUMB. 109

travelling showman. He, however, at last concluded to suffer the indignity, for lie waa
quite a philosopher, and a good fellow at heart.

After a few hours, he good-naturedly said to me, " Mr. B., what are the requisite quali-
fications of a good showman ? "

I smilingly replied, that " the first qualification necessary was a thorough knowledge of
human nature, which of course included the faculty of judiciously applying soft soap"

"And what is that you call '•sof t/upt^" eagerly inquired the anxious Professor
Piute.

I told him it was the faculty to please and flatter the puhlic so judiciously as not to
have them suspect your intention.

In passing the custom-house we had a large quantity of medals, books, and engravings
(lithographs of the General). I knew that these were subject to duty, but I was very
prodigal in presentif^ them to the custom-house officers, and by that means got them
through duty-free.

" Is that what you call * sof sup f ' " inquired Professor Pinte.
"Exactly," IrepUed-

After passing the frontier, the directors and servants of the railway, who had witnessed
my liberaJity in giving away the engravings, came begging for some. I could do no less
than give them.

" The people have very dirty hands in this country, to require so much * sof sup ' to keep
them clean," remarked I^nsieur Pinte, with a laugh, which seemed to indicate that he was
fast becoming reconciled to his lot as a " showman."

We did not always escape difficulty at the custom-houses. At Courtrai, a frontier town
in Belgium, we had to endure the pleasures of a search and tax. They demanded a duty
for the General's ponies and carriage ; but when I showed them a document proving that
the French government allowed them to enter duty-free, they did the same. At the
custom-house at Lille, it was deemed necessary to measure and describe the ponies, in
order to prevent our substituting other ponies on our return to France. As the General's
beautiful equipage was passing through the custom-house, the chief officer, eyeing the
GeneraVs petit coachman and footman in livery, seriously asked if the General was a
jyrince in his own country.

"Certainly!" replied bherman, with much gravity, "he is Prince Charles the First, of
the dukedom of Bridgeport and kingdom of Connecticut."

The officer made a profound bow, and swallowed it all for gospel truth !
A person may frequently travel through the larger towns in France, for days together,
without being called on for his passport ; but it not unfrequently happens that, in a little
insignificant village, he is waited on quite unexpectedly by a gendarme, who demands
permission to see the precious document. 6uch was one da^ the case with me.

I was quietly enjoying my dinner, at a neat little rustic mn, when the door was suddenly
opened, and a full-accoutrea, heavy-moustachioed gendarme entered, and demanded my
passport. It was in my trunk on the top of the diligence, and so I told him ; but he insisted
on seeing it. Not taking the trouble of getting it, I searched my pockets, and finding an old
insurance policy, which I had accidently brought from America, I drew it forth, and
exclaiming, " Oh, here is my passport ! " handed it to the officer. He eyed it rather closely,
and looked very wise while turning it backwards and forwards, but it was all Greek to him,
for he could not read a word of English. After retaining it for a minute or two, he politely
handed it back,, with a " Tres bien 7" (Very well !") and took his leave !

This is not always a safe trick, however, as most of the gendarmes know the stamp of the
Prefecture of Police at Paris ; and, as the stamp is not always found on an old American
insurance XK>licy, it would be rather unpleasant for a man to attempt to travel in France
with no other passport. In my case, however, if I had been detected, I could easily have
rectified the mistake.

Whenever I dined at a French table d'hote, (and I always did so when I could, on accomit
of the excellence and great variety of dishes,) I usually expected to partake of about six
dishes with which I was acquainted, and of as many as sixteen of the composition of which I
had not the remotest conception. If a person asked me if I ever ate serpents or lizards, or
anything else, I dare not answer no ; for I did not know what I had not eaten in France!

While we were in Brussels, Mrs. Stratton, the mother of the General, tasted some
sausages which she declared the best things she had eaten in France or Belgium ; in fact,
she said, " she had found little that was fit to eat in this country, for everything was so
Frenchified and covered in gravy, she dared not eat it ; but there was something that

110 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OP P. T. BABNUM.

tasted, natural ahoxktttiese sausages; she had never eaten any as good, even in America."
She sent to the landlady to inquire the name of them, for she meant to buy some to take
along with her. The answer came that they were called " saucisse de Lyons," (Lyons
sausages,) and straightway Mrs. Stratton went out and purchased half a dozen pounds.
Mr. Sherman soon came in, and, on learning what she had in her package, he remarked :
"Mrs. Stratton, do you know what Lyons sausages are made of? "

" No," she replied ; " but I know that they are^rs^ rate ! "

" WeU," replied Sherman, " they may be good, but they are made from donkeys ! "
which is said to be the fact. Mrs. Stratton said she was not to be fooled so easily — ^that she
knew better, and that she should stick to the sausages.

Presently Mr. Pinte, our French interpreter, entered the room. " Mr. Pinte," said
Sherman, "you are a Frenchman, and know eyerything about edibles ; pray tell me what
Lyons sausages are made of."

" Of asses," replied the inoffensive professor.

Mrs. Stratton seized the package, the street window was open, and, in less than a
minute, a large brindle dog was bearing the "Lyons sausages " triumphantly away.

Such trifling incidents as these served to amuse us occasionally in a land of strangers,
but I frequentily had much more than amusement in that journey of ours in a foreign land.
On several occasions I felt entirely at home, especially on the fourth of July, 1844.

Being that day in Grenelle, outside the barriers of Paris, I remembered that I had the
address of Monsieur Hegnier, an eminent mechanician, who lived in the vicinity. Wishing
to purchase a variety of instruments such as he manufactured, I called at his residence. He
received me very politely, and I soon was deeply interested in this intelligent and learned
man. He was a member of many scientific institutions, was " Chevalier of the L^on of
Honour," &c.

While he was busy in making out my bill, I was taking a cursory view of the various
plates, drawings, &c., which adorned his walls, when my eyes fell on a portrait which was
familiar to me. I was certain that I could not be mistaken, and on approaching nearer it
proved to be, as I expected, the engraved Portrait of Benjamin Franklin. It was placed in
a glazed frame, and on the otUside of the glass were placed thirteen stars made of metal,
forming a half circle round his head.

" j3i !" I exclaimed, " I see you have here a portrait of my fellow-countryman, Dr.
Franklin."

*' Yes," replied M. Begnier, " and he was a great and an excellent man. When he was
in Paris in '98, he was honoured and respected by all who knew him, and by none more so
than the scientific portion of the community. At that time. Dr. Franklin was invited by
the President of the Society of Emulation to decide upon the merits of various works of art
submitted for inspection, and he awarded my father, for a complicated lock, the prise of a
gold medal.

" While my father was with him at his hotel, a young Quaker called upon the Doctor.
He was a total stranger to Franklin, but at once proceeded to inform him that he had come
to Paris on business, had unfortunately lost all his money, and wished to borrow six.
hundred francs to enable him to return to his family in Philadelphia. Franklin inquired his
family name, and upon hearing it immediately counted out the money, gave the young stranger
some excellent advice, and bade him adieu. My father was struck by the generosity of
Dr. Frai^in, and as soon as the young man had departed, he told the Doctor that he was
astonished to see him so free with his money, to a stranger ; that people did not do business
in that way in Paris ; and what he considered very careless was, that Franklin took no
receipt nor even a scratch of a pen from the young man. Franklin replied that he always
felt a duty and pleasure in relieving his fellow-men, and especially in this case, as he knew
the family, and they were honest and worthy persons. My father, himself a generous man,'*
continued M. Regmer, " was afiected nearly to tears, and begged the Doctor to present him
with his portrait. He did so, and this is it. My father has been dead some years. He
bequeatiied the portrait to me, and there is not money enough in Paris to buv it."

I need not say that I was delighted with this recital. I remarked to M. ttegnier that he
should double the number of stars, as we now (in 1844) had twenty-six States instead of
thirteen, the original number.

" I am aware of that," he replied ; " but I do not like to touch the work which was left by
my father. I hold it sacred ; and," stdded he, " I suppose you are not aware of the uses we
make of these stars ?" Asstmng him in the negative — " Those stars," said he, " are made
of steel, and on the night of every anniversary of American Independence, (which is this

XUBOPBAN TOUR— TOH THUMB. Ill

nigiitf} it was always the practice of my father, and will always be mine, to collect our
family and children together, darken the room, and by means of electricity, these stars,
which are connected, are lighted up, and the portrait illuminated hy electricUy^ Franklin's
favourite sdence-^thusforming a halo of glory about his head, and domg honour to the name
of a man whose fame should be perpetuated to eternity."

In continuing the conversation, I found that this good old gentleman was perfectly
acquainted with the history of America, and he spoke feelingly of what he believed to be the
high and proud destiny of our republic. He insisted on my remaining to supper, and
witnessing his electrical illomiuation. Need I say that I accepted the invitation r Gould
an American refuse ?

We partook of a substantial supper, upon which tlie good old gentleman invoked the
blesfi^g of our Father in Heaven, and at the conclusion he returned hearty thanks. At nine
o'clock the children and family of M. Regnier and his son-in-law were called in, the room
was darkened, the electrical battery was charged, and the wire touched to one of the outer
stars. The whole thirteen became instantly bright as fire, and a beautiful effect wa$
produced. What more simple and yet beautil^l and appropriate manner could be chosen to
honour the memory of Franklin ? And what an extraordinary coincidence it was that I, a
total stranger in Paris, should meet such a singular man as M. Regnier at all, and more
especially on that day of days, the anniversary of our Indep^idence! At ten o'clock I took
my leave of this worthy family, but not till we had all joined in an excellent bottle of
champagne, drinking the following toast proposed by M. liegnier :

^^ Waehingten^ Ffxtnkiin, trnd Lafayette — ^Heroes, philosophers, patriots, and honest men.
May their names stand brightest on the list of earthly glory, when in after ages this whole
woTid shall be one universal republic, and every individual under heaven shall admowledge
the truth that man is capable of self-government."

It will not be considered surprising that I should feel at home with Monsieur Regnier.
Both the day and the man conspired to excite and gratify my patriotism, and the presence
of Franklin my love of my *' native land."

It will naturally be supposed that I promptly made use of General Tom Thumb's
European reputation, on our arrival in New YorK, in February, 1847. He immediately
appeared in the American Museum, and for four weeks drew such crowds of visitors as haU
never been seen there before. He afterwards spent a month at Bridgeport, with his kindred.
To prevent being annoyed by the carious who would be sure to throng the houses of his
relatives, he exhibited two days at Bridgeport. The receipts, amounting to several hundred
dollars, were presented to the Bridgeport Charitable Society. The Bridgeporters were much
delighted to see their old Mend " little Charlie " again. They little thought, when they saw
him playing about the streets a few years previously, that he was destined to create such a
sensation among the crowned heads of the old world ; and now returning with his European
reputation, he was of course a great cariosity to his former acquaintances, as well as tlie
public generally. His Bridgeport friends found that he had not increased in size during the
four and a half years of his absence, but they discovered that he had become sharp and
witty, abounding in " foreign airs and native graces ; " in fact, that he was quite unlike the
diffident country fellow whom they had formerly known.

'^ We never thought Chariie much of a phenoi^non when he lived among us," said one
of the first citizens of the place, '^ but now that he has become ' Barnumised,' he is a rare
curiosity."

*' How old are you, General ?" asked one of his acquaintances.

** As Mr. Bamum makes it out, 1 am fifteen," said the Greneral, laughing, for he was
aware that the inquirer knew his true age to be only nine !

I was surprised to find that I had also become a curiosity during my absence. If I
showed myself about the Museum or wherever else I was known, I found eyes peering and
fingers pointing at me, and could frequently overhear the remark, "There's Bamum," " That's
old Bamum," &c. By titie way, I can't understand how it is that most people whom I do
not know, and many whom I do, will insist upon calling me " Old Bamum." I am now
but forty-four years of age, and I have been called " old mrnum" these ten years.

On one occasion, soon after my return fix)m abroad, I was sitting in the tieket-oiSce
teading a newspaper. A man came and purdiased a ticket of admission. " Is Bamimi

from the paper,
for a moment.

112 ADTOBIOGBAPHT OP P. T. BARNUM.

nnd then, throwing down his ticket, he exclaimed, '^ It^s all right. I have got the worth
of my money ; " and away he went, without going into the Museum at all !

I should before have said that after the 1st of January, 1845, my engagement with
Creneral Tom Tumb on a salary having ceased, we made a new arrangement^y which we
were to be equal partners— the General (or his father for him) taking one half of tiie
profits and myself the other half. A reser\''ation, however, was made of the first four
weeks after our arrival in New York, during which he was to exhibit at my Museum for
two hundred dollars.

When we returned to America, Mr. Stratton (the General's father) had acquired a
handsome fortune, and settling a large sum upon the little General person^ly, he placed
the balance at interest, secured by bond and mortga^, excepting 30,000 dollars, with
which he purchased land near the city limits of Bridgeport, and erected a large and
substantial mansion, where he now resides, and in which his only two daughters have been
married, one in 1850, the other in 1853. His only son, besides the General, is three years
old. All the family, except " little Charlie," are of the usual size.

After spending a month in visiting his friends, it was determined that the General and
his parents should travel through the United States. I agreed to accompany them one
year, sharinff the profits equallv, as in England. We proceeded to Washington city, where
the General neld his levees in April, 1847, visiting President Polk and lady at the White
House — thence to Richmond, returning to Baltimore and Philadelphia. Our receipts in
Philadelphia in twelve days were 5594 dollars 91 cents. The tour for the entire year
realised about the same average. The expenses were from twenty-five to thirty dollars
per day. From Philadelphia we went to Boston, Lowell, and Providence. Our receipts
on one day in the latter city were 976 dollars 97 cents. We then visited New Bedford,
Fall River, Salem, Worcester, Springfield, Albany, Troy, Niagara FaUs, Buffalo, and
intermediate places, and in returning to New York we stopped at the principal towns on
the Hudson river. After this we visited New Haven, Hartford, Portland, Me., and
intermediate towns.

In November, 1847, we started for Havana, taking the steamer from New York to
Charleston, where the General exhibited, as well as at Columbia, Augusta, Savannah,
Milledgeville, Macon, Columbus, Montgomery, Mobile, and New Orleans. At this latter
city we remained three weeks, including Christmas and New Year's. We arrived in Havana
by the schooner "Adams Gray" in January, 1848, and were introduced to the Captain-
General and the Spanish nobility. We remained a month in Havana and Matanzas, the
General proving an immense favourite, and frequently receiving a doubloon for his autograph.
In Havana he was the especial pet of Count Santovania. In Matanzas we were very' much
indebted to the kindness of a princely American merchant, Mr. Brinckerhoff. J. S.
Thrasher, Esq., the American patriot and gentleman, was also of great assistance to ns, and
placed me under deep obligations.

The hotels in Havana are not good. An American who is accustomed to substantial
living finds it difficult to get enough to eat. We stopped at the Washington House, which
at that time was " first-rate bad. It was filthy, and kept by a woman who was drunk
most of the time. Several Americans boarded there who were "regular gormandisers.

Among the passengers on board the vessel which took us from Havana to New Orleans,
was a Yankee who had a large quantity of Spanish tobacco for the American market. I
learned from him that this tobacco was grown in Connecticut, and shipped to New Orleans
via Havana. Of course the New Orleans purchasers, buying it from an Havana packet,
supposed they were purchasing Cuba tobacco, and little dreamed that it was raised in the
" wooden-nutmeg" State. Verily, as the old proverb has it, " there's cheating in all trades
but ours:"

From New Orleans we proceeded to St. Louis, stopping at the principal towns on the
Mississippi river, and returning vid Louisville, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh. We reached the
latter city early in May, 1848. From this point it was agreed between Mr. Stratton and
myself, that I should go home and henceforth travel no more with the little General. I had
competent agents who could exhibit him without my personal assistance, and I preferred to
relinquish a large portion of the profits, rather than be any longer a travelling showman.

I reached my residence in Bndgeport, Ct, the latter part of May, and was rejoiced to
find my family and friends in good health. I had now been a straggler from home most of
the time for thirteen years, and I cannot describe the feelings of gratitude with which I
reflected, that having by the most arduous toil and deprivations succeeded in securing a
&atisfactox7 competence,*! should henceforth spend my days in the bosom of my &mily. I

THE JENHY LIND £1«TEBPRIS£. 113

yras fully determined that no pecunlaiy temptation should again induce me to forego the
enjoyments only to be secured in the circle of home.

llie years 1848 and 1849 were chiefly spent with my family. A portion of my time and
attention, however, was occupied in looking after the interests of the American Museum,
and also in opening a new Museum in Philadelphia, the particulars of which are given in
another section of this book.

CHAPTER XI.

THE JENNY LIND ENTERPRISE.

In October, 1849, 1 first conceived the idea of bringing Jenny Lind to this country. I
had never heard her sing, inasmuch as she arrived in London a few weeks after I quitted it
with General Torn Thumb. Her reputation, however, was sufficient for me. I usually
jump at conclusions, and almost invariably iBuid that my first impressions are the most
correct. It struck me, when I first thought of this speculation, that if properly managed
it must prove immensely profitable, provided I could engage the " Swedish Nightingale "
on any terms within the range of reason. As it was a great undertaking, I considered the
matter seriously for several days, and all my " cipherings " and calculations gave but one
result— immense success.

Reflecting that very much would depend upon the manner in which she should be brought
before the public, I saw that my task would be an exceedingly arduous one. It was possible,
I knew, that circumstances mi^ht occur which would make the enterprise disastrous. " The
public " is a very strange animal, and although a good knowledge of human nature will
generally lead a caterer of amusements to hit the people right, they are fickle, and ofttimea
perverse. A slight mis-step in the management of a public entertainment, frequently
wrecks the most promising enterprise. Taking all things into the account, I arrived at
the following conclusions :—

1st. The chances were greatly in favour of immense pecuniary success ; and 2nd. Inas-
much as my name has long been associated with " humbug," and the American public
suspect that my capacities do not extend beyond the power to exhibit a stuffed monkey-
skiu or a dead mermaid, I can afford to lose 50,000 dollars in such an enterprise as bringing
to this country, in the zenith of her life and celebrity, the greatest musical wonder in the
world, provided the engagement is carried out with credit to the management.

I thought that the sun^ above named would be amply sufficient to cover all possible
loss, and, caring little for the personal anxiety and labour which I must necessarily
encounter, I cast about for the purpose of finding the proper agent to despatch to
Europe to engage the " divine Jenny," if possible.

I foimd in Mr. John Hall Wilton, an Englishman who had visited this country with the
Sax-horn players, the best man whom I knew for that purpose. A few minutes sufficed to
make the arrangement with him, by which I was to pa^f only his expenses if he did not
succeed in his mission, but by which also he was to be paid a large sum of money if he suc-
ceeded in bringing Jenny Lind to our shores, on any terms within a liberal schedule, which
I jset forth to him in writing.

On the 6th of November, 1849, I furnished "Wilton with the necessary documents, in-
cluding a letter of general instructions which he was at liberty to exhibit to Jenny, and to
any other musical notables whom he thought proper, and a private letter containing hints
and suggestions not embodied in the former. I also gave him letters of introduction to my
former bankers. Baring Brothers & Co., of London, as weU as to many friends in England,
France, &c.

The gist of all my instructions to Wilton (public and private") amounted to this : He was
to engage Jenny on sharesy if possible, so that my risk would oe inconsiderable, unless he
could secure her for one hundred nights for the sum of sixty thousand dollars, which terms I
preferred to that of sharing. I however authorised him, if he could do no better, to engage
her for one hundred and fifty nights for the sum of one hundred and fifty thousand dollars
and all her expenses, including servants, carriages, secretary, &c., besides also engaging
such mu>.ical assistants, not exceeding three in number, as she should select— let the terms

8

114- AUTOBIOGBAPHT OP P. T. BAENUM.

T)e what th&y might. If necessary, I should place the entire amount of money named in the
engagement in the hands of London bankers before Jenny sailed.

Wilton's compensation was arranged on a kind of sliding scale, to be governed by the
terms which he made for me — so that the farther he kept below my utmost limits, the better
he should be paid for making the engagements.

Wilton proceeded to London, and opened a correspondence with Miss Lind, who was then
on the Continent. He learned from the tenor of her letters, that if she could be induced to
visit America at all, she must be accompanied by Mr. Julius Benedict, the accomplished
composer, pianist, and musical director, and also that she was impressed with the belief that
Signer Belletti, the fine baritone, would be of essential service. Wilton therefore called
upon Mr. Benedict, and also Signer Belletti, who were both then in London, and in numerous
interviews was enabled to learn the terms on which they would consent to engage to visit
this country with Miss Lind. Having thus obtained the information* he desired, he proceeded
at once to Lubec, in Germany, to seek an interview with ]S»Iiss Jenny herself. Upon arriving
at her hotel, he sent his card, requesting her to specify an hour for an interview. She named
the following morning, and he was punctual to the appointment.

In the course of the first conversation, she frankly told him that during the time occu-
pied by their correspondence, she had written to friends in London, including my friend Mr*
Joshua Bates, of the house of Baring Brothers, and informed herself respecting my character,
capacity, and responsibility, which she assured him were quite satisfactory. She informed him,,
however, that at that time there were four persons anxious to negotiate with her for an
American tour. One of these gentlemen was a well known Opera manager in London ;
another a theatrical manager in Manchester ; a third, a musical composer and Chef cT Orchestra
of her Majesty's Opera in London ; and the fourth, a man who had conducted a successful
speculation some years previously by visiting America in charge of a celebrated danseuse.
Several of these parties had called upon her personally, and the last mentioned, upon hearing-
my name from her lips, attempted to deter her from making any engagement T^dth me, by
assuring her that I was a humbug and a showman, and that, for the sake of making money
by the speculation, I would not scruple to put her into a box and exhibit her through the
country at twenty-five cents a head !

This, she confessed, somewhat alarmed her, and she wrote to Mr. Bates upon the subject.
He entirely disabused her mind, by kindly assuring her that he knew me personally, and
that in treating with me she was not dealing with an ordinary theatrical manager, who
might make her remuneration depend entirely upon the success of the enterprise, but that I
was able to carry out all my engagements, let them prove never so unprofitable, and that she
could place the fullest reliance upon my honour and integrity.

"Now," said she to Mr. Wilton, "I am perfectly satisfied upon that point, fori know the
world pretty well, and am aware how far jealousy and envy will sometimes carry persons ;
and as those who are trying to treat with me are all anxious that I should participate in the
profits or losses of the enterprise, I much prefer treating with you, since your principal is
willing to assume all the responsibility, and take the entire management and chances of the
result upon himself."

Several interviews ensued, during which she learned from Wilton that he had settled
with Messrs. Benedict and Belletti regarding the amount of their salaries provided the
engagement was concluded, and in the course of a week, Mr. Wilton and herself had settled
the terms and conditions on which she was ready to conclude the negotiations. ^ As these
terms were within the limits fixed in my private letter of instructions, the following a^ee-
ment was duly drawn in triplicate, and "signed by herself and Wilton, at Lubec, on the ninth
day of Januarj'', 1850 ; and the signatures of Messrs. Benedict and BeUetti were affixed in
liondon a few days afterwards :

MBUORAYTDim of an a^eement entered into this ninth day of Jonaary, In the year of our Lord
one thousand eight hundrod and fifty, betwoea John Hall Wilton, as Affent for Phineas T. Barnuic^
of Nov York« in the United States of North America, of tho one part, and Mademoiselle Jbkxt Lino,
Vocalist, of Stockholm in Sweden, of the other part, wherein the said Jenny Lind doth agree,

1st. To sing for the said Phineas T. Bamum in one hundred and fifty concerts, including oratorios;
■within (if possible) one year or eighteen months from the date of her arrival In the city of New York
— the said concerts to bo given in the United States of North America and Havana. She, the said
Jenny Lind, having fall control as to the number of nights or concerts in each week, and the number
of pleees in which she will sing in each concert, to be regnlated conditionally with her health and
safety of voice, but the former never less than one or two nor the latter less than four; bat in no case
te appear in operas.

2ad. In considerotioa of the said services, said John HaU Wnton, as agent for the said Phineaa

THE JEN.NY LIND BlNTEaPIlISE. 115

T. Barnum of New York, agrees to famish the said Jenny Lind with a servant as waitinff>inaid, and*
a male servant to and for the sole service of her and lier' party ; to pay the travelling and hotel ex-
penses of a friend to accompany her as a companion ; to pay also a secretary to superintend her
finances ; to pay all her and her party's travelling expenses from Europe, and daring the tour in the
United States of North America and Havana; to pay all hotel expenses for board and lodf?ing during
the same period ; to place at her disposal in each city a carriage and hoises with their necessary at-
tendants, and to give her in addition the sum of two hundred pounds starling, or one thooaand dollars^
for each concert or oratorio in which the said Jenny Lind shall sing.

3rd, And the said John Hall Wilton, as agent for the said Fliineas T. Barnum, doth farther agree
to give the said Jenny Lind the most satisfactory security, and assurance for the full amount of her
engagement, which shall bo placed in the hands of Messrs. Baring Brothers of London, previous to
the departure and subject to the order of the said Jenny Lind, with its interest due on its current
reduction, by her services in the concerts or oratorios.

4th. And the said John Hall Wilton, on the part of the said Phlneas T. Barnum, further agrees,
that should the said Phinens T. Barnum, after seventy-five concerts, have realised so much as sh&ll,
after paying all current expenses, have returned to him all the sums disbursed, either as deposits at
interest, for securities of salaries, preliminary outlay, or moneys in any way expended consequent on
this engagement, and in addition, have gained a clear profit of at least fifteen thousand pounds ster-
ling, then the said Phineas T. Barnum will give the said Jenny Lind, in addition to the former sum of
one thousand dollars current money of the United States of North America, nightly, one fifth part of
the profits arising from the remaining seventy-five concerts or oratorios, after deducting every ex-
pense current and appertaining thereto; or the said Jenny Lind agrees to try with the said Phineas
T. Barnum fifty concerts or oratorios, on the aforesaid and first-named terms, and if then found to
fall short of the expectations of the said Phineas T. Barnum, then the said Jenny Lind agrees to re-
organise this agreement, on terms quoted in his first proposal, as set forth in the annexed copy of his
letter ; but should such be found unnecessary, then the engagement continues up to seventy-five con-
certs or oratorios, at the end of which, should the aforesaid profits of fifteen thousand pounds sterling
have not been realised, then the engagement shall continue as at first — the sums herein, after expenses
for Julius Benedict and Giovanni Bellettl, to remain unaltered except for advancement.

5th. And the said John Hall Wilton, agent for the said Phineas T. Barnum, at the request of the
said Jenny Lind, agrees to pay to Julius Benedict of London to accompany the said Jenny Lind as
musical director, pianist, and superintendent of the musical department, also to assist the said Jenny
Lind in one hundred and fifty concerts or oratorios, to be given in the United States of North America
and Havana, the sum of five thousand pounds (£5000) sterling, to be satisfactorily secured to him
with Messrs. Baring Brothers, of London, previous to his departure from Europe ; and the said
John Hall Wilton agrees further for the said Phineas T. Barnum . to pay all his travelling expenses
from Europe, together with his hotel and travelling expenses during the time occupied in giving the
aforesaid one hundred and fifty concerts or oratorios>-he, the said Julius Benedict, to superintend the
organisation of oratorios if required.

6th. And the said John Hall Wilton, at the request, selection, and for the aid of the said Jenny
Lind, agrees to pay to Giovanni Belletti, baritone vocalist, to accompany the said Jenny Lind during
her tour and in one hundred and fifty concerts or oratorios in the United States of North America
and Havana, and in conjunction with the aforesaid Julius Benedict, the sum of two thousand five
hundred pounds (£2500) sterling, to be satisfactorily secured to him previous to his departure from.
Europe, in addition to sill his hotel and travelling expenses.

7th. And it is further agreed that the said Jenny Lind shall be at full liberty to sing at any time she
may think fit for charitable institutions or purposes independent of the engagement with the said
Phineas T. Barnum, she, the said Jenny Lind, consulting with the said Phineas T. Barnum with a
view to mutually agreeing as. to the time and its propriety, it being understood that in no case shall
the first or second concert in any city selected for the tour be for such purpose, or wherever it shall
appear against the interests of the said Phineas T. Barnum.

8th. It is farther agreed that should the said Jenny Lind by any act of God be incapacitated to
fulfil the enth'e engagement before mentioned, that an equal proportion of the terms agreed upon
shall be given to the said Jenny Lind, Julius Benedict, and Giovanni Belletti, for services rendered to
that time.

9th. It is farther agreed Mid understood; that the said Phineas T. Barnum shall pay every expense
appertaining to the concerts or oratorios before mentioned, excepting those for charitable pui-posesj.
and that all accounts shall be settled and rendered by all parties weekly.

10th. And the said Jenny Lind further agrees that she will not engage to sing for any other per-
son during the progress of this said engagement with the said Phineas T. Barnum of New York for
one hundred and fifty concerts or oratorios, excepting for charitable purposes as before mentioned, and
all travelling to be first and best class.

In witness hereof to the within written memorandum of agreement we set herennto our hand and
seaL

[Signed.] L.S. JOHN If ALL WILTON, Agent for Pkineas T. Babnum, of New

York, U.S.

L.S. J(ENNT LIND.

L.S. JULIUS BENEDICT.

L.S. GIOVANNI BELLETTL
In the presence of C. AHILLING, Consul of His Majesty the King of Sweden and Norway.

116 AUTOBIOGEAPllY Or P. T. BARKDM.

Extract from a Letter addressed to John Hall Wilton by Pbiiocas T. Babmtu, and rrferred to in

paragraph Ifo, 4 qf the annexed agreement.

New Tokk, November 6<A, 1849.
Mr. J. Hall Wiltow :—

SiRj—In reply to your proposal to attempt a negotiation with Mile. Jenny Lind to visit the United
States professionally, I propose to enter into an arrangement with her to the following effect :— I vrill
engage to pay all her expenses from Europe, provide for and pay for one principal tenor and one pianist,
their salaries not exceeding together one hundred and fifty dollars per night; to support for her a car.
riage, two servants, and a friend to accompany her and superintend her finances. I will furthermore
pay alt and every expense appertaining to her appearance before the public, and give her half of the
gross receipts arising from concerts or operas. I will engage to travel with her personally and attend
to the arrangements, provided she will undertake to give not less than eighty nor more than one hun.
dred and fifty concerts, or nights' performances.

PHINEAS T. BARNUM.
I certify the above to be a true extract from the letter.

J. H. WILTON.

I was at my Museum in Philadelphia when Wilton arrived in New York, February 19,
1850, and he immediately telegraphed me that he had signed an engagement with Jenny
Lind, by which she was to commence her concerts in America in the following September.
I was somewhat startled by this sudden announcement, and feeling that the time to elapse
before her arrival was so long that it would be policy to keep the engagement private for a
few months, I immediately telegraphed him not to mention it to any person, and that I would
meet him the next day in New York.

When we reflect how thoroughly Jenny Lind, her musical powers, her character, and
wonderful successes, are now known by all classes in this country as well as throughout the
whole civilised world, it is difficult to realise that at the time this engagement was made,
she was comparatively unknown on this side the water. We can hardly credit the fact that
millions of persons in America had never heard of her, that other millions had merely read
her name, but had no distinct idea of who or what she was. Only a small portion of the
public were really aware of her great musical triumphs in the old world, and this portion
was confined almost entirely to musical people, travellers who had visited the old world,
and the conductors of the press.

The next morning I started for New York. On arriving at Princeton, we met the cars,
and purchasing the morning papers, I was overwhelmed with surprise and dismay to find
in them a full account of my engagement with Jenny. However, this premature announce-
ment could not be recalled, and I put the best face upon the matter. Being anxious to
learn how this communication would strike the public mind, I informed the gentlemanly
conductor (whom I well knew) that I had made an engagement with Jenny Lind, and that
she would surely visit this country in the following August.

" Jenny Lind ! Is she dancer ?" asked the conductor.

I informed the gentleman who and what she was, but his question had chilled me as if
his words were ice. Really, thought 1, if this is all that a man in the capacity of a rail-
road conductor between Philadelphia and New York knows of the greatest songstress in
the world, I am not sure that six months will be too long a time for me to occupy in
enlightening the entire public in regard to her merits.

I had an interview with Wilton, and learned from him that, in accordance with the
agreement, it would be requisite for me to place the entire amount stipulated, 187,500
dollars, in the hands of the London bankers. I instantly resolved to ratifv the agreement,
and immediately sent the necessary documents to Miss Lind and Messrs. Benedict
«nd Belletti.

I then commenced preparing the public mind through the newspapers for the reception
of the great songstress. How effectually this was done is still within the remembrance of
the American public. As a sample of tne manner in which I accomplished my purpose, I
present the following extract from my first letter to the reading community. It appeared
in the New York papers of February 22, 1850 :

". Perhaps I may not make any money by this enterprise ; but I assure you that if I knew I should
not make a farthing profit, I would ratify the engagement, so anxious am I that the United States
should be visited by a lady whose vocal powers have never been approached by any other humsa
being, and whose character is charity, simplicity, and goodness personified.

** Miss Lind has numerous better offers than the one she has accepted fh}m me; but she has great
anxloty to visit America. 8he speaks of this country and its institutions in the highest terms of
praise, and as money is by no means the greatest Inducement that can be laid bdbre her, she is deter-

THE JENNY LIND ENTERPRISE. 117

mined to visit us. In her engagement with me (which inclades Havana), she expressly reserves the
right to give charitahle concerts whenever she thinlcs proper.

*i Since her d^but in England, she has given to the poor from her own private purse more than the
whole amount which I have engaged to pay her, and the proceeds of concerts for charitable purposes
in Great Britain, where she has sung gratuitously, have realised more than ten times that amount.'*

The people soon began to talk about Jenny Llnd, and I was particularly anxious to
obtain a good portrait of her. Fortunately, a fine opportunity occurred. One day, while
I was sitting in the office of the Museum, a foreigner approached me with a small package
under his arm. He informed me in broken English that he was a Swede. He said he was
an artist, and had just arrived from Stockholm, where Jenny Lind had kindly given him a
number of sittings, and he now had with him the portrait of her which he had painted
upon copper. He imwrapped the package, and showed me a beautiful picture of the
Swedish Nightingale inclosed in an elegant gilt frame, about fourteen by twenty inches.
It was just the thing I wanted. His price was fifty dollars. I purchased it at once. Upon
showing it to an artistic friend the same day, he quietly assured me that it was a cheap
lithograph pasted on a tin back, neatly varnished, and made to appear like a fine oil
painting to a novice in the arts like myself. The intrinsic value of the picture did not
exceed thirty-seven and a half cents !

After getting together all my available funds for the purpose of transmitting them to
London in the shape of United States bonds, I found a considerable sum still lacking to
make up the amount. I had some second mortgages which were perfectly good, but I
could not negotiate them in Wall-street. Nothing would answer there short of first
mortgages on New York or Brooklyn city property.

I went to the President of the bank where I had done all my business for eight years. I
offered him, as security for a loan, my second mortgages, and as an additional inducement,
I proposed to make over to him my contract with Jenny Lind, with a written guarantee
that he should appoint a receiver, who, at my expense, should take charge of all the
receipts over and above three thousand dollars per night, and appropriate them towards
the payment of my loan. He laughed in my face, and said : " Mr. Bamum, it is generally
believed in Wall-street, that your engagement with Jenny Lind will ruin you. I do not
believe you will ever receive so much as three thousand dollars at a single concert."

I was indignant at his want of appreciation, and answered him that I would not at that
moment take 150,000 dollars for my contract; nor would I.

I found, upon further inquiry, tnat it was useless in Wall-street to offer the Nightingale
in exchange for goldfinches.

I finally was introduced to Mr. John L. Aspinwall, of the firm of Rowland and Aspin-
wall, and he gave me a letter of credit from his firm on Baring Brothers, for a large sum,
on collateral securities, which a friendly spirit, instead of strict banker's rules, induced him
to accept.

After disposing of several pieces of property for cash, I footed up the various amounts,
and still discovered myself 6,000 dollars short. I felt that it was indeed " the last feather
that breaks the camel's back." Happening casually to state my desperate case to a clergy-
man, for many years a friend of mine, he promptly placed the requisite amount at my dis-
posal. I gladly accepted his proffered friendship, and felt that he had removed a mountain-
weight from my shoulders. That clergyman was the Rev. Abel C. Thom^vs, of Phil-
adelphia.*

After the engagement of Miss Lind was consummated, she declined several liberal offers
to sing in London ; but, at my solicitation, gave two concerts in Liverpool, on the eve of
her departure for America. My object in making this request was, to add the eclat of thai
side to the excitement on thit side of the Atlantic, which was already nearly up to fever
heat.

The first of the two Liverpool concerts was given the night previous to the departure of
a steamer for America. My agent had procured the services of a musical critic from
London, who finished his account of this concert at half-past one o'clock the same night, or
rather the following morning, and at two o'clock my agent was overseeing its insertion in a
Liverpool morning paper, numbers of which he forwarded to me by the steamer of the same

* He is a self-made man, in early life a printer. He hat been twenty^six years in the ministry.
His " Autobiography," recently pablished, is one of the most interesting booki I eyer read.

IS AUTOBIOGBAPHY 01" P. T. BABKtTM.

day. The rfepublication of the criticism in the American papers, including an aceoimt of
the enthusiasm which prevailed at her trans- Atlantic concert, had the desired effect.

On Wednesday morning, August 21, 1860, Jenny Lind and Messrs. Benedict and Bcl-
letti departed from Liverpool in the steamship "Atlantic," in which I had long before
engaged the necessary accommodations, and on board of which I had shipped a piano for
their use. They were accompanied by my agent, Wilton, also by Miss Ahraansen and i^.
Hjortzberg, cousins of Miss Lind, the latter being her secretary, also by her two servants,
and the valet of Messrs. Benedict and Belletti.

It was expected that the steamer would arrive on Sunday, September 1, but, determined
to meet the songstress on her arrival whenever it might be, I went to Staten Island on Satur-
day night, and slept at the hospitable residence of mv friend, Dr. A. Sidney Doane, who
was at that time the health officer of the port of New 'i'ork. A few minutes before twelve
o'clock on Sunday morning, the "Atlantic" hove insight, and immediately afterwards,
through the kindness of my friend Doane, I was on board the ship, and had taken Jenny
Lind by the hand.

After a few moments* conversation, she asked me when and where I had heard her
sing.

" I never had the pleasure of seeing jou before in my life," I replied.
" How is it possible that you dared risk so much money on a person vrhom you never
heard sing ?" she asked in surprise.

" I risked it on your reputation, which in musical matters I would much rather trust than
my own judgment,'' I replied.

I may as well here state, that although I relied prominently upon Jenny Lind's reputa-
tion as a great musical artiste^ I also took largely into my estimate of her success with all
classes of the American public, her character for extraorduiary benevolence and generosity.
Without this peculiarity in her disposition, I never would have dared make the engagement
which I did, as I felt sure that there were multitudes of individuals in America who would
be prompted to attend her concerts by this feeling alone.

Thousands of persons covered the shipping and piers, and other thousands had congre-
gated on the whan at Canal -street, to see her. A superb bower of green trees, decorated
with beautiful flags, was discovered upon the wharf, together with two triumphal arches, on
one of which was inscribed, " Welcome, Jennv Lind ! " The second was surmounted by the
American eagle, and bore the inscription, " W'^elcome to America !" These decorations were
probably not produced by magic, and I do not know that I can reasonably find fault with
some persons who suspected that I had a hand in their erection. My private carriage was
in waiting, and Jenny Lind was escorted to it by Captain West. The rest of the musical
•party entered the carriage, and, mounting the box at the driver's side, I directed him to the
Irving House. As a few of the citizens had probably seen rae before, my presence on the
outside of the carriage aided those who filled the windows and side-walks aldng the whole
route in coming to the conclusion that Jenny Lind had arrived.

' A reference to the journals of that day will show, that seldom before had there been such
enthusiasm in the city of New York, or indeed in America.

Within ten minutes after our arrival at the Irving House, not less than ten thousand
persons had congregated around the entrance in Broadway, nor was the number dimi-
nished before nine o'clock in the evening. At her request, I dined with her that firftemoon,
' and when, according to European custom, she prepared to pledge me in a glass of wine, she
was somewhat surprised at my saying, " Miss Lind, I do not think you can ask any other
favour on earth which I would not gladly grant ; but I am a teetotaller, and must beg
to be permitted to drink your health and happiness in a glass of cold water."

At twelve o'clock that night, she was serenaded by the Now York Muaical Fmid
Society, numbering on that occasion two hundred musicians. The^ were escorted to the
Irvuig Ilouse by about three hundred firemen in their red shirts, bearing torches. At least
twenty thousand persons were present The calls for Jenny Lind were so vehement that I
led her through a window to the balcony. The loud cheers from the throng lasted for
several minutes, before the serenade was. permitted again to proceed.

I have here briefly intimated a portion of the incidents of Jenny Lind's first day in
America. * For weeks afterwards the excitement was unabated. Iler rooms were tlironged
by visitors, including the magnates of the land in both Church and State. The caniages
of the beau monde could be seen in front of her hotel at ail fashionable hours, and it was
with some difficulty that I prevented the fashionables from monopolising her altogether,
and thus, &s I believed, sadly marring my interests by cuttiDg her ofl' from the warm

THE JENHT LIND SKTEBPBISE. 119

svmpathles which she had awakened among the masses. Presents of all sorts were
showered upon her. Millmers, mantua-makers, and shop-keepers vied with each other in
calling her attention to their wares, of which they sent her many valuable specimens,
delighted if in return they could received her autograph acknowledgement. Songs,
quadrilles, and polkas were dedicated to her, and poets sung in her praise. We had Jenny
Lind gloves, Jenny Lind bonnets, Jenny Lind ridiog hats, Jenny Lind shawls, mantillas,
robes, chairs, sofas, pianos — ^in fact, everything was Jetnny Lind.

Her movements were constantly watched, and the moment her carriage appeared at the
door, it was surrounded by multitudes, eager to catch a glimpse of the Swedish Kightiu>-
^gale.

In looking over my ** scrap books" of extracts from the New York papers of that day,
in whidi all accessible details concerning her were duly chronicled, it seems almost incredi-
ble that such a degree of enthusiasm should have existed.

An abstract of the "sayings and doin^" in regard to the Jenny Lind mania for the first
ten days after her arrival, appeared in the London "Times" of Sept. 23, 1850, and although it
was an ironical " showing up " of the American ^ithusiasm, filling several columns, it was
nevertheless a faithful condensation of facts, which at this late dky seem even to mysdf
more like a dream than reality.

Before her arrival I had ofiiered 200 dollars for a prize ode, " Greeting to America," to be
sung bv Jenny Lind at her first concert. Several hundred poems were sent in from all
parts of the United States and the Canadas. The duties of the Prize Committee, in reading
these efiiisions and making choice of the one most worthy the prize, were truly^ arduous. The
"offerings" were the merest doggerel trash, with perhaps a dozen exceptions. The prize
was awarded to Bayard Taylor for the followng ode : —

GREETING TO AMERICA.

WOKDS BT BATARO TATX.0B— HUSIO BT JULIUS BBMSDICT.

I greet with a full heart the Land of the West,

'Whose Banner of Stars o'er a world is unrolled;
Whose empire o'erahadows Atlantic's wide breast,

And opens to sunset Its gateway of gold !
The land of the mountain, the land of the lake,

And rivers that roll in magnificent tide-
Where the souls of the mighty from slumber awake,

And hallow the soil for whose freedom they died !

Thou Cradle of Empire ! though wide he the foam

That seyers tlie land of my fathers and thee,
I hear, from thy bosom, the welcome of home,

For Song has a home in the hearts of the Free !
And long as thy waters shall gleam in the sun,

And long as tliy heroes remember their scars,
Be the hands of thy children united as one,

And Peace shed her light on thy Banner of Stars I

This award, although it gave general satisfaction, yet was met with disfavour by seve-
ral disappointed poets, who, notwithstanding the decision of the committee, of course per-
sisted in believing and declaring their own productions to be the best. This state of feeling
was doubtless, in part, the cause which led to the publication, at about this time, of a very
witty pamphlet, containing poems, most of which abounded in wit. I have room but for
a single stanza. The poet speaks of the various curiosities in the Museum, and, represent-
ing me as still searching for further novelties, makes me address the Swedish Nightingale
as follows :

"So Jenny, come along! you're just the card for me.
And quit these kings and queens, for the country of the firee ;
They'll welcome you witli speeches, and serenades, and rockets ;
And you will touch their hearts, and I will tap their pockets ;
And if between us both the public isn't skinned,
Why, my name isn't Barnum, nor your name Jenny Lind I "

Jenny Lind's first concert was fixed to come off at Castle Garden, on Wednesday efvea-
ing, September 11, and most of the tickets were sold at auction on the Saturday and Ifode-
day previous to the concert.

120 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF P. T. BARNUM.

The proprietors of the Garden saw fit to make the usual charge of one shilling to all
persons who entered the premises, yet three thousand persons were present at the auction.
One thousand tickets were sold on the first day for an aggregate sum of 10,141 dollars.

On the Tuesday after her arrival I informed Miss Lind that I wished to make a slight
alteration in our agreement. " What is it ? " she asked in surprise.

" I am convinced," I replied, " that our enterprise will be much more successful than
either of us anticipated. I wish, therefore, to stipulate that you shall always receive 1000
dollars for each concert, besides all the expenses, as heretofore agreed on, and that after
taking 5500 dollars per night for expenses and my services, the bsdance shall be equally
divided between us."

Jenny looked at me with astonishment. She could not comprehend my propositioix
After I had repeated it, and she fully understood its import, she grasped me cordially by
the hand, and exclaimed, "Mr. Bamum, you are a gentleman of honour. You are
generous. It is just as Mr. Bates told me, I will sing for you as long as you please. I
will sing for you in America — in Europe — anywhere ! "

Upon drawing the new contract, a condition was inserted, by Miss Lind's request, that
she should have the right to terminate the engagement with the one hundredth concert,
instead of the one himdreth and fiftieth, if she should desire to do so, upon paying me
25,000 dollars.

Let it not be supposed that the increase of her compensation was wholly aa act of
generosity on my part. I had become convinced that there was money enough in the
enterprise for all of us, and I also felt that although she should have been satisfied by my
complying with the terms of the agreement, yet envious persons would doubtless endeavour
to create discontent in her mind, and it would be a stroke of policy to prevent the possi-
bility of such an occurrence.

On Tuesday, September 10, I informed Miss Lind that, judging bv present appearances^
her portion of the proceeds of the first concert would amount to 10,000 dollars. She imme-
diately resolved to devote every dollar of it to charity; and, sending for Mayor Woodhull^
she acted under his and my advice in selecting the various institutions among which she
wished the amount to be distributed.

My arrangements of the concert room were very complete. The great parterre and
gallery of Castle Garden were divided by imaginary lines into four compartments, each of
which was designated bv a lamp of a peculiar colour. The tickets were printed in colours
corresponding with the location which the holders were to occupy, and one hundred ushers,,
with rosettes and bearing wands tipped with ribbons of the same hue, enabled every indi-
vidual to find his or her seat without the slightest difficulty. Every seat was of course
numbered to correspond with the check, which each person retained after giving up an
entrance ticket at the door. These arrangements were duly advertised, and every particular
was also printed upon each ticket. In order to prevent confusion, the doors were opened at
five o'clock, although the concert did not commence untU eight. The consequence was,,
that although five thousand persons were present at the first concert, their entrance was
marked with as much order and quiet as was ever witnessed in the assembling of a congre-
gation at church. These precautions were observed at all the concerts given throughout
the country under my administration, and the good order which always prevailed was the
subject of numberless encomiums from the public and the press.

The reception of Jenny Lind on her first appearance, in point of enthusiasm, was pre*
bably never before equalled in the world. As Mr. Benedict led her towards the footlights,
the entire audience rose to their feet and welcomed her with three cheers, accompanied by
the waving of thousnnds of hats and handkerchiefs. This was by far the largest audience
that Jenny had ever sung before. She was evidentlv much agitated, but the orchestra
commenced, and before she had sung a dozen notes of ^^ Casta Diva," she began to recover
her self-possession, and long before the scena was concluded, she was as calm as if sitting
in her own drawing room. Towards the last portion of the cavatinc^ the audience were so
completely carried away by their feelings, that the remainder of the air was drowned in a
perfect tempest of acclamation. Enthusiasm had been wrought to its highest pitch, but
the musical powers of Jenny Lind exceeded all the brilliant anticipationa which had been
formed, and her triumph was complete.

At the conclusion of the concert, Jenny Lind was loudly called for, and was obliged to
appear tluree times before the audience could be satisfied. They then called vociferously for
'* Banram," and I reluctantly responded to their demand.

On this first night, Mr. Jaliua Benedict confirmed with the American people his l&va<y-

THE JENNY MKB ENTEBPBISE. 121

pean reputation, as a most accomplished condactor and musical composer ; while Si^or
Belletti inspired an admiration which grew warmer and deeper in the minds of the Amencan
people, to the end of his career in this country.

It would seem as if the Jenny Lind mania had reached its culminating point before

disappointed. The transcendent musical genius of the Swedish Nightingale was superior
all the pictures which fancy could paint, and the furor did not attain its highest point until
she had been heard. The people were in ecstacies; the powers of editorial acumen, types,
and ink, were inadequate to sound her praises. The Rubicon was passed. The successful
issue of the Jenny Lind enterprise was established. I think there were a hundred men in
New York, the day after her first concert, who would have willingly paid me 200,000 dols*
for my contract. I received repeated offers for an eighth, a tenth, or a sixteenth, equivalent
to that price. But mine had been the risk, and I was determined mine should be the
triumph. So elated was I with my success, in spite of all obstacles and false prophets, that
I do not think a million of dollars would have tempted me to relinquish the enteiprise.

No " " ' - -

the first

some _

been idle during the summer. I had put innumerable means and appliances into operation
for the furtherance of my object, and little did the public see of the hand that indirectly
palled at their heart-strings, preparatory to a relaxation of their purse-strings ; and these
means and appliances were continued and enlarged throughout the whole of that triumphal
musical campaign.

After the first month the business became somewhat systematised, and by the help of
such agents as my faithful treasurer, L. C. Stewart, and the indefatigable Le Grand Smith,
my labours were materially relieved ; but from the first concert on the 11th of September,
1850, until the ninety-third concert on the 9th of June, 1861 (a space of nine months), I did
not know a waking moment that was entirely free from oppressive anxiety.

I could not hope to be exempted from trouble and perplexity in managing an enterprise
which depended altogether on popular favour, and which involved great consequences to
myself; but I did not efxpect the numerous petty annoyances which beset me, especially in
the early period of the concerts. Miss Lind did not dream, nor did anybody else, of the un-
paralleled enthusiasm that would greet her ; and the immense assembly at Castle Garden
somewhat prepared her, I suspect, t& listen to evil advisers. It would seem that the terms
of our contract were sufficientiy liberal to her and sufficiently hazardous to mysdf, to justify
the expectation of perfectly honourable treatment (and of Uurge profits too, because the risks
were great); but certain envious intermeddlers appeared to feel differently . '*Do you not see,
Miss Lind, that Mr. Bamum is coining money out of your genius ? " said they. Of course
&he saw. it, and perhaps regretted that she nad not marked a figure somewhat higher than
1000 dols. per concert, net ; but the high-minded Swede despised and spumed such advisees
as recommended her to repudiate her contract with me at all hazards, and take the enter-
prise into her own hands — possibly to put it into theirs. I however suffered much from the
unreasonable interference of her lawyer. Benedict and Belletti behaved like men, and
Jenny afterwards expressed to me her regret that she had for a moment listened to the
vexatious exactions of her legal counsellor.

The great assembly at Castle Garden was not gathered by Jenny Lind's great musical
genius and powers alone. She was effectually brought before the public before they had
seen or heard her. She appeared in the presence of a jury already excited to enthusiasm
in her behalf. She more than met their expectations, and all the means 1 had adopted to
prepare the way were thus abundantly just^ed.

employed, in every possible
form, to put and keep Jenny Lind before the people. I am happy to say that the Press

Herald,'^ of September 10, 1850 (the day before the first concert given by Miss Lind in the
United States): —

122 AUTOBIOGEAPHT OF P. T. BARNUM.

" Jenny Likd awd the Auebican PEOFLK.—What ancient monarch was he, either In histoiy or
in fable, wlio offered lialf his kingdom (the price of box tickets and choice seats in those days) for fha
invention of an original sensation, or the discovery of .a fresh pleasure? That sensation — that
pleasure which royal power in the old world failed to discover, has been called into existence at a
less price, by Mr. Barnam, a plain republican, and is now about to be enjoyed by the sovertiigiis of
the new world.

*' Jenny Lind, the most remarkable phenomenon in musical art which has for the last centnry
:flashed across the horizon of the old world, is now among us, and will make her dibut to-morrov
night to a house of nearly ten thousand listeners, yielding, in proceeds by auction, a siun of forty or
fifty thousand dollars. For the last ten days our musical reporters have furnished our readers with
every matter connected with her arrival In this metropolis, and the steps adopted by Jf r. Bamum in
preparation for her first appearance. The proceedings of yesterday, consisting of the sale of the
remainder of the tickets, and the astonishing— the wonderful sensation produced at her first rehearsal
on the few persons, critics in musical art, who were admitted on the occasion, will be found ^ee-
whcre in our columns.

" We concur in everything that has been said by our musical reporter, describing her extra-
ordinary genius — ^her unrivalled combination of power and art. Nothing has been exaggerated, not
an iota. Three years ago, more or less, we heard Jenny Lind on many occasions, when she made the
'first great sensation In Europe, by her dibut at the London Opera House. Then she was great in power->-
in art — in genius ; now she is greater in all. We speak fi:om experience and conviction. Then alio
astonished, and pleased, and fascinated the thousands of the British aristocracy; now she wrUl
fascinate, and please, and delight, and almost make mad with musical excitement, the millions of the
American democracy. To-morrow night, this new sensation— this fresh movement— this excitement
•excelling all former excitements— will be called Into existence, when she pours out the notes of Casta
Diva, and exhibits her astonishing powers— her wonderful peculiarities, that seem more of heaven than
of earth— more of a voice from eternity, than from the lips of a human being.

"We speak soberly— seriously— calmly. The public expectation has run very high for the last
•^eek— higher than at any former period of our past musical annals. But high as it has risen, the
reality— the fact— the concert— the voice and power of Jenny Lind will far sui-pass all past expectation.
Jenny Lind is a wonder, and a prodigy in song^andno mistake."

Upon settling the receipts of the first concert, they were fotmd to be somewhat less than
I anticipated. The sums bid at the auction sales, together with the tickets purchased at
private sale, amounted to more than 20,000 dollars. It proved, however, that many of the
tickets bid off at from 12 dollars to 25 dollars each, were not called for. In some instances,
probably the zeal of the bidders cooled down when they came out from the scene of excite-
ment, and once more breathed the fresh sea-breeze which came sweeping up from " the
Narrows," while perhaps, in other instances, bids were made by parties who never intended
to take the tickets. I can only say, once for all, that I was never privy to a false bid, and
was 80 particular upon that point, that I would not permit one of my employ<^es to bid on
or purchase a ticket at auction, though requested to do so for especial friends.

The amount of money received for tickets to the firet concert was 17,8(i4 dollars 5 cents.
As this made Miss Lind's portion too small to realise the 10,000 dollars which had been
announced as devoted for charity, I proposed to divide equally with her the proceeds of the
first two conceits, and not count them at all in our regular engagement. Accordingly, the
seeond concert was given September 13, and the receipts, amounting to 14,203 dollars 3 cents,
were, like those of the first concert, equally divided. Our third concert, but which, as
between ourselves, we called the " first regular concert," was given on Tuesday, September
17, 1850.

It is not my purpose to enter into details of all Jenny Lind's concerts. I shall, however,
here devote a few pages to the incidents which I think will be most interesting to the
public.

Jenny Lind's character for benevolence became so generallv known, that her door was
beset by persons asking charity, and she was in the receipt, while in the principdl cities, of
numerous letters, all on the same subject. Her secretary examined and responded favour-
ably to some of them. He undertook at first to answer them all, but finally abandoned tliat
course in despair. I knew of many instances in which she gave sums of money to applicants,
varying in amount from 20 dollars, 60 dollars, 500 dollars, to 1,000 dollars, and in one
instance 5,000 dollars, to a Swedish friend; and none bnt " Ke who seeth in secret " lvno\vs
the extent of her benevolence.

One night, while giving a concert in Boston, a girl approached the ticket-office, and lay-
ing down three dollars for a ticket, remarked, *' There goes half a montli's earnings, but I
am determined to hear Jenny Lind." Her secretary heard the remark, and a few minutes

THB JENNY JLIND SNTBBFBUE. 123

afterwards coming into Jenny's room, he laughingly related to her the circumstance.
''Would you know the girl again ?" asked Jenny, with an earnest look. Upon receiving an
affirmative reply, she placed a 20 dollar gold piece in his hand, and said, *' Poor girl ! give
her that with my best compliments.**

The night at'ter Junny's arrival in Boston a good display of fire- works was given in her
Lonour, in front of the liercre House, after which followed a beautiful torch-light procession
by the Germans of that city.

On her return from Boston to New York, Jenny, her compan ion, and Messrs. Benedict
and Belletti, stopped at my residence in Bridgeport, where they remained until the following
day. The morning after her arrival, she took my arm, and proposed a promenade
through the grounds. She seemed much pleased, and said, *' I am astonished that you
should have left such a beautiful place for the sake of trayelling through the country with
me."

TIio same day she told me in a playful mood that sbe had heard a most extraordinary report.
" I have heard that you and I are about to be married," said she ; '' now how could such an
absurd report ever ha\e originated ?*' she continued.

*< Probably from tho fact that we ore ' engaged,' '* I replied. She enjoyed a joke, and
laughed heartily.

Jenny always desired to reach a place in which she was to sing, without having the time
of her arrival known, thus avoiding the excitement of promiscuous crowds. I considered how-
ever that the interests of the enterprise depended in a great degree upon these excitements.
Although it frequently seemed inconceivable to her how so many thousands should have
discovered her secret and consequently gathered together to receive her, / was not so much
astonished, inasmuch as my agent always had early telegraphic intelligence of the time of her
anticipated arrival, and was not slow in communicating the information to the public

On reaching Philadelphia, a large concourse of persons awaited the approach of the steamer
which conveyed her. With difficulty we pressed throufl^h the crowd, and were followed by
many thousands to Jones's Hotel. The street in front of the building was densely packed by the
populace, and poor Jenny, who was suffering under a severe headache^ retired to her apart-
znents. I tried to induce the crowd to disperse, but they declared they would not do so until
Jenny Lind should appear upon the balcony. I would not disturb her, and knowing that the
tumult might prove an annoyance to her, I placed her bonnet and shawl upon her companion,
Miss Ahmansen, and led her out on the balcony. She bowed gracefully to tho multitude, who
gave her three hearty cheers and quietly dispersed. Miss Lind was so utterly averaeto any-
thing like deception, that we never ventured to tell her the part which her bonnet and shawl
had played in the absence of their owner.

Jenny was in the habit of attending church whenever she could do so without attracting
notice. She always preserved her nationality also, by inquiring out and attending Swedish
churches wherever they could be found. She gave 1000 dols. to a Swedish chnreh in
Chicago.

While in Boston, a poor Swedish girl, a domestic in a family at Boxbury called on Jenny.
She detained her visitor several hours, talking about *^ home " and other matters, and in the
evening took her in her carriage to tho concert, gave her a seat, and sent her back to Hoxbury
in a carriage at the close of the performances, 1 have no doubt the poor girl carried with her
substantial evidences of her countrywoman's bounty.

My daughter Caroline, and her friend Mrs. Lyman, of Bridgeport, accompanied me on the
tour from New York to Havana, and thence home vid New Orleans and the Mississippi.

We were at Baltimore on tho Sobbath, and my daughter, accompanying a friend to church
who resided in the city, took a seat with her in tho choir, and joined in the singing. A
number of the congregation, who had seen Caroline with me the day previous, and supposed
her to be Jcnuy Liitd, wero yet labouring under the same mistake, and it was soon whispered
through the church that Jenny Lind was in the choir! The excitement was worked to its
highest pitch when my daughter arose as one of the musical group. Every ear was on tho
nlcrt to catch the first notea of her voice, and when the notes gushed forth, glances of satis-
faction passed through tho assembly. Caroline, quite unconscious of the attention she
attracted, continued to sing to the end of the hymn. Not a note was lost upon the ears of
the attentive congregation. " What an exquisite singer I" " Heavenly sounds 1" " I never
heard the like !" and similar expressions were whispered through tho church.

At tho conclui>ion of the services, my daughter and her friend found the passage-way to
their carriage blocked up by a crowd of persons who were anxious to obtain a nearer view of
the Swedish Nightingale. Tho cause of tho excitement now for the first time discovered,
what a mistake the people were Inbouring under, but she did not undeceive them| and many

124 AXrrOBIOORAPHT OF p. T. BABNUM.

personB that afternoon boasted, in good faith, that they had listened to the extraordinary
Binging of the great Swedish songstress. The pith of the joke is that we have never
discovered that my daughter has any extraordinary claims as a vocalist.

Our orchestra in New York consisted of sixty. When we started on our southern tour, vro
took, with us permanently as the orchestra, twelve of the best musicians we could select, and
in New Orleans augmented the force to sixteen. We increased the number to thirty-five,
forty, or fifty, as the case might be, by choice of musicians where the concerts were given.
On our return from New York to Havana, we enlarged the orchestra to one hundred persons.

The morning after our arrival in Washington, President Fillimore called, and left hia
card, Jenny being out. When she returned and found the token of his attention, she was ia
something of a flurry. " Come," said she, " we must call on the President immediately."

" Why so? " I inquired.

'< Because he has called on mCj and of course that is equivalent to a command for me to
go to his house."

I assured her that she might make her mind at ease, for whatever might be the custom with
crowned head?, our Presidents were not wont to '^command" the movements of strangers,
and that she would be quite in time if she returned his call the next day. She did so, and
was charmed with the unaffected bearing of the President, and the warm kindnesses expressed
by his amiable wife and daugher, (now, alas 1 both tenants of the grave,) and consented to
Bpend the evening with them in conformity with their request. She was accompanied to the
'* White House " by I^fessrs. Benedict, Belletti, and myself, and several happy hours wero
spent in the private circle of the President's family.

Mr. Benedict, who engaged in a long quiet conversation with Mr. Fillimore, was highly
pleased with the interview. A foreigner, accustomed to court etiquette, is generally surprised
at the simplicity which characterises the chief magistrate of this Union. In 1852 I called ou
the President with my friend Brettell, of London, who resides in St Jameses Palace, and is
quite a worshipper of the Queen, and an ardent admirer of all the dignities and ceremonies of
royalty. He expected something of the kind in visiting the President of the United States,
and was highly pleased with his disappointment.

Botli concerts in Washington were attended by the President and his family, and every
member of the cabinet. I noticed also among the audience Messrs. Clay, Benton, Cass, General
Scott, &c. On the following morning, she was called upon by Mr. Webster, 3Ir. Clay, General
Cass, andColonel Benton, and all parties were evidently gratified. I had introduced 3Ir.
Webster to Jenny in Boston. Upon hearing one of her wild mountain songs in New York,
also in Washington, Mr. Webster signified his approval by rising, drawing himself up to his
full height, and making a profound bow. Jenny was delighted by this expression of praise
from the great statesman.

We visited the Capitol while both houses were in session. Miss Lind took the arm of
Hon. C. F. Cleveland, representative from Connecticut, and was by him escorted into various
parts of the Capitol, the grounds, &c., with all of^ which she was much pleased.

While in Washington, I was invited with Miss Lind and her immediate friends to visit
Mount Vernon, with Colonel Washington, the present proprietor, and Mr. Seaton, ex-Mayor
of Washington, and editor of the *^ fntelligenoer." Colonel Washington chartered a steam«
boat for the purpose. We were landed a short distance from the tomb, which we first visited.
Proceeding to the house, we were introduced to Mrs. Washington and several other ladies.
Much interest was manifested by Miss Lind in examining the mementoes of the groat mau
whoso home it had been. A beautiful collation was spread out and arranged in fine taste.
Before leaving, Mrs. Washington presented Jenny with a book from the library, with the
name of Washington written by his own hand. She was much overcome at receiving this
present, called me aside, and expressed her desire to give something in return. ^^ I have
nothing with me," she said, " excepting this watch and chain, and I will give that if you
think it will be acceptable." I knew the watch was very valuable, and told her that so
costly a present would not be expected, nor would it be proper. *^The expense is nothing,
compared to the value of the book,*' she replied, with deep emotion ; " but as the watch was a
present from a dear friend, perhaps I should not give it away." Jenny Lind, I am sure, will
never forget the pleasurable emotions of that day.

At Richmond, half an hour previous to her departure, hundreds of young ladies and gentle->
men had crowded into the halls of the house to secure a glimpse of her at parting. I informed
her that she would find difficulhr in passing out. " How long is it before we must start?" she
asked. ^^ Half an hour," I replied. ''Oh, I will clear the passages before that time," said
she with a smile ; whereupon she went into the upper hall, and informed the people that she

THE JENNT LINS ENTEBPBI8E. 125

I to take the hands of every one of tbem, upon one condition, tIz. : tbej should paM by
rotation, and as fast as they had shaken hands, proceed down stairs, and not block up
usages any more. Theyjojfally consented to the arrangement, and in fifteen minutes
irae was clear. Poor Jenny had shaken bands with every person in the crowd, and I
no she had ajheling remembrance of the incident for an hour or two at least. She was
L on by many members of the Legislature while in Biehmond, that body being in session
we there.

3 voyage from Wilmington to Charleston was an exceedingly rough and perilous one. We
ibout thirty-six hours in making the passage, the usual time being seventeen. There
mlly great danger of our steamer being swamped, and we were all apprehensive that we
L never reach the port of Charleston alive. Some of the passengers were in great terror.
Lind exhibited move calmness upon this occasion than any other person, the crew
^ed. Occasionally when a heavy wave dashed against our vessel, forcing it upon one side,
OS startled, but instantly recovering herself, she would say in a low voice, ^^A kind
r controls all ; let His will be done. We arrived safely at last, and I was grieved to
that for twelve hours the losa of the steamer had been considered certain, and the same
3cn announced by telegraph in the northern cities.

e remained at Cliarleston about ten days, to take the steamer Isabel on her regular trip to
na. Jenny had been throngh so much excitement at the North, that she determined to
quiet here, and therefore declined receiving any calls. This disappointed many ladies
entlemen. One young lady, the daughter of a wealthy planter near Augusta, was so
mined upon seeing her in private, that she paid one of the servants to allow her to put on
and white apron, and carry in the tray for Jenny's tea. I afterwards told Miss Lind of
ko, and suggested that after such an evidence of admiration, she should receive a call
the young lady.

It is not admiration — it is only curiositt/," replied Jenny, " and I will not encourage
folly."

hrifltmas was at hand, and Jenny determined to honour it in the way she had often dona
vreden. She had a beautiful Christmas tree privately prepared, and from its boughs
ided a variety of presents for members of the company. These gifts were encased in
r, with the names of the recipients written on each.

iter spending a pleasant evening in her drawing-room, she invited us into the parlour,
•e the '* surprise" awaited us. Bach person commenced opening the packages bearing his
r address, and although every individual had one or more pretty presents, she had pre-^
i a joke for each. Mr. Benedict, for instance, tookolf wrapper after wrapper from one of his
ages, which at first was as large as his head, but after having removed some forty
rings of paper, it was reduced to a size smaller than his hand, and the removal of the last
lope exposed to view a piece of cavendish tobacco. One of my presents, choicely wrapped
dozen coverings, was a jolly young Bacchus in Parian marble — ^intended as a pleasant hit
y temperance principles!

^he night before New Year's day was spent in her apartment with great hilarity, En-
led by music, singing, dancing, and story-telling, the hours glided swiftly away. Miss
I asked me if I would dance with her. I told her my education had been neglected in that
and that I had never danced in my life. " That is all the better," said she; <'now dance
I me in a cotillion. I am sure you can do it." Jenny is a beautiful dancer, and I never
her laugh more heartily than she did at my awkwardness. She said she would give me the
it of being the poorest dancer she ever saw!

^bout a quarter before twelve, Jenny suddenly checked our merriment, by saying, " Pray,
IS have quiet; do you see, in fifteen minutes more, this year will be gone for ever I"
Slje immediately took a seat, and rested her head upon her hand in silence. We all
)wed her example, and for a quarter of an hour the most profound quiet reigned in the
'tment.

[ had arranged with a man in New York to transport furniture to Havana, provide a
36, and board Jenny Lind and our immediate party during our stay. When we arrived,
bund the building converted into a semi-hotel, and the apartments left unoccupied were
thing but comfortable. Jenny was vexed. Soon after dinner, she took a volante and an
rpreter, and drove into the suburbs. She was absent four hours. Whither or why sho
gone, none of us knew. At length she returned and informed us that sho had hired a
iinodious furnished house in a delightful location outside the walls of the city, and invited
ill to go and live with her during our stay in Havana. We did so, and a more agreeable
ith than was spent there by all the party, it would be difllcult to conceive.

126 AUTOBI0QBA.PHT OF P. T. BABHUM. '

Jonnj was now freed from all annoynncds; her time was her own, she receive J no calls, went
and came when she pleased, had no meddlesome adyisers about her, legal or otherwise, and-
was as merry as a cricket. We had a large court-yard in the rear of the house, and here she
would come and romp and run, and sing and laugh like a young school girl. " Now, Mr.
Barnum, for another game of ball," she would say half-a-dozcn times a day; whereupon she
would take an india-rubber ball (of which she had two or three), and commence a game of
throwing and catching, which would be kept up until, being completely tired out, I would say,
" I give it up." Then her rich, muaioal laugh would be heard ringing through the house, as
she exclaimed, ''Oh, Mr. Barnum, you are too fat and too lazy: you cannot stand it to play
ball with me r

Her countrywoman, Miss Bremer, spent a few days with us very pleasantly.

I found soon after arriving in Havana, that a strong prejudice existed against our musical
enterprise. I might rather say that the Habaneros, not accustomed to the high figure which
tickets had commanded in the States, were determined on forcing me to adopt their opera prices
— whereas I paid 1000 dols. per night for the Taoon Opera House, and other expenses being in
proportion, I was determined to receive remunerating prices, or give no concerts. Thi8
determination on my part annoyed the Habaneros, who did not wish to be thought penurious,
though they really were so. Their principal spite, therefore, was against me ; and oae of their
papers politely termed] me a "Yankee pirate," who cared for nothing excepting their
doubloons. They attended the concert, but were determined to show the great songstreas no
favour. I perfectly understood this feeling in advance, but studiously kept all knowledge of it
from Miss Lind. I went to the first concert, therefore, with some misgivings regarding her
reception. Tlie following article, which I copy from the Havana correspondence of the New
York tribune, gives a correct account of it :

• »«»«»»••

*' Jenny Lind soon appeared, led on by Signor Belletti. Some three or fonr Iinndred persons clapifed
their hands at her appearance, bat this token of approbation was instantly silenced by at least two
thousand Ave Imndrcd decided hisses. Thus, haviog settled the matter that there should be no /ore-
stalling of public opinion, and that if applause was given to Jenny Lind in that house it should first
be incontestably earned^ the most solemn silence prevailed. I have heard the Swedish Nightingale
often in Europe as well as America, and have ever noticed a distinct tremulousness attending her
first l^>pearanco in any city. Indeed this feeling was plainly manifested in her countenance as she
neared the foot-lights ; but when she witnessed the kind of reception in store for her — so different
fL'om anything she had reason to expect— her countenance changed in an instant to a haagh^ self-
possession, her eye flashed defiance, and, becoming immovable as a statue, she stood there, perfectly
calm and beautiful. She was satisfied that she now had an ordeal to pass and a victory to gala
worthy of her powers. In a moment her eye scanned the immense audience, the music began, and
then followed— how can I describe it ?— such heavenly strains as I verily believe mortal never breathed
except Jenny Lind, and mortal never heard except from her lips. Some of the oldest Castillans kept
a frown upon their brow and a curling sneer upon their lip; their ladies, however, and most of the
audience began to look surprised. The gushing melody fiowed on increasing in beauty and glory.
The caballeros, the senoras, nnd senoritas began to look at each other ; nearly all, however, kept their
teeth clenched and their lips closed, evidently determined to resist to the last. The current fiowed
faster and faster, the lark fiew higher and higher, the melody grew richer and richer; still every Up
was compressed. By and by, as the rich notes came dashing in rivers upon our enraptured ears, one
poor critic involuntarily whispered a *brava.' This outbursting of the soul was instantly hissed down.
The stream of harmony rolled on till, at the close, it made a clean sweep of every obstacle, and
carried all before it. Not a vesdge of opposition remained, but sucli a tremendous shout of applause
as went up was never before heard.

" The triumph was most complete. And how was Jenny Lind affected ? She, who stood a few
moments previous like adamant, now trembled like a reed in the wind before the storm of enthu-
siasm which her own simple notes had produced. Tremblingly, slowly, and almost bowing her face to
the ground, she withdrew. The roar and applause of victory increased. Encore/ encore! encore!
came f^om every lip. She again appeared, and, curtsying low, again withdrew; but again, again, and
again did they call her forth, and at every appearance the thunders of applause rang louder and
louder. Thus jfive times was Jenny Lind called out to receive their unanimous and deafening
plaudits."

I cannot express what my feelings were as I watched this scene from the dress cirde.
Poor Jenny ! I deeply syinpathised with her when I heard that first hiss. I indeed
observed the resolute bearing which she assumed, but was apprehensive of the result.
When I witnessed her triumph, I could not restnun the tears of jojr that rolled down my
cheeks; and rushing through a private box, I reached the stage just as she was with-
drawing after the fifth encore. " God bless you, Jenny, you have settled them ! " I ex-
daimed.

THE J£NKT LIND EKTERFJtlSE. 127

Are you satisfied?" said she, throwing her arras around my neck. She, too, was
g with joy, and never before did she look so beautiful in my eyes as on that
ng.

ne of the Havana papers, notwithstanding the great triumph, continued to cry out for
mces. This induced many to absent themselves, expecting soon to see a reduction-,
d been understood that we would give twelve concerts in Havana; but when they
after the fourth concert, which was devoted to charity, that no more were announced,,
became uneasy. Committees waited upon us requesting more concerts, but wa
aptorily declined. Some of the leading Dons, among whom was Count Penalver^
oftered to guarantee us 25,000 dollars for three concerts. My reply was, that tliere
lot money enough on the island of Cuba to induce me to consent to it. That settled
latter, and gave us a pleasant opportunity for recreation.

/"e visited, by invitation, Mr. I3rinckerhoff, the eminent American merchant at
,nzas, whom Ihad met at the same place three years previously, and who subsequently
;^isited my family in Connecticut. The gentlemanly host did everything in his power
ider our stay agreeable ; and Jenny was so delighted with his attentions and the in-
tin g details of sugar and coffee plantations which we visited through his kindness,,
as soon as she returned to Havana, she sent on the same tour of pleasure Mr. Benedict-^
had been prevented by illness from accompanying us.

found mylittle Italian plate-dancer, VivaUa, in Havana. He called on me frequently,
ras in great distress, having lost the use of his limbs on the left side of his body by
ysis. He was thus unable to earn a livelihood, although he stUl kept a performing
which turned a spinning-wheel and performed some curious tricks. One day, as I wa»
ng him out of the front gate. Miss Lind inquired who he was. I briefly recounted to
lis history. She expressed deep interest in his case, and said something should be set
: for him in the " benefit" which she was about to give for charity. Accordingly, when
lenefit came off. Miss Llnd appropriated 500 dollars to him, and I made the necessary
igements for his return to his friends in Italy. At the same benefit 4,000 dollars wa»
ibuted between two humane hospitals and a convent.

L few mornings after the benefit our bell was rung, and the servant announced that I wa»
ted. I went to the door and found a large procession of children, neatly dressed and
ing banners, attended by ten or twelve priests, arrayed in their rich and flowing robes,
luired their business, and was informed that they had come to see Miss Lind, to-
k her in person for her benevolence. I took their message, and informed Miss Lind thai
leading priests of the convent had come in great state to see and thank her. ^' I will nob
hem," she replied ; " they have nothing to thank me for. If I have done good, it is no
) than my duty, and it is my pleasure. I do not deserve their thanks. I will not see
1." I returned her answer, and the leaders of the grand procession tui-ned away iu
ipointraent.

^hc same day Vivalla called, and brought her a basket of the most luscious fruit that ho
i procure. The little fellow was very happy and extremely grateful. Miss Lind had
) out for a ride.

^ God bless me I I am so happy ; she is such a good lady. I shall see my brothers anol
rs again. Oh, she is a very good lady," said poor Vivalla, overcome by his feelings. He
;ed me to thank her for him, and give her the fruit. As he was passing out of tho
S he hesitated a moment, and then said, '^ Mr. Barnum, I should like so much to have tho
i lady see my dog turn a wheel ; it is very nice ; he can spin very good. Shall 1 bring
dog and wlieel for her? She is such a good lady, I wish to please her very much." I
led, and told him she would not care for the dog; that ho was quite welcome to the money,
that she refused to see the priests from the convent that morning, because she never
ived thanks for favours,

W^hen Jenny came in I gave her the fruit, and laughingly told her that Vivalla wished to
y lier how his performing dog could turn a spinning-wheel.

'Poor man, poor man, do let him come; it is all the good creature can do forme,**
aimed Jenny ; and tho tears flowed thick and fast down her cheeks. " I like that, I liko
," she continued; *' do let the poor creature come and bring hia dog* It will make him
.oppy." ^

I confess it made me happy, and I exclaimed, for my heart was full, " God bless yon, it
I make him cry for joy ; he shall come to-morrow."

I saw Vivolla the same evening, and delighted him with the intelligence that Jenny
lid see his dog perform the next day, at four o'clock precisely.

THB JBNKY UND ENTSRPBI8K. 139

I made arrangements with the captain of the splendid steamer Magnolia, of Lonisnlle) to
3 oar party as far as the junction of the Mississippi and Ohio rivers, stipulating for suffl-
t delay in Natchez, Miss,, and in Memphis, Tenn., to give a concert in each place. It was
inusual thing for me to charter a steamboat or special train of cars for our party. With
1 an enterprise as that, time and confort were paramount to money.
The time on board the steamer was whiled away in reading, yiewiag the scenery of the
sissippi, &0. One day we had a pleasant musical festiyal in the ladies* saloon for toe grati-
bion of the passengers, at which Jenny yolnnteered to sing sans ceremonie. It seemed to
he never sang so sweetly before. '

For the amusement of the passengers I related many anecdotes picked np in my travels,
gave them some of my own experiences. I also performed a number of legerdemain tricks,
ch pleased and surprised tbem.* One of the tricks consisted in placing a quarter-dollar
n my knee, covering it with a card, and then causing it mysteriously to disappear.
[ found after the second day that the mulatto barber deelined taking my money, assigning
lis only reason that I was welcome to his services. The truth, however, soon leaked ont.
had been a looker-on. by stealth, and his superstitious notions invested me with the powers
league with the devil.

The next morning I seated myself for the operation of shaving, and the coloured gentle-
1 ventured to dip into the mystery. ** Beg pardon, Mr. Barnum, but I have heard a great
i about you, and I saw more than I wanted to see last night. Is it true that you have sold
rself to the devil, so that you can do what you've a mind to ? "
" Oh, yes," was my reply, "that is the bargain between us."
" How long did you agree for? " was the question next in order.

" Only nine years," said I. ** I have had three of them already. Before the other six are
I shall find a way to nonplus the old gentleman — and I have told him so to his face."
A.t this avowal, a larger space of white than usual was seen in the darkey's eyes, and he
aired, " Is it by this bargain that you get so much money? "

'* Oertainly. No matter who has money, nor where he keeps it, in his box or till, or any
^re about him, I have only to speak the words and it comes."

The shaving was completed in silence, but thoug^ht had been busy in the barber's mind, and
jmbraced the speediest opportunity to transfer nis bag of coin to the iron safe in charge of
clerk.

The movement did not escape me, and immediately a joke was a-foot. I had barely time
aake two or three details of arrangement with the clerk, and resume my seat in the cabin,
the barber sought a secobd interview, bent on testing the alleged powers of Beelzebub's
eague.

<< Beg pardon, Mr. Barnum, but where is my money ? Can you get it ? "
" I do not want your money," was the quiet answer. " It is safe."
'< Yes, I know it is safe — ha 1 ha I — it is in the iron safe in the clerk's officer-safe enough
n you! "

^* It is not in the iron safe," said I. This was said so quietly, yet positively, that the coloured
tleman ran to the office, and inquired if all was safe. *^ All ri^ht," said the clerk. '' Open>
i let me see," replied the barber. The safe was unlocked — ^lo I the money was gone I
In mystified terror the loser applied to me for relief. " You will find the bag in your
wer," said I — and tliei'e it was found !

In all this I of course had a confederate, and also in a trick which immediately followed,
low," said I, ** hand me a cent. I will send it to his Infernal Highness, and bring it back
thwith." A cent was handed me— I tossed it into the air, and it disappeared I
*' Where will you have it returned ?"

" Under this 8having*cnp," was the answer. The cup was turned— and lo I the oeut
B there I The barber lifted it from the table, and instantly dropped it. It was scorching
, I '< The devil has had it. It is hot yet," said the barber. It was another cent which rny^
[federate had heated and slyly placed there a moment before.

<' And noWf" continued I, *'I will turn you into a cat, and change you hack again
sctly."

<< You can't do thai,*' said the barber^ hut evidently with some suspicion of his own
igmeot.

* I had performed them in that western and iouthem country, many years before, under very
'erent circomstanoes. SicknesB or desertton on the port of my employtes in that line, repeatedly
i me to the necesiity of substitntlqg mfwtit in the legerdemain buaiacag,

9

ISO AU7O0|iO6BAPHT OF P. T. BASKITM.

« Ton 4iaU aee/' I npUed sofemnlj. « Ton ran onlj one riak," I ^ntinnact: ''if any-
thing hiH^peos to me, by \owag remembraBce of his 3fojesty'g pass- word, or aoyOiingot the
lund, you will remaiA a blao^ cat for ever. Aro you ready ?"

The barber fled in conaternatioiii and was so seriously troubled, that Captain Bnnm feared
he would jump oyerboard. On being informed of this extremity of the joke, I ezpMned the
iriiole Uung to the sul^t of my fun.

« By goUy I'* said ^e barber, in the exaltation oharaeteristic of his race, " by goUy I i^
I gek b*^ to New Orleans Til come Bemum oyer de coloared people. Ha I ha I''

During our stay at 8t Louis I saye a temperance lecture in the theatre, and among o\hei
algiiers to the teetotal pledge was the famous comedian, " Sol Shite.'* *' ITncle Sol," aslio
is eaUed by eyerybody, resides with his family in St. Louis, and is bUU concerned in thea-
Meals both there and in New Orleans, naless he has retired and is enjoying the otium cum
dignitat4 which he has long promised' himself, and which his peconuury Utility woald fdlj

joatify*

At the first ticket auction In Naehville, the excitement was considerable and the bidding

give me a good horse-whipping I I deserve it, and am wilUng
pay for haying it done. To think that I should have been such a fool as to haye paid forty-
eight dollars for four tickets for my wife, two daughters, and myself, to listen to mosio for
only two hours, makes me mad with mjatiMf and I want to pay somebody for givisg me a
thundering good horsewhipping 1"

I am not sure that others similarly situated haye not experienced a somewhat similar
feeling, when they became cool and rational, and the excitement ql noyelty and competition
had passed away.

While at NoshyiUe, Jenny Lind and her party. Including my daughter, Mrs. Lyman, and
myself, yisited *' the Hermitage," the late residence of General Jackson. On that occasion,
for the first time that season, wo heard the wild mocking-birds singing in the ^ees. This
gaye Jenny great delight, as she had never before heard them sing except in their wire-bound
cages.

The first of April oeonrred while we were in Nashville. I was considerably annoyed daring
the forenoon by the calls of members of the company who came to me nnder the belief that
I had inquired for them. After dinner I concluded to give them all a touch of *' April fool.''
The following artide, which oppeared the next morning iii the << Nashville Daily Americas."
to the editor of which my amanuensis had imparted the secret, will show how it was done :

** A series of laughable jokes came off yesterday at the Veranda in honour of All Fools' Dsy. Mr.
Bamum was at the bottom of the mischief. He managed hi some mysterions manner to obtato a lot
• of blank telegraphic despatches and envelopes from one of tbe offices in this citjr, and then went to
worii and maaofactored * astounding Intelligeace' for most of the parties composins the Jenny Lind
suite. Almost every person in the company received a telegraphic despatch wiitten by £. T. Kicholi,
under the direction of Bamum. Mr. Bamum's daughter was informed that her moUier, her cousin,
and several other relatives irere waiting for her in Louisville, and various other important and extnu
ordlaaiy items of domestic intelligence were communicated to her. Mr. Le Grand Smith was told
by a despatch tsom. his fhther that his native village in C(mnecticut iras in ashes, Inclndlng his own
homestead, &c. Several of Bamum's employees had most liberal offecs of engagements from teuiks
and other institutions at the North. Burke, and others of the mnisifial professors, wex« offued
priacely salaries \is opera managers, and many of them received most tempting inducements to proceed
■Somedlately to the world's Fair in London.

** One married gentleman in Mr. Bamum's suite received the gratifying intelligence that he had for
two days been the father of a pair of boundng boys, {mother and children doing well,) an event whldi
he had been anxiously looking for during the week, though on a somewhat mot« limited oeale. In
fact, nearly every pMwm in the party engaged by Bamum received some extraordinary telegraphic
iateUigeace, oad as the great Impressario managed to have the despatches delivered almaltaAeoasly»
each recipient was for some ttme busily occupied with his own personal news.

** By and by, each began to tell his neighbour his good or bad tidings ; and each, was of course, re-
joiced or grieved according to cb-cumstances. Several gave Mr. Bamum notice of their intention to
leave him in ccnsequttce ef better offers; and a number of them sent off telegraphic deaipatehes and
letters by mail, in answer to those received.

**Tba man who had sttddenly become the fiither of twins telegraphed to his wife to * be of good
cheer,' and that he would * start for home to-morrow.' At a late hour last night the secret had notgot
out, and we presame that many of the victims will first learn from our columns that the7 have been
taken In by Baokuic and All Fool^ Day r

Wtma. NaokyiUe^ Janay Idnd and a few firiends wni by vmj Of ihe UammoUi Oare to
IiooiayiUei wbilA the nat «( tte (urty pitofdM by atMHBlMMl.

He in Harana, T eng^^ Signer BaM for a few monthSi to eommraoa about the 10th of
He joined ns at Loaisyille, and Bang there with great satisfaction to the pablie* Mr.
e, of the '* Lonisrille Jonrnal,** and his beantifal and talented lady, who had ctatoibuted
9 the pleasnre of Miss Lind and party, aooompanied ns to Cincinnati,
itizen of Madison had applied to me on our first arrival in LoaisTille, for a oonoert in
nrn. I replied that the town was too small to afford it, whereupon he offered to take the
sment of it into his own hands, and pay me 5000 dols. for the receipts.* As the steamer
onisrille to Cincinnati would arrrre at Madison about auadown, and would wait longf
. for us to gito a oonoert, I agreed to his proposition.

were not a little surprised to learn upon arriring, that the concert must be giTCH in ft
house" — a capacious shed which had been fitted up and deeorated for the ocCMlon I Wo
led, however, that if the inhabitants were satisfied with the accommodations, we should'
set. The party who had contracted for it came 1800 dole, short of his agreement, which
quentlj loAt^-and at ten o'clock we were again on board the fine steamer '* Ben Franklin"
;innati.

next morning, the orowd upon the wharf was immense. I was fearful that an attempt
it the New Orleans ruse with my daughter would be of no avail, as the joke had been
ed in the Cincinnati papers; so I gave my arm to Miss Lind, and begged her to have na
or I had hit upon an expedient which would save her from annoyance. We tlien de«
1 the plank to the shore, and as soon as we had touched it, Le Grand Smith called out
le boat as if he had been one of the passeagerS) '*Thaf s no go, Mr. Barnom ; you ean't
ur daughter off for Jenny Lind this time.^'

remark elicited a peal of merriment from the crowd, several persons calling out, ''That-
lo, old Barnum ! you may fool the New Orleans follLs, but you cai\'t come it over the
yes.' We intend to stay here until you bring out Jenny Lind I" They readily allowed
)ass with the lady whom they supposed to be my daughter, and in five minutes after-
:he Nightingale was complimenting Mr. Colemnn upon the beautiful and oommodious
cuts which were devoted to her in the Burnett House. The orowd remained an hour
he wharf before they would be convinced that the person whom they took for my
er was in fact the veritable Swede. When the fact was discovered, a general laugh
d the exclamation from one of the victims, ** Well, old Barnum has humbugged us

>Qssing up the river to Pittsburgh, the beat waited four hours to enable ns to give a
in Wheeling. It was managed by a couple of gentlemen in that city, who purchased it
} dels, in advance, by which they made a handsome profit for their trouble. The concert
en in a ehnroh.

Pittsburgh, the open space surrounding the concert room became crowded with thousands
tns, who, fbolishly refusing to accommodate each other by listening to the music, dis»
the concert and determined us to leave the next morning for Baltimore, instead of giving^
i concert that had been advertised.

Jrand Smith here paid me off for my <'April-fool" joke. He indnced a female of his
itancetoeallon me and reveal an arrangement which she pretended accidentally to haT»
trd between some scoundrels, who were resolved to stop our stage coach on the Al-
' mountains and commit highway robbery. The stoi^ seemed incredible, and yet the
related it with so much apparent sincerity, that I swallowed the bait, and remitting to
>rk all the money I had, except barely enoun^h to defray our expenses to Baltimore, I
led several revolvers for such members of the company as were not already provided,
left Pittsburgh armed to the teeth I Fortunately, Jenny and several of the company
: before I maao'this grand discovery, and henoe she was saved any apprehensione on the

It is needless to say we found no' use for our fire-arms.

reached New York early in May, 1851, and gave fourteen eoneerts in Castle Garden and

olitan Hall. The last of these made the ninety-second regular concert under our en-

int. Jenny had now amin reached the atmosphere of her ** advisers," and I soon dii^

the effeets of their influence. I, however, cared little what course they advised her te

I indeed wished they would prevail upon her to close with her hundredth concert, for
ecome weary 'withjMnstant e&citement and unremitting exertions. I was confident that
y undertook to grve concerts on her own noconnt, she would be imposed upon and
d in a thousand ways ; yet I felt it would be well for her to have a trial at it, if she mw

te last conoert in LonlsviUeb and the coaeeitt in Natohes and Wheeltng, ware each given
similar agreement, tbongb in mesa agreeable qyuarfceii and with batter pecuniary results than

}32 ATTTOBXOOAAFHT OV P, T, BAUIIFM.

fit to eredit tbdr aasiizaaoe thftt I had not manai^ the enterpriM as aaooeBsfoUj aa it xnigbt
haye been done.

At about the eighty-fifth concert, therefore, I was moBt happy to learn from her lipa thai
she had oonelnded to pay the forfeiture of twenty-fire thooeand doUars, and terminate the
concerts with the one nundreth.

We went to Philadelphia, where I had advertised the ninety-eeeond, ninety-third, and
ninety-fonrth concerts, and had engaged the large National Theatre in Chestnut-street It
had been used for equestrian and theatrical entertainments, but was now thoroughly cleansed
and fitted up by Max Maretzek for Italian Opera. It was a convenient place for our purpose.
One of her <' advisers,'* a subordinate in her employ, who was already itching for the position
of manager, made the selection of this building a pretext for causing dissatisfaction in the mind
of Miss Lind. I saw the influences which were at work, and not caring enough for the profita
of the remaining seven concerts to continue the engagement at the risk, of disturbing the
fViendly feelings which had hitherto uninterruptedly existed between that lady and myself, I
-wrote her a letter offering to relinquish the engagement, if she desired it, at the termination of
the concert which was to take phice that evening, upon her simply allowing me a thousand
dollars per concert for tiie seven which would yet remain to make up the hundred, beaidea
paying me the sum stipulated aa a forfeiture for closing the engagement at the one hundreth
concert Towards evening I received the following reply : —

"To P. T. Babntm, Esq.

** Mr DxAB Sib, —I accept your propodtlon to dose oar contract to-night, at the end of the ninety-
third concert, on condition of my paying you seren thousand dollan in addition to the sum I foxfeit
under the condition of finishing the engagement at the end of one hundred concerts.

**J am, dear Sir, yours truly,

" PhiladelpJiia, 9th of June, 1851 .** ** Jkn»t Likd.

I met Jenny at the concert in the evening. She was polite and friendly as ever. Between
the first and second parts of the concert, I introduced General Welch, the lessee of the National
Theatre, who informed her that he was quite willing to release me from my engagement of
the building, if she did not desire it longer. She replied, that upon trial, she found it
much better than she expected, and she would therefore retain it for the remainder of the
concerts.

In the meantime, her advisers had been circulating the story that I had compelled Jenny to
sing in an improper place, and when they heard that she had concluded to remain there, they
beset her with arguments against it, until at last she consented to remove her concerts to a
amaller halh

I had thoroughly advertised the three concerts in the newspapers within a radioa of ona
hundred miles from Philadelphia, and sent admission tickets to the editors. On the day of the
aeoond concert, one of the new agents, who had aided in bringing about the dissolution of our
engagement, refused to recognise these tickets. I urged upon nim the injustice of sucha oouracy
but received no satisfaction. I then stated the fact to Miss Lind, and she gave immediate
orders for them to be received. CSountry editors' tickets, which were offered after I left Phila-
delphia, were however refused by her agents (undoubtedly contrary to Miss Lind's wish and
knowledge), and the editors, having come from a distance with their wives, purchased tickets,
and I subsequently remitted the money to numerous gentlemen whose tickets were thus
repudiated.

Jenny gave several concerts with varied success, and then retired to Niagara Falls, and
afterwards to Northampton, Mass. While sojourning at the latter place, she visited jBoston
and was married to Mr. Otto Qoldsohkidt, a German composer and pianist, to whom she
was much attached, and who had studied music with her in Germany. He played several
times in our concerts. He seemed a very quiet, inoffensiTe gentleman, is an accomplished
jnusieiaB, and I have no doubt he makes Miss Lind a good husband.

I met her several times after our engagement terminated. She was always affable. On
one occasion, while passing through Bridgeport, she told me that she had been sadly harassed
in giving her concerts. ** People cheat me and swindle me very much|'' said she, " and I find
it very annoying to give concerta on my own account''

I was always supplied with tickets when she gave eoncerts in New York, and on the
oocasion of her last appearance in America, I visited her in her room back of the stage, and
bade herself and husband adieu, with my best wishes. She expressed the same feeling to me
in return. She told me she should never sing much if any more in pablic, but I begged hor,
for the public's sake, not to retire altogether ; to which she repUed, that she might ooea-
•ionally give some concerts. I beUero nothing would induoe her again to appear in opera.

THB J1SKNT Lna> BNTBBPBISX. 18$

Lfter so many months of anxiety, labour, and exdtexnent, in the Jenny Lind enterprise^
11 readily be believed that I desired tranqnillity. I spent a week at Cape May, and then,
no home" to Iranistan, where I remained the entire summer.

EKirr LiiNi> CoNOKBTs.~The total number of Jenny Lind's concert! glren was 95. Total receipti^
61 dels. 84 cents. ATorage at each concert, 7,496 dels. 43 cents.

HAitiTY CoNCSBTS.— Of MIss Lind'i half-receipti of the first two concerts, she deroted 10,000 dels,
larity in New York. She afterwards gave Charity Concerts in Boston, Baltimore, Charleston,
Bina, New Orleans, New Tork, and Philadelphia, and donated large sums for the like purposes in
mond, Cincinnati, and elsewhere. There were also seraral benefit concerts for the Orchestra, Le
id Smith, &c.

JSNHT LXND'S RsGSIPTS*

Dols. Cts. Dels. Cts.

*om the total receipts of ninety-five concerfs 712,161 54

ednct the receipts of the first two, which, as between ourselves, were

aside from the contract ... S2^067 08

Total receipte of concerts 680,094 26

ednct the receipts of the 28 concerts, each of which fell

short of 6,500 dels 123,311 15

Iso deduct 5,500 dols. for each of the remaining 65

concerts ... ... ••• ... • ... ... ... ... 3o7,o0v ov

480,811 15

Leaving the total excess, as above 199,283 11

»eing equally divided. Miss Lind's portion was 99,641 55

paid her 1,000 dols. for each of the 93 concerts 93,000 00

lIso one-half the receipts of the first two concerts 16,033 54

Amonnt paid to Jenny Lind 208,675 09

>he reftinded to me as forfeiture, per contract, in case she withdrew

after the 100th concert 25,000 00

}lie also paid me 1,000 dols. each for the seven concerts relinquished ... 7,000 00

32,000 00

lennyLlnd'B net avails of 95 concerts 178,675 09

P. T.Bamum's gross receipts, after paying Miss Lind 635,486 25

Total receipts of 96 concerts 712,161 34

Pkicb or TicKXTS.— Th» highest prices paid for tickets were at anctlon, as follows :~ John N.
enin, in New York, 225 dols.; Osslsn £. Dodge, in Boston, 625 dels.; Col. William G. Boss, in Fro.
dcnce, 650 dols. ; M. A. Root, in Philadelphia, 625 dols. ; Mr. D'Arcy, in New Orleans, 240 dols. ; a
ieper of a refreshment saloon in St. Louis, 150 dols. ; a daguerreotypist in Baltimore, 100 dols. I
innot now recall the names of the last two. After the sale of the first ticket, the premium usually
U to 20 dols., and so downward in the scale of figures. The fixed price of tickets ranged from 7 dols.
1 3 dols. Promenade tickets were fh)m 2 dols. to 1 dol. each.

234 AUTOBfOaBlPHT €7 9, Tt BiAlUM.

CflAPTBE XII.

In attending^ to what mig^hi be termed my " aide^lumB,'' or temporary enterptiaei, 1 1x^9
never neglected the Ameriean HtiBeum. This was my firet.really sucQeeefal eiKurt in lilp, and
I have constantly endeavoured to increase its attractions, regardless of expense.

While in Europe, I was constantly on the look-out for novelties. Not a fair was held,
within a reasonable distance, that I did not visit, with a view to buy or hire such exhibitiosfl as I
thought would " pay " in the United States.

I obtained verbally through a friend the refusal of the house in which ShakspeaM was
])orn, designing to remove it in sections to my museum in New York ; but the project leaked
out, British ynde was touched, and several ^glish rentlemen interfered and purchased the
premises for a Sliaksperian Association, nad they slept a few days longer, I should have
xnade a rare speculation, for I was subsequently assured that the British people, rather than
suffer that house to be removed to America^ would have bought me off wltii twenty thousand
pounds.

The models of machinery exhibited in the Boyal Polytechnic Institution in London pleased
3ne 80 well, that I procured a duplicate; also duplicates of the Dissolving Views, the Chroma-
trope and Physioscope, including many American scenes painted expressly to my order, at an
aggregate cost of 7,000 dollars. After being exhibited in my museum, they were sold to
itinerant showmen, and some of them are now on exhibition iu various parts of the United
fitates.

I visited the greot quinquennial Exposition, held in Paris in 1844, and expended
4,000 dols. in purchasing Itobert Houdin's in^nious automaton writer, many pieces of
moving mechanism, superior cosmoramic views, £c. The popular Panoramic Diorama of the
funeral obsequies of Napoleon was made to my order in Paris, at a oost of 8.00O dols.
Every event o( that grand pageant, from the embarkation of the body at ot. Helena
lo its entombment at the Hotel des Invalides, amid the most gorgeous parades ever witnessed
in France, was wonderfully depicted. This exhibition, after having had its day at the
American Museum, was sold, and extensively and profitably exhibited elsewhere.

While on the sul^eot, though out of the order of time, I may mentioii the afdendid Paaormina
of the Crystal Palace, painted to my order by the eelebrated Di LAVuro. He was aoeonipaaied
to London by Col. JoHif B. DtT Soils, the able and accomplished editor, who wrote the leotvre
of description. The great work has as yet been exhibited in only a few towni^ but it wiH 1»e a
ooriosity for many years, as commemorating the Great World's Tair.

Having heard, while in London in 1844, of a Company of " Campanalogians, or Lanoaahiis
Dell Ringers," performing in Ireland, I induced them to meet me in Liverpool, and there
engaged them for an American tour. One of my stipulations was, that they should suffisr their
moustaches to grow, assume a picturesque dress, and be known as the ** Swiss Bell Bingere."
They at first objected, in the broad and almost unintelligible dialect of Lancashire, because, as
they said, they spoke only the English language, and could not pass muster as Swiss people ;
but the objection was withdrawn when I assured them, that u they continued to apeak in
America as they had just spoken to me, they might safely claim to be Swiss, or anything^ else,
and no one would be any tne wiser.

As in other cases, so in this, the deception as to birth-place was of small aeoount, audi did
no injury. Those seven men were really admnvble performers, and by means of their numeroua
bells, of various sizes, they produced the most delicious music. They attracted muoh attention
in various parts of the United States, in Canada, and in Cuba.

As a compensation to Bngland for the loss of the Bell Ringers, I despatehed an agent to
America for a party of Indians, including squaws. He proceeded to lowa^ and retomed to
London with a company of sixteen. They were exhibited by Mr. Catlin on our Joint aooonnt^
and were finally left in his sole charge.

On my first visit to America from Europe, I engaged Mr. Faber, an elderly and inMDiona
German, who had oonstructed an automaton speaker. It was made of life-size, and upon
l)eing worked with keys similar to those of a piano, it really articulatod words and senteneea
with surprisinflr distinctness. My agent exhibited it for several months in Egyptian HaU,
XiondoD| and ajso in the provinces.

On ilie same fisit to Kew Tork, I wns otlkd upoft by ^ Herfio lf«if»,^ wlio was kaowA to
publto as the " g^ome flf/^ and was also oelebrste^ for IkiffTeprasantBtioiiB of tbe monkey,
t malformation eansed Mm to appear mvoh like that aalmal wkoa proper^ dreseed. Ho
ihed me to exhibit htm in London, bat haTing ray hands abeady Ml, I deelined. He^
vever, made immediate nrnmgfements with two AmerieanSi wiio took him to London. Th&f
iTied bis face and hands, and eoTered him with a dresa made of hair, and resenbtiog^ the skia
cm. animal. Thoy then adyertised him aa a enrioas '* nondMOript," oalled '^Whm la nV*
d claimed that ** the strange animal** was eaptored in the monntainB of Mezioo; that it aip-
skred like ''a wild man," bnt eoold not speak, althon^ it manifested maeh inteUig^enoe. I waa
, into the secret, on ^keepingf dark." The exhibition opened in Bffyptian Hall, and as a
liter of cariosity I attended at the opening^* Before half an hour had elapsed, one of tha
sitors, who knew ''Herrio Nsno," reeognised him tbrongh his disguise, and exposed tha
iposition. The money was refunded to yisitors, and that was the first and last appearance of
fV^hat is it?^ in that character. He soon afterwards died in Loadon.

In June, 1851, I sent the Batbvak Children to London. They performed in Bt. James's
leatre, liondon, and in the proyineial theatres. Before leaving for Bnghmd, they played
yeral weeks at the American Mnseum.

The giants whom I sent to Amerioa were not the greatest of my curiosities — the dwarfli
ere the least; and the Scotch boys were interesting, not so ranch on acooamt of their wetrht,
3 for the mysterious method by which one of them, though blindfolded, answered qoestioos
at by the other respecting objects presented by speotators.

In June, 1850-, I added the celebrated Chinese Conectien to the attrastiens of the American
Inseum. I also engaged the Chinese 7amily, consisting of two men, two women, and two
hildren . My agent exhibited them in London during the World's ITair.

In October, 1853,. having stipulated with Col. Henry Sandford and Mr. George A. Wells
hat they should share in the enterprise and take the entire charge, I engaged Miss Catharine
BLayes and Herr Begnu to gire sixty concerts in California^ and the engagement was completed
;o our satisfaction.

I have been engaged in many lesser entcxTrises on my sole aoeonnt, sach as tlie Kilmlsis
Pamily, travelling panoramas, &c.; but the remembrance is not of sufficient interest to be
recorded in this place.

In 1845, while in Europe, I bought by my agent, !Fordyce Hitchcock, the Baillimars
Huseum, and placed my uncle, Alanson Taylor, in charge. He was taken seriously ill in
April, was removed to Bethel, Ct, and died in June^ 1846. I then sold the Baltimore Musewm
to the "Orphean Family."

In 1849, 1 opened a Museum in Br. Swaim's building, corner of Cbi?stnut and Sevsnth sireefti
in Philadelphia. It was fitted up in elegant style, and was snecessfislly conducted for several
years. Though aided by a g^od manager, the establishment occupied too much of my tiiste and
attention, and in 1851 I sold it to U. Spooner, Bsq., for 40,000 dols. The buUding and
contents were destroyed by fire in the dose of 1851. Mr. Bpooner was iasursd. The loss was
a serious one to Philadelphia, The Museum was a highly popular fkmily resort, and Mr.
8pooner conducted it in a style which commanded the encomiums and enlisted the friendship
of the first families in that city, who were extremely anxious that he should rebuild the esta)^
lishment, but other highly profitable business connections prevented his doing s^

While my Philadelphia Museum was in full operation, Peale^s Museum run me a strong
oppoBition at the Masonic Hall. That enterprise proved disastre<B8, sad I purehased the
coUeotion at sheriff's sale, for five or six thousand dollars, on j^nt account of my friend Moses
EimbaU and myself. The curiosities were equally divided. One half went to his Bostoii
MuMsm, and the other half to my Amenestt Museum in Kew York.

In 1841^, I projected a great trsnpsUing musenm aad meaagerie. Having neither time nar
inclination to manage such a concern, I induced Mr. Beth B. Howes, justly c^brated as '*a
ahowmon,'' join me, and take sole <^arge. Mr. Sherwood B» Strattoui Ikther of Qe&ersl
Tom TkuD^ was aUo introduced, the interest being in thirds.

Ineanybg cut a portaon of the plan, we chartered the ship ^'Begatta," Captain P^tt, and
despatchsd hsr, together with our agente^Messrs. Jane and tftkikit, to Ceylon. The slup^ left
l^ew York in May, 1850, and was absent one year. Their mission was to procure, either by
eaptnre or por^ase, twelve or more living elephant^ bendes such other wild animals as they
could Bceore. In order to provide sufficient drink and provender for a cargo of these hays
snunals, we purchased a large quantity of hay in New York, Vivehuadredtans of it were leflat
the iBlsad of St Helena, to be taken oa the zetum trip of the ship. Staves aad hoops of
water-eaBkt were also* left at St. HeUna.

136 AUTOBI06BAPHT OF F. T. BABNUM.

Our A^ostfl^ beiagr unable to purohase the zeqnired number of elepbantSy either ia Colombo
or Kandy, the principal towns of the island (Ceylon), took one hundred and sixty native assia.
tants, and plunged into the jangles, where, after many most exciting adventures, they suc-
ceeded in secoring thirteen elephants of a suitable size for their purpose, with a female and her
ealf,.or " baby*' elephant, only six months old. In .the course of the expedition, Messrs.
Nutter and June killed large numbers of the huge beasts, and had numerous encounters of the
most terrific description with the formidable animals, one of the most fearful of wMeh took
place on the 23rd November, 1850, near Anarajah Poora, while endeavouring by the aid of the
natives and trained elephants to drive the wild herd of beasts into an Indian kraal.

They arrived in New York with ton of the elephants, and also brought with them one of the
natives who was competont to their management. We added a caravan of wild animals and
2nany museum curiosities — the entire outfit, including horses, vans, carriages, tent, &c,,
costing 109,000 dols. — and commenced operations, with the presence and under the patronage
of Gen. Tom Thumb I who has now travelled four years as one of the attractions of " J3arnum'a
great Asiatic Caravan, Museum, and Menagerie.''

The popularity of this exhibition attracted numerous <' side-shows" by other parties,
greatly to our annoyance. In self-defence, we fitted out a circus company, which performs on.
tile same day and in the same neighbourhood that the menagerie and museum are exhibited.
Should an opposition threaten interference with us, we need only connect our two companies
at the single price of admission, and competition is impossible. Our receipts in four years
reached nearly one million dollars. <

It virill be admitted tiiat these enterprises are legitimate, though I have been engaged ia
several which have been considered doubtful. It is not my business to dispute the point, but
to narrate the facts, as follows :-7-

Thb Woolly Hobse. — In the summer of 1848, while in Cincinnati with General Tom
Thumb, my attention was arrested by handbills announcing the exhibition of a '^ woolly
horse.'' Being always on the qui vive for everything carious with which to amuse or astonish
the public, I visited the exhibition, and found the animal to be a veriteble curiosity. It was
6 well-formed horse of rather small size, without any mane or the slightest portion of hair
upon his toil. The entire body and limbs were covered with a thick, fine hair or wool, curling
tight to his skin. He was foaled in Indiana, was a mere freak of nature, and withal a very
ourions-looking animal. I purchased him, and sent him to Bridgeport, Ct., where he was placed
quietly away in a retired barn, until such time as I might have use for him.

The occasion at last occurred. Colonel Fremont was lost among the trackless snows of the
Bocky Mountains. The public mind was excited. Serious apprehensions existed that the
intrepid soldier and engineer had fallen a victim to the rigours ofa severe winter. At last the
mail brought intelligence of his safety. The public heart beat qaick with joy. I now saw a
chance for the '^ woolly horse." He was carefully covered with blankets and leggings, so
that nothing could be seen excepting his eyes and hoofs, conveyed to New York, and deposited
in a rear stoble, where no eye of curiosity coald reach him.

The next mail was said to have brought intelligence that Colonel Tremont and his hardy
band of warriors had, after a three days' chase, succeeded in capturing, near the river Gila,
a most extraordinary nondescript, which somewhat resembled a horse, but which had no mane
nor tail, and was covered with a thick coat of wool. The account farther added that the
Colonel had sent this wonderfol animal as a present to thelJ. S. Quarter-master.

Two days after this announcement, the following ad vertiBement appeared in the New York
papera :—

** Coi.. FaBUOHT's NoNDBsCBiFF OR WooLLT HoBSB wlU be exhibited for a feir days at the eomer
of Broadway and Reade street, prertous to his draartnre for London. Katare teems to have exerted
lOl her IngMiQity in the production of this astounding animal. He is extremely complex— made up of
the Eleplunt, Deer, Horse, Buffalo, Camel, and Sheep. It is the full size of a Horse, has the haunches
of the Deer, the tail of the Elephant, a dne curled wool' of camel's hair colour, and easily bounds twelro
or fifteen feet high. Naturalists and the oldest trappers assured Col. Fremont that it was never
known previous te his discovery. It is undoubtedly * Nature's last,' and the richest speohnen recdred
ftom California. To be seen every day this week. Admifetanoe 25 cents; children half price."

The bmlding where he was exhibited, exactly opposite Stuart's immense dry-goods atore^
iras mounted by several lai^e transparencies representing the '' Nondescript" in full flight,
puxaued by the brave Fremont and bis hardy handful of soldiers. The streets were also luied
with handbills and posters, illustrating in wood-cute the same thrilling event The picture was
drawn by my fiivonrite artist, T. W. Sisoiia. He ia ax^gular origin J^ a/ih«i popular « ZAokee

VOWWAUO BUlfV* 197

ion " abmida&tly pro¥OB. If iha nondewript had made tibe faarfnl leap hare repreflented,

vonld have jumped not less than fire miles ; and if he was alire when he strnok on the

fr Bide of the valley, I imagine that eyen the speed of the gallant Fremont's horses would

3 been inadequate to his eapture.

But the pablio appetite was craving something tangible from Colonel Fremont. The com-

lily wajs absolutely fomishine. They were ravenous. They oould have swallowed any-

S, and, like a good genius, I flirew them not a "bone/* but a regular tit-bit, a bon-bon—

they swallow^ it at a single gulp I ...

My agent tried << Old Woolly '' in several of the provincial towns with tolerable sueoess.

finally he was taken to Washington city, to see if the wool could be pulled over the eyes of

tieians. It was successfully done for several days, when Colonel Benton, ever regardful of

reputation of his son-in-law, caused my a^ent to be arrested on a grand-jary oomplainty

obtaining from him twenty-five cents under false pretences, and the Senator from Missouri

ified, that having no mention of this horse in any of the numerous letters received from hia

-in-law, he was sure Colonel Fremont never saw the animal.

Such testimony could not prove a negative. The complaint was ruled out, and '' Old

illy" came off victorious. The excitement which Colonel Benton unconsciously produced

3d materially to the receipts for the succeeding few days. But, always entertaining the

itest respect for " Old Bullion," and out of regud to his feelings, I ordered the horse back

iridgeport, where in due time he gave his last juck.

^or some time, however, he was turned loose in a field lying on the public road, where

sional New York patrons recognised their woolly friend in his retirement.

Phb BwfifkLO Hunt.— I attended the great Bunker Hill celebration, June 17, 1843, and
'd Mr. Webster's oration. I found exhibiting, near the monument, under an old canvass
, a herd of calf buffi^oes a year old. There were fifteen in number, and I purchased the
3r 700 dels. I had an idea in my head, which, if I oould carry it out, would make the
aloes a profitable investment, and I was determined to try it. The animals were poor and
arkably' docile, having been driven firom the plains of the Great West. I had tiiem brought
ew York, and placed in a farmer's bam in New Jersey, near Hoboken. Mr.C. B. French,
rhom I purchased them, understood throwing the lasso, and I hired him for 80 dels, per
ith to take care of the bufl'aloes, until such time as I had matured my plans.
Paragraphs were soon started in the papers, announcing that a herd of wild buffaloes ,oaught
he lasso when quite young, were now on their way from the Bocky Mountains to Europe, vid
' York, in charge of the men who captured them. In a few days communications appeared
everal papers, suggesting that if the buffaloes could be safely secured in some race
•se, and a regular bufliftlo enase given by their owners, showing the use of the lasso, Ac.,
ould be a treat worth going many miles to see. One correspondent declared it would be
th a dollar to see it; anouer asserted that fifty thousand persons would gladly pay to
less it, dec. One suggested the Long Island Race Course ; another thought a large plot of
md at Harlem, inclosed expressly for the purpose, would be better ; and a third suggested
oken as just the place. In due time the following advertisement appeared in the publie
ts, and handbills and posters of the same purport, illustrated by pictures of wild bumiloes
lued by Indians on hoieebaok, were simultaneously circulated, far and near, with a liberal
i:—

Graxd Buffalo Huirr, Fkkb of Chibos.— At Hoboken, on Thursday, August 31, at 8, 4, and 5
ick, p. K. gSB^Mr. C. D. French, one of the most daring and experienced hanters of the West,
arrived thus far on his way to Europe, with a Hekd of Buffaloes, captured by himself near
ba F6. He will exhibit the method of hunting the Wild Buffaloes, and throwing the lasso, by
:h the aofanals were captured in their most wild and untamed state. This is perhaps one of the mo^
ting and difficult feats that can be performed, requiring at the same time the most expert horse-
ship and the greatest skill and dexteri^. Every man, woman, and child can here witness ths
sports of tJu Western Prairies, as the exhibition Is to be tree to all, and will take place on the
nslve grounds and Bace Course of the Messrs. Stevens, within a few rods of the Hoboken Feny,
re at least fifty thousand ladles and gentlemen can conveniently witness the interesting sport. ■
Grand Chase will be repeated at three distinct hours. At a o^clock r. K., from twelve to twentfi
aloes will be tamed loose, and Mr. French will appear dressed as an Indian, mounted on a
rie Horse and Mexican saddle, chase the Buffaloes around the Race Course, and ca^ltare one
I the lasso. At I and 5 o'clock, the race will be repeated, and the intervals of time will be occupied
. various other sports. The City Brass Band is engaged.

' Ko possible danger need be apprehended, as a double railing has been put around the whole
-se, to prevent the possibility of the BuflUoes approaching the multitude. Extra ftery-boats wilt
•rovided, to ran fh>m Barclay, Canal, and Christopher streets. If the weather should be stonajt
iport will come off at the tame hoon the flrsk fitfr d^y.

1^ AVTOBIOGlfcAl'HT <MP F< T. BABNUM.

fRie mystery of a teee ezhfbmon of the sort, thGagh not uaderstood at the itm, is madily
explained. I had engand all the ferry-boats to HolxAen, at a stipulated price, and all tho
receipts on the day spedned were to be mine.

The assnranoe that no danger need be apprehended from tbebuflUoee was simply ridiedoiM.
The poor creatures were so weak and tame that it was donbtftd whether they woald ran st ali,
liotwithstanding my man French had been cramming them with oats to get a little extra He
ibto them.

The eventful day arrived. Taking time by the forelock, mnltztades of people crossed te
Hoboken before ten o'clock, and by noon the ferry-beats were constantly crowded to their
utmost capacity. An extra boat, the ** Fasaic," was pnt on, and the rush of passengers continued
nntU five o'clock. Twenty-fonr thousand persons went by the ferry-boats to Hoboken that day .
Bach paid six and^ a qnaiter cents going, and as much returning, and the aggregate receipts,
induding the ferriage of carts and carriages, and the hire for refra^hment stands on the gronnd
were 8900 dollars, many thousand persons were present ftom varions parts of Kew Jersey,
and these, though bringing " grist to my mill," of eourse escaped my "toll" at the ferries.

The band of mnsicr engaged for the occasion did its best to amuse the immense crowd nntil
three o'clock. At precisely that hour the buffiiloes emerged from a shed in the centre of the
incloBure — my man Prench having previously administered a punehinff with a sharp sticky
hoping toexdte them to a trot on thdr Unt appearance. He immediately followed them,
;painted and dressed as an Indian, mounted on a fierr steed, with lasso in one hand and a shard
stick in the other, but the poor little calves huddJed together, and refused to move f This
scene was so wholly nnexpeeted, and so perfectly ludicrous, that the spectators burst into
tUMontrollable nproariouslanghter. The shouting somewhat startled the buffaloes, and geaded
by French and his assistants, they started off in a slow trot. The uproar <tf merriment was
renewed, and the multitude swinging their hata and hallooing in wild disorder, the bnffaloea
bi«)ke into a gallop, ran against a panel of the low fence, (consisting of two narrow boards,)
tumbled over, and scrambled away as fast as they could. The crowd in that quarter offieredno
obstruction. Seeing the animals approach, and not being snffieienUy near to discover how
harmless they were, men, w<»Ben, and children scattered pell-mell I Bach a scampering I
never saw before. The buffaloes, whioh were as badly frightened as the people, found shelter
in a neighbouring swamp, and all efforts to disengage them proTsd ineffectual. Freneby how-
ever, captured one of them with his lasso, and afterwards amused the people by lassoing horses
and riders — and good humour prevailed.

No one seemed to suspeet mo ferry-boat arrangement — ^the projector was itwog, — ^the exhi-
bition had been free to the publio— there had been much amusement for twelve and a half cents
each, and no one complained. It was, however, nearly midnight before aU the viaitorB found
ferry accommodations to New Yerk.

N. P. Willis, of the <^ Home Journal," wrote an article'illustrating the perfect good-nature
with which the American public submits to a clever humbug. He said that he went to Hobo-
ken to witness the Buffalo Hunt. It was nearly four o'olook when the boat left the foot of
Barclay street, yet it was so densely crowded that many persons were obliged to stand upon
thexailiogs and hold on to the awning posts. When they readied the Hoboken side, a boat
equally crowded was leaving that wharf. The passengers of the boat Just arriving eried out to
those in the boat just returning, '^ Is the Buffalo Hunt over?" To which came the reply^
'^Yes, and It was the biggest humbug vou ever heard of I" Willis added, that the passengers
on tiie boat with Mm were so delighted, that they instantly gave three cheers for tiie author of
the humbug whoever he might be.

The day after the chase at Hoboken^ I met my fdend FeederiDk West, of the << Sunday
JLXioBf" who was not in the seeret. " That Freneh," said he, " is almost as great a htmbvig
as you are.** Thanking Mm for the honourable exoeptloni I told him that I had been aidk
amused at witnessing the scene. ''What amused me the most," sdd I, ''was, to see the
people running and screeching with fear, when the little hannless calves broke through the
finest and were seamperittg for theswan^."

** Where were you at the time ? adLcd West;

** Near the bnildinflr, at the starting-point," I nplied.

^^Well," answered West, with a smile oif dkccmtent, "as I happened to be among the
party that fled in affright, I don't see the fan of the thing as you do !"

The same experiment was eabiequenUy tried successfully at Camden, N. J., opposite Phila-
ddphis; after which a number oi tbe buoaloes were sent to England and sold, and the lesl
were fattened and disposed of in steaks in Folton Market at fifty oents per ponnd.

It is but justice to myself to remind the leadef that, at the tine ef liMir oceureBei^ the

pnbUo did not enspeot tbat I had any oouneetion whaterer with thaflzhibition of the Woolly Horsey
or the herd of Bnfflkloes. The entire facts in thoee caaes oame to light only through my own
Tolnntary admiaaions.

This is not exactly the place to introdnce a newspaper, bat the incidental mention of Mr.
West snggeats the << Sunday Atlas/' which, was always a faTOurite of mine. I knew its pro-
prietors, West, Herrioky and Ropes, when they commenced its publication. They were my
early friends, and rwDdered me many faTOnrs, which I cheerfnlly reciprocated wheneyer
opportunity mred. My Bnopeaii oonespondence, before alluded to, was written for thia
paper.

- The inddent I am about to relate veqnires me to mention, that the proprietors of tho
^'Atlaa" had pnbllahod my portrait with a brief i^eteh of my life, interspersed with numexous
anaedotea.

At the time Adams was a«i>dered by Colt, the excitement in New York was intense; and
when the body of the Tictim was diseorered, cat up, packed in a box, and shipped for New
Orleans, a pamphlet waa isaned purporting to give a oorvect portrait Of the murdered Adams.
Like thousands of others, I desired to know how the poor man looked and greedily purchased
a pamphlet, I found that the stereotype of my portrait bad been purchased from the '< Atlas, **
and waa published as the portrait of Adams I I fancied then, as well as many times before and
since, that " humbug" did not belong exclusively to the " show" business.

In about 1848, the editors of the ** Atlas " were much annoyed by a series of libel suits. The
first case required bonds of 5,000 dels. I gave them. A second suit from the same party waa
immediately inalituted, and I again gave mt same amount of bonds. A tliird suit followed,
Ukd I again offered myself as their bail. The lawyer of the plaintiff, haTing hoped by
teaging so many suits to give the defendants trouble in obtaining bonds, waa much annoyed
at my continually offoring myself as their bail.

On my third appearance before the judge for that purpose, the lawyer being much vexed
became impertinent. ** Mr. Bamum," said he, ^' you have already given bail to the
amount of 10,000 dole., and now you offer yourself for 5,000 dels. more. Are you worth
15^000 dols., sir?"

«Iam,sir,*' IrepHed.

" Of what does your property consist, sir? " he asked peremptorily.

" Bo you desire a list of it," I inquired.

" I do, sir, and I inaiBt upon your ginng it before yon are accepted as further security," he
sepUed firmly.

'< With pleasure, sir. Have the kindaesa to mark it down as I call it off.*'

** 1 will, sir,*' be anawered, taking a riieet of paper and dipping his pen in the ink for that
purpose.

" One preserved elephant, 1,000 dollars," said I.

He looked a little surprised, but marked it down.

''One aftaflSBd moi^y skiujand two gander skins, good as new— 15 dollars for the lot."

« What deea thia mean? Whsft axe you doing, sir?" said he, starting to his feet in
ladigaatien.

<* I am giving you an inventory of my museum. It contains only five hundred thousand
diAareBt artides," I replied with dw gravity.

** I appeal to tlie court for protecti<m from insult," ex(^med the lawyer, hia voice
tNBibUng with anger, and the blood ruslung to hia face as bespoke.

Judge Ulshoeffer decided that I was doing just what the lawyer had required, and that if
lie waa uawilling to take an affidavit aa to my xeaponsibility, 1 must go on with the ^ cata-
logue" of tiie museum. The lawyer muttering decided to accept the affidavit and bail
Without going tuthn into the *<bm of partietdafB."

140 AUTOBIOOBAPAT OP P. T. BABNUM.

CHAPTER XIII.

TBMPBBANCB AND AaniCTJLTURB.

Tn tlie fall of 1847, wliile exhibiting Gen. Tom Thumb at Saratoga Springs, where the New
Tork State Fair was then being held, I saw so mnch'intoxioatiou among men of wealUi and
intellect, filling the highest positions in society, that I began to ask myself the questioiiy
What guarantee is there that / may not become a drunkard ? I reflected that many wiser
and better men than myself had fallen Tictims to intemperance; and although I was not in iha
habit of partaking often of strong drink, I was liable to do so whenever I met friends, whidi
m my travels occurred every day. Hence I resolved to fly the danger, and I pledged myself at
fhat time never again to partake of any kind of spirituous liquors as a beverage*

I now felt that I was out of danger, and the sensation was a pleasant one. True, I con-
tinued to partake of wine, for I had been instructed, in my European tour, that this was one
of the innocent and charming indispensables of Ufe. I however regarded myself as a good.
temperance man, and soon began to persuade my friends to refrain from the intoxicating cup.
Seeing need of reform in Bridgeport, I invited my friend the Rev. E. H. Chapin to visit us, for
the purpose of giving a public temperance lecture. I had never heard him on that subject^ but
I knew that on whatever topic he spoke, he was as logical as eloquent.

He lectured in the Baptist Church at Bridgeport. Histsubject was presented in three
divisions : The Liquor Seller — ^The Moderate Drinker — and The Indifliorent Man. It happened,
therefore, that the second^ if not the third elause of the subject, had a special bearing upon
me and my position.

The eloquent gentleman overwhelmingly proved that the so-called respectable liquor-seller,
in his splendid siUoon or hotel bar, and who sold only to '' gentlemen," inflicted much greatac
inju^ upon the community than a dozen common groggeries — which he abundantly illustrated.

He then took up the "moderate drinker," and urged that Ae was the great stum-:
bling-block to tl^e temperance reform. He it was, and not the drunkard in the ditch, that
the young man looked at as an example when he took his first glass. That when the
drunkard was asked to sign the pledge, he would reply, " Why should I do so ? What
harm can there be in drinking, when such men as respectable Mr. A. and moral Mr. B.,
drink wine under their own roof? " He urged that the higher a man stood in the com-*
munity, the ^ater was his influence either for good or for evil. He said to the moderate
drinker : " Sir, jou either do or you do not consider it a privation and a sacrifice to give up
drinking; Which is it ? If you say that you can drink or let it alone, that you can quit
it for ever without considering it a self-denial, then I appeal to you as a man, to do it for
the sake of your suffering /dlow-beings. If^ on the other hand, you say that you like to
indulge moderately m the use of intoxicating drinks, and that it would be a self-denial oa
your part to abandon the practice, then, sir, I warn you in the light of all human ex-
perience, that you are in danger^ and should give it up foryowr ovm sake* When appedtid
has so far ^ot its hold upon vou as to make the thought of abandoning strong drink
uncomfortable, I tell you that the chances are strongly in ntvour of your dying a drunkard^
unless you renounce the use of intoxicating beverages altoeeUier."

I do not pretend to give the precise language of the Sequent Mr. Chapin, and no man
can depict the overwhelming power wit^ which he urged his position. But I have
^ven the gist of his argument as applied to the moderate drinker. It sank most deeply
into my heart. I returned home and went to bed, but not to sleep. These arguments
continued to ring in my ears, and thoi^h striving to find a reasonable answer to thenif
I spent a wretched and sleepless ni^ht. 1 had become fully conscious that I was pursuing
a path of wrong-doing, and one which was not only causing great wrong to the community,
but was also fraught with imminent danger to myself.

I arose from my bed, and feeling that as a man I could not persist in a practice which
I could not conscientiously and logically defiend,* I took my champagne bottles, knocked
off their heads, and poured their contents upon the ground. I then called upon Mr. Chapin,
JMked him for the teetotal pledge, and signed it

God knows I am determined never to break that pledge, and my gratitude is so deep at
being thus placed in a position to benefit my fellow-man, as well as perhaps to save myselE
that I trust there is little d4uiger of my ever again being brought within the chahnad

ide of the cap. Upon infonning my wife that I had signed the teetotal pledge, I was
irprised to see tears nmninff down ner cheeks. I was afterwards astonished to know
om her, that she had passed many a weeping night, fearing that my wine-bibbing was
ading me to a dmnkaid's path. I reproached hee for not telling me her fears, but she
(plied that she knew I was self-deluded, and that any such hint from her would have been
iceived in anger.

This, let me here observe, is the case of thousands of individuals to-day. They are
loving in respectable society, and regard intemperance as a dreadful evil. They would
espise the thought of ever becoming intemperate themselves, and would look upon such a
iggestion as the height of impudence and folly. The man who commences tippling is the
ist person in the world to discover his dan^r. If he has a wife, she probably is tibie first
) know and shudder at his position. His neighbours know it long before he is aware of it,
nd if instead of passing it by in silence, as is usually the case, they would candidly point
ut to him the perilous course he is pursuing, many a valuawe member of society
ould be saved from degradation, and his happy family snatched from misery, disgrace, and
espair.

I thanked Mr. Chapin, firom my heart of hearts, for being the instrument of saving me,
ad great was his astonishment in discovering that I was not alreadv a teetotaller. ^ He
ipposed such was tiie case from the fact that I had invited him to lecture, and he little
tiought, at the time of his deUvering it, that his argument to the moderate drinker
ras at all applicable to me. But it was, and through the mercy of God, it saved me.

I now felt that I had a great duty to perform. I had been groping in darkness, was
sscued, and I knew it was my duty to try and save others. The morning that I signed the
ledge, I obtained over twenty signatures in Bridgeport. I talked temperance to all whom
met, and very soon commenced lecturing upon ^e subject in the adjacent towns and
illages. I spent tiie entire winter and spring of 1851-2 in lecturing through my native
itate, always travelling at my own expense, and I was glad to know that I aroused many
undreds, perhaps thousands, to the importance of the temperance reform. I also lectured
requently in the cities of New York and Philadelphia, as well as in other towns in the neigh-
curing titates.

About this time the Maine Law was enacted, and its successful workings filled the hearts
f temperance men and temperance women with hope and joy. We soon learned that in order
Q staj the plague, we must have a total prohibition of the sale of intoxicating drinks as a
everage. Neal Dow (may God bless him !) had opened our eyes. We saw that moral suasion
ad done much good. We could see that the Washingtonians and Sons of Temperance, the
)anghters of Temperance, the Keohabites, and the Temples of Honour, had discharged their
aission of peace andloTe; but wo also saw that large numbers who were saved by these means,
ell back again to a lower position than ever, because the tempter was permitted to live and
hrow out his sedootive toils.

Our watchword now was, " Prohibition I " We had become oonvinced that it was a
natter of life and death ; that we must kill Alcohol, or Alcohol would kill ns or our friends.

While in Boston with Jenny Lind, I was earnestly solicited to deliver two temperauce
Bctures in the Tremont Temple, where she gave her concerts. I did so, and although an.
dmission of twelve and a half cents was charged for the benefit of a benevolent society, the
tuilding on each occasion was crowded.

In the course of my tour with Jenny Lind, I was firequently solicited to lecture on temper*
mce on evenings when she did not sing. I always complied when it was in my power. In
his way I lectured in Baltimore, Washington, Charlestown, New Orleans, St Lonis, Cincinnati,
kc— also in the ladies' saloon of the steamer ** Lexington/' on Sabbath morning.

In August, 1868, 1 lectured in Cleveland, Ohio, and several other towns, and afterwards in:
Chicago, Illinois, and in Kenosha, Wisconsin. In the latter state I found the field was nearly-
ready for the harvest, but there were few reapers. A state election was to come off in October,
m which occasion the people were to deeide by ballot whether they would or would not approve
)f a prohibitory liquor law. Owing to an immense German population, who in the main,
^•re opposed to prohibition, the temperance friends were apprehensive of the result. They
lolicited my services Ibr the ensuing month. I could not refuse them. I therefore hastened
lome to transaet some business whieh required mv presence for a few days, and then returned,
ind lectured on my way in Toledo and Norwalk, Ohio, and Chicago, Illinois. I made the
tour of the State of Winconsin, delivering two lectures per day for four consecutive weeks, to
srowded and attentive audiences. I was glad to tMlieve that my efforts contributed to a good
result. Th« Toice of the people declared, by a wholesome majorityi in fovour of a prohibitoxy

142 ATOOBi^QBAnfr or p* r. babitum.

liquor UWy bnt a pelUieal legnuilfttnr^ hottik lo 00 beBtfloent tn act, rifosed to g^v» it to tUnB.>
I tffOftt their daliTerance is irat fax off.

Jb mytempenuioe speeohes I have freqUinUy been interrnpied, and BometimeB interrog^aied
by opponenta. I always take thiagk eooUy^ let them have their say, and endeaTonr to gl?o
them a " Bolaad for an Oliyer." ^

At Kew Orleans, I lectured in the great Lyoenm Hall in St Charles-etreet, a sew
building just completed by the Second Municipality. I did so on the invitation of Mayor
Croesman and eereral other influential gentlemea. The immense hall ooatained more than
three thousand auditors, including the most respeetable portion of the New Orleans publie.
I was in capital humourj and had warmed myself into a pleasant state of excitement feeling
that the audience was with me. While in the midst of an argument illustrating the poisonoua
and destructive nature of alcohol to the animal eooaomy, some opponent caued out, ''How
4oe0 it affect us, externally or internally ? "

" jr-ternally," I repUed.

" Scarcely ever have I heard Bueh tremendous and simultaneous merriment as followed this
reply. I was not allowed to proceed for several minutes, on account of the repetition of
applause. I heard no more from the inquisitive gentleman, and have not the remotest idea who
he was. My reply however was so sudden, that one gentieman who considered himself '' up
to snuff," remarked the next day in the Verandah Hotel, that if the truth eould be known,
he would wager a thousand dollars that I placed the man there on purpoie to put the
question. '' By heavens," said he, '' Barnum got out ' eternally ' before the fellow had
finished 'internally.' " The gentleman's suspicion, although wholly unfounded, I regarded as
a compliment.

While lecturing in front of the Court-house in Cleveland, Ohio, one afternoon in 1858, ia
preeence of a large crowd, including many farmers, an auditor, who I afterwards learned was
an extensive liquor dealer, called out, " What will become of all the grain if you stop tha
dUtilleries?"

"Feed it to the drunkard's wife and children ; they hare been without it long enough," I
replied. "The husband and father will then be a sober man," I continued, "and will be
able and willing to pay for it You will find that the sober, indusfrious man and his family
will require more grain than is now necessary to rot into whiskv to keep him drunk."

I then related the anecdote, that soon after the enactment of the Maine Law, a gentleman
met a little girl in the streets of Portland, who had been in the habit of coming to his house
as a beggar. " Why don't you come to our house now-a-days for cold victuals? " said he.

" Because father can't get any liquor, and he is sober and works every day, and vre JiSTO
plenty of warm victuals at our house now, I thank you, sir," replied the little girl.

The old farmers greatly enjoyed that reply, and "the liquor seller" (said a oorrespondeat
of the " New York Tribune") " hauled off to repair damages."

On the first evening that I lectured in Cleveland, (it was in the Baptist Church,) I com-
menced in this wise : '^ If there are any ladies or gentlemen present, who have never suffered
in consequence of the use of intoxicating drinks as a beverage, either directly, or in tha
person of a dear relative or friend, I will thank them to rise."

A man with a tolerably glowing countenance aroee* " Had yon never a friend who was
intemperate?" leaked.

" Never ! " was the positive reply.

A giggle ran through the opposition portion of the audience. " Really, my friends,"
I said, ''I feel constrained to make a proposition wliieh I did not anticipate. I am,
as you are all aware, a showman. I am alwaye on tiie lo(dL-out for curioeitieB. This gentle-
man is a stranger to me, but if he will satisfy me to«morrow morning that he is a man of
credibility, and that no friend of his was ever intemperate, I will be glad to engage him for
ten weeks at 200 dollars per week, to exhibit him in my American Museum in New York, aa
the greatest curiosity in this country."

A laugh that wag a laugh followed this annouuoemeat.

" Thoy may laugh, but it is a fact," persisted my opponent, with a look of dogged
tenaoity.

" The gentleman still insists that it is a bet," I replied. " I would like therefore to maike oner
simple qualification to my offer. I made it on the supposiiion that, at some period of his iifpu
ho had friends. Now if he never had any friends, I withdraw my offer: otherwise, I will
eticktoit"

This, and the shout of laughter that ensued, was too much for the gentlemaa, and ha sat
down, I Botieed throughout my speeeh that he paid ttriot att«BUo% and frequsBtly indolgvd

xiiM.ff»ii4y<ai Aa3> AQ»i«9i«iwi# 148

ia a hniky laugh. M tUa «loM«f the Uafave ha appioaohed ma, and axtandiBi? hia hand,.
'which I readily accepted, he said, '' I was particularly green in nsing to-night. Haring onee
Btood up, I was detarmined not to ha put down, bat yoor laat venark fiiad me I " He then
Gomplimeated me yery highlv on the naaanableneaa of my argomentBy and deolared that eTor
afterwards he would be fonnd on the aide of temperance.

Among the moat gratifying incidenta of my life, ha?e been aeToral of a aimilar nature to
the following :—

After a temperance apeeeh in Philadelphia, a man abont thirty yeaia of age eeme forward*
aigned the teetotal idedge, and then, giving me hia hand, he said, " Mr. Bamom, yon haT»
this night aared me from ruin. For the last two years I hare been in the habit of tippling,
and it has kept me oontinnally under the harrow. This gentleman (pointing to a person at
his side) is my partner in business, and I know he is glad I have aigned the pledge to-night"

<<7es, indeed I am, George, and it ia the best thing yon ever did^" replied his partBar,
«'if you'U only stick to it."

<< That will I do till the day of my death; and won't my dear little wife Mary cry fbr joy
to-night, when I tell her what I have done I " he exelaimed in gre»t exultation.

At that moment he was a happy man — but he oould not ha?e been move ao than Z was.

I need not farther pursue this theme^ than to add that I have leeturedin Montreal, Canada^
and many towns in tne United States not here set down, always gladly doing so at my own
expense; and one of the greatest consolations X now enjoy ia thatcl believing I have carried
happiness to the bosom of many a family.

In the course of my life I have written mueh for newspapers, on vairiona antjecta, and
always in oarnestneas, but in none of these have I felt so deep an interest as in that of the Tem^*
perance Keform. Were it not for tlua fact, I ahould be reluctant to mention, that besides
nnmerous articles for the daily and weekly pzesa, I wrote a little tract on "The Liquor
Bosiness," which expresses my praotical views of the use and traffic in intoueatiag drinlui.*

«

In 184S I waa eleoted President of the Fairfl^ County Agrieultural Society in Con->
necticut. Although not praotieaUy a farmer, I had purchased about one hundred acres of
land in the vicinity of my residenoa, and fell^ and atiii fbel, a deep interest in the cause of
agriculture.

In 1849 it waa determined by the aooiety that I ahould deliver the annual addresa. I
begged to be excused on, the g^und of incompetency, but my excuses were of no avail.'
Being unable to instruct my auditora upon ihe subject of farming, I gave them several specl*
mena of mistakes which I had committed, and entreated them to profit by my errors. Two of
my mistakes were related in this wise :—

** In the fall of 1848, my head gardener reported that I had fifty bushels of potatoes to
apare. I thereupon dizected him to barrel them up and ship them to New York for sale. He
did BO, and received two dollars per barrel, or abont sixty-^even cents per bushel. But,
unfortunately, after the potatoes had been shipped, I found that my gardener had selected all
the largest for market, and left my iismily nothing bat * small potatsss' to live on during
the winter. But the worst ia still to eome. My potatoea were all gone before Mareh, and I
was obliged to buy, during the apiing, over fifty buahela of potatoea at 1 dollar d$ cents ;;tfr
bushel!

" 1 trust that, inasmuch as I missed a figure or two in this operation, my friends will
profit by my ignorance, and never be in a hurry to sell their productions until they Wo
discovered that tb^ have more on hand than will be required for fkmily use !

** My next experiment, which waa in the horticultural line, will not, I fear, redound more
to my credit than the potato operation. Last spring I observed my gardener cutting off from
our young maple trees all the small limba and afaoots which had started ont from the body
from two to six or «ight feet from the gvooad. I inquired the object of this, and he informed
me that these shoots were not only vseleas to the trees, but were, in fact, an injury, inasmuch
as they absorbed the sap, which waa needed ia the upper branches. I immediately aaw the

ShUoaophy of this, and feeling that, aa < Prseident of the Fairland County Agricultural
odety,' it was my doty to have some praoHeal experience in ftrming matters, I soon pro-
ceeded to the houae» and havhig selected a lai^ and very sharp carving-knife, went at once

* It was published by my worthy friends^ Fowlbrs and WaL&s, of New Tork. They hare long
been pre-eminent in the Phrenological liae» and hare also done much to enlighten the public on
Temperance, Physiology, and other important matters. Fevr men hare published a larger number ojC
Qseftd books.

144 AOTOBIOOftAPftT C^ P. T. BABMVM.

on to my glands with the fiill detenninatioik of deetroying erery worthlMB limb, B^a^ and
' Budcer' which came in my way.

<* I Boon fonnd myself between a couple of rows of thrifty-Iookin^r yonn? cherry trees^
bnt, strange to say, their bodies were oorered with * suckers * or * sprouts.' Here was a sad
neglect of my gardener; bat I held in my hand a weapon capable of neutralising the results
of his forffetfulness, and at it I went, right and left. The carving-knife, in my determined
hand, worled wonders ; and in less than an hour, I had trimmed everr cherry tree nearly as
high as I could reach, and looked with pleasure upon their symmetrical and much improTed
appearance. While thus beholding the fruit of my labour, and feeling a conscious pride over
this, my first grand aohievement in farming, my gardener came up, and with a feeling of
satisfaction that I shall never forget, I pointed to the quantities of cherry sprouts which I had
brought to the ground. The gardener started suddenly, gave a look of surprise, which
instantly changed to despair, and clasping his hands as if in the deepest agony, he exclaimed|
' Merciful heavens I you have cut qffaU the grqf'tsJ

« This was a sad blow to my farming aspirations I It has caused me, not exactly to
abandon the business in despair, but rather to be cautious about using the pruning knife
until I know a sprout from a graft I I am convinced, from the foregoing experiments, that
my education in the agricultural line was sadly neglected ! "

To show the importance of manuring our land, I introduced the following considerations :

" Land being more plenty than people, it is cheap here, in comparison with other
countries, and therefore the farmer settles on new land, which is bought for a trifle, and when
he has nearly exhausted his soil, instead of attempting to renew it, he adopts what he con-
siders a cheaper course ; he sells his farm for what he can get, pulls up stakes, and moves
away to some other new land, the soil of which, without the trouble or expense of manuring,
is ready to bring forth large crops upon merely receiving the seed from the hand of the
owner. Well, this system may have been very well once ; it has served to push our back-
woodsmen further towards our borders in the Great West, and thus aid in peopling our
magnificent territory, and developing our vast resources ; but as it is important that we
somehow manage to keep a Jem farmers in our New England and Middle States, it stands us
in hand to see that they pay attention to improvements in agriculture and the creation of new
soils, so that they may not be tempted to run away to the rich prairies of the West, and leave
those engaged in other occupations to eat their own productions. Por my own part, as a
showman, I should be sadly puzzled if I was forced to eat stuffed monkeys, Fejee mermaids, or
woolly horses; and I have no doubt that many others would be bothered to diciest their own
productions. I will merely instance the blacksmith, the shoemaker, the clergymau, the
dentist, the saddler, the carpenter, and the stonemason. Surely the blacksmith would be
obliged to pick his teeth with oue of his own nail-rods, after having made a breakfast of
horse-shoes or ox-ohalns ; the shoemaker, after dining on sole-leather and black wax, would
hope it was his last and his all; the clergyman, who could digest nothing but his own
sermons, would consider it a terrible sentence to be forced to ^ eat his words ; ' the carpenter
would declare it was the hardest deal he ever «aw, if he was obliged to swallow deal boards
for his lunoh ; the dentist would starve to death * in spite of his teeth,' if he had nothing but
teeth for his food ; the saddler would rather be a horse, and wear the saddle on the outside,
than to find a place for a stir-up in his interior ; and the stonemason would soon be at work
building his own sepulchre, if he saw that he must gnaw nothing but granite tlLl ' dost
returned to dust'

" It seems quite necessary, therefore, that we should keep the farmers among us; and as
this is only to be done by letting them have land worth tilling, it is highly important that
they should know how to tnake such land.

*< Let the farmer learn the best and cheapest method of procuring or manufactuziag
manure, and then see that plenty of that kind of manure which his particular soil requires is
applied to the land. Let him never half-manure a field : it is like administering half a dose
of physic ; it makes the patient stomaeh-siok and qualmish, but does not operate. Land half
manured gives the farmer just as much trouble to cultivate it as if it was thoroughly done;
and after all his trouble he gets but half a crop. If you can only proooro half the amoant of
manure sufiloient to enrich your land thoroughly, put it all on one half the Und, and let the
other half lie idle until you can manure it ; you then save the trouble of tilling one half the
quantity of land, and your crop will be as great as if put upon the whole land, half manured.
Anything that is worth doing at all, is worth doing welL It is the oheapest and best way in
the end. Half-way measures and half-way men are like flying squirrels^neither one thing
nor the other— neither bird nor beas^neither useful nor ornamental. JBut no farmer^s land

TBMFBKAKCB ARD iiOBICULTOIUi. 145

s0ed ttand idle because he cannot procure manure. The sjstem of * green cropping '—that ia,
sowing crops, and ploughing them in while green, for the purpose of enriching the land— i«
now, I beliere, generally acknowledged as an excellent substitute for other manures. There-
fore, don*t desert your land the moment it exhibits weakness— but give it strength— nune it
— doctor it— eure it, and it is as good as eyer again.''

I am sensible that an autobiography is not precisely the place for such remarks as these;
but supposing it possible that my book may be read, not by farmers only, but by young men
who are looking around them for a business, and being persuaded that agriculture is destined
to occupy a higher position in men's thoughts than it has hitherto done, I am compelled to
add another extract from my lecture. It relates to the dignity of labour and the utility of taste.

" The farmer, as well as eyery other person, should pursue his avocation with an eye to
pleasure as well as profit He should render the old homestead attractive ; and certainly no
place can so easily be made beautiful as the farm-house, and no beau^ wiihin the power of
art can equal that with which nature can clothe the habitation of the farmer. His door-yard
should be filled with flowers and shrubbery ; the roadside leading to his house should be
hedged with roses, and lined with trees, of all the varieties that nature produces, or that our
climate and soil will suffer to grow ; his porches and piazzas, and the sides of hit house,
should be trellised with vines, and its windows adorned with flowers. The farmer, with his
bowers of roses, his plants, shrubs, and flowers, has a palace more beautifully adorned than if
covered with rubies and diamonds. Festoons of natural flowers aro as much more elegant
than strings of pearls, as nature is superior to art. The king may obtain all that wealth can
procure to decorate his palace, but the humblest farmer has a decorator whose knowledge is
infinite; and the simplest flower Uiat God ever made as far exceeds in real beauty and sub-
limity the richest trinket that the handicraft of man ever produced, as the bright tints of the
rainbow surpass the coarsest daub of the painter's apprentice.

<^ It is a very singular and lamentable fact that agriculture, in this great and emphatically
agricultural country, does not stand so high in the scale of human occupations and industry as
it deserves. From some cause, which it will be the object of this essay to discover, the
farmer is not elevated in the estimation of community to the eminence to which his calling
justly entitles !him. He is looked upon as a being quite below the lawyer, the physician, thQ
divine, the artist, the merohant, or even the merchant's clerk. To be a farmer is to be a
nobody, a mere clodhopper, a delver in bogs, a digger in ditches, and a dirty wallower in.
*Jree soil.* He is regarded as a mere swine-herd, a hewer of wood and drawer of water, a
senseless lump of clay, gifted with animation, solely that he may root up the clay that is
inanimate. I propose to inquire whether this is the necessary position of the tiller of the
soil, and to learn whether, in fact, the farmer's is not one of the most, if not the most
honourable and independent calling in the universe. Look candidly at this subject, and sea
whether there is anything degrading in the life of the husbandman. Compare him with those
engaged in other pui'suits, and my word for it, we will find the farmer the very foundation of
our social being, our true happiness, our manly independence ; and when we have piled up
every other calling and occupation until we have raised a pyramid whose summit shall kiss
the clouds, we will find the honest, hard-working, practical farmer at the very * top of
the heap.'

** While we would give all due honour to the professions, we must not elevate them i^ove
their deserts, and thrust down the farmer, the real producer and public benefactor, below his
proper level.

" It will always be well to remember that the learned professions depend solely for support
upon the misfortunes, miseries, or foibles of mankind.

** If all men were inclined to honesty and peace, the lawyer would pocket no fees, and must
abandon his profession or go supperlees to bed.

'* If men were abstemioos in their habits, and were not the victims of accident or misfor-
tune, the doctor would be obliged to take up some other pursuit to gain his bread — unless he
chose to eat his own pills. And if all mankind would be righteous, and break off from their
sins, the clergy mizht exclaim with Othello, < Our occupation's gone.'

** TJie farmer, therefore, who produces food and raiment for the comfort and sustenance of
the human family, need not feel that he is below ocoupattons which exist to so large a degree on
the miseries of humanity.

« The highest aspiration of many parents is, that their son may become a merchant This
2B the very acme of their desires. To be a mercJiant they fancy is to be a prince, a potentate
who can stand, as it were, in the very centre of the earth, and call to him all the produotiona
of the world. They see no oare in the life of the merohant. They do not think of the hopes

10

146 AvromooBAfwr «r r. t. MAsmeu,

Kid fean wbieli agiiate hit braasfe from early mom to the noon of nighb. Whafc do they knair
of Ms anxiety as Be seizes the morninv's paper, to read of the loss of bis fiiroorite and most
Talnable ship, or the dostruotion by fire of the ston-honse in whiob he has oent-red Us all?
The merchant Kres in an agony of ezoitement, Tho market is dull, and bis large stoek ban^j^
on bis bands unsold, and perhaps unpaid for. Bat pay-day mast come, and then bis misery is
eshanoed. He rises firom bis sleepless pillow, frantic with the reflection that tbe banks baye
stopped discoantinj^^tbat bis note conies due this day, and unless paid before three o'oloek»
xnuat be protested, and be become a rained man. He thinks over bis- resources, but idas I they
are all exhausted. He considers bis list of friends, b«t tbey are as badly off as biraself. Ho
bos only one despairing* hope left. He must go again to tbe usurer, and borrow money to pay
borrowed. Borrow, did I say ? No, be must b»y tbe use of i1^ and perhaps pay cent, par cent,
for tbe purchase. Thus be goes on from one day to another, liying in miseiy, and yet foiosd
to appear happy ; sweating out bis yery life-blood over bis desk and between the horrible briek
walb. Cut off from tbe frash air and tbeenjoymentoof lift— pent up in the close unhealthy city
—not an hour that be can call bis own — his opportunities for rest, refleetlon, or recreation gone
for eyeff— be is a more plodding, bmrd working machine, obliged eyery day to go its rounds of
toll and misery, till at last misfortune doses his mercantile career, be isi declared a bankrupt
and be flies to the country with bis shattered fortune and mined health, and there be is found
inhaling the pure air and ref^sbing breeze, and declaring ftrom bis heart of beorts that this is
tbe first feeling of pleasure be has enjoyed for years, and that if his bealtb was gfood— poor as
be is — ^he coald reaUy be happy in the* glorious country. Poor man t bad be clun^ to tbe old
farm, be would baye bad health, happiness, and competence. He would b»ye known nothing
of bank discounts, or tbe tender mercies of note sbayers ; be would hayebeen ignorant of dull
markets, oyer trading, or oyer importo; but be would bare been independent, healthy, and
bappy, and engaged in an occapation that would baye elcyated lus mind, instead of cramping
it into the narrow prison of a trader, whose big'best ambition firequently coneiste in driring a
sharp bargain, carrying out a nice operation in tbe stodts, or being able to meet bianotes wttb-
ovA A protest.

'* Dtatistics reyeal tbe astounding fact that sfxty-seyenoatof eyery bundredretail merehsotfl
in tbe city of Boston fail in business, and that ninety'4bree in ewry hundred wholesale
znerchants become bankrapt! And yet this swoppinif, trading, bargaining, health-destroying^
occupation holds out itejalse colours, its glittering' alluremei&, and leads the sturdy, hearty
young yeoman to pant, as for yery life, for the chance of quitting bis father's noble Adds, bia
natiye hills and yerdantyalleys, in order that be can become a elerh in a store !' Q«it the good
old farm, with its inyigorating exercises, its manly ooenpations, its deli^btfsl air, the fiwgrance
of its flowers, the beauties of its golden baryests, and the deligbts of its season of fruits, for
tbe great priyilege of learning to sweep out a store, toke down and put up window sbutters ;
and finally, after spending jears in acqniring this beautiful elementary branch, get to be »
clerk out of employ, or possibly baye tbe privUege of storting a store on bis own account, and
receiye all tbe pleasures Just named, as the certoin acoompanimoxt of tbe merchant And when
a merchant proves suooessful — when, after years of toil and pain, of strife, excitement, and
misery, be accumulates a fortun&^wbat does he do then ? Wnere then does be look for Imppi-
ness as tbe reward for all bis life of labour and self-denial? Why, to tbe country I His
great desire is to retire to fields where he can raise bis own corn and potatoes, eat butter and
cbcese from his own dairies, and plnck frait from bis own yines and trees I Thus, at neariy
tbe termination of bis life, be is able to become a farmer, and enjoy what be might baye
delighted in during the preyious thirty years, if be bad not been daesled with tbe falsa idea
that the merchant is mare respectable than the agriculturist.''

During my administration the annual Fairfleld County Agricultural Tair and Cattle Show
bas been held six times, four of which were in Bridgeport and twoin Stamford. Tbe interest
bas seemed to increase from year to year.

Pickpockets are generally represented at these country fairs, as indeed tbey aeeon nearly
idl occasions where crowds of people congregate.

In 1819 a young lady bad the chain of her gold wateb cut, sod watoh atad chain stolen by
one of these gentry, who escaped undiaooyered. Nearly eyery yeor somebody's pocket boa
b^n picked during the fair. In 1853 a man was caught in the act of taking a peefcet-book
from a country farmer, and two or three other persons had suffered in the same way. The
scamp was arrested, and prored to be a celebrated Bnglish pickpocket. As tbe Fair would
close tbe next day, and as most persons bad already yisited it, we expected oar reeeipto would
bdHgbt

1

VBi»ssAircs jam AGsicine.TVBak I4Sr

Early in ti)e morniiiflrl^deteetad pwifWM legally examined, pleaded gidlty, and was Ixmitdr
r to ihe upper court for trial; I obtained coneeni from the sheriff that tlie culprit should be
in the Fair room, for the poffpose of giyinp those who had been robbed an opportunity t»
itify him. For this purpose* ha wa» handoufibd and placed in a eonspicuous situation, wheroi
ourse lie waa ** the obterred of all observers." i then issued handbills, stating that, aa it
the last day of the fttir, the managers were happy to announce that they had secured extr»
*aetioni8 for the occasion^ and would accordingly exhibit, safely handouflSBd, and without
•a charge, a Uve piokpooket, who had been* caught in the aet of robbing an honest former
day previous. Crowds of people rushed in ** to see th» show/^ Some good mothers
aght their chUdieaten miles for that purpose, andouff treaaury waa materially benefited
the operation.

The present season (1354)1 was requested to deliver the opening apeeohat one County irair,
eh was held at Stamford, Kot being able to give agrioultaral advice, I delivered a portion;
ay lecture on the *' Pikiloeophy of Humbuf.*' The next morning, as I was being shaved in;
village barber*s shop, which was- at the time crowded with oascomers, the tieketHBcUer to^
fair came in.

" What kind of a house did you have last night ?" asked one of' the gentlemen in waiting.
" Oh, first-ratey of course. Old Barnum idways drawa a crowd," waa the reply of the
Let-seller, to whom I was not known.

Most of the gentlemen present, howeverj knew me, and they found much difficulty in
raining their laughter.

*^ Did Bamum nuUce a good speech ? " I asked.

** I did not hear it. I was out in the tioket^ffloek I guess it waa pretty good, for I nerer
rd so much laughing aa there waa all through has speech. But it makes no diflbrence
ither it waa good or not," continued the ticket-seller, *' the peopletr»^/go to see old Barnum.
»t he humbugs them, and then they pay to hear him tell how he did it I I believe if he*
aid swindle a man out of twenty dollars, the man would give a quaicter to bear him tell'
ut it."

" Barnum must be a curious chap," I remarked.
<' Well, I guesa he is up to all the dodges."
** Do you know him 7 " I asked.

" Not personally," he replied ; " but I always get Into the Museum for nothing. I knoir
doorkeeper, and he alipa bm in free."

*' Old Barnum would nob like that, probably, if he knew it,** I remarked;
" But it happens he don't know it," replied the ticket-seller, in great glee*
<' Barnum was on the oars the other day, on hia way to Bridgeport," said I, ^^ and I heard
of the passengers blowing hibi up terribly as a humbug. Be was addreseiag Bamum at
time, but did not know him. Barnum joined in lostily, and endorsed evwything^ the man
L When the passenger learned whom he had been addressing, I should tiiink he must
e felt rather flat.*'

<< I should think so, too," said the tioketHMller.

This was too much, and we all indulged in a burst of langhter. StiU the ticket-seller
Mcted nothing. After I had left the shop, the barber told him who I vras* I culled into the
et-office on businesa several times during the day, but the poor tidket>-aeUer kept hia face
led from me^ and appeared so chop-fallen^ that I did not pretend to zaoognise him as the
3 of the joke in the barber'a shop.

rhia ini^ent leminda me of numerous similar ones whioh have occurred at yarious timee.
one occa^n, it was in 1847, 1 was on board the steamboat fVom New York to Bridgeport.
^A^fPPi^oached the harbour, of the latter city, a atraoger desired me to point out ** Barnum'a
se from, the upper deck. I did so, whereupon a bystander remarked, '* I know all about
*^0U8e, for I was engaged in painting there for several months while Barnum was in
ope. He then proceeded to say that it was the meanesir and most illy contrived house he
,8aw. " It will cost old Bamum » mint of money, and not be worth two cents after it ii
ihed," he added.

* I suppose old Bamum cfont pay very punctually,'* I remariied.

' Oh yes, he pays punctually every Saturday night— there^s no trouble about that; he hae
e half a million by humbugging tke publie with a little boy whom he took from Bridge*
, and represented to be twice his real age," replied the painter.

soon afterwards one of ttiepaasengers told him who I was, whereupon he secreted hinwelf,^
wae not seen again while I remained on the boat
)B another occasion I went to Boston by the Fall River route. Arriving before BvoftB^

148 AUTOBIOGBAFHT OF P. T. BASVUM.

I found but one carriage at the dep6t. I immediately engaged it, and giving the drirer the
check for my baggage, told him to drire me directly to the Bevere House, as I was in great
haste, and enjoined nim to take in no other passengers, and I woald pay his demands. He
promised compliance with my wishes, but soon afterwards appeared with a gentleman, two
ladies, and sereral children, whom he crowded into the carriage with me, and placing th^
trunks on the baggage-rack, started off. I thought there was no use in grumbling, and
consoled myself with the reflection that the Eerere House was not far. He drove up one
street and down another, for what seemed to me a yeiy long timci but I was wedged in so
closely that I could not see what route he was taking.

After half an hour's drive he halted, and I found we were at the Lowell Hailwav Depdt.
Here my fellow-passengers alighted, and, after a long delay, the driver delivered their baggage^
received his fare, and was about closing the carriage door preparatory to starting again.
I was BO thoroughly vexed at the shameful manner in which ne had treated me, that I
remarked, *' Perhaps you had better wait till the Lowell train arrives; you may possibly get

you to the Revere House free."

" What Bamum is it? " I asked.

*f The Museum and Jenny Lind man," he replied.

The compliment and the shave both having been intended for me^ I was of course mollified,
and replied, *^ You are mistaken, my friend; I am Bamum.''

Goachee was thunderstruck, and offered all sorts of apologies. " A friend at the other
depot told me that I had Mr. Bamum on board," said he, " and I really supposed he meant the
other man. When I come to notice you, I perceive my mistake, but I hope you will forgive
ne. I have carried you frequently before, and hope you will give me your custom while you
are in Boston. I never will make such a mistake again." I had to be satisfied I

I resigned the office of President of the Pairfield County Agricultural Society in 1853, but
the members accepted my resignation only on condition that it should not go into effect until
after the Fair of 1854.

I have not gone largely into stock on my farm — the only animals that I have imported beings
the Alderaey cows, a superior breed for rich milk and butter, and the Suffolk swine^ a speci-
men of fine-grained pork, which is always fat enough for the butcher, and requires not more
than one-third the food given to many other breeds.

I have also some fine specimens of poultry and rare birds ; among which are the Dorking,,
black Spanish, Bolton gray, Seabright, silver-spangled and African bantams, black swan,
"white swan, Egyptian geese, Barnacle geese, Mandarin and other species of rare ducks, gold
and silver and English pheasants, &c.

I must not pass from facts and incidents, directly or indirectly, connected with farming,
without narrating the following : —

I have a friend, whom I will here call John D. Jameson, who lives in a splendid honse,
a quarter of a mile west of my residence. I own several acres of land on the corner of two
streets, directly acljoining his homestead. 1 recently surrounded it with high pickets, and
converted it into a deer park, by introducing a number of Rocky Mountain elk, reindeer, &0.
Strangers passing by would naturally suppose that the deer park belonged to Jameson's
estate. To render the illusion more complete, his son-in-law placed a sign in the park,
fronting on the street, and reading :—

'< All rSBSOKB abb FOBBID XBlBFABSINa ON TH13B OBOUIIDS OB DIBTUBBIVa THB BBBB;

J. B. Jambson."

I '' acknowledged the com," and was much pleased with the joke. Jameson was delighted,
and bragged considerably of having got ahead of Bamum. The sign remained undisturMd for
several
York.
He would

early he led them into the street, and, after conducting them a proper distance, wheeled them
around in front of the sign. To his dismay he discovered that I had added, directly under his
name, the words, '* Gamekeeper to P. T. Bamum" His friends, aa soon as they understood
the joke, enjoyed it mightily; but it was said that neighbour Jameson laughed out of " the
wrong side of his mouth."

8UNDRT Bn8IllB88 BBTSBPBISXS — TBX FIBE JLNNIHILATOB. 149

CHAPTER XIV. /

SUKDBT BUSINESS SBTXRFBIBBS.

In this, the closingr chapter of my Aatobiography, I purpose mentioning sondry bosineas
lerprises in which I haye been or still am engaged ; together with matters in which I feel
present more deeply interested than in all other things combined, tIz., my family and my
mesteod.

IHl 7IB1I ANRIHILATOB.

Late in Angnst, 1851, I was yisited at Bridgeport by a gentleman who was interested in

English inrention patented in this country, and known as Phillips's Fire Annihilator.

showed me a number of certificates from men of eminence and reliability in England,
:ting forth the merils of the invention in the highest terms; The principal value of the
ichine seemed to consist in its power to extinguish flame, and thus prevent the spread of
e when it once broke out. Besides, the steam or vapour generated in the Annihilator was
t prejudicial to human life. Now, as water has no effect whatever upon flame, it was
vious that the Annihilator would at the least prove a great assistant in extinguishing
aflagations, and that, espeoiBlly in the incipient stage of a fire, it would extinguish it
together, without damage to goods or other property, as is usually the case with water.

Hon. Elisha Whittlesey, Eirst Controller of the United States Treasury at Washington, was
terested in the American patent, and the gentleman who called upon me desired that I should
so take an interest in it. I had no disposition to engage in any speculation ; but believing
is might prove a beneficent invention, and be the means of saving a vast amount of human
8 as well as property, I visited Washington City for the purpose of conferring with Mr.
hittlesey, Hon. J. W. Allen, and other parties interested.

I was there shown numerous certificates of fires having been extinguished by the machine
Great Britain, and property to the amount of many thousands of pounds saved. I also saw
at Lord Brougham had proposed in Parliament that every Government vessel should be
mpelled to have the Eire Annihilator on board. Mr. Whittlesey expressed his belief in
riting, that '^if there is any reliance to be placed on human testimony, it is one of the
eatest discoveries of this most extraordinary age." I fully agreed with him, and have never
it seen occasion to change that opinion.

I agreed to join in the enterprise. Mr. Whittlesey was elected President, and I was
)pointed Secretary and General Agent of the Company. I opened the office of the Company

New York, and sold and engaged machines and territory in a few months to the amount of
lout 180,000 dollars. I refused to receive more than a small portion of the purchase money
itil a public experiment had tested the powers of the machine, and I voluntarily delivered to
ery purchaser an agreement signed by myself in the following words:

^^ If the public test and demonstration are not perfectly successful, I will at any time when
smanded, within ten days after the public trial, refund and pay back every shilling that has
en paid into this ofiice for machines or territory for the sale of the patent.''

The public trial came off in Hamilton Square on the 18th December, 1851. It was an
ceediuffly cold and inclement day. Mr. Phillips, who conducted the experiment, was inter-
red with and knocked down by some rowdies who were opposed to the invention, and the
lilding was ignited and consumed after he had extinguished the previous fire. Subsequently
' this unexpected and unjust opposition, I refunded every cent which I had received, some-
mes against the wishes of those who had purchased, for they were willing to wait the result
' further experiments ; but I was utterly disgusted with the course of a large portion of the
ablic upon a subject in which they were much more deeply interested than I was.

If I had been governed by the system of morals which is too prevalent in the trading
immunity, I could have withheld the pledge which I gave to refund the money, and could
ms hare put many thousands of dollars into the treasury of the Annihilator Company.
eing a mere showman, however, I was actuated by somewhat different principles, and chose
)luntarily to make every man whole who had in any manner misapprehended the true merits
' the invention. The arrangements of the Annihilator Company with Mr. Phillips, the
Lventor, predicated all payments which he was to receive on bond fide sales which we should
;tually make ; therefore he really received nothing, and the entire losses of the American
ompany, which were merely for advertising and the expense of trying experiments, hire of an
Hce, &o., amounted to less than 80,000 dollars, of which my portion was less than 10,000
)ll8rs.

JBD AjJTemossmiJfMw 'cr r. t. BAaanrac

I disposed of my intoreat in the concern to Horatio Allen, Esq., of the firm of Siillman,
JUlen, & Co., at the Novelty Works. '

Mr. Allen has great confidcDoe in the machine, and I understand the Company is con-
tinually making and disposing of large quantities of them for ships, factories, stores, dwell-
ings, so. It is believed that Mr, Allen's sale will fiveotually enable him to make up to the
American Company all their losses. When a fire has broken out and ia raging furionBly
«flpeoially if t9ie wind is l^owing, the Annihilator cannot be used to advantage, and in that
ftspect I was •deceived by the representations of the man -who fitrst called xtpan me. But that
it is a valuable maehine for all fires in tlieir incipient state, a-Ddakould lie kept in every baild-
inff, and especially on board of every species of sailing or steam vessel, I most conscientiously
believe. My experiences in life have convinced me that veal merit does not always succeed as
rwell aa <<liumbug;'' * ^md I consider PMUips's Fire Aimihilatora fair esempliflcation of the
iiact,

PEQUOHNOGK JUNK.

In the spring of 1851, ihe Oonneetient Legislature cliartered t^e Pequonnoek Bank of
Bridgeport, Witdi a capital of two favndred thousand dollars. I bad no interest whatever in
the charter, and did not even know tfaat an application was to lie made for it. More banking
i«apital was needed in Bridgeport in eonsrequence-of the graat incveese'cf trade and mennfac-
lures in that growing and proapevcns city, and this foot appcavhtgiin 'evldenee, the charter 'Was
granted as a public benefit, ^he stock-books ^ere opened sunder the direction of 'Stale Cobi-
missioners according to the laws of the commonwealth, and nearly doable the amount of
capital was subscribed on the fiiet day. The stook was distributed by Ua Commissioners
among several hundred applicants. Ciroumstauces unexpeotedly oociwred which induced me
to accept the Presidency of the Bank, in compliance wHh the utatnmous vote of its diyectors.
Feeling that I could not, from my many avocations, devote the requiaitepetBonal attention to the
duties of the office, C. B. Hubbell, Esq, the present Mayor >of Bridgeport, was at my veqneet
appointed Yiee-iPresident of the institution. Mr. Hubbellia a vetived menthant, whose Jarge
family has been reared in Bridgeport, ytbstve for many yeme he has been esteemed M one of
its most prominent citiiens. Hia long experience as a director in tite Bridgeport Bank
lenders him peculiarly -qualified for the station he now fills.; and the Pequonnook Bank, from
the day of its opening, has oonducted its business in themost honourable and legitimate man-
ner, redoundiug alike to the pecuniary benefit and aatisfhetion of its oostomers and ita
etockbolders.

On several occasions, the credit of this institution has been attacked without <the«lightest
justice or reason. On at least one occasion, the attack had a squinting towards ** blaoikmail;*'
but as that is an operation that I never did and -never will submit to, the attempt was of ooone
ineffectuaL When the last effort was made to throw suspicion upon t^he soundness <tf thia
institution, it was by a Bank-Note List Keporter, and, without consulting the directora or any
other person, I voluntarily pledged in the public journals ray private fortune for the vedemp-
tion of all its notes. The '' Reporter,*', finding he had '* caught a Tartar/' imraediatdj
iMued an Extra retracting what he had said on the previous day, and informing thepitblio (of
vrhat it already knew) that the Pequonnock Bank was a safeand sound institution.

Thh New England system of bieuiking is as safe for bothbiU and stockholders as pnibably
any that has ever been devised. It is the duty of the Bank Commissioners, -first to see that the
Stock is not monopolised by any capitalists or clique, but properly divided among all appli-
cants. The Laws of Connecticut prohibit any director of a hank from beiuff its debtor duectly
or indirectly to an amount exceeding five thousand dollars. The various other restriotions and
guards which, in that State, have existed in relation to the amount of specie to be kept on hand,
the stated reports necessarily made by the cashier of each bank, the personal examinatien of
these institutions by the State Commissioners, &o., have proved ealutoiy and sufficient in all
casee where there has not been a palpable neglect of duty on the part of the 'Commissioners.

Oocasionally, however, legislators are elected whoate noteootent to ''let well enough tdone,''
and feeling that they must do something to render themselvee'conspiouoas, they generally eom-
menee '* tinkering the currency," and meddling with the banks.

The Connecticut Legislature of 1864 passed aeveri^ unwise and-supei^fluoas enaotmenis in

* It has often oeeorrefi to me that the true History of Humbug wonldtpceire a highly .valoitbte and
interesting pablicatlon. £v«ry period lias had its humbugs, and they aro found soatterod alike In the
annals of every calling and pcofession. My researches upon this sul^ect have by no means been con-
fined to the sphere of a showman ; and, having been eonvinced, that an elaborate expotf of Its beurings;
through the eiitirerange of history, would startle as well a8enli(irhten*the eommmitty, I am prep«r)nir»
and hope in good time to publish, a work that I trust will do fail Justice to that universal science.

mnr cxrr— -bast wkqdgbsport. 161

rard to banki. 1%^ soFm t* ifijave the interests both of borrowfxa and stodkhoUerf, and
leas speedily repealed, will oeoasion great embarrassment if not loss to the maaafaetorinr
d mercantile eommanitj, whose prosperity depends in a great degree upon proper bank
iUUea.

msw cffinr-— XABT biodgspobt.

In 1851, I poreihaied from Willittm H. Koble, Esq., of Bridgeport, the nndiTided hslf of
i late father's hoaotestead, leonsistme of fifty aoces of land lying on the east side of the rijer,
tposite the tity of Bridgeport. T'^ intended this as the nneleus of a ''new dty," whifOh we
d concluded eould booa be bnik up, in consequeaee of many natural adTantages that it
ssesses.

Before giying publicity to oar plans, however, we pnrchased one hundred and seyenty-fonr
res contiguous to that which we already owned. We then laid out the entire property in
ofalar streets, and lined them with txees, reserving a beaatifol grove of six or eight acres,
dich we inclosed and converted into a public park. Wc then commenced selling alternate
ts at the sane price which the land cost us by the acre. Our soles were always made
the condition that a suitable dwelling-hoase, store, or manufactory should be erected upon
e land within one year from the date of purchase ; that every building should be placed at a
rtaln distance from the street, in a style of architecture approved by us ; that the grounds
ould be inclosed with acceptable fences, and kept clean and neat, with other conditions which
ould render the locality a desirable one for respectable residents^ and operate for the mutual
inefit of all persons who should become settlers in the new city.

This entire property consists of a beautiful plateau of ground lying within less than half
mile of the centre of Bridgeport city, and had only been kept from market by the want of
cans of access. A new fooUbiidge was built, eoonecting this place with the city of Bridge-
»rt, and a public toll-bridge which belonged to us was thrown open to the public free. We
30 obtained from the State X^egislature a charter for erecting a toll-bridge between the two
'idges already existing, and under that charter we put up a fine covered draw-bridge at a
st of 16,000 dollars, which also we made free to the public We built Jind leased to a union
>mpany of young ooaohmokers, a large and elegant coach manufactory, which was one of the
est buildings .erected there, and which went into operation on the first of January, 1852.

This boildiag is now occupied by Messrs. Brewster. Slore retienXly a similar establish-
ent has been erected iu the now city by Hessps. Hubbell and Haight. It is believed that
ore carriages «re manufactured ia Bridgeport than in any other city in the Union, and it is
)t saying too much to affirm that no better family carriages are made in the world than are
mually turned out in large numbers at East Bridgeport. There is also now in progress of
ection an immense clock establishment known as the <' Terry and Barnum Hanufaeturing^
:)mpany," with a stock capitia of 100,000 dollars. Tliis alone will add six hundred inh»-
tants to our new city. The President of the Company is Theodore Terry, Esq., formerly of
e Ansonia Clock Coapanj, a gentleman thoroughly conversant with the business. This^
tablishmeat will manufacture over five thousand clocks per month.

Besides the inducement which we held out to purchasers to obtain their lots at a merely
)minal price, we advanced one half, two thirds, and frequently aU the funds necessary to
ect their buildings, pernutting them to repay us in sums as small as five dollars, at their
vn convenience. This nnrai^gement enabled many persons to secure and ultimately pay for
)mes which they could not ^otherwise have obtained. We of course looked for our profile
lely to the rise in the value of the reserved lots, which we wftre confident must ensue.

Of course, these extraoi'dinary inducements led m%ny persons to buUd in the new city, and
is at this time increasing w»th a rapidity rarely if ever before witnessed in this portion of our
•untry. At this present writing, only two years and a half have ekpsed since the first
lilding was erecteid upon our property, and there are already dwellings, stores, factories, Ae»
hich have east tm aggregate of nearly one million dollors. A fine church and a school-house
ive been erected, and lots, which were purchased two years ago for two hundred dollars,
ould now readily command from one to two thousand dollars, exclusive of the buildings.

This speculation may properly be termed a profitable philantliropy« I some time since
Fered Kr. Noble, for bis intesest in the estate, sixty thousand dollars more than the prime
ist, which he de<dined« I am relieved from much personal attention to this portion of my
!operty,.by the diligence ef my esteemed son-in-law, Davis W.TfiOXPaOK, wno devotes faik
itire time io that braneh of my business.

ILLUBIBATBD KSWB.

In .the JsU of 1853 a propoaition vcas made by certain pcoiies to^K^nunence the publication of
I illustrated weekly newspaper in the city of ^ew York. The field seemed to he open for sncb

152 AUTOBT06BAPHT OF P. T. BABITDM.

Btt •nterprise, and I invested tvrenty thonsand dollorA in the concern, as special partner,
in connection with two other gentlemen, who each contributed twenty thonsand dollars as
general partners.

Within a month after the publication of the first number of the " Illustrated News," whidi
waa issued on the first day of January, 1863, our weekly circulation had reached seventy
thousand. Numerous and almost insurmountable difSculties, for novices in the basinew,
continued, however, to arise, and ray partners, becoming wearied and disheartened with con-

NBTT TOBK CIITSTAL PALACE.

In 1851, when the idea of opening a World's Fair in New Tork was first broached, I wns
waited upon by Mr. Kiddell, and the other originators of the scheme, and invited to join in
getting it up. I declined, giving as a reason, that such a project was, in my opinion, prema-
ture. I felt that it was following too closely upon its London prototype, and assured the
projectors that I could see in it nothing but certain loss. The plan, however, was carried out,
and a charter obtained from the New York Legislature. The building was erected on a plot of
ground upon Eeservoir Bquarc, IcDsed to the Association, by the city of New. York, for one
dollar per annum. The location, being four miles distant from the City Hall, was enough of
itself to kill the enterprise. The stock was readily taken up, however, and the Crystal Palace
opened to the public in July, 1853. Many thousands of strangers were brought to New York,
and, however disostrous the enterprise may have proved to the stockholders, it is evident thnt
the general prosperity of the city has been promoted far beyond the entire cost of the whole
^speculation.

In Pebruary, 1854, numerous stockholders applied to me to accept the Presidency of the
Crystal Palace, or, as it was termed, *' The Association for the Exhibition of the Industry of nil
Nations." I utterly declined listening to such a project, as did also my friend and neighbour
Genin, and both of us forbade the use of our names in connection with the institution.

Subsequently, seeing our names published in the New York papers, as likely to be con-
nected with a new direction, and feeling assured that this was done for the purpose of
Imparting a fictitious value to the stock, we published a card, denying all intention of having
anything to do with the Crystal Palace management, stating as a reason, our inability *'to raiso
the dead." This was done in good faith, and without the remotest idea, on my part, of ever
having any connection with the enterprise. I have no doubt that such was also toe case with
Mr* Genin.

Shortly afterwards, however, I was waited upon by numerous influential gentlemen, and
strongly urged to allow my name to be used. I repeatedly objected to this, and at last con-
sented, mudi against my own judgment Having been elected one of the directors, I was by
that body chosen president, I accepted the office conditionally, reserving the right to decline
if I thought, upon investigation, that there was no vitality left in the institution.

Upon examining the accounts said to exist against the Association, many were pronounced
indefensible by those who I supposed knew the facts in the case, while various debts existing
against the concern were not exhibited when called for, and I knew nothing of their
existence until ^ter I accepted the ofSce of president.

I finally accepted it, only because no suitable person codld be found who was willing
to devote his entire time and services to the enterprise, and because I was frequently urged, by
directors and stockholders, to take hold of it for the benefit of the city at large, inasmncb as it
was well settled that the palace would be permanently closed early in April, 1854, if I did not
take the helm.

These considerations moved me. and I entered upon my duties with all the vigour which I
<)0uld command. To save it from oankruptcy, I advanced large sums of money for the pay-
ment of debts, and tried, by every legitimate means, to create an excitement and bring it into
life. Bv extraneous efforts, such as the re-inauguration, the monster concerts of Jullien,
the Celebration of Independence, &c, it was temporarily galvanised, and gave several life-like
kicks, generidly without material results, except prostrating those who handled it too
familiarly; but it was a corpse long before I touched it, and I found, after a thorough trial,
that my first impreseion was correct, and that so far as my ability was concerned, ** the dead
oould not be raised.**

I never laboured so birdi night and day, dnrisg three monthsi as I did while pzeeident of

COPPER MINES, ETC. 153

the Crystal Palace ; and findingr that its creditors seemed to look upon me as the debtor, and
ezpeeted me to cancel all the obligations instead of the ** Association," I resigned in July.

One of the directors of the Crystal Palace was Horace Greeley. He was always punctual at
the directors' meeting, much more so than any other member of the board. I frequently
remarked to him, that I wished the other members were as punctual as he. ** Some persona
neyer hare time to meet engagements, but I always have plenty of time," was his reply. And
yet I know of no man who works so hard, and accomplishes so much in a year, as does
Mr. Greeley. From daylight until midnight he knows no rest. He travels at all hours, and
in all directions. He seems to have the powers of ubiquity. At one time we see him announced
as giving an Agricultural Address in Indiana, and within a few days afterwards he is speaking
on Temperance in Vermont, and the same morning we read an article in the Tribune, which wo
know is from his vigorous pen, by the summary and effectual manner in which the argument
is put and his opponent ^* used up."

On one occasion a point of considerable interest was being debated in the Board of
Directors, and some feeling was manifested.

'* I am always a strict constructionist," said one of the members.

" I am always a loose constructionist," said Mr. Greeley, " and I never yet heard the
doctrine of strict construction urged, without finding there was some rascality at the bottom
of it."

" I hope there is nothing personal in that remark," said the director.

" Not at all," replied Mr. Greeley, ** but I state exactly my own experience on the subject."

In a Tory important sense the Crystal Palace has proved a paying concern. Besides the
great improvement that it caused in the public taste for the fine arts, and the many advantages
it conferred upon inventors, manufacturers, Ac., it undoubtedly added millions of dollars to the
wealth of New York city. Indeed, many of those who subscribed for the stock did it for the
purpose of aiding their business, by bringing strangers to the city ; and although they may have
never realised a penny for their stock, numerous merchants, hotel keepers, &c., would be glad
to do the same thing in relation to any other enterprise which would produce the same results •

What disposition vnll be finally made of the Crystal Palace is more than I can tell. I do not
own a dollar's worth of stock in the Association, and have no special interest in its future
disposition. Yarious projects have been suggested. One relates to selling it to the United
States Government, another proposes removing it to Boston, another to Philadelphia, still
another to the Battery, and a fifth, to the City Hall Park in New York. I consider that New
Yorkers are already disgraced by the coldness with which they have ever regarded the subject,
and that this disgrace will be seriously enhanced if they ever permit the removal of that mag-
nificent building to a rival city.

COPPEB MINES, ETC.

There is neither limit nor end to the plans which have been, and continually are submitted
to me for money-making. Host of them are as wild and unfeasible as a railroad to the moon^
while perhaps once in a thousand times something reasonable is suggrated.

Hundreds of patent rights have been offered me, (the owners of which scarcely ever intimate
a profit of less than 100,000 dollars, and frequently from 500,000 to 1,000,000 dollars,) on the
plan of dividing the profits, provided I furnish the means to bring the patent befote the public.

Thousands of acres of wild lands have been placed at my disposal, free of charge, provided
I would lend my name to help sell as much more of the same sort.

Mining and other speculative stocks without number have been offered me on the same

of that sort.

The only mining stock that I ever owned, was that of a copper mine in Litchfield, Cfe.,
being the same vein which, in Bristol, Ct., has yielded and is still yielding the venerable
Dr. Nott, President of Union CoUege, Schenectady, such immense revenues. I have expended
10,000 dollars in exploring this vein, and having become convinced, by actual observation
and the reports of numerous geologists and mineralogists who have examined it, that it is
a valuable mine, I shall at a proper time have it worked by a stock company, the members
of which shall not be required nor permitted to be assessed any faster than the money is abso-
lutely needed to conduct the operation.

Applicants lately, who have " grand speeulations *' in view, usually commence in about
this manner: "Mr. Barnum, I know you are always ready to join in anything that will
make money on a large scale* Now I have a project by which 200,000 dollars can be made

154 AUTOBIOeBAFHr OF P. T. BABKUH.

Sa ayettr. Of ooueso, if I'dimlge it to you, J wunt yoa to pledge your Imoobt to taka xm>
adTantage of it, if j^aq do not join me in <tbe epecnlation."

To whi<^ J geneicallj reply, ^* You are much mistaken in fiuppoBixig that I am so ready
at aaxioBBrto maik» mosey. Chi the oontrary, there is hut one thing in the world l^t I
desiEe— ^hiiitis, tranquillity. I am quite certain your project will not give me that, for jou
probably would not ha^e called upon me if you did not msh to draw upon my brains or my
purse— very likely on hoth. Kow, of the nrst I have none to spare ; of the second^ -what I
n8;re is in^ieated, and I hare no desire to disturb it."

^' Oh no, my pro^t will requke little of your attention, and no capital to speak of,
compared to the immense profit -which Is sure to ensue. It most he i£me by a stock
oompatny."

*^ Well, my dBend, before telling me what your plan is, permit me to make one remark.
If you should propose to get up a stock company for converting paving stones into
diamonds, with the prospect of my msdung a miUion a yeax, I would not join you. If
your speculation, therefore, is not something better than that, you need not (^vnlge i^ for I
certainly should not engage in it."

This generally rdie^v^s me from heaiang what the plan is, but not always — for some en-
-thusiasts will still beUeve they have something that will ** tempt me," and insist on
explaining it.

Sometimes a man wiiU call and adk me when I shall be at leisure. My reply is,
" Never ; I do not practically know the meaning of the word."

^^ I wish to have half sn hour's convemation with you, when you can spare it. I have
a ^eat project to unfold.**

*' My dear sir, step in and hint t&e nature of it, for I have no doubt w« can settle it
in half a minute instead of habf aaa hour."

*' I thaid: you,'dT. I have come to the city to get up a stock company of capitalists,
and jou areihe first I have applied to. I own some fifty thousand Aores 4)f land, beauti-
fully situatedin ■"

^' That is enough, mr. I am very sorry to cBsappoInt yon, but I would not accept it all,
as a &ee gift I have dene speculating. 1 am tiying to simplify my business and get
back into the country, whese I can find rest."

*' But the money that is to he made " •

'' I do not want to make any money, sir; I have suffijoient akeady to fipoil my ehildren,
and I have done.*'

One man eame from Srashvilk, Tenn., to indnoe me ia Join him m ifetting up a oemetery
in that town on speculation. *' I should not think the people would «die fast enoagh there V>
make it an object," I replied.

" Oh," he responded, " the money is not to bs made out of the necessities of the dead, but
from the pride of the living."

I believed he was more than half right, brxt'^'reapeotfully dedined."

Another person had a magnificent plan for carrying passengers by the overland route io
Oalifomia on camels. I told him that I .thought asses were better than camels, hut I should
not be one of them.

A yew ago I veoeivedthe following letter from PaoFSSSOit Gaso2!ISB> &e oetebratodNow
fiaglond soap man, aooompanied by a dozen oakes of his soap:

P-BOvn^TOB, E. I^ Oct, SO^A, 1853.

BASivuit ! — ^I never asvr you, nor yon me, yet we are not strangers. Tea havo soaped the com-
munity, and so have I. Yoa are rich, I am not. I have a plan to add half a million to your wealth,
and many laurds to your .brow. I manufacture by far the best <floap ever known, as a million of
gentlemen, and three millions of <6od'B greatest ^ork, beautiful women, will -testiOr. I send you a
sample to prove the truth of my words. Try It, and when you find that I state facts, put IQ^OOD dole,
in the soap busineBs, Join me as an equal partner, and we wOl thoroughly soap ^e American
Continent In three yean, ait a profit of a mUlion dollars.

By doing this, sir, you will erect a monument Lu the hearts of the people worthy of your name !
Ton will have the satisfaction of knowiuf: that you have conferred a boon upon your countrymen.
Cleanliness is next to godliness. You, sir, can aid in cleaning and purifying at least ten millions of
your dirty fellow-citizens. < It is a duty you owe to them and yomself. Look at nay portrait on the
aoap wrapper, and yon will oee the face of an honest man. Send me -yoar .check next week for 60M>
dols. and the week after tfor 'ftOOO doU. more. This additional capital will enable me to supply the
demand for my unrivalled soap, and I will send you quarterly returns of profits. Come, old feUow,
iioEk over, and no.gmmbUng J Ton will rthus become a public baue&ctor^ and unwashed millions shall
chant your name in praise.

Jly soap makes soft hands, and cures soft heads. It removes paint and grease, is unsurpasseft fbr

«hATtw»'0ims dups on iuead^ or tee, Jtad is death on fool tteili. It cans ernptioDS to a chwin. I
have no doubt that a safflcient quantity, protperly Applied, would core the eruption of Vesayios.
Address me immediately at Proridencqi Rhode Island.

Tours, &c..

FfiOFESSOR (^jusmrBR,
Known at tJie New England Soap Man,

NotwillislaTiding the glowing offers and temptations of the " Professor," I folt bound to
deoline and withstand them. I tried his soap, however, and found it excellent.

Bxaaiim lkiebs.

I reedfe tenamerable begging letters, and more than half of them oommonce in this
manner:— ^^ Sir, you wtil no doubt be surprised at receiving a letter from me, a stefmger,
but having read and heard," &o. Whereas the truth is, I should '* be surprised " if the letter
was fki^from a strangw, and still more surpnsed if it was sot a letter soUoiting money.

The sums required range from 100 dok. to 10,000 dola. and when it is proposed to -borvow
themoney, the seonrity named afrcollateralia always " my honour," or *' a life insuranee poUey.''
Many persons suppose tliat the latter article is good as gold.

A stranger anoe called to borrow 6000 dola. tor thsee years. He would insure his liGs, and
leave the policy in my hands as seouritv. I told him that in order to make the document of
any value to me, he must sign a bond agreeing to expire the day before the policy did, for if
he should live, of oouifle I could coUeot nothing on it. He had never thought of that, and
declined signing the bond I

A year since, I received a letter from a man in the West requesting me to loan him 15,000
dols. and to send it by express to his address. He said be had no security to offer, Imt he pro-
posed going into a speculation whieh, if sueeessful, would make hk fortune, and he would
repay me with interest ; " but if I lose it," he added, *' the amount would be nothing lor you
—you would sever miss it, and you would have the consolation of knowing that it Jiad been
expended in tnring to assist a poor man to make a fortune 1" A postscript requested me to
send '* harAems money 1"

A woman wrote from Ohio, asking me to present her with 500 dols. to enable herself and
family to visit their friends ia Maine, and spend the summer at Saratoga Springs, Niagara,
&o. She said she .bad lived in Ohio twenty-five years, and had not visited New Bogland m all
that time. ^^We are not poor," she added; *^ we have a good farm, whieh is paid for, but we
cannot spare money to visit on, and i am sure you would never feel it, if you gave us 500 dole.
I understand that yon take dn that sum at your fiCnaeam in a single night"

I find no fault with these and similar appiicationa, but only state them as aamples of a
cabinet of curiosities in my posaession.

KT ACKBMTS.

To enable me to prosecute, with tolerable success, thevarioin enterprises in which I hare
been engaged, it was of the bigbost importance that I obtained agents and assistants of the
most reliable and competent chacoDter. In the selection of suoh men, I have been peculiarly
fortunate.

My friend, Mr. FoBSYaa SacECOCKy was most indefatigable for seven or eight years a»
assistant manager of the Ameriean Museum, and during my absence of three vears in Europe^
as well OS for some time after my return, he not only oonducted that establishment with con-
summate tact as well as the strieteBt fidelity, but he also hod nearly the entire management of
my financial arrangements, investments, dec.

finally, inueh against my will and contrary to wj urgent advice, he embarked in the dry-
goods business on bis own account. After several years he retired into tho country, where,
shattered in health, he -seems resigned to end his days in the honourable and humble position
of a tiller of the earth.

His suooessor as my aaent and assistant manager is Mr. JoHJir Gubbnwoos, Jr., who has
already been seven or eight years in my employ. I am happy to say that I have ever found
him a devoted and faithtul assistant, a reliable and sagacious counsellor, and a man wlio, ^y
oourtesy and integrity, commands the esteem of all who know him.

He is already favourably known to the American public as a judicious caterer for their
gratification, and I trust that at no distant day he may be at least a partial proprietor of t^e
American Museum,ior some other popular place «f amusement and ins traction in New Xork
or elsewhere.

Should I mention the names and qualities of ail who are and have been engaged in my
various operations, a volume would 'be required, einee at all times, during the mst twelve
years, I have had in my constant employ from one hundred to three hundred persons, beaidea
tkouwnda who have been indirectly engaged -ai.acoamorieB ixtway dtiffecent entwpriseat

156 AUTOBIOGJUPHT OF P. T. BABNUM.

In 1852, Bdwin T. Fbbedlbt, Esq., of PhiUdelpliia, informed me by letter that hi
about to publish a book, entitled a *^ Practical Treatise on Business," and he desired n
furnish him a communication embodying the results of my experience and obserraticn
wrote him the following artielo, which he published in his yaluable work underj
tiile, {

BIBISUM'S bulbs 70B BUCCBSB IN BU8INBSS. j

1. Select the bind of business that suits your natural inclinations and temper am
Some men are naturally mechanics; others have a strong aversion to anything 1
machinery, and so on; one man has a natural taste for one occupadon, and another J
another. ** I am glad that we do not all feel and think alike," said Diok Homespun, <' fl
we did, everybody would think my gal, Sukey Snipes, the sweetest creature in all creation^
they would all be trying to court her at once."

I never could succeed as a merchant. I have tried it unsuoeessfully several times*
never could be content with a fixed salary, for mine is a purely speculative disposition, w
others are just the reverse ; and therefore all should be careful to select those occupatl
that suit them best. ]

2. Let your pledged word ever be sacred. Never promise to do a thing without perfo?!
ing it with the utmost rigid promptness. Nothing is more valuable to a man in busin
than the name of always doing as he agrees, and that to the moment. A strict adherence j
this rule, gives a man the command of half the .spare funds within the range of d
acquaintance, and always encircles him with a host of friends who may be depended upon!
^most any conceivable emergency. 1

3. Whatever you do, do with all your might Work at it if necessary early and late, in ti^
0on and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour tki
which can be done just as well nmo. The old proverb is full of truth and meaning, << Whi
ever is worth doinsf at all, is worth doing well." Many a man acquires a fortune by do'ingl
business thoroughly, while his neighbour remains poor for life because he only half does 1
business. Ambition, energy, industry, perseverance, are indispensable requisites for succ(
in business.

4. Sobriety, Use no description of intoxicating drinks. As no man can succeed in busind
unless he has a6ram to enable iiim to lay his plans, and reason to guide him in their executi:i
flo, no matter how bountifully a man may be blessed with intelligence, if his brain is muddifi
und his judgment warped by intoxicating drinks, it is impossible for him to carry on busines
successfully. How many good opportunities have passed never to return, while a man its
sipping a ''social glass" with his friend I How many foolish bargains have been made iiii<'
the Influence of the nervine, which temporarily makes its victims so rich! How many impoT
tant chances have been put off until to-morrow, and thence for ever, because the wine-cup b:
thrown the system into a state of lassitude, neutralising the energies so essential to success :
business I The use of intoxicating drinks as a beverage is as mueh an infatuation as is tl
amoking of opium by the Chinese, and the former is quite as destructive to the success of tJ
busincBS man as the latter.

5. Let hope predominate, but be not too visionary. - Many persons are always kept poo
because they are too visionary. Bvery project looks to them like certain success, and therefoi
they keep changing from one business to another, always in hot water, always "under th
Harrow." The plan of *' counting the chickens before they are hatched" is an error of sncien
date, but it does not seem to improve by age.

6. £>o not acaiter your powers. Engage in one kind of business only, and stick to \t faitl
fully until you succeed, or until you condnde to abandon it. A constant hammering on oi
nail will generally drive it home at last, so that it can be clinched. When a man's undivic!
attention is centred on one object, his mind will constantly be suggesting improvements
Talue, which would escape him if his brain were occupied by a dozen different subjects at on*
Many a fortune has slipped through men's fingers by engaging in too many occupations
'Onee.

7. Engage proper employ ees» Never employ a man of bad habits, when one whose h&b:
are good can be found to M his situation. I have generally been extremely fortunar^
having faithful and competent persons to fill the responsible situations in my business^ and
man oan scarcely be too grateful for such a blessing. When you find a man unfit to filV ^
station, either from incapacity or peculiarity of character or disposition, dispense with his s<
vices, and do not drag out a miserable existence in the vain attempt to ehanee his nature,
is utterly impossible to do so. '* You cannot make a silk purse," Ac He waa oreated
aoma other sphere. Let him find and fill it,

8. Advertise your business. Do not hide your light under a busheh Whaterer yc

BABKTIM's KULS8 FOB 8UCCSS8 IK BU8IHSS8. 157

' .-" Mdnpaiion or ealline may be, if it needs sapport from the pnblie, ddvertiae it thoroughly and

""^^sfficlentiy, in some shape or other, that will arreet pablio attention. I freely confess that what

''^^ raccess I have had in my life may fairly be attributed more to the pnblio press than to nearly

^^ ^^ other causes combined. There may possibly be occupations that do not require adTertising,

mt I cannot well conceire what they are.

Men in business will sometimes tell you that they have tried advertising^, and that it did
' "v-^iot pay. This is only when adyertising^ is done sparingly and grudgingly. HomoBopathio
^^. -josea of advertising will not pay perhaps — it is like half a potion of physic, making the patient
^ ^ -tick, but effectino^ nothing. Administer liberally, and the cure will be sure and permanent.
>^^P Some say, ^'they cannot afford to advertise ; " they mistake — they cannot afford not to ad-
iis^Yertise. In this country, where everybody reads the newspapers, the man must have a thick
Bkull who does not see that these are the cheapest and best medium through which he can speak
< ' 'to the public, where he is to find his customers. Put on the appearance of business, and ge-
-; ' nerally the retdity will follow. The farmer plants his seed, and while he is sleeping, his com
: and potatoes are growing. So with advertising. While you are sleeping, or eating, or con-
versing with one set of customers, your advertisement is being read by hundreds and thou-
ii- sands of persons who never saw you, nor heard of your business, and never would, had it not
3: 'been for your advertisement appei^ing in the newspapers.

: - The business men of this country do not, as a general thing, appreciate the advantages of

rL' advertising thoroughly. Oocasionidly the public are aroused at witnessing the success of a

■ii. Swaim, a Brandreth, a Townsend, a Oenin, or a Boot, and express astonishment at the

rapidity with which these gentlemen acquire fortunes, not reflecting that the same path is open

V to all who dare pursue it. But it needs nerve and J'aith, The former, to enable you to launch

out thousands on the uncertain waters of the future ; the latter, to teach you that after many

' days, it shall surely return, bringing a hundred or a thousandfold to him who appreciates the

advantages of *< printer's ink" properly applied.

9. Avoid extravagance; arid always live considerably within your income^ if you can
t.:."' do so without absolute starvation! It needs no prophet to tell us that those who live fully
np to their means, without any thought of a reverse in life, can never attain to a pecuniary
' . . independence.

Men and women accustomed to gratify every whim and caprice, will find it hard at first to
;. i: cut down their various unnecessary expenses, and will feel it a great self-denial to live in a
rc:: smaller house than they have been accustomed to, with less expensive furniture, less company,
; t3 less costly clothing, a less number of balls, parties, theatre-goings, carriage ridings, pleasure
r:j; excursions, cigar smokings, liquor-drinkinffs, &c. &c. dEc. ; but after all, if they will try the
plan of laying by a ** nest-egg,** or, in other words, a small sum of money, after paying all
expenses, they will be surprised at the pleasure to be derived from constantly adding to their
little '' pile," as well as from all the economical habits which follow in the pursuit of this
... peculiar pleasure.

^ The old suit of clothes, and the old bonnet and dress, will answer for another season ; the
Croton or spring water will taste better than champagne; a brisk walk will prove more exhil-
arating than a ride in the finest coach ; a social family chat, an evening's reading in the family
^ circle, or an hour's play of "hunt the slipper" and "blind man's buff," will be far more
pleasant than a fifty or a five hundred dollar party, when the reflection on the difference in^
/ cost is indulged in oy those who begin to know i\iQ pleasures qf saving.

Thousands of men are kept poor, and tens of thousands are made so after they have

acquired quite sufficient to support them well through life, in consequence of laying their

plans of living on too expensive a platform. Borne families in this country expend twenty

thousand dollars per annum, and some much more, and would scarcely know how to live on a

less sum.

^ Prosperity is a more severe ordeal than adversity, especially sudden prosperity. "Bosy

come, easy go," is an old and true proverb. Pride, when permitted full sway, is the great

undying cankerworm which gnaws the very vitals of a man's worldly possessions, let them be

.J small or groat, hundreds or millions. Many persons, as they begin to prosper, immediately

.; eommenoe expending for luxuries, until in a short time their expenses swallow up their income,

•^ and they become ruined in their ridiculous attempts to keep up appearances, and make a

": ** sensation."

I ^, J^^P^ * gentleman of fortune, who says, that when he first began to prosper, his wifb

^ would have anew and elegant sofa. " That sofa," he says, " cost me thirty thousand dollars I "
' The riddle is thus explained:

^ When the sofa reached the house, it was found neoesiary to get ehairs to "matoh," then
sideboards, carpets, and tables, " to correspond" with them, and so on through the entire itoek

nan'

ifi:.-

of fdmitnm, wbeit al Itmt it waS' fottnd that the honse iteeif iroS' quite to* miall aord old-
faUoned for the furnitiire, utd s new one wae built to comepoBd witii the wfa and et
ceterM; ^ thus/' added mjfriendi ''nmning ui^an outlay of thurtj thovMnd dollars eanaed bj
that aioglo sofa, and aaddung on me, ior toe ahape of aervaata^ equipa|pe) and the n o e e a o aiy
expenses attendant npon keeping up a fine 'establiahment/ a yeairiy ontlay of eleven thousand
douara, and a tight pinch at that; Trhereas, ten years ago, vn fived witb mndh more real
comfbrt, beoanse with, mnefa less care, on as many hundreds. The tmtlt is/' he eonttnned,
" that sofa woold have brought mo to inovitaUo baakru^<7, had not a most unaiampled tida
of prosperity hept me aboTO it."

10. Do not depend upom QthurB, Your sueeeas mnat depend upon your own indiTidnal
exertions. !EruBt not to the aaaiataiifle of friends; but laaco/ thai orery man must be the
anhitect of his own fortune.

With proper attention to the foregoing mles^ and audi obasrrations as a man of senso
will piek up in his own experienoe, the road to eompetenoe wHl not, I think, usually be found
a difficult oneu

P. T. B&Bzreic.

BBTBOSPICISTI YXBW.

In taking a surrey of the chequered eareer which ifl described is theso pages, I shall
perhaps disagree with some of my more straight-laced but rary worthy readers aa to the yalue
and aignificanos of that career, and aa to the degree of ooaaideration which it shows that I
have jusUy earned from the public. I shall howerer giye* my candid opinion upon the sul^ect^
«r6n at the risk of being charged witli egotisnu

The great defiset in our American civilisationy iti» generaHy acknowledged by obserring
and thoughtful men, is a severe and drudging practicalnsss^^a pzaoUcalness which is not
oommendnble, because it loses right of 1^ true aims of Hfe, and oonoaotrates itself upon dry
and technical ideas of duty, and upon a sordid love of aetfaisition — leaving entirely out of view
aU those needful and proper relaxation* and enjoyments which are interwoven through even
the moat humble eonditions in other amuiixieai If in the Catholic states of Burope there are
toa many holidays, with us the fault is on the other side : we have none at aU. The eon-
eequence is, that with the most universal diffusion of the means of happiness ever known
among any people, we are unhappy. Without ideality, *^ a primrose by the river's brim "
does not anest the attention of the American ; the flower '^ a simple primrose is to him, and
it is nothing more."

With their traditions and habits,^ our countryman, of the middliag dssses^ inherit in too
great a degree a capacity only for the most valnolesa and irrational asjoyments, and their
iafilinatioa to intomperanoe and kindred vieea has r^eatedly and most ooncluslvely been
shown to be a natural result of the lamentable defieienoy among ua of innocent andraticmal
amusements. I am not going to set up as a phitoeophec, but the venesable and illastrioua
name of CflANNiNa— eminent alike for wisdom, benevolence, piety, and purl^,. for a private
and publio ebaractor unsurpassed in its elevation— may be adduced aa earnesuy and unqua-
iifiediy suppcwting these views ; and no higher authority,. I eoneaive, has ever exiated in this
country upon morale and society, and especially upon the difficult sul^aot which he illustrated
ao admirably in the noblest production of his genius, the essay "On the Elevation of the
Labouring Portion of the Community."

As a business man, undoubtedly, my prime object has been to pufc money in my puTBo..
I anoeeeded beyond my most sanguine antioipatioos, and am satisfied. But what I have here
said,, will prepare the reader for what I oonceivo to be a just and altogether a reaaonable
claim, that I have been a publie benefactor, to as extant seldom paralleled in the histeri6&
of profoased and profeasional philanthropista.

My travelling museums of natural history have been the largest and most interesting ever
exhibited in the Onited States, and no author, or umversity even, haa ever aecomplished aa
madi in tha difTuaion of aknowladge of the varied forms and olaiises of animal life. Theae^
with my mnaeuma in New York, Philode^hia, and Baltimore, have been one of tho aliiaf
maaaa by which I have instraaied the massea.

Par the elevatiea and refinement of musieal tasto in thia country, it wiUnot be denieii
that I have done mors than any man living. By bringing Jenuy Lind to the United SCatea,
I inaugurated a new era in the most beautunl and humanising of all the fine arts, and g»ve to
the oultiivatad and wealthy as irell aa to the middling clasaea a larger measure of eqjoyment
than has ever been derived from the enterprise of any other single individual.

I will not enter into a farther recapitulation of the benefits I have eonfnred on uj
countrymen, and ooaHkrywomea, aa a minister to thair iaatraetion and happinesB^ while
ponuDg my main parpoeeof making money. The charges wiUi which my olaiBiBia Ihi*

\

XBAHISTAV. IIRI

4 MBpMfc will be met, are, simplj, tlist I faare managed, wliiTo my Tooation has bwn that of •

il mansgw. It is granted. I have advertised xnj earioeitiefl and ray artists with all tha

(ill iogenuity of wlli(£ I was capable. My interestademfoided thatooofrse, and it waamy busineea

^ to eoasnlt my interests in all legitimate ways. No one, howerer, for himself, ean say that ho

i erer paid for admission to one of my exhibitions more than his admission was worth to him.

i If a sight of my "Niagara Falls " was not worth twenty-flTO cents, the privitege-of seeing*

jji the most extensive and valuable mnsemn on this continent was worth doablis that sum to any

^ one who was enticed into it by the advertisements of that ingenious contnvanoe. And I
should like to see the moralist or the Christian who thinks my patron wonld have done as

ul well with his money at tiie drinking den, or any of the alternative places of bnying

;^ ei(tictahimcat>

I might here etosolthis book, hoping that tho ioterestof some portions of iimay be an
^ offset to the dnlness of others ; but I most please myself, and perhaps gratify curiosity, by
adding a brief history of my present ziesidence, known as

ZBAineTAH.

Folding, in 1846, that fortnno continaed to smile npon me,. I began to look forward to the
^ time when I could withdraw team the whirlpool of excitem«nt, aaid permanently settle down
^. with my family, to spend the remainder of my life in comparative tranqalllity.
j I wished to reside within a few hoars of New York. I never saw more delightful locations

^ than npon the borders of Long Island Sonnd, between New Bochelle, N. Y., and New Haven,.
Conn. ; and my attention was therefore turned in that direotion. Bridgeport seemed to be
^ about the proper distance from the great metropolis. It is pleasantly situated at the terminus
II of two railroads, which traverse the fertile volleys of the Naugatuck and Housatonio rivers.
The enterprise which characterised the city, seemed to mark it as destined to become the first
in the State in size and opulence ; and I was not long in deciding, with the concurrence of my
wife, to fix our future residence in that vicinity.

For this purpose I purchased seventeen acres of land, less than a mile west of the centre of
Che city, and fronting with a good view upon the Sound. Although nominally in Bridgeport,
my residence is in Fairfield, a few rods west of the Bridgeport line.

In deciding upon the kind of house to be erected, I determined, first and foremost, to
consult convenience and comfort. I cared little for style, and my wife cared still less ; but as
we meant to have a good house, it might as well, at the same time, be unique. In this, I
confess, I had ''an eye to business," for I thought that a pile of buildings of a novel order
might indirectly serve as an advertisement of my varions enterprises.

Visiting Brighton, I was greatly please J with the pavilion erected by George IV. It was
the only specimen of oriental architecture in England, and had not been introduced into
America. I concluded to adopt it, and engaged a London architect to furnish me a set of
drawings in the style of the pavilion, differing sufficiently to bo adapted to the spot of ground
selected for my homestead.

On my first return to the United States, I brought these drawings with me — engagfed a
competent architect and builder, and gave him instructions to proceed with the work, not
** by the job " but "by the day," and to spare neither time nor expense in erecting a comfort-
able, convenient, and tasteful residence.

The whole was finally completed to my satisfaction. My family removed into the premises,
and on the fourteenth of November, 1848, nearly one thousand invited guests, including tiio
poor and the rich, helped us in the old-fashioned custom of ** house-warming."

When the name Iranistan was announced, a waggish New York editor syllabled it, I-^an-
i-stan, and gave as the interpretation that / ran a long time before / could stan ! More
correctly, however, the name signifies "Eastern Country Place," or more poetically, " Orien-
tal Villa."

I have no desire to ascertain the entire cost. All I care to know is, that it suits me, which
would be a small consideration with me, did it not also suit my family.

I have seldom mentioned my wife and children in these pages, yet they have aIwa3rB been
dearer to mo than all things else in the wide world; and, whether in poverty or in abundance,
no place on earth has ever been so attractive to me as my home.

My children are all daughters. Caroline C, the eldest, was born May 27, 1833, and
married Mr. David W. Thompson, October 19, 1853.* They reside a few rods west of Iran-
istan. The ofiloiating clergyman was my esteemed friend, the Rev. M. Ballon, whose fine

• The name of their ohly child is FhrncesBanmn Thompson, bom DeceoAer 2T, 1863.

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160 AVTOBIOGBAFHT OF F. T. BABNUM.

abilities lire equalled only by the geniality of hia spirit. He resided at the time in Bridgeport,
but has aince remoyed to Hartford. Helen M., my second daughter, was bom April 18,
1840. Frances J., the third, was born May 1, 1842, and died April 11, 1841. Pauline T.^
the fourth, was born March 1, 1846.

I should have mentioned, in another place, that the plot of ground on which my TiUa is
erected, was a bare field at the date of my punbbase. I transplanted many handred fruit and
forest trees, and acres of evergreens and shrubbery, and thus in a few years adorned the
premises with what would have required an age in the ordinary process of growth. In all
this, I hope I shall not be considered presumptuous if I quote the language of Sir William
Temple :

" The measure of oheosing well is, whether a man likes what he has chosen; which, I thank 6od»
has befallen me ; and though, among the follies of my life, baildinsr and planting hare not been the
least, and have cost me more than I have the confidence to own, yet they have been folly recompensed
by the sweetness and satisfaction of this retreat, where, since my resolution taken, of never entering
again into any public employments, I have passed Ave years without ever going once to town, though
I am almost in sight of it, and have a house there always ready to receive me."

I have not yet wholly retired from business, though I desire hereafter to restrict my
attention chiefly to the American Museum, and my interests in Bridgeport. I am frequently
in New York, and occasionally in other great cities, yet I am never so happy as when I
return to my '^ homestead." I am writing the closing pages of this Autobiography on the
sixth anniversary of the ^* house-warming," and my heart is warm with gratitude. I am at
home, in the bosom of my family; and ^^homo" and "family" are the highest and most
ezpressiye symbols of the kingdom of heaven.

THE BND.

Tmsa AXD oAifxir, Tunaova -ua^, amojxvxq xbx <*tdcss" of>icc.

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